


ILLUSION

by LHSHIP



Category: One Direction
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Bullying, Disneyland, Family Problems, Fashion Business, Fluff and Smut, Hate to Love, London (City), Los Angeles (City), Louis Vuitton, M/M, Model!Harry, Model!Louis, Money, Paris (City), Rimming, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Top Harry, Top Louis, Trauma, Zoo, charity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2018-04-24 10:23:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 90,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4915909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LHSHIP/pseuds/LHSHIP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you fucking kidding me? I heard Harry Styles is full of shit! Arrogant, egoistic, totally outdated, full of himself, too perfect for his own good, flirting with every girl, and to cap it all, homophobic! I won't put up with that, Liam!" Louis literally screamed...</p>
<p>Or: Big-headed successful model Harry Styles meets a sassy and not so innocent Louis Tomlinson who doesn't put up with his shit. Everything changes when they get to know each other and secrets are revealed.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Style(s)

"But I mean look at him. He's handsome, isn't he?" Niall asked, pointing at a the magazine in front of him.

 "Niall, that's ridiculous. Why would they even allow a model for Topman to be on the cover of the GQ? He's a nobody." Harry asked, rolling his eyes dramatically before adding, "It's simply an example of incapacity."

"That's not true, Harry. It's huge chance for-" Niall looked down, searching for the model's name "for Louis Tomlinson."

"Oh, come on! If you're modelling for a brand such as Topman, you'll stay a nobody for the rest of your life. Not everyone is capable of being a real model like me, babe." Harry countered, pushing a strand of his his thick curly hair behind his ear.

"You're so full of yourself, Styles. Not everyone can be as lucky as you were!" Niall answered, scratching his arm. He was seated on the leather couch, looking poised and composed as always.

"Are you talking about Anna again? This story will never get old." Harry sat back smugly, and Niall sighed.

"Yeah, that." Niall confirmed, consulting his watch like the perfect assistant he was. "Ten minutes."

"Yeah." Harry said, winking at Niall, who looked absolutely stunning wearing a simple black Armani suit. Harry, on the other hand, had been told to wear a Yves Saint Laurent one for the meeting today. He hadn't been exactly happy with their choice when he first saw how poorly it looked on the runway model, but when his stylist smirked, he already knew he'd look great in it as usual. Niall always claimed Harry was the only model who could wear 'grandmother's curtains', but who was he to decline that? He knew he looked hot in everything he put on, and he indeed also knew he was firmly established in fashion business.

"Haz, if I wasn't your friend, I'd probably kick your ass for being like that, but I love you." Niall mumbled, smiling at Harry, but Harry was busy looking down at his perfectly manicured nails. Harry always forced himself to look as flawless as possible and, if truth be told, he didn't have to try too hard, being literally a perfect human being anyway.

"What for, Niall?" Harry wanted to know, looking at Niall expectantly. His friend knew he was only joking when Harry couldn't control the left corner of his mouth, which slid up into a sexy smirk.

"Your half-smile is disgusting." Niall replied cheekily, nudging him with his elbow.

"Oh shut up, Horan. You're just jealous." Harry mocked, and they could have gone on for some time, but at that moment, someone interrupted and opened the door.

"Gentlemen, what exactly are you waiting for? Mr. Jacobs is not exactly known for his patience. So please come in," the blonde lady, wearing a gray costume and black Louboutin high heels, indicated, but Harry just shrugged, being his self-confident self. He slowly got up and approached her, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. What a charmer he was! She blushed immediately but tried hard to hide it.

"Hello...?" Harry said waiting for her to tell him her name so that he could greet her properly.

"S-Sarah" she stuttered, looking at the handsome model in front of her, and Niall just exhaled in a resigned sort of way, knowing exactly what Harry was about to do.

 "Nice to meet you, Sarah. You look lovely. I love your shoes. Louboutin, yes?" he said, and Niall wanted to throw up cause his friend was just always harping on same theme.

"Yeah! I actually just bought them a couple of days ago!" she answered happily, and Niall had to seriously pull himself together so that he didn't throw up. Harry was always shamelessly flirting with the assistants or the secretaries, and although Niall knew that that was just how Harry was, it still annoyed him slightly. But Niall loved him, of course.

"Have you quite finished? I think it's about time to meet Marc." Niall interjected, pushing his way past them and looking at Harry. He needed to stop this whole thing with them. He was gay, for fuck's sake. "Marc Jacobs, in case you forgot, Haz."

XXXX

"Mhhm." Louis moaned, grabbing a handful of the man's hair who was kneeling in front of him, sucking him off. Louis' head banged against the wall and he opened his mouth wider, enjoying the feeling of the guy's lips wrapped tightly around his hard cock. "Fuck." The brown haired man suddenly pulled back, looking up at Louis through his lashes.

"You should try to stay quiet, Lewis." he said, quickly adding "Since we're in the bathroom."

"First of all, me name is Louis. Now stop talking and finish what you started. Thank you very much." Louis commanded, grabbing his hair in the indication that he wanted him to keep going. Without hesitation, he took the base of Louis' hard member in his hand, followed by licking just over the tip of Louis cock, trying to tease him.

"Oh my god, you know what? Back the fuck off. I'll finish it myself. I'll never come like that. What in the name of god are you even doing?! You're useless. Even my friend could blow me better and he's never had a cock inside his mouth in his life. Get out of my sight." Louis ranted in disgust, pushing the stranger away. The brown haired guy opened the stall door and left wordlessly. Louis groaned and decided to jerk himself off quickly. He definitely needed a better fuck-buddy soon. He was sexually frustrated and he just couldn't believe how boring most of the gay guys that surrounded him were when it came to fucking. Not that he'd fuck any random guy, but a blowjob here and there would at least be something.

About fifteen minutes later, Louis was waiting for Deborah to choose his outfit for today's shooting. He couldn't stand waiting, but he loved Debs, so he got that going for him which was quite okay.

"Debs, I'm getting bored." Louis announced, throwing his shoes carelessly into the room. "And those shoes are ugly as fuck. Where are me Vans?"

"You're unbelievable. Put these back on! They want you to wear them, since they match the outfit!" Deborah urged.

"Nope." Louis said, emphasizing the 'p'.

"Young man, you know perfectly well that you'll get in trouble with me if you don't!" she said laughing and picking up his shoes. "Put them on."

"Fiiiine!" Louis gave in, and she simply rolled her eyes, not even understanding why she was friends with Louis in first place. "Oh Debs, I am so sorry. Do you still love me?"

"No." Deborah answered, but the laughter in her voice said otherwise.

"I love you too. You're my favorite Deborah ever." Louis told her, and she just shrugged it off, laughing.

 "Are you ready to show them how hot you are?" Deborah asked Louis, who didn't really pay attention to her, as always.

"What?" he replied and she grabbed a random thing standing next to her on the table and threw it at him to get his attention.

"Focus! Mr. Brown isn't really fond of waiting, not even when it comes to you. So would you please get ready now? Andrea still has to do your hair! Poor girl."

"Oh, well I actually think my hair looks quite good like this. I refuse." Louis announced, and Deborah decided to ignore his comment and call Andrea over, who arrived only two minutes later since she'd been waiting outside for Louis anyway.

"Hello, Louis." she said, winking at him already well aware of the fact that Louis would definitely not sit still for her as usual. That boy was just like a bouncy ball. She had always asked herself how he'd even managed to become a model in first place, not that she didn't know why, but still. She just couldn't believe this boy could just switch from being a huge ball of energy with cheeky retorts to a professional, calm model in mere seconds.

"I hate getting my hair done, Andrea. Can't we just-" Louis wanted to ask, but two female voices shushed him in unison, telling him to shut up. "Fine, fine!"

XXXX

"No, I'm not okay with it." Harry simply said, turning on his heels and walking outside, without even saying goodbye. Niall just stood there and tried to breathe for a second. Did Harry just decline an offer from Marc fucking Jacobs? He couldn't have! Niall traipsed after him with his mouth agape. "Who does he think he is?" Harry scoffed, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"W-what?" Niall stuttered, and Harry repeated himself angrily.

"Who does he even think that he is? Just because his name is Marc Jacobs doesn't mean he can treat me like this. I'm used to get acceptable offers, not a pathetic proposal like this. I'd never leave Yves Saint Laurent for something like that. Why should I? I make good money, I know the people surrounding me, and I've been working for them for ages. Ridiculous." Harry ranted, waiting for Niall to comment on it or more like to agree with him.

"I can't believe you declined, Harry. I don't even know what your problem is!" Niall exclaimed, still gaping at Harry.

"What my problem is? Are you being serious right now? Did you even listen?! Do I look like a random runway model to you? Do you think I want to do this? I'm born to do runway and photo shoots, not this. This offer was outrageous and definitely not on the same level as my current engagement." Harry tried to explain, but Niall couldn't stop silently calculating. Harry would've made so much more money and he would've probably gained even more fame. What the fuck was wrong with this arrogant boy?

"But you need to accept new offers, Harry! You need to and you know exactly why, for god's sake!" Niall protested, but Harry only huffed.

"I do not!" he shouted, and Niall just wanted to scream in his face that his current engagement was about to end, no matter how much Harry loved working for Yves Saint Laurent. Niall couldn't believe Harry had already said no to Gucci, Armani and Marc Jacobs.

"You do. And I swear to god, if you decline the last thing I have in line for you, I'll kill you. You can't reject the last one. You can't and you won't, or I'll call Anna myself and tell her what her favorite protégé is doing at the moment." Niall threatened. It left Harry cold, the stubborn fucker.

XXXX

"I still hate you for the idea, Liam!" Louis complained, considering stabbing Liam or something like that. He couldn't believe Liam would decide something like this without even telling him! It's not like Liam would ever make wrong decisions for him, but still! He didn't want to be part of a Louis Vuitton photo shoot! Louis didn't like posh brands. He just despised them, even if he had to deal with them from time to time. If he had it his way, he'd just model for fashion brands like Adidas, Topman or Vans. Hell, he'd even model for H&M if that meant he didn't have to model for Louis Vuitton! He just didn't like people who insisted on wearing expensive clothes, when you could literally buy the same shirt for not even half of the price if you chose average brands. Louis wasn't poor, not at all, he was actually quite wealthy, but as a matter of principle, he'd rather wear Primark than Gucci!

"Oh, you poor boy! I'll pity you later. Now pull yourself together and stop whining. You'll love it, believe me!" Liam said cheerfully, and something about his smug smile made him raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"Why would I ever like this, Payno?" Louis wanted to know, pursing his lips in an annoyed expression.

"Cause you're hella gay, and you'll be shooting with a, as you say, 'smoking hot guy'" Liam stated, crossing his arms and obviously being totally smug about his announcement.

"Oh?" Louis mumbled with eyes wide open. "Who is it, then?"

"Harry Styles." Liam declared proudly, but Louis jaw just dropped, not believing what he'd just heard.

XXXX

"This better be a fucking joke, Payne!" Louis exclaimed, horrified. Liam couldn't have said Styles. He must have misheard him.

"No? He's shooting for this campaign, too." Liam answered with a confused look on his face, fixing his tie nervously, not knowing if Louis was about to snap or freak out fangirling.

"He's not...he can't be." Louis murmured, but the idiot Liam seemed to be, he kept talking.

"There are actually three shootings. As far as I know, they'll use a modest, clean location serving as the background for the new luggage collection, including travel accessories which you'll be modelling for. Harry's going to present the new fashion collection, including leather jackets, way too tight jeans, some coats and the ugliest pullover I've ever seen in my entire life, but I didn't say that. Oh, and the last shooting will be for a new campaign I thought you would know about by now, since you're gay and into fashion? It's one of the first shootings with two men for the most famous fashion brands! You'll be on a lot of covers, Louis! Oh my god, I forgot about the shoes! It's part of your-" Liam explained, but Louis' just wanted to run away. Not even wild horses could drag him there! He definitely would not, never in a million years, be part of a photo shoot with Harry Fucking Styles.

"No." Louis simply said, grabbing his backpack and preparing to leave the huge building again. He was fuming with anger just at the thought of shooting for Louis Fucking Vuitton with Harry fucking Styles. No, just no. There was no way he'd ever do that.

 "What do you mean, no?" Liam asked, running after Louis, who was clenching his fists as he hurried to get away. "Stop! Just stay put! I swear to god, I'll carry you back inside myself if you don't stop walking!" Louis stopped, turning around immediately, ready to face Liam, who'd just casually told Louis he would be meeting Harry Styles. Louis' face was red, so red he was sure he had to look like a tomato.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I heard he's full of shit! Arrogant, egoistic, totally outdated, full of himself, too perfect for his own good, flirting with every girl, and to cap it all, homophobic! I won't put up with that, Liam!" Louis literally screamed at his face, but Liam kept a calm outward appearance, having known Louis for years, and having learned to deal with him when he was like this.

"Have you ever met him or even seen a photo of him, or have you been trying to avoid everything that has to do with him?" Liam wanted to know, even if he was sure he already knew the answer.

"Of course I know who he is!" Louis yelled, and Liam only furrowed his brow, waiting for Louis to tell him the truth. It took him a maximum of about 30 seconds of waiting until Louis gave in. "Okay fine! I did avoid him! Are you satisfied now?"

"You'd be surprised, but I can't deny that he indeed is full of himself. I heard he can be nice, though. Niall would never lie to me." Liam replied, smiling at his friend.

"And who's this Niall guy?" Louis asked, curiosity getting the better of him, and softening his voice from a bellow to just a small yell.

"A friend of mine, Tommo. We met each other in college. Been a while since I've last met him, but we keep in touch via phone and e-mail. He's Harry's assistant and best friend, by the way." Liam countered, much to Louis surprise.

"Does that mean you know Harry, too?" Louis wanted to know, and Liam nodded without hesitation, telling him that he had met Harry a couple of times in the past.

"I swear to god I will slay his ass if he's the diva I think he is!" Louis told Liam, who couldn't help but chuckle, cause if there was one thing in the world Liam knew for sure, it was that Louis would never keep his mouth shut when something didn't fit in his concept.

"I'm sure you will. So can we go back inside now? You have to be there in about- " Liam said, checking the time "You actually should've been in there two minutes ago. Hurry up! I hate being late and you should too!"

"Oh, it's not like I need to be on time bec-" Louis started to say, but his voice stopped working abruptly as he caught sight of a tall man walking into the meeting room. He couldn't see his face, only his back and his long brown hair but that was enough. Curls. Louis fucking hated curls. They made him weak. He had a thing for curls, and he knew perfectly well that it wasn't a healthy weakness anymore. But the worst thing was that the stranger had long brown curly hair, and Louis could't help but imagine pulling on those curls while fuc-

"Earth to Louis?" Liam said, snapping his fingers in front of Louis face, who was staring in the direction of the meeting room.

"Fuck, sorry. I was daydreaming!" Louis said, trying not to give away what he'd just been thinking about. He definitely was sexually frustrated. "Let's meet this Styles-pal now. Come on, slowpoke!" Louis smirked, knowing Liam desperately wanted to comment on it but, as usual, he was too professional to let it slip. Sometimes Louis just wanted to tackle him to the floor and beat the professional out of assistant, since Liam was also his best friend. Sometimes Louis just wanted Liam to blurt stupid thoughts out, but no, he tried to stay quiet whenever they were working.

 "I figured. Ready for the stress and Mr. Perfection?" Liam asked, and Louis rolled his eyes, not believing Liam had just used the term 'Mr. Perfection'. How flawless could a human being even be? Liam guided his best friend and boss towards the room, trying to distract him by telling him about his plans for the weekend. It wasn't exactly exciting for Louis to hear about Liam's plans but, being the good friend he is, he listened.

He hated when Liam was busy on the weekends, since it always meant Louis would be bored beyond all reckoning. He'd be sitting on his couch playing Fifa, eating nuggets or other unhealthy shit, or he'd stay in bed watching some stupid tv-shows trying to waste some time until it was finally Monday again. Sometimes, he wished there was someone to share this with, but truth be told, Louis didn't exactly have many friends because of certain circumstances. In fact, Liam was his only true friend, and if it was for him to decide, he'd probably glue Liam to his side just so that he would be surrounded by him all the time.

Louis hated being alone, but he was used to it. Having five sisters and one brother had always been an issue for him, somehow. It's not like he didn't love all of them, but he never got the same amount of attention as them, being so much older than even his oldest sister. Apart from all of that, his mom, Johannah, decided to leave his father quite sometime ago, which meant she fucked off with all of his siblings a while ago. Louis tried not to think about it too much, since he'd been alone most of the time ever since. The worst part, however, had been when his father died out of the blue. He had never exactly been fond of his father, but the consequences of his death were worse. At times like that when Louis couldn't take it anymore, he visited his grandmother and grandfather. It had never taken longer then ten minutes for him to feel better when he was with them, not only because he adored his grandparents, but because of the special bond they shared ever since Louis could remember.

In secret, Louis had always hoped he'd some day find his other half, but after countless one-night-stands, he eventually gave up on it. He didn't believe in love anymore, even if sometimes he regretted that. Along the way, he decided that he didn't need love anymore. That's probably also why he had given up finding new friends when Stan left him for his studies in the US three years ago and never spoke to him again. He missed Stan, he really did. But the stubborn person he was, he didn't even think about calling him or anything like that. Use it or lose it, seriously.

"Okay, Louis, please try to pull yourself together, right? There'll be a lot of people you know, but also some men you've never seen before. It's important to convince them that you're the right guy to do this shooting. They're the head of the campaign!" Liam briefed him shortly. Louis just nodded aimlessly, and Liam opened the door for him and they entered the room.

Looking at the people sitting around a large round table, he immediately spotted some well known faces: Jenna, Elise, Mary, and his favorite Chinese photographer, Lee. All of them had already worked with Louis and he was glad that they'd apparently be part of this photo shoot. When he looked around, he also spotted two blonde women who didn't look very amused. Louis had an urge to go over there and ask them what their issue was, but he didn't.

The woman on the left side obviously was as stiff as a poker, wearing a patterned Gucci costume and fitting Manolo Blahnik high heels. Louis also noticed the scarf around her neck and had to roll his eyes. She did not seriously pick a Burberry scarf to match her outfit, when she'd already overstepped the mark by holding a black Michael Kors clutch bag. That simply didn't do! The bun completed the picture of her. Yes, he knew everything about fashion, even if he hated pricey fashion brands. Maybe because he had to, but mostly because he simply was interested in fashion business. However, she was about 45 years old and either a desperate old damsel or an ice cold business women. Louis hoped for the first option since he could twist those ladies around his little finger in seconds. The second Blonde's outfit was more to Louis' liking. He preferred a subtle kind of dressing, but someone who was in style. The look on her face was rather vacant, but her outfit was on point, Louis decided. He couldn't help but notice that she'd combined everything perfectly. He definitely liked the white Chanel dress, even if she could've probably bought a similar dress on ASOS for a third of the price. Louis recognized the nude colored Jimmy Choo prêt-à-porter pumps from the latest collection immediately, and when he noticed the Miu Miu bag on the floor, he knew she'd be the one to talk to later.

That said, Louis suddenly got a little bit nervous, looking into the faces of three men sitting next to the two ladies. They kind of looked intimidating for a second until Louis reminded himself who he was, and that he could literally do whatever the fuck he wanted, so he just shrugged it off, smiling at them. One of them returned the smile and already seemed to like him, or so it seemed. Louis decided he couldn't care less. He didn't want to be here, and he wasn't here to make friends. This was purely business.

"Sit down, Louis. What are you doing?" Liam whispered, grimacing at Louis, who had completely forgotten that he was literally standing in front of all of these people, just staring at them like an idiot. When Liam pulled out a chair for him, Louis just sat down, still trying to find this Harry Styles guy, but there was no other model to be seen!

"Where the fuck is Styles?" Louis whispered, but at that very moment, the door flew open.

"Welcome back, Harry." the well dressed blonde woman said, and Louis' head snapped around to look at the door.

"Thanks, love. Nice to see you here, Caroline." he said, and only then did Louis dare to look into his face. Well, fuck his life, this guy had to be the most attractive man Louis had ever seen. He couldn't help but check Harry Styles out. He had already seen that hair, and that made Louis cringe, considering the fact that he'd imagined pulling on those beautiful brown curls. But seeing those curls in combination with his face was too much. How can one person be so beautiful? Harry's eyes were green and sparkling, and they stood out spectacularly against his pale, flawless skin. His eyebrows were perfectly trimmed and there was absolutely no trace of facial hair! How was that even possible, seriously? Louis had to shave at least once every day so that he didn't look like a caveman! Not that he complained, since he liked having stubble, but seeing Harry's baby face made him overthink it! When Louis gazed at Harry's pink plump lips (that he could totally picture wrapped around his dick) in abstraction, Liam elbowed him, trying to bring him back down to Earth, but Louis was literally glued to the spot, frozen and gaping at the model standing there. When Louis was done creepily imagining Harry's lips doing heaven knows what to his body, he noticed Harry's jawline and decided that jumping off a cliff before this shoot would be the best thing for him. He's never seen a jawline like that, and he wanted to lick it, seriously. He wanted to...wow, he needed to stop being a fucking creep. Hell, what was he even thinking about?

His resolution to no longer check Harry Styles out didn't last any longer than five seconds, because Harry had caught sight of Liam, who was sitting next to Louis, and smiled. Louis was sure he'd also never seen teeth as perfect as his. Louis was fucked when, to top it all, he realized how fucking hot Harry's legs, which were encased in the tightest pair of black skinnies Louis had ever seen, were. He didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry when he noticed Harry was indeed wearing jeans from the women's section, Paige jeans, to be exact.

Continuing to stare, Louis almost missed it when a deep, smooth voice said his name, a pair of green eyes looking directly into his.

"Tomlinson" he said, and it didn't sound delighted at all, more like bitter and kind of harsh. He definitely looked down at Louis, and Louis didn't like it.

"Styles" Louis answered, and he was sure that the whole experience of shooting for Louis Vuitton with none other than him would definitely be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.

 


	2. Torn

"You're doing such a great job, Harry. Couldn't do it aaaany better!" Louis said, rolling his eyes as he watched Harry posing like a pro for the camera, looking like a fucking perfect statue. He was wearing, (and now Louis remembered Liam's words, and couldn't have said it better himself) the ugliest pullover in the history of pullovers. He's never, not once, seen a piece of clothing like that. He didn't even know how describe it! It was truly a hideous piece of shit, Louis decided finally. This ugly half black, half white sweater featured some gold flowers printed on it with beads for some extra dreadful flare! What in the name of god had come over the designer? Louis couldn't decide if he wanted to scream, because he sure as hell couldn't stand to look at this a moment longer, or go over and rip it right off of Harry and demand that he wear something else. He was glad the boy didn't have to wear some matching jeans or something like it cause if that had been the case, he would'be probably barfed right on the spot.

"Are you talking to me?" Harry asked, waving his hand in a disparaging way to signal to the photographer to stop taking photos of him. "I can't remember allowing you to talk to me."

 "Ex-fucking-cuse me?" Louis asked, raising his eyebrows in the most bitchy way possible.

"Let's continue, Jaques." Harry commanded, snapping his fingers. The poor black haired Frenchman who was (hello cliché!) wearing a striped Ralph Lauren shirt, flinched for a second before he nervously fiddled about his camera trying to make the damn thing work again as fast as possible, so as not to possibly disgruntle Mr. Big-Headed.

"Don't you dare take a single photo of him, Jacques." Louis simply said, and without hesitation Jaqcues froze. He was glued to the spot, not sure what to do, so Louis decided to help him out and gave him a genuine smile. "How about you take a short coffee-break and grab yourself a snack, hm?" Jacques gaped at him for a short length of time, nodded silently, and then left the room, not even looking back at a fuming Mr. Styles.

"Who do you think you are?" Harry snapped at Louis, crossing his arms like a pouty child and giving him a look that literally screamed that he was patronizing the boy.

"Your worst nightmare." Louis simply replied, watching Harry huff in annoyance. The curly haired boy flipped his hair in a dramatic way and stamped out of the studio without so much as looking at Louis. "What a diva."

"I heard that." Mr. Arrogant said, apparently just waiting outside right in front of the studio's door for Jacques to come back.

"You did? What a shame! I'm so sorry." Louis countered, approaching Harry. The moment Louis got a complete view of Harry casually leaning against the wall next to the studio's entrance, his jaw could've dropped and fallen off completely, because this fucking boy looked like God himself, but Louis forced himself to not give it away. He'd never admit that he, Louis Tomlinson, would think of Harry Styles as attractive (more like perfect). Never.

"Why am I even talking to you?" Harry mumbled, apparently searching for his phone.

"You left your phone at the fitting room, silly." Louis pointed out, earning an ignorant glare from the other man.

"Wow we've got a badass over here. Who are you? Mr. Smartypants?" Harry replied, sliding down the wall so that he was sat on the floor, Louis still standing in front of him.

 "You're an awful person." Louis stated, deciding to sit down across from Harry, leaning his head against the red painted wall. Louis decided that he hated this dark shade of red, nearly a carmine red, that the interior designer had chosen. He didn't like the golden stucco or the expensive dark brown wooden floor either. It somehow reminded him of posh people, and he couldn't stand them even if some would claim he was one of them. He definitely wasn't. But whatever.

 "Maybe, but I'm rich and pretty so it doesn't matter." Harry answered, and Louis' jaw actually did drop. In fact, he's never ever met a person who thought like that. He couldn't believe that Curly could genuinely mean it.

"That was supposed to be a joke, right?" Louis wanted to know, and Harry pursed his lips, furrowing his brow in confusion.

"Why would I crack some jokes? Why would I even try to be funny around you?" Harry retorted, examining the ugly-ass pullover he was still wearing.

"Fuck my life, you did mean it." Louis murmured, but it was more like he was telling himself that people actually existed who thought about themselves like this. Like really, really existed. Louis was different. He'd rather much have no money at all and be a not so beautiful person who was being loved and appreciated for who he was, than be a rich and pretty human being, but ugly on the inside. "I'm truly sorry for you."

"What are you even talking about?" Harry wanted to know, biting his lip and looking at the floor. "You make no sense, honey." Harry looked up at Louis, waiting for a response. Did he want to provoke or even challenge him? Harry would surely come off second best if that were the case.

"About you, I guess. You're so full of yourself just because you have money and think you're pretty. Oh wait, yes, you are quite pretty, but that doesn't even matter when you're so ugly on the inside. And you definitely can't buy happiness and beauty on the inside with all of your money, Styles." Louis announced, well aware of the fact that this would strike a nerve.

That was when Harry wordlessly got up, giving Louis a weird look. He went inside of the studio and returned holding his iPhone to his ear, apparently waiting for someone to answer. Without even paying attention to a really taken aback Louis, he left.

 

XXXX

  
"I won't do it." Harry told Niall through the phone.

"Oh yes, Haz, you will!" Niall retorted, not believing that his best friend could be so fucking stubborn. All he had to do was shoot for Louis Vuitton. It wasn't that hard. Niall knew that Harry would work for his favorite brand Yves Saint Laurent for the rest of his life if it was up to him, but the engagement definitely ended, and soon. End of story. No discussion.

"I can't fucking do this, Nialler." Harry repeated himself, and Niall immediately noticed something was wrong. Harry never sounded like this, and it had been ages since Niall had heard this tone coming from Harry, so he decided to actually listen this time.

"Harry, what's wrong? Why don't you want to do this?" Niall asked, hoping for Harry to have a good explanation for him.

"I don't like Louis Tomlinson." Harry simply said, and Niall nearly dropped the phone. "Are you for real?" he asked, not believing his ears.

 "Yes." Harry replied, and Niall stopped walking. Niall had been on his way to meet Liam at a café nearby the branch office of Louis Vuitton, where Harry and Louis were supposed to take some of the first photos for their single shootings. Right now, however, he wasn't sure if he should turn around and go straight to the office to slap Harry's face or if he should hang up, follow his plans, and breathe down his neck later.

He hadn't seen Liam in ages, since Harry had to go to the first meeting alone. He could've met Liam there, due to the fact that he was Louis' assistant but he had to catch up with some stuff. Harry had been angry at him when Niall told him he had to go alone, but Niall knew he would've been even angrier if he didn't book the right hotel room for Harry's upcoming shoot with Louis in Paris. Harry didn't know he was supposed to go to France yet, but Niall decided not to tell his diva of a friend before it was really necessary. Hell no. He did not need to deal with more diva Harry.

"Listen here, Styles! I'm going to meet Liam now. I won't say anything now, but you better prepare yourself for my rant later. Meet you at yours at 9pm. Got me?" Niall snapped at Harry, who simply hung up. The asshole hung up! Why was Niall friends with him again? Why did he do this to himself? Why?

XXXX

"Where did he go?" Jacques asked Louis when he returned to find Harry missing, and Louis only shrugged, cause he couldn't tell Jacques even if he wanted to.

"Don't know, dear Jacques." Louis replied, patting the Frenchman's shoulder. "He just disappeared. And I thought he was known for being a professional. I can't see that."

"Oh la la. La concurrence, eh?" Jacques said, giggling to himself, and Louis just smiled at him.

"Oui, oui." Louis mumbled, and it was the first time ever he regretted not being able to speak French. He had always refused to learn it just because his mother and father expected him to. He simply didn't like being forced into something. He understood most of it due to his job, though. When it came to answering however, he simply wasn't capable of it, so he got used to saying 'Oui. Oui' since it just meant 'Yes. Yes." Until now, nobody had really noticed that his speaking skills simply didn't exist. Thank fuck.

Louis really liked Jacques and his family, and that was probably why he would have loved to talk to Jacques in French right now. He had never felt the need to speak in a different language, though. Not until now, for heaven knows why. Maybe because Louis had met Jacques' lovely wife Caroline a couple of times, or maybe because he had also seen their five year old daughter, Giselle (oh yes Jacques had a thing for the model Giselle Bündchen, that's why he decided on that name) last month.

"So, what now?" the french photographer wanted to know. "I was supposed to take photos of Mr. Styles, but he's gone!"

"Yeah...uh. I honestly don't know?" Louis murmured. "Shall we have a break again? Up for it?" He added cheekily, and Jacques burst out laughing.

"We shall, Mister...uh...Louis." the black haired man said, remembering that Louis wanted everyone to strictly call him by his first name only.

"I love how you say my name. I mean it just sounds...even... Sorry that makes no sense." Louis stuttered, laughing at himself. He was just so used to being called Lewis that he loved it when people immediately pronounced his name correctly. And when it came to Jacques, he loved it even more cause he made his name sound even more French, if that was even possible.

 Wait? Why did Harry not call him by his first name? Had he ever said Louis out loud? Louis couldn't remember, but he was sure Harry had only ever called him Tomlinson, and he definitely did not like it. That would have to change!

 "Mon dieu." the Frenchman, said rolling his eyes before he cleared his throat repeating himself, this time in English. "Oh my god!"

"What? What is it?" Louis wanted to know, not understanding what had just happened.

"Why are you so nice to me? I mean you're Lou-" he wanted to say, but couldn't finish his sentence, because a heavily breathing Harry Styles came running into the hallway.

"Sorry. Sorry, I completely lost track of time!" he panted, and Louis and Jacques gave each other a funny look. They didn't really know why, but it had always been a thing between them ever since they first met. They just loved making funny faces and confusing other people around them. "What's so funny? Is there something in my face?"

"Yeah, Harold. Your penis-shaped nose!" Louis replied, guffawing and high-fiving Jacques, who couldn't stop laughing no matter how hard he tried.

Harry was not amused. Not at all. But he apparently went with it, and gave Louis quick witted answer. "Oh now that can't be that bad, since you like dick, Lewis."

XXXX

"Hello, Niall." Harry welcomed a very well dressed Niall. He was wearing some super skinny denim blue jeans (yeah Niall totally laughed at Harry when he first told him about wearing jeans from the women section, Paige jeans to be exact, but Niall, being the curious little shit he was, decided to buy some too and got used to wearing them faster than he expected ), a dark gray shirt, and a black cardigan. Harry usually despised Converse, but Niall combined his white shoes perfectly fine so he decided not to comment on it for once in his life.

"Don't be too nice, Styles. I'm pissed as fuck, so get out of my way and let me inside!" Niall yelled, pushing past through Harry, leaving him standing in the entrance, completely dumbfounded. Harry closed the door and walked in after Niall, who already made himself home on Harry's cozy white couch.

"What exactly is your problem, Ni?" Harry wanted to know, slowly sitting down next to Niall and waiting for an answer.

"You, you little fucker, told me you didn't want to work for Vuitton anymore. That's not exactly my problem, but your fucking problem, you huge idiot!" Niall ranted, throwing one of the dark gray pillows at Harry. Harry caught it and placed it back where it belonged. Niall just rolled his eyes at him, pursing his lips in anger. "Don't you have anything to say, Styles?"

"I'm still working with them." Harry announced, and Niall raised an eyebrow, clearly not having expected this answer.

"What? What do you mean you're still working with them? You told me you were done with them cause you, I may remind you, didn't like Louis Tomlinson!" Niall grumbled, looking Harry straight into the eyes.

Harry leaned against the backrest and closed his eyes "Maybe he's not that bad, just a little bit too sassy for his own good. I can ignore that cheeky idiot."

"You're so full of shit." Niall murmured, knowing something was up. "What happened?"

"Nothing. He just told me what I already knew. No big deal. We'll be shooting again tomorrow. Today didn't exactly work as planned." Harry said, pushing a loose stand of hair behind his ear. "You wanna go out for dinner or something? Don't exactly feel like cooking today."

"You're so damn weird, Harry. But yeah, whatever. I feel like Nandos." Niall suggested and Harry couldn't help but laugh at his best friend, since he always felt like Nandos. It was basically Niall's second home, for god's sake.

"Can we please not talk about business tonight, Niall?" Harry requested, and Niall just furrowed his brow, trying to figure out what the hell could have happened to make Harry like this. He never wanted to not talk about him being successful.

"Sure thing." Niall said, exhaling and feeling a little bit exhausted from the day "You know what? Liam hasn't changed at all. I think Louis must be quite a nice boss."

"I just asked you not to talk about work, yet you bring up Liam and Tomlinson." Harry snapped, jumping to his feet and glaring at a very surprised Niall.

"So he still is the problem. I knew it." Niall muttered rolling his eyes in annoyance. By now, Harry should've probably figured out that Niall knew him by heart, and no matter how hard the Irishman wanted to slap his face sometimes, Harry was his friend. Best friend to be exact. Best friends talk! But ever since-

"Yeah he is. I can't stand him. Satisfied?" Harry growled, throwing his hands up in the air. "He thinks he's funny and he's...he's not!"

"The fuck is your problem with him? Is it rivalry or what? Oh gosh, you said that he's a nobody only days ago, yet you're acting like an idiot now. I thought there was nothing to fear, since he's only a Topman-model?" Niall teased, but Harry was already walking away to grab his coat.

"Whatever. I don't want to talk about that loser." Harry announced, gesturing for Niall to hurry up. "Which car?"

"Yours, I suppose." Niall answered. Was that even a question? Who would want to drive Niall's BMW when you could drive with Harry's Porsche. Sometimes the blonde man thought Harry didn't even care about his car as much as Niall himself did, but the Irishman just couldn't help it. He had a thing for cars!

"Yeah, you can drive." Harry muttered, and Niall, full of joy, jumped up and down before he took the keys out of Harry's hand, practically running outside to get to the car.

"What a child." Harry mumbled to himself, closing the front door behind him and getting in the car minutes afterwards.

"Where are we going?" Niall wanted to know, sitting in the driver's seat like a proud young man who was allowed to drive for the first time.

"That's a joke, right?" Harry asked, looking at Niall in confusion. Harry facepalmed before he muttered "Nandos, you idiot."

XXXX

"Hello there, handsome." Louis said when Liam sat down next to him. "Looking hot as always, I see."

 "Oh shut it, Louis. I wouldn't even do you if I liked guys." Liam countered, laughing.

 "Oh you totally would, Payno. Nobody can resist me." Louis announced, but no matter how hard he tried to contain his laughter he failed. "All jokes aside, how was the rest of your day?"

 "Was alright, I guess. I met Niall! It's been ages, but he's still the same idiot as he used to be." Liam said excitedly "It used to be so much fun with Niall when we were younger, even if I could never drink as much as he did! I have almost died trying to keep up with him!"

"Oh, you poor boy!" Louis said in a mocking voice towards Liam, who was just reading through the menu.

"I already ordered. Too bad." Louis announced, and Liam just gaped at him, throwing the menu in his direction.

"I can't believe you did it again! As if you know what I like!" Liam replied, but he was laughing still. Louis knew exactly what Liam would've ordered, so it hadn't exactly been a surprise that he did it again. Sometimes Louis asked himself if he and Liam would be dating if Liam were into men too, but since he wasn't, it didn't really matter anyway.

"Oi, look who just came in. Now if that's not fate, I don't know what is. Get your Niall, tiger!" Louis whispered cheekily and Liam just shrugged it off, laughing.

"You're such an idiot. I don't like dick and I never will!" Liam said, waving at Niall who came inside, grinning, and followed by none other then Harry Styles.

"Oh great, if that's not Mister I-only-love-myself. What did I do to deserve this?" Louis grumbled when Niall approached them with an obviously not very amused Harry in tow.

"Evening." Harry mumbled, looking at Liam first and then glancing at Louis. Louis decided to ignore Harry. He didn't want his company. Not at all. Fuck, he looked so fucking hot.

"Hello." Louis said, smiling politely as Niall sat down across from Liam. Thank you very much, Louis thought, when, as a result, Harry had to sit down across from him. Now Louis had to look into his stupid pretty face the whole evening. He sure as hell wanted to murder Liam.

"You still like Nandos, Niall?"Liam asked and Louis tapped his finger on the tabletop.  
"He does. He's obsessed with it." Harry answered for his friend, and Louis pursed his lips.

"Shut up. Excuse me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure your friend can talk for himself." Louis interjected, cause he just couldn't help it. He despised Harry's behavior. In fact, he didn't like the curly haired idiot at all. Not one bit.

"Excuse me if I'm wrong, but who are you to tell me what to do?" Harry countered, and Niall cleared his throat. Louis couldn't care less, being completely focused on Harry.

"I already told you that I'm your worst nightmare. You better learn how to behave." Louis reminded him, and Harry started to laugh.

"Oh, as if I'd care what you think about me." Harry said patronizingly.

"I don't give a flying fuck. I don't like how you treat your assistant and friend, though. God knows why he's even your friend, Harold." Louis stated, and Harry crossed his arms.

 "It's Harry." he simply said, and Louis couldn't resist repeating himself and calling him Harold on purpose. "I don't know what your problem is, Tomlinson, but guess who doesn't care? Right, me."

 "Cheeky." Louis said quietly, a half-smile forming.

"Yeah...uh...we're still here." Liam interjected awkwardly, but Louis and Harry didn't even seem to notice being all caught up in their weird kind of conversation. Harry didn't even notice when Niall ordered for them.

"I don't like you, Tomlinson." Harry whispered, smiling through gritted teeth so that Niall and Liam wouldn't hear or notice.

"Oh, believe me the feeling is mutual. I already told you what I think about a bighead like you." Louis said, not bothering to whisper his response, and Niall groaned, smacking his forehead.

"Can't you two just...I don't know, kiss or fuck and make up or something?" Harry's eyes widened for an unknown reason Louis just couldn't figure out. Yet.

"What?" Liam asked, laughing, while Louis just continued to glare at Harry.

XXXX

About one hour later Harry payed for all of them (even if Louis had protested), glad he was finally being able to go home. He wanted nothing more than bury himself into a good book and drink a nice cup of tea while being wrapped into a thick cozy blanket on his couch. He literally wanted to get away from Louis too, even if he had no clue what exactly his problem was. He just couldn't stand him and his stupid feathery hair and those god given cheekbones...for fuck's sake, who even had such sharp cheekbones? This should be illegal!

"I just got an idea! We should totally go for a drink." Niall suggested, and Liam immediately agreed. Louis, however, let out a squeaking noise.

"We should what?" Harry asked, realizing what Niall had just suggested. "Go for a drink, you deaf nut." Louis interjected and Harry just huffed.

"No, really? I thought he said go to the zoo!" Harry countered and Louis couldn't help but bite his lip, smiling. Harry stared at Louis biting his lip. The fuck? "Definitely not. I already have...plans."

"Plans? Oh someone chickens out! What did you want to do? Look at yourself in the mirror while being naked and tell yourself how perfect you are?" Louis asked sassily. Harry opened his mouth to answer, but Louis added "Or did you want to go out and search for someone to fuck? I'm sure that's not exactly a problem, eh? The womanizer you're said to be, Styles." Louis smirked.

"Fuck you." Harry said, turning on his heels and leaving the other three behind. When he turned around by instinct just to take a look he noticed that  Liam and Niall just shook their heads and walked away while Louis surprisingly tried to catch up with him. 

When Louis eventually caught up, he tried to stop Harry by grabbing his shoulders "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. That was just mean and I didn't have the right to say something like that." Louis said, but Harry didn't turn around, so Louis decided to step in front of him to look into his face. He apparently wanted to say sorry properly but Harry, having tears in his eyes didn't want Louis to look at him at all. Much to Harry's dismay Louis ultimately somehow still managed to look into Harry's eyes though.

"Shit, fuck. I really am sorry! I'm an idiot." Louis mumbled Harry tried to wipe his tears away as fast as possible, being ashamed, but he failed.

"Leave me alone." Harry whispered, starting to walk away. Louis, however, obviously didn't even think about bailing out now. He had reduced Harry to tears.

 "Harry, stop walking." Louis said out loud, but Harry just shook his head. Louis stopped him again just as he did before, stepping in front of him. Harry looked angry. His face was flushed, but Louis could only see Harry's wet cheeks. Harry wanted to vanish into thin air. He hated people seeing him cry. 

"I get it. I'm an arrogant asshole. You satisfied now? I said it. Can't you just leave me the fuck alone now and go back to wherever the hell you came from?" Harry ranted, and for some reason, Louis seemingly felt so bad that he placed his hand on Harry's chest in a gesture of comfort, having to look up at him since Harry was taller. He didn't really notice how much smaller Louis was before, but right now, looking into his regreful blue eyes, he did.

"No I won't go." Louis said, and time seemed to stop at that moment.

XXXX

"Good night, Louis." Harry said quietly as he began to leave the building after eight hours of shooting. He was exhausted and just wanted to go home and sleep for the whole weekend. It had been three days since he had cried in front of Louis and he still hated that he hadn't been able to pull himself together. He just hated the womanizer image. He had only ever had sex with one person and he wished it had never happened, to be quite honest.

"You just called me Louis." Louis said just as quietly, and Harry stopped walking, turning around.

"That's your name, isn't it?" Harry replied, looking at the other man in mild confusion.

"Yeah...just...uh forget it." Louis murmured, but Harry furrowed his brow wondering what was so special about him calling Louis Louis. Louis noticed the look on his face and sighed. "You've just never said it before. You always called me Tomlinson. That's all."

"Oh." Harry said, giving Louis a small smile. "Good night then, Tomlinson." Harry was confused. He didn't know why he tried to be nicer all of a sudden, and he also had no fucking clue why Louis seemed to care about him calling him Louis instead of Tomlinson. Maybe because everyone did it or something like that. Harry didn't know. And he definitely shouldn't even care. But maybe he did care...just a little bit.

"Hey, Harry?" Louis called after Harry, who was already down the steps and almost around the corner to the parking lot. Harry paused and looked back at Louis, waiting for him to say something. "See you tomorrow, Curly." Harry nodded, and he was already in his car before he realized that he was smiling.

XXXX

"Yeah, now could you lift your arm and make it look like as if you want to wrap it around Louis. But don't hug. You know what I mean?" Lee the photographer asked as Louis and Harry posed together.

Harry didn't feel comfortable at all. He was wearing some random clothes the stylist had told him to wear. He usually didn't give a fuck about what they wanted him to wear, but today, he simply didn't feel well. He hated the scratchy material of the brown-red patterned blazer, he disliked the tight black shoes, and he sure as hell hated wearing those pants. He would never wear anything other than skinny jeans voluntarily, and some companies complied to that, but not this one, apparently. He just knew how to be professional. He knew he had to do what they wanted unless he wanted to get fired. Today, however, he hated being forced to dress up like a doll, cause that was what he felt like at the moment. He felt like a doll that someone decided to play with, and he hated every second of it. What the heck was wrong with him?

"Hey Lee?" Louis suddenly spoke up, and the photographer stopped, smiling at Louis and waiting for him to keep on talking. "Can we please take a quick break? I feel kinda dizzy."

"Oh sure, Louis. Just take your time! I can continue taking photos of Mister Styles while you're taking a break." Lee announced, but Louis scratched the back of his head, seeming to be thinking hard.

"Actually I think he should take a quick break too. We can sure continue in...let's say 20 minutes?" Louis suggested, and Lee didn't even think about complaining. He just nodded, and before Harry could even realize what was going on, Louis grabbed his arm and pulled him outside.

"Talk, diva." Louis snapped, and Harry's eyes widened, not expecting Louis to be angry.

"What?" Harry asked, caught completely off-guard. Harry closed the door to the studio and sat down on a sofa in the antechamber. Louis plopped down next to him, huffing.

"Spit it out. What's your problem this time? Do you hate Lee's face? Do you need more attention? Do you want me to disappear? What's the princess' problem?" Louis tried it again.

"What the fuck are you even talking about? I'm good." Harry countered, feeling attacked, so he looked Louis straight in the eyes, trying to make him feel insecure. Unfortunately, Harry knew too damn well that Louis was super self-confident, so there would be literally no way to make him feel bad.

"Sure, and I'm the queen of England!" Louis replied cheekily.

"Well hello, Elizabeth." Harry sassed, and Louis rolled his eyes.

"You want to stop taking photos for today, Curly?" Louis asked, sounding very serious.

"No, it's okay. I just don't feel very well." Harry admitted, much to his own surprise.

"What's wrong?" Louis wanted to know, wondering why he even seemed to care about this stubborn arrogant idiot.

"Don't know." Harry said, and suddenly, Louis felt like as if Harry was making fun of him or something.

"Don't be so pathetic." Louis announced, and Harry's head snapped up, looking somewhat hurt. He didn't understand the sudden change of mood.

"Says the loser out of us two." Harry murmured, getting up. "You didn't even feel dizzy. You just wanted to mock me. Now can we go back inside and get this over with? I'm not exactly keen on seeing you any longer."

"Oh wow. And here we go again." Louis groaned, pursing his lips in a very annoying fashion. How could one man be so fucking full of himself?

XXXX

"Now hold the bag like this and smile into the camera" Lee commanded, and Harry followed the instructions. "Louis, please touch Harry's back." Harry seemed to have ignored Louis for the last fifty minutes, but when Louis touched Harry's bare back, he flinched, not expecting Louis' hands to be so cold.

"Sorry." Louis whispered, and Harry just nodded shrugging it off.

"No, I don't like this! It's not...just no!" a brown haired guy in a Hugo Boss suit screamed, waving his arms in front of his face. "Delete all of this shit. That's not it. Not at all. You two are...what even is this?!"

"Excuse me?" Harry asked, sounding bitchy and this time Louis could somehow understand him. They had been taking photos for over three hours now, presenting loads of the brand's products and all of a sudden that idiot wanted Lee to delete everything?

"Are you fucking kidding right now?" Louis added, and Harry bit his lip, smirking, glad that Louis apparently seemed to agree with him for once.

"No. You're supposed to look like a couple, not like two strangers that just met! And even if Mister Styles is shirtless, it doesn't help matters!" he ranted "You're body isn't good enough for this. Maybe we need to find someone else!"

"Oh, you did not just say that, did you? Who do you even think you are? Have you seen his body, Mister"- Louis tried to figure out his name and suddenly remembered "Arthur? Do you even have eyes? You're talking about Harry Styles, yeah? So I think it'd be better for you to rethink what you've just said and come back later with a different opinion. That was just unnecessary and plainly outrageous." Louis defended Harry, and Mister Arthur looked like he was absolutely fuming, but even as he prepared himself for a rant, Arthur turned on his heel and walked out, shaking his head. Harry was speechless.

"Th-thanks." he whispered, and Louis just smiled at him, crinkles forming by his eyes.

"No need to thank me, Harry. It's the truth. I guess Mr. Arthur just overreacted or something. Let's continue?" Louis suggested.

"Uh...yeah." Harry slowly said, but Louis could tell that something was off in his voice. Nevertheless, they continued shooting for two hours straight, and things were going alright until Harry kind of freaked out a bit.

"I'm not doing this. What is this? Soft porn? I won't touch Louis' butt for this shooting. I'm not even gay! What the hell is this!?" he screamed, grabbing his jacket and rushing outside, still wearing the expensive Louis Vuitton clothes they had put him in.

"Mister Styles, you're still weari-" Lee shouted, but Louis cut him off.

"I'll run after him. Fuck the clothes. I'll bring them back, don't worry." Louis announced, chasing after Harry.

XXXX

"I won't do this shit anymore." Harry was yelling into his phone when Louis sat down next to him. "No, Niall. I'm not kidding. I'm sick and tired of it."

Louis wasn't sure if Harry was talking about the shooting, but he thought so, so he decided to keep his mouth shut and let Harry finish his call first.

"You know what, fuck you!" Harry said before he hung up and turned to Louis "What on earth are you doing here? Get out off my sight."

"Calm the fuck down. I didn't even say anything yet!" Louis replied, pursing his lips, and he waited for Harry to insult him, as it usually went when they were alone.

"Who are you, seriously? Do you think I like you? Do you think I need you to run after me just because I was losing it in there? I can't stand the photographer and I hate everything about this goddamn shooting!" Harry ranted, clenching his fists tightly.

"Anything else?" Louis wanted to know, smirking. Harry couldn't be serious...

"Yeah, I hate that you touch me and I hate that I have to touch you." Harry simply stated, and Louis gaped at him in disbelief. "Why would I allow you to touch me, seriously? I don't need this in my life."

"Oh, wow, scared I could leave marks or what? Oh wait you must be scared that I'm sick. Be aware, I could infect you with the plague!" Louis mocked, and Harry didn't find it funny at all.

"Shut up. It's not funny. I don't want to be touched." Harry insisted and Louis exhaled deeply, trying to not jump into his face.

"Oh, sorry that I'm not one of those super hot girls that usually surround you. I'm only a boy who's modeling for brands that you possibly don't even know since you don't have to pay a fortune for a shirt of their brands, princess!" Louis countered, biting down on his knuckle to keep from saying any more. He really had to stay calm, otherwise he'd say worse things.

"Yeah, exactly. You're not one of them. You're no one." Harry said savagely, but the moment the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them for some reason.

"Wow, you're even worse than I thought you were. And I thought there was more to you, since you seemed to...you know what? Fuck you! You're being ridiculous. Afraid you could catch the gay, or what? Now excuse me, you little fuck. Unlike you, I'm okay with who I am. Fucking pathetic." Louis yelled, and he got up, stalking away and leaving Harry gaping at his back.


	3. France

 "Are you fucking kidding me right now, Niall?" Harry yelled, but Niall didn't even flinch. He had apparently expected Harry to snap the moment he told him about having to fly to Paris for the second part of the Louis Vuitton shooting.

"Nope. You better pack your stuff, Styles. We're going to Paris tonight." Niall announced, and Harry's jaw dropped. He sat there for a few seconds before grabbing a pillow and throwing it at Niall. The blonde man only laughed cause Harry being aggressive was more like a joke. He knew that himself but he wanted to be angry now, okay? Niall, of course, knew Harry and he knew that a kitten might possibly be more dangerous than Harry could ever be, unless it came to protecting someone.

Harry crossed his arms, thinking hard before he obviously decided that there was no way in hell he would be ready to go on a trip tonight. "Tonight? How the fuck am I supposed to get ready in like five fucking hours?! Niall why didn't you tell me earlier, you dick?"

"Because I know you, Styles!" Niall retorted as Harry jumped to his feet, running around like a headless chicken trying to find all the things he needed.

"How long will we stay there? Wait, will you even be coming with me?" Harry squeaked as he tossed things onto his bed in no particular order.

"Only for three days, and of course I'm coming with you. You'd be screwed without me, Harry! I'm your second brain and your right-hand-man!" Niall replied, sitting down in the armchair on the left side of Harry's bed. "You'll need something nice to wear. Also some swimming trunks, I guess. There's a Jacuzzi!"

"Nialler, do I ever wear something ugly?" Harry asked, a deep chuckle escaping him, and Niall face palmed. He ran his hand down his face and looked up at Harry, taking in a deep breath. 

"The four of us will stay at the Four Seasons Hotel, Harry. I guess you'll love it. It's luxurious and shit," Niall mumbled, obviously hoping Harry wouldn't catch on. Harry rolled his eyes at the 'luxurious' bit but then he froze, looking at Niall in suspicion.

"Four? Hold on. What do you mean four? Four as in what? You, me and two girls, or what?" Harry asked, furrowing his brow.

"You, me, Liam and Louis" Niall said as fast as possible, biting his lip anxiously. He had about three seconds...3...2...1

"Oh, that's fucking perfect. Great. Bloody fantastic. I have to spend my precious time with an idiot and his assistant-best friend. Couldn't wish for more." Harry simply said and Niall raised an eyebrow, being clearly confused. "What? Did you expect me to jump for joy?" Honestly, Niall had surely expected much worse of an outburst, but Harry noticed he took it in stride, merely rolling his eyes and starting to help Harry fold his clothes, putting them in his brown suitcase.

"It'll be fun, I promise." Niall said before he all of a sudden added " Hold the fuck on! I thought you hated Louis Vuitton? Why exactly is all of your luggage-"

"It was a present. We're not going to talk about him. Just shut up. I would've thrown all of it away a long time ago, but I don't like wasting money for things like that. I do have suitcases and bags and...oh, whatever." Harry looked down at the floor, trying to push the thoughts of him away, and then exhaled slowly before he continued packing.

XXXX

"Hello, Louis." Harry mumbled a couple of hours later when they took their seats next to each other on the plane. While Louis tried to get as comfortable as possible, Harry sat there like the freaking model he was, wearing the tightest black jeans Louis had ever seen. Apart from this, Louis couldn't stop staring at Harry's chest. Why on earth would he not button up his ridiculous Marc Jacobs shirt with flamingos printed on it? No, the tease he was, he had to show off his stupid tattoos, not to mention that Louis could see his left nipple. Fucking hell.

"Hey, Harry." Louis mumbled nervously, fiddling with his fingers. Louis felt sick. He hated planes and he hated flying and sitting next to a guy that he couldn't stand didn't exactly help. It especially didn't help that Louis felt like a hobo, wearing his Adidas sweatpants and a Vans shirt, next to that Adonis of a boy sitting next to him. Louis considered jumping out off the plane or something like that later.

"You okay?" Harry then asked, which caught Louis by surprise. Was Harry just being polite, or did he really notice that Louis felt like shit? Or was he mocking him?

"No." Louis grumbled honestly, and Harry just looked at him waiting for explanation or something like that. The curly haired man almost looked worried, and Louis was sure he must be going crazy. There was no way that this arrogant asshole would have a soft side, a caring side. No, just nope. When Harry then carefully touched Louis upper arm, looking him straight into the eyes, Louis kind of lost all of his chill. Did Harry, the big-headed Harry Styles, just touch him voluntarily? Was he dreaming? He sure as hell must have fallen asleep.

"You don't like flying, do you? You afraid?" Harry leaned closer, whispering into Louis ears to make sure nobody else would hear him, and Louis decided that Harry whispering like that must have been the hottest thing he's ever experienced in his entire life. "It's okay. You're not alone in here and nothing will happen. I fly all the time and it's only a two hour flight, hm? You wanna talk about something? Get your mind off it?"

This wasn't happening. There was no way in hell Harry Styles wanted to talk to him like a normal human being! There was no fucking way the taller man cared about Louis being an anxious little baby, just because of flying. Who was he? Where did the real Harry disappear to? "Uh...um..Who are you?"

"Did you swallow some pills to calm down or something? You shouldn't do that, Lou. Come on, let's just talk about...um...do you have siblings?"

Lou. Lou. Lou. Harry just called him Lou. Did Louis take some pills? Did Liam...he definitely didn't take anything. "Yeah um...I'm not an only-child."

"Me neither. My sister's name is Gemma. She's funny and I guess you'd like her. She's as cheeky as you, but I think you're sassier, aren't you?" Harry said casually, and Louis had to think about his siblings names for a moment, not believing that he was actually having a normal conversation with him.

"L-Lottie." Louis stuttered like the idiot he was. Why on earth was he so nervous? It didn't make any sense. "My sister's name is Lottie."

"Younger or older?" Harry wanted to know, but Louis didn't even hear the question as he continued naming his siblings "I'm the oldest. Charlotte, Felicité, Daisy, Phoebe, Doris and Ernest." Harry gaped at Louis before he collected himself, and then he lost it, starting to giggle like a child.

"Wow that's actually...I thought...yeah." Harry stuttered and Louis couldn't help but laugh along. He sure did have a lot of siblings.

"Lottie hates being called Charlotte. She's such a diva! And Fizzy's in love for the first time at the moment, as far as I know. The twins, Phoebe and Daisy are...and the babies... I miss the babies." The moment Louis mentioned Dottie and Ernie, he realized how much he actually missed his siblings. He hadn't seen them in ages.

"You don't see them very often, do you? I know that feeling. Haven't seen Gemma in months," Harry mumbled, patting Louis knee absentmindedly. "You should visit them as often as possible before they're all grown up and you miss-"

"Can we change the topic, Curly? Please?" Louis whispered and Harry understood straight away, so they kept on talking about the most random things ever. Harry told Louis about modelling for his favorite brand, and Louis went the other direction, talking about his love of soccer.

They were so deep in conversation that Louis didn't even notice that Harry's hand was on top of his knee, nor that they had taken off ages ago and already landed.

XXXX

"What do you mean something went wrong?" Louis and Harry asked in unison when Niall announced that instead of four separate rooms (or suite in Louis' case), they now had one room and one suite to share.

"That's a joke, right?" Harry wanted to know, huffing in annoyance while Louis nodded in agreement. "There's no way in hell I'm staying with Niall in a room. You snore, you're messy, and no matter how much I love you...just no."

"You can love someone?" Louis asked but covered his mouth almost immediately. It just fucking slipped, okay? Harry didn't react. Louis desperately hoped that he hadn't even heard it.

"I thought it'd be clever to share with Niall anyway, since we have to get up earlier and all. And we haven't lived together in ages, Niall! Would be just like in old times!" Liam said cheerily, and only then Louis and Harry seemed to realize what Liam was indirectly suggesting.

"No." Louis stated, and Harry added, "We would murder each other."

"So now that it's settled, you two and we two share." Niall said, smirking smugly. "You two should try to get along better, anyway. I'm glad we didn't fly first class with the two of you! I bet you were at each other's throats the entire time."

"I hate you, Niall ." Harry grumbled, wrapping his hand around the suitcase's handle and dragging it along, heading towards...he definitely had no fucking clue where to go. "Louis, come on! Leave those traitors behind!" Louis didn't even hesitate, grabbing his bag and following. They looked at each other for a brief moment before Louis spoke up.

"Eighth Floor" Louis said self-confidentially, and Harry definitely and more than obviously wanted to roll his eyes, maybe even say something snarky pertaining to Louis' tone. He really, really wanted to, but for some reason he didn't. 

When Louis opened the suite's door, Harry's eyes widened and he gaped at the huge suite in front of him. "This is a joke, right?"

Louis rolled his eyes and put his bag down on the sofa, looking at Harry "Oh, please don't act like you're not used to a little bit of luxury, Styles. I'm sure it's nothing compared your usual suites. I bet it's not even big enough for you, princess."

"Did Liam book this for you? Or did Niall book this for me?" Harry wanted to know, looking at Louis with a weird look on his face that Louis definitely couldn't place. Of course Liam had bookedThe Penthouse for him, as always. Louis might hate expensive fashion brands, but he loved a luxurious way of living. It was kind of his guilty pleasure to live, as Liam always said, like a king. Louis never really gave it a second thought. Why would he, though? He could easily afford it. "Liam booked it for me. I have no idea what Niall booked for you though, Harold.

 "Not this." Harry mumbled to himself, but Louis decided to ignore his comment and just smile at him broadly. Why? He had no fucking clue. "There's only one bed, Harry. You okay with it? I won't touch you. Promise."

"Wow, this comment was so unnecessary, Louis." Harry snarled, and Louis giggled, showing Harry that he was just joking around. "Show me this giant room, suite or whatever the hell you want to call it." Louis immediately linked arms with Harry (and he really didn't give it a thought. As much as he hated Harry, it just kinda felt natural, really) and went through The Penthouse.

The living room offered thoughtful touches such as Baccarat crystal glassware, a plasma-screen television hidden behind a black mirror, a bookcase with a wide range of intriguing antique books, a refrigerated private bar, and window coverings operated by remote control. The adjacent conservatory had a marble mosaic floor and walls clad in luxury fabric by Lelièvre. There was a huge pedestal table and you could relax in white Knoll armchairs while savoring incredible views!

Everything was decorated light, airy, and supremely inviting, the suite featured Travertine flooring and walls accented with Majilite and sycamore. A romantic inner garden added to the feeling of retreating to a restful haven.

You could also take in sweeping views of Paris' architectural icons, including the Eiffel Tower, the American Cathedral, the Sacré-Coeur Basilica and the roofs of the Opéra, the Madeleine, the Pantheon and Les Invalides. To sum it up, the view was breathtaking.

But this wasn't enough! You could literally invite guests or unwind with someone on The Penthouse's private terraces. The main terrace, reminiscent of the prow of a ship, was accented with manicured box trees and offered remarkable views of the vibrant cityscape. The bedroom's private terrace led to another, more intimate balcony.

At this point, Louis wished he and Harry would be friends to enjoy all of it together. He had no idea where this idea suddenly came from, but it was just there.

Louis then showed him the master bedroom. It was designed to be a tranquil haven, featuring pastel blinds, lush white orchids, a soft wool carpet, walls covered in gold-toned silk. It had its own private terrace with a romantic four-poster daybed. There was also a spacious dressing room flooded with natural light and Harry seemed to just be overwhelmed. He had apparently no idea how Louis could be so cool about all this, because when it came to him, he was giggling like a little girl who had just been allowed to be a princess for a day. Harry seemed to feel like a proper princess...prince, whereas Louis just took everything for granted. He was just used to it. No big deal all of this.

The smaller man then showed Harry the stunning bathroom, separated from the bedroom by a sliding glass door, clad in soothing beige marble. It was fully equipped with an extra-large walk-in shower and an impressive infinity bath fitted with jets and a relaxing chromotherapy system.

Louis was smiling like an idiot and for the first time he thought that maybe, just maybe, this trip wouldn't be so bad.

XXXX

"Would you like a glass of champagne, Harry? We've got...uh...I have no idea how to pronounce it." Louis said and blushed, because once again was that nagging embarrassment that he could not speak French. He had no idea why he all of a sudden wanted to impress Styles, but he did. He felt embarrassed, but Harry, the cheeky bastard, only smirked at him. Why did he...how very dare he look so smug!

"Try it, Tomlinson" he said and Louis furrowed his brow. There was no way in hell he'd embarrass himself in front of this man. "Come on, it's not that hard to pronounce it." Louis glared at him. He took the bottle of champagne out of the bottle cooler and looked at the name of it. He could do this. He could totally try. He wasn't stupid, thank you very much.

Fuck, he couldn't do this.

"Can you even speak French, Harold? I bet you can't even say it yourself and you wanted me to make a fool out of myself. Cheeky!" Louis said, and he was sure that was probably the best way out.

"It's Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam, one of the most expensive brands of champagne ever, Lewis." Harry said self-confidentially and carefully poured them each a glass of it. Louis found him hot, definitely. But hot wasn't cute, and Harry would never in a million years be boyfriend material. Hold the fuck on, what?

"You can speak French?" Louis wanted to know, trying to ignore his last thoughts, and he just couldn't control the blush creeping up his cheeks. What the hell? He did not blush! Louis bit his lip, looking at Harry, who sat there on the set table, looking calmly in the direction of the Eiffel Tower. The wind blew his hair. Was this some sort of sappy movie scene?

While Louis was still wearing his, as he called it, hobo-outfit from earlier, Harry had changed into a simple paneled Cotton-Jersey T-Shirt by Lanvin. He was still wearing his skinny jeans though, and Louis couldn't help but ask himself how Harry's dick even-

"Oui, Louis. Je m'appelle Harry Styles et je suis Anglais et ça me rend folle quand tu me regardes comme ça." Harry said and Louis' eyes widened because, as he had already said, he couldn't speak French, at least, not fluently, but hell, did the other man just say that he gets nervous when Louis looks at him like that? He must had misunderstood him. Maybe his French wasn't that good? There was simply no way Harry could've just said this.

"Whatever you say." Louis retorted, lifting the expensive glass of champagne and taking a sip. He didn't know why, but he tried not to take his eyes off Harry's face. Were they flirting or...no. Louis was sure he was losing his mind. Harry was straight. Straight as a ruler. He liked women. There was no such thing as flirting. Besides, he didn't even like Harry fucking Styles!

"I think I'm going to bed now, Louis." Harry announced, and Louis just nodded, cause whatever the hell all of this just was, he should just forget about it. Harry would be back to being a dick tomorrow, anyway. Harry stood up, playing with a loose strand of his hair and then turned around, ready to go inside. Louis totally did not stare at Harry perfect little butt. He did not.

He totally did, however,when they were back inside and Harry just stripped down to his way to tight black Calvin Klein briefs right in front of Louis. Holy fuck, Harry's body really was perfect. Louis didn't know where to look first. He took in Harry's tattoos that were all over his body. Swallows, a huge butterfly and a...fuck, those abs! Louis wanted to lick down Harry's chest.

"Like what you see?" Harry asked, and Louis just shamelessly checked Harry out. He scanned his body and when he looked down further, noticing the outline of...Right. They'd have to sleep in the same bed. Louis was fucked.

"Uh...I...uh...gotta use the bathroom. Good night, Harry." Louis stuttered, feeling himself starting to get hard. He rushed into the bathroom, stopping in front of the mirror and steadying himself with his arms on the sink. He took a deep breath, looked into the mirror, and then smacked his own forehead, talking to himself.

What the hell. That's Mister Asshole-Styles. He's into women and you're stupid, Tomlinson. Get your shit together.

He did not get his shit together, and instead had a furious wank to the image of a nearly naked Harry Styles in the shower only ten minutes later.

Louis also slept on the sofa that night, and when a sleepy Harry entered the living room in the morning finding Louis curled up into a tiny little ball on it, he just rolled his eyes. "Get up, Tomlinson. It's late. We'll have to go without breakfast, since we are already late. Wake up, sleepyhead!" Louis groaned and buried his face into his pillow. "Louis, I'm being serious. It's your own fault you couldn't sleep! You could've just slept next to me, but no, you decided to sleep here for god knows why. Get up!"

"Only five more minutes. Shut up." Louis grumbled, but Harry didn't even think about leaving the stubborn idiot alone as he grabbed the creamy colored duvet that was covering Louis' body and pulled it away forcefully. "You're dead!" Louis yelled, jumping to his feet, ready to attack Harry, but the curly haired man just ran away shrieking. Harry's shrieking was a cute sound, Louis thought, but then shook his head (cause no there was definitely nothing cute about the big headed idiot he was now chasing around the room). They accidentally bumped into each other when Harry stopped abruptly, and they both tripped and fell over, Louis landing on top of Harry.

They both froze, glued to the spot. Louis could feel Harry's body heat radiating off of him and his bare chest touching his own. Louis realized they were both nearly naked. He jumped to his feet like a scalded cat, but nevertheless still politely offered Harry a hand to help him up.

"Keep your distance, Louis. Watch your step, you clumsy...you...ugh!" Harry grumbled and then stamped his foot like a pouty child before he left the room, grumpily mumbling the most random things through his teeth.

Twenty minutes later, all dressed up for the shooting, the next argument approached. "I am hungry and we're having breakfast, no matter if you want to or not, Curly!" Louis announced, and Harry huffed, not believing Louis just said this again. He had already made it very clear that they simply didn't have time to eat before the damn shooting! "Don't look at me like that! You gotta eat, Styles. That body of yours needs food, too!"

"I don't even care right now. The shooting is important and Niall will probably kill me if I don't make it in time!" At that very moment, Niall entered the suite. "Speak of the devil...why don't you just ask him how he is about me being on time, eh?"

"I will not ask Niall anything. You gotta eat and we won't leave this freaking room until you swallow something!" Did Louis just say swallow? He did not have a dirty mind. He did not.

"I'll swallow absolutely nothing. Get that big butt of yours going, Tomlinson!" Harry retorted. and Louis just gaped at him. Did Harry just call his ass big?

"My ass is bigger than the nonexistant future you'll have if you don't eat something!!!" Louis grumbled, and suddenly Harry burst out laughing. It wasn't even that funny? The fuck?

"Your ass really is kind of big...and round." Harry mumbled, and Niall just watched his friend and Louis kind of teasing each other. He wasn't sure if it was playful banter or not, but he apparently found it funny so he decided to watch them, sitting down quietly.

Louis laughed and before he even thought about what he was about to do, he smacked Harry's ass "Yeah my ass is perfect, I know. Maybe your flat ass will get bigger too if you decide to eat!" Harry stopped everything the moment he felt Louis hand there. He simply gaped at Louis. Damn Louis had just touched him like that. Fuck he had touched Harry in general! "Shit, sorry."

"Aaaand I think it's time for me to leave you two alone!" Niall interrupted but Louis and Harry shouted "No!" in unison, so Niall just stayed where he was.

Louis and Harry stared at each other. Niall looked at them.

XXXX

"Come on, let's have some fun tonight!" Liam suggested, and Niall immediately high-fived him nodding excitedly. They had made fast work of the meeting and the first set of photos, so by 11 pm, they were free to do whatever they wanted. "I might even have a little surprise for you guys..."

"I love surprises!" Harry suddenly blurted, looking like an excited teenager, and he started to jump around impatiently. "What is it?" Louis couldn't help but notice that Harry's dimples deepened even more when he looked like that. Even his emerald green eyes started to sparkle and the whole of him kind of beamed with joy. Harry absentmindedly bit his lip, waiting for Liam's answer, and when he fidgeted around Louis just smiled to himself watching Harry. Niall cleared his throat awkwardly and only then did Louis notice that he was starting. Shit. Why was he even looking at that idiot in first place? Ugh.

"I think you all know VIPRM PARIS, don't you?" Liam asked, and Niall's jaw dropped. Of course they all knew it! The VIP Room was only accessible for exclusive guests. The members' only club was located in the heart of the famous and most beautiful avenue in the world, the Rue De Rivoli.

"We're going there?" Louis asked, not so impressed, but Harry and Niall giggled happily. Harry was weird. Sometimes (or most of the times Louis had seen him, anyway), he was this cold and arrogant model, but there were other times when he acted like a completely different person, very strange, in fact. And Louis wasn't sure if Harry was bipolar or something, but he was sure that he had no idea how to act around him now. Louis was confused, much more so than he wanted to be. "Let's go then, huh?"

When they arrived, it didn't take long for them to get inside cause their names were on top of the list as always. Harry was staring at the guest list mumbling names of celebrities to himself. It had apparently taken him offguard to be on that list but Louis decided to just drag him inside. Harry didn't complain.

Inside, rich colours and textures surround the space, with stunning examples of French Rococo furniture and Baroque styling, and Louis once more fell in love with a really stylish place. Niall and Liam immediately ordered drinks and Louis shouted, "Let the fun begin!"

Harry however learned that the VIP Room's unique reputation ensured that anyone who chose the venue for business or pleasure was guaranteed to convey sophistication, charm, and elegance to their guests. Louis also told him that the club offered a variety of quality menus and the Chef worked closely with the client to select a perfect menu for the occasion. Everything apparently was designed with the client in mind and fuck, it was just special to go there.

They couldn't stay very long though, since they had to work tomorrow, but it somehow also didn't take them long to get really drunk. So at two in the morning, the four of them called a cab that drove them back to their hotel. Niall and Liam disappeared quickly, and to Louis surprise, he and Harry made it to their suite without too much trouble.

"Will you sleep on the couch again, Lou-Lou?" Harry slurred, and Louis had to suppress a laugh when Harry didn't even take off his shoes, but immediately collapsed into bed the moment he got to the bedroom. He was still fully clothed as well, but he didn't seem to care. Harry star-fished out on the bed, sighing happily and clearly very drunk. Harry was clearly more drunk than Louis. "So comfy." Louis let his laugh be heard when Harry rolled his head from side to side "Big, comfy, and cozy" Harry sighed again. "Fluffy and soft just like your hair, Lou-Lou."

Louis snorted, too drunk to question what Harry had just said to him. "Oh shut up, Styles." Harry made a whiny noise and Louis didn't know why, so he waited for Harry to speak up, just to make sure he was okay. "Harry, you still awake?"

"Uh-huh... My shoes...hurt...not comfy," he mumbled, and Louis rolled his eyes. He tripped over his own feet but somehow still made it to Harry, knelt down in front of the bed, and took off Harry's brown boots. He threw them carelessly into the room and Harry exhaled, clearly relieved that his shoes were gone. "Sleep here?" Louis was too drunk to argue, so he just got up, sat down on the bed next to Harry and let himself fall back onto the soft mattress and pillows. His head collided with Harry's arm, and he wanted to apologize, but Harry was already asleep.

XXXX

If there was one thing in the world Louis was sure about, it was that he was very confused. And fucked. Or both. He was literally listening to a sleeping Harry next to him. Louis was spooning him from behind (when did this happen?!) and he had been listening to the small snoring sounds coming from in front of him for over an hour. He found them cute. Cute! Jesus Christ! Harry was not even his friend, for fuck's sake! Louis was not supposed to find anything about him cute, especially since Harry was actually an annoying little shit and Louis definitely did not like him, thank you very much. A cute little shit, though. Fuck!

"Harry?" Louis whispered, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes blinking several times before deciding to turn over and lay on his back. Harry slowly turned around too and wrapped his left arm around Louis' waist, placing his head on Louis chest, eyes still closed. Harry smelled so good. Wait wait wait...did Louis just think he smelled good? The fuck? Louis pulled the duvet over them and sighed.

"Sleep well?" Louis wanted to know, slowly starting to massage Harry's scalp. Why? He had no freaking clue. It just came naturally, really!

"Uh-huh." Harry mumbled and then he finally opened his eyes to look up straight into Louis' ocean blue ones. It took Harry about two seconds until he realized what was going on, and he quickly scooched over to his side of the bed. "What the fuck did you just.. did you spoon me!?"

"Uh...I...sorry...It just kinda happened," Louis mumbled, and Harry sat up quickly glaring at Louis.

"Did you like it cause you didn't feel like a dwarf for once?!" Harry countered, a little bit snarky, and Louis immediately opened his mouth to protest.

"Excuse me, Harold, but not everyone is a giraffe like you are! You're abnormally huge!" Harry fish- mouthed at him and only then did Louis noticed Harry's nearly naked body. Louis would definitely, without any debate sleep on the fucking couch again tonight. He silently prayed that he wouldn't get hard again. He wasn't a teenager anymore he could not get hard in front of Harry. Louis quickly pulled the duvet over him higher.

"Oh, calm down, it's not like you haven't seen me in boxers before. Oh and maybe you are just tiny! I'm pretty sure you're tiny. Look, your feet don't even reach-" Harry wanted to answer, but Louis decided that enough was enough, and he reached for Harry's arm, trying to pull him down on the bed again to attack him. Or something. Harry, however, didn't react the way Louis expected, and just slapped his hand away.

"I thought I made it clear, Tomlinson. Don't touch me and keep your distance!" Harry yelled all of a sudden, and reminded Louis immediately of why he used to hate him. Harry was after all, still an arrogant idiot.

XXXX

"Well, Harry, are you ready for the shooting?" Niall asked him, sipping his tea. Harry wasn't ready at all. He only wanted to be alone! He wanted to hide somewhere and think. Was that too much to ask for? He was angry, sad, nervous, insecure, and happy all at the same time and he had not the slightest idea what was causing this weird mix of feelings inside of him, but he needed to sort it out! "Harry, you okay over there, mate? You're as white as a sheet. Did something happen?"

"I fucking hate him, seriously." Harry snapped, and all of a sudden he had all of Niall's attention on him, cause Harry couldn't be there again! They had already had the 'I hate Louis Tomlinson' discussion and Niall was sick and tired of it. It's not like they ever had to see each other after the shooting again, anyway. Since when exactly was Harry so stupid and unprofessional, seriously. "He ruined everything, Niall. I can't even joke around properly without feeling like shit! I want it to go away!"

Niall scrunched his nose. Who were they even talking about? "Wait wait wait." Harry stopped moving. Harry stopped talking. In fact, Harry only now seemed to realize he had said it out loud. "We aren't even talking about Louis, are we? Are we talking about him?" Harry looked down at the floor and slightly shook his head. They were so talking about him. Niall really wished he could do something for Harry, but he couldn't. Harry never talked much about him. He only ever mentioned a few ugly things that had happened, and then mostly got drunk afterwards. The blonde man never went into it, though. He didn't think he had the right to and he was sure Harry would open up when it was the right time for him. He never did, though. Not even after all this time of silently suffering from whatever the heck it was. "Do you want to talk about it, Harry?" Harry shook his head again, biting his lip hard. "Harry, don't hurt yourself. Stop this."

"When's the shooting? Can I...I need some alone-time." Harry whispered, and Niall didn't know what to do. Should he leave him alone? Should he offer to come with him? Should he cancel the shooting? "I'll be back in time, promise."

"In about two hours, Harry." Niall announced, and the moment he had finished his sentence Harry got up and left the café, leaving Niall there with a half drunk cup of tea.

XXXX

"Oh yes, just like that!" the photographer cheered with his thick french accent as Harry bit his lip seductively, looking into the camera. He was wearing a shining black suit by Ermenegildo Zegna. Those cost a fortune and Harry knew it full well, but he was enjoying it. You might think they'd only wear Vuitton for the shooting, but since it was a shooting for an international campaign, a lot of designers decided to work together.

"You're doing great, Styles!" Louis said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Harry here, Harry there! Does anyone even take notice of me too? I have to pose on this ugly ass brown sofa like a freaking porn star, sitting there legs spread, fingers in my gelled back hair while only wearing Levi's jeans and nothing else. I feel fucking uncomfortable right now, but of course nobody focuses on me, cause you  all assume I'd complain which I'm by the way doing right now, you fuckers. I'm done." Louis announced, and he got up, grabbed a random heavily patterned Givenchy shirt to quickly pull over his head, and he left the room wordlessly. Liam's jaw dropped and Niall just shrugged at him, not knowing what had just happened.

"What the fuck?" Harry asked and the photographer, called Pierre, pouted. "Who the hell does he think he is? He did not just left the room, did he? I'll murder him! He's the most unprofessional fuck ever. Why am I even working with someone like him?! Can't I just work with someone else?"

"There's a replacement, sure." Pierre said and Harry's head snapped up, hearing the news. "His name is Zayn Malik, but Louis Vuitton said they would just want him in cas-"

"Call him! I refuse to shoot with Louis Tomlinson anymore. He's such a pain in the ass. Maybe this Malik-guy will be a little bit more professional!" Harry demanded and Niall just gaped at him. "What are you all waiting for? I'm done with this if Malik isn't here in 10 minutes. He is in Paris after all, isn't he?" Pierre nodded, looking scared, and he was quite right to, because everyone in the room knew that you did not joke around with Harry Styles when his inner diva came out.

Not even five minutes later, a raven haired, heavily tattooed man entered the room. He was rather small and slim, but extremely good-looking all the same. "Hello." It didn't take Harry long to realize that the beautiful creature in front of him had to be a rather quiet person. "I'm Zayn." Harry only nodded, since he was sure Zayn knew who he was. "And you are?"

He didn't know who Harry was?

Seriously now? All of a sudden someone in the room giggled, trying to cover it up with coughing. Liam. Well, great. Whatever! Could he have Louis back, please? Wait, what?

"Excuse me, Zayn Malik, or whatever the hell your name is, I'm going to search for Louis now. I'm sorry for the mistake. No idea why they called you to do this shooting with me. You don't even look like Louis. You definitely aren't adapted for this job. Bye!" Harry said, actually flipping his hair. He needed to find Louis, cause he could not do this. Who the hell did Zayn even think he was?

Harry didn't have to search for Louis though, because at that moment, the shorter man re-entered the room as Zayn opened his mouth to protest. "Oh hey, Zayn!" Louis said, approaching the mysterious black haired dude. Oh great, they knew each other! What a joy!

Harry didn't know what was worse, Louis hugging a very good looking guy in front of him and the weird feeling of jealously inside of him, or the fact that they generally knew each other. "Long time, no see." Zayn nodded.

"Anyway. Louis, hi! Zayn, bye!" Harry interrupted, wanting to get rid of this photoshop-face called Zayn Malik.

"Whoa, rude, Curly. That's Zayn. He worked for us... Louis Vuitton, I mean." Louis explained, rolling his eyes at Harry for the millionth time. "He left for Gucci a couple of month ago, though." Zayn nodded again and Louis smiled at him, wrapping his arm around Malik's shoulders. Harry decided he didn't like Zayn. At all. "Well, Liam? Liam where are you?"

"He's over here." Niall interjected while Liam just awkwardly stood in the corner, waiting for Louis to give him instructions or something. "And apparently not very talkative today."

"Shut up, Niall. I was just thinking about something, yeah? I was deep in thoughts and you all ruined it! I just had a brilliant idea!" Liam defended himself, and Zayn looked over to him finally. "Hey Zayn."

 "Hey Niall. Liiiiam!" Zayn shouted, smiling like the sun. He turned on his heel, leaving Louis and Harry behind, and ran in the direction of Louis' assistant. He jumped into Liam's arms and Harry just groaned. Could they be couply elsewhere, please? Louis and Harry had a job to do!

"Yeah, now that you two are happily married, would you shut up, make out quietly or just leave?" Harry suggested, and suddenly, he for heaven knows why had Louis', Liam's, Niall's and Zayn's attention directly on him. "What? What is it? Aren't you two like...a thing?"

"No!" Zayn and Liam shouted in unison, and Louis and Niall just facepalmed. Harry didn't understand what the fuck was wrong with all of them, but at this point, he didn't even care.

"Whatever. Louis, we've got a job to do! Hurry the fuck up and get that nice butt of yours over here." Harry commanded, not even realizing until after the words were out of his mouth that he just called Louis' ass a nice ass.

"Can you jump?" Lee asked five minutes later and Harry raised an eyebrow, while Lee and Louis burst out laughing for god knows why. Harry had now figured out that they must have known each other before the shooting. Maybe they even were friends. Harry didn't care, though, cause it was Louis, and he didn't give a fuck about this feathery haired asshole who touched him even if he didn't like it, which he had actually made very clear several times.

Okay, Harry had no idea what his problem was at the moment, cause Louis simply had to touch him for the shooting, which usually wasn't a big deal, but with Louis it was different. He hated it. In fact, he didn't like anything about this shooting at all.

He hated that Zayn was staring at Louis. He hated that Niall and Liam were distracting him, giggling like stupid idiots, but most of all, he hated Zayn. Zayn! What a stupid fucking name for a stupid fucking photoshop-face who was fucking staring at stupid Louis as if he wanted to fucking lick down his stupid perfect caramel colored stupid fucking chest. Harry wanted to throw Zayn out! Fucking Zayn.

"Wow Louis, I didn't know you worked out a lot since I left Vuitton. Nice abs." Zayn commented to cap it all, and Harry wanted to choke him painfully slowly. He had no idea why, but he just didn't like Zayn. At all. "You should push those jeans down a little bit lower, Louis. Would show off your "V" better. I think it'd look good on the photos. Don't you think so, Lee?" Louis shrugged and quickly pushed his jeans lower without any protest. Harry didn't know what to do, strangle Zayn or stare at Louis. Or maybe both. But he definitely wanted to kill Zayn first. 100%. Now. And if he did that, it would distract him from Louis. Killing two birds with one stone.

"Maybe you should get naked so that Zayn can see everything." Harry grumbled, which caused Niall to hurry outside, Liam in tow. Okay, Harry got it. Niall would've totally commented on him for being bitchy or jealous or whatever the hell it was, but he didn't have to leave. Traitor of a best friend, the Irish idiot! "You two act as if you've fucked, seriously." Harry grumbled, glaring between Zayn and Louis. Zayn laughed. "Oh we have, darling. Not a secret." Zayn announced casually, and Harry's jaw dropped. Louis and Zayn. They had sex. Zayn was gay. Now Harry hated Zayn even more, cause he got to touch that stupid perfect body of Louis' while Harry himself was fucking closeted and, to make it even worse, totally not able to have sex with anyone.

Yet he was fucking jealous cause Louis had flirted with him, okay? With him, thank you very much. And even if Harry had acted as if he didn't notice or didn't like it, he did. And now this flawless creature, which Harry would never in a million years be flawless, stood in front of the only man who talked to him, no matter how disgusting Harry seemed to be. Wow, Harry's life really hated him. But one thing was for sure. Harry hated Zayn more than his life could ever hate him!

"Okay then you better leave and fuck in the bathroom or shit so that this tension will be gone. We don't need this here, seriously. Or maybe you should shoot with Louis instead, Zayn? There would definitely be more chemistry, since you're both gay and more than obviously attracted to each other. I think I'm done with this. See you all tomorrow...or not. I don't even care. Have fun with whatever." Harry ranted and looked at Louis, shaking his head.

Harry rushed outside, being jealous and, to his own surprise, even a little bit disappointed.

Harry was angry when he returned back to the hotel. He was really fucking angry and really fucking horny. Just because he, let's say  couldn't have sex didn't mean he didn't get horny, okay? But the thing was, Louis caused this shit and Harry hated it! Louis with his caramel colored soft skin, Louis' round and firm butt, Louis' abs and his stupid "V" Harry had to see, Louis being all bitchy, LouisLouisLouis.

And the worst thing was that Harry wanted, yes he wanted, which was completely new to him, Louis to touch him, okay? He even wanted Louis to fucking spoon him again, even if he was so freaking scared of being touched that every touch felt like fire on his skin. It had felt nice, he had felt safe and yes, he had been totally awake when he had snuggled up against Louis. He had no idea what had happened but...shit.

Harry sat down on the bed with his MacBook Air and opened a website he'd been avoiding for quite some time now. He typed in 'curly haired boy giving blowjob' and started the video. He hated porn, but he did not wank to the image of Louis in boxer shorts. He simply refused to! He didn't like Louis and just because of his body... He could totally get himself off to a random dude receiving a blowjob and imagine it was him who had Louis' dick...oh my god, he needed help. He definitely did.

After two minutes of silently judging himself for doing this in the first place, Harry eventually decided that his hard-on wouldn't just disappear. He needed to touch himself, even if he didn't like it, yeah? It had to sound weird, but he really, really didn't like to touch himself! When Harry had won against his inner struggle, he pressed play and shoved his hand inside of his boxers, touching himself. He didn't wrap his hand around his cock yet, but tried to get used to the feeling again, desperately hoping he wouldn't have flashbacks or a panic attack. When he started to feel bad instead of good, he simply decided to get over with it. It probably wouldn't take long anyway, would it? He needed to fucking come or he'd explode, that was for sure. Stupid fucking Louis.

Harry slowly wrapped his left hand around his hard member, the moaning noises of the guy in the video in the background, and he started to slowly move his hand. At first, he decided to only let his thumb slowly glide over his head, but that wasn't enough, and he continued to jerk himself off. Harry closed his eyes, his hand steadily moving, and his mind somehow drifted off, imagining his lips on Louis' body. He bit his lip, imagining Louis. He sighed and imagined the moans coming from the video he was supposed to watch to get off to to be Louis'.

He had to be a proper creep and had no idea why it didn't feel so bad when he imagined Louis, but it was definitely working. He decided to keep on going and let himself collapse on the bed so that he was lying there. After a while he was so caught up in imagining Louis' hand on him instead of his own that he didn't notice the door flying open.

"Is that gay porn?" someone shrieked, and Harry eyes flew open, remembering that he shared the suite with this certain someone. He hoped this was all just a bad dream, but then again, when was he ever that lucky?


	4. Sun

 

"No, it's not!" was the first thing that came to Harry's mind, and it was the first thing that came out of his mouth when he realized that the voice belonged to none other than Louis Tomlinson himself, to whom he had just casually wanked to. He had wanked to him by accident, okay? He did totally not intend on thinking about him while jerking off. He did not! That's why he had even decided on porn in the first place, because he didn't want any mistakes to happen. Guess that didn't exactly help. Louis just stood there in the doorway, gaping at Harry, and then, much to Harry's dismay, Louis started to laugh.

"It is definitely gay porn! I've seen this video before! You are so busted! You're getting off to fucking gay porn, Harold?" Louis asked, still laughing and not even bothering to look away. Louis had caught Harry so much by surprise that the curly haired man didn't even notice that he still had his hand on his dick. He quickly grabbed the fluffy bed-cover lying next to him and pulled it over his crotch, and of course, his laptop almost fell of the bed and he lunged to catch it, offering Louis an even better view. And to add to all of that, just his fucking luck, the stupid video just showed one of the guys coming hard into the mouth of the other one, literally screaming. Who even screamed like that when he came? That was so porn-like. Well, maybe because it was porn...fuck.

"I've already seen your cock, Harry, don't bother covering up. Nice size, though, I must say." Louis added with a smirk. Harry could hardly believe this was happening.. There was no way he was even awake right now. Not only did Louis just catch him wanking, but he walked in on him getting off to freaking gay porn. And to make it even worse he fucking commented on his cock, which was still painfully hard, by the way. Harry hated his life. He wanted to disappear right fucking now. "You've got some explaining to do, don't you?" Nope, Harry didn't have to. There was no way he could tell Louis fucking Tomlinson that he was gay and that, for god knows why, he was somehow attracted to him, the stupid loud and somewhat obnoxious unsuccessful Topman model, for god's sake. This was such a fucking mess.

"How about you fuck off and leave me alone?" Harry replied and, for some reason, added a "Please!" which caught Louis off-guard apparently, as his eyebrows shot up at the last word. Louis just turned around without another word, heading into the other room and closing the door behind him. Harry let out a breath that he didn't know he had been holding, trying to ignore Louis' laughter coming through the door. He wanted to die cause he knew that one: he had to finish himself even if he really didn't feel like it at this point, two: He had to face Louis after all of this, and three: he probably had to talk about the gay-thing. Harry needed a plan ASAP. It wasn't like Harry could just tell Louis he was gay. He wasn't out to anyone, except Niall. He wasn't ready for this. But he couldn't think of any way to get around this, especially while his dick was throbbing under the duvet. Okay, first things first, he really needed to come, so he wrapped his hand around his hard on again and started pumping it, his mind drifting to Louis, whose laughter had died down, but who Harry knew was still waiting just outside the door. Wait what? No, he couldn't do that! He tried to force his mind onto something else, but at that moment, he heard Louis giggling outside, and his mind went straight to Louis, and in seconds, he was coming hard all over his hand, not doing such a good job at hiding his moan. What the actual fuck was that?

He got up shakily and cleaned up, trying to take as much time as he could so that he could think of what to do, and suddenly it came to him. He needed to talk to Niall, since he was the only one who actually knew everything, not to mention he was Harry's best friend and would listen to him about anything, no matter how shitty or terrible it sounded. Harry aimlessly looked around, searching for his phone, and let out a sigh when he realized that he had left it in the living room. He was officially shit outta luck. He couldn't avoid Louis anymore. "Okay you can do this. You can get outside and talk to Louis. You can totally do this. He's a nobody!" Harry mumbled to himself.

He could totally not do this. Standing in front of the door, he tried to encourage himself to open it and talk to the other man, but no, he couldn't. Everyone thought he was a womanizer and even if he hated that image, he knew it was a better image for him than one where he was attracted to men. Men only. Men like Louis. Men like...what the fuck? No, that was not correct.

"Harry have you quite finished?" Louis interrupted his inner conflict, slowly opening the door and peering into the room. Well, now Harry knew how it felt like. Dying, that is. "It's no big deal if you get off to-" Harry was not about to let Louis finish that sentence, cause he didn't want to hear Louis say it, so he pressed his hand over Louis mouth to prevent him from talking.

"Shut up." Harry growled, and Louis, the bastard that he was, licked over the palm of his hand, which made Harry squeak and jump backwards, tearing his hand away from Louis' mouth. Louis took his chance and entered the bedroom, and before Harry could even protest, Louis sat down on their shared bed. Harry expected Louis to make a sassy comment, but he didn't say a word. The blue eyed man just closed the laptop (did Harry really not even close that stupid MacBook?!) and tapped on the bed next to him, apparently wanting Harry to sit down. Harry wasn't five, though. He would never sit next to Louis, not if he was going to ask like that. Louis smiled at him, crinkles forming by his eyes. Harry sat down. Maybe he still was five when it came to Louis. Harry hated himself for it.

"So...as I was trying to say, it's no big deal that you get off to gay porn..." Louis said with a soft voice that he had never ever directed at Harry before, trying to make Harry feel more comfortable. Harry squirmed uncomfortably, looking at the floor and not saying anything. "I mean I never thought gay porn could be hot for straight guys, but apparently it is? I could never get off to...like....eww, no vaginas. I'm afraid of them, hell no." Louis giggled at himself, and Harry couldn't help but let out a small chuckle as well. "That's not the point. What I'm trying to say is...if you wank to like...this stuff...uh...it's okay? I wouldn't judge you." Harry buried his red face into his hands. He felt so embarrassed. "But you know you'll be sleeping on the freaking couch today, and you'll have to call someone to change the sheets! I refuse to sleep in a cum-stained bed if it's not my own cum!" Did Louis just really say that? Harry couldn't help himself, and burst into laughter, looking up at Louis finally. "See you're laughing. Not that bad, eh?"

Harry's brain, at that point, decided that it was done functioning for the day, at least he assumed so, considering what he said next. "I'm not straight."

Louis' head shot up, his mouth open and gaping at Harry, who was just looking at Louis. Harry felt strangely calm, even though if he was saying this to anyone else, he would be fucking stuttering like an idiot. "I'm pretty much gay, myself." Did he just really admit it to a stranger? Louis and him weren't even friends! They just worked together, so he was basically a stranger, wasn't he? But for some reason, Harry felt some sort of confidence around Louis. His brain clearly wasn't thinking at all, or rather, all it was thinking about was LouisLouisLouis. That could not happen! Harry had promised himself that he'd never let someone come close to him in any way ever again! Not after what had happened last time. Just no...Harry couldn't deal with that again.

"Not staight. Gay." Louis repeated slowly, his eyes widening when Harry nodded. "You're fucking with me, aren't ya?" Harry wasn't kidding at all, but his brain wasn't working with his mouth, cause the next words he said were, "Yeah gay, but I'm also taken." Louis' mouth fell open. That was too much, Styles. What the fuck? Harry considered taking it back, claiming he was just joking but for some weird reason, he couldn't! He insulted his stupid non-working brain.

"You're gay and in a relationship with a dude." Louis said again, apparently trying to convince himself that he wasn't hearing things, so Harry just nodded along, even if he wasn't in a relationship at all. As if he could even handle being in a relationship. Who on earth would even want a failure like him? Eww, god no. Harry wouldn't even want to date himself. "And who's your boyfriend then?" Louis asked, and Harry's heart started pounding. Louis just had to go there. Stupid nosy asshole...

"Niall!" Harry blurted out without even thinking about the consequences. It truly wasn't his fault, he just said the first name that popped into his head. He could have done much better, maybe thought of something exotic like Rodriguez, or something normal like Chris! No, he had to say Niall...as in Niall fucking Horan, his assistant and best friend. Hell, Niall would fucking decapitate him when he found out about this.

"Niall?!" Louis practically yelled, obviously not believing his ears. "You're dating Niall...as in Liam's friend Niall, as in your assistant Niall...as in your best friend Niall Fucking Horan. Fuck, I mean Niall is your boyfriend!?"

Harry wanted to jump off a cliff. He had just told Louis Tomlinson that Niall, the straightest guy whom had ever existed on this Earth, was his other half, his fucking boyfriend. Harry nodded, cause his speaking skills had gone from 100-0 in seconds. Niall. Happy Birthday. Merry Christmas. A Happy New Year. No, more like what the fuck had Harry just done. "But all of those girls and you...and...not touching and...homophobic...flirting...what?" Louis sounded very confused, and Harry felt sorry for him. He really did. "Why did Niall let me flirt with you?!"

"Let you what?!" Harry couldn't believe what Louis had just said. Louis had flirted with him? He hadn't imagined? Louis wanted to flirt with him? Why the...what?! "Why the fuck would you flirt with someone like me? I've been nothing but horrible to you. I'm disgusting. You should hate me, for god's sake? Louis what's wrong with you?"

"No. you're not. But it doesn't matter." Louis whispered, looking a little bit downcast. Harry didn't understand, so he did what he always did when he felt awkward. He went to push a loose strand of curly hair behind his ear. It was always something with the hair when he got nervous. Only this time Louis was quicker that Harry, and gently did it for him. "You always do this." He noted, moving his hand away slowly. Louis observed him enough to know that he did this all the time? Yeah. No. This had to be a coincidence. Harry looked questioningly at him, and his cheeks colored lightly. "I..uh...yeah. I just...yeah."

"Why are you rambling?" Harry wanted to know, and Louis bit his lip, which caused a unknown heat to spread in Harry's belly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was gay...I mean...uh...nobody knows, and I want to keep it like that if that's okay? I...it's not really good for my image, I guess?" Harry said quickly, and Louis nodded, looking at the floor.

"Won't tell anyone, promise. Uh...before I forget, I just wanted to let you know we'll be staying in Paris for a little longer? Like...until the shooting is done, whenever that is? They changed plans when Zayn showed up. As far as I know, they want to add some models? You and I will still be on the covers and all, but they obviously want some people in the background. So we have tomorrow off until everyone gets to Paris and uh...there's still a problem? Like we have to stay here, in this hotel...as in..."

"I'm okay with sharing this suite with you, Louis. It's nice here." Harry interrupted and smiled at Louis, who immediately smiled back.

"Don't you want to...uh..like, you can sleep with Niall? I could sleep in Liam's room and...uh...cause, you know..." Harry absentmindedly leaned in, following some stupid instinct (maybe his heart, but he'd never admit it) and Louis did not move, apparently waiting for whatever Harry was about to do with a slightly nervous look in his eye. Before Harry could do what he had been planning, his brain kicked back into action, and his lips, which had been aiming for Louis' own, pressed against the older man's cheek instead.

XXXX

"Okay, so we thought that Louis and Harry, pardon, Mr. Styles, could like...uh...look at-" Lee said nervously, but Louis just gave him a thumbs up, reassuring him that both of them had understood the whole idea. Louis only hoped that Harry wouldn't pull a diva today and just go along with things. Louis knew Harry didn't really like to be touched, for whatever reason, and he tried his best to not make him uncomfortable, especially not since Niall was watching them, Liam by his side. Louis liked Niall even if he didn't know him that well yet, and there was no way he wanted to make him upset or jealous.

Louis would be lying if he claimed that Harry's confession of being gay hadn't shocked him, but the fact that Niall and Harry were dating had almost made him keel over. Don't get him wrong, he wasn't someone to prejudge, but Niall really really seemed to be straight as a ruler. In thinking that, Louis decided he should probably work on his gay-dar again, considering the fact that he had also could've sworn that Harry himself was straight. Stupid gay-dar, seriously! No wonder he was sexually frustrated! He simply couldn't make out who the gay or at least bi-sexual guys were around him anymore. Maybe he should seduce Zayn again? Zayn had been a good fuck, definitely, but he never did the same guy twice. Ugh.

"Welcome, Zayn!" Lee cheered when Zayn entered the room. Speak of the devil... "I'm glad you agreed to shoot for Vuitton again! It's fantastic, love! I missed taking photos of that fabulous face of yours!" Zayn just rolled his eyes, trying without succeeding to be modest about the compliment and approaching Louis to say hello. He casually kissed Louis' cheek and winked. Louis giggled and Niall groaned.

"There's so much gay in here!" Niall announced, and once again there was his thought that Niall couldn't be anything but straight, especially with comments like that. Harry suddenly rushed over and dragged Niall out of the room, not saying a word. The fuck? Louis looked at Liam for an explanation, but he just shrugged, grinning at Zayn. Those two had always been weird. Louis knew for a fact that Zayn had been in love with Liam for quite some time, but it had always been one- sided love, much to Louis' dismay, who had always found them super cute together. But after some time, Louis and Zayn both had realized that Liam would never be into guys. Louis still was sure that his black haired friend had most likely left for Gucci because he couldn't stand seeing Liam all the time, who just didn't reciprocate his feelings no matter how hard he had tried. It must have hurt too much. It didn't help either that Louis and Zayn fucked after Zayn cried about Liam on Louis' shoulder, but that was beside the point.

It didn't take Harry and Niall much longer before they returned. Niall's face was bright red and Harry's lip was bleeding. Louis gulped. Had they made out? Why? Louis tried to push these thoughts away. It's not like he liked Harry in that way, but he didn't want to imagine them making out. It just seemed so wrong to him?

"Sorry we had to...uh, talk?" Harry apologized, and Louis' eyebrows shot up. Since when the fuck did he not act like an asshole around the people anymore? Was Louis still asleep and this was some random dream where he ended up fucking Zayn and Harry or...what? No, no, no. He was going insane. He needed more sleep or something.

"Whatever." Louis snapped. "Can we start then, or is there some unfinished business left, Styles?" Louis wanted to throw up. Why did he find it disgusting when he imagined Harry making out, no, even kissing Niall? Ugh, what was wrong with him? He was gay, for fuck's sake. Wasn't he supposed to find the imagination of two dudes kissing hot? Two guys who looked good? Harry looked amazing with his defined jawline and those legs and.... and Niall was...fuck. Louis needed to stop. He should probably reconsider his rule of not fucking the same guy again and twist Zayn aro-

Nick, Jeff and Xander entered the room at that moment, and Louis just rolled his eyes, cause he'd had enough. Now that he knew Harry was in fact gay, he didn't like the thought of hot guys being around him. Wait, Harry was taken. He didn't even care about the other guys. Maybe Louis should drag one of...fuck, he had already fucked all of them.

"Hey Nick!" Harry said cheerfully, waving at him. "Nice to see you again." Nick only nodded, while Xander approached Harry and hugged him hello. Xander and Harry quickly and very quietly exchanged some words and okay, they all seemed to know each other, which was quite strange. When Harry caught sight of Jeff, he winked at him. "Jeff! Long time no see!" Harry announced grinning, but Jeff just turned around, walking over to Zayn and appearing not to have noticed Harry. Did Harry know everyone or what? And why the fuck did Louis all of a sudden want to kill all of them? Could they keep their distance from his boy please? Uh.. he meant Niall's boyfriend, of course! Speaking of Niall...

Louis quickly wondered if Niall was dumb or simply blind. Maybe he didn't even deserve Harry. But did Harry even deserve Niall? Since when did Louis exactly like Harry again? Louis had to make up his mind and remind himself that Harry had always been selfish, stupid, obnoxious, big-headed and cute. Cute, for damn sure. Oh god, Louis had it bad and he didn't even have the right to. Harry wasn't even gay! Hold on, he was gay. Hold the fuck on, he was gay, but fucking taken. Louis had to get his shit together! He did not like Harry fucking Styles. Just no. He refused to!

"Let's start with the shooting, Ladies!" the photographer shouted, showing off his perfect little white teeth that literally glowed in contrast to his neon pink, hair. Lee had always had a little bit of a flamboyant personality, to be honest. But Louis liked that Lee was different. He liked Lee's pink hair, he liked his colorful clothes, and he even liked his ridiculous sparkly Yves Saint Laurent boots that Harry was always eyeing with intense curiosity. "Okay, so Louis and Mr. Styles, make yourself comfortable on the sofa, please? I want Louis to drape his left leg over Harry's, yeah? And you Louis, can you look at Harry fondly? Harry, please bite your lip and look into the camera. Jeff, Xander, Zayn and Nick, I want you to just sit in front of the sofa and look straight into the camera as well. Don't pull the focus away from those two, though! They should be in the center of attention, yeah?"

They all posed as commanded and Louis felt quite lucky he was the only one really allowed to look at Harry. Did that sound weird? He just enjoyed taking in all of Harry Styles's features. His fluffy brown, curly hair that he apparently seemed to deep condition all the time, his jawline that he still wanted to lick down or mark, he couldn't decide. Maybe he wanted both? Hell, Louis even found Harry's ears attractive, and he most definitely wasn't into freaking ears. He wanted to lick over his earlobe and nibble on it. He needed help. Since he was only allowed to look at Harry's face, he stopped at his eyes and he was glad he had to look straight ahead cause otherwise the curly haired man would've probably found it creepy the way Louis was admiring his shining green eyes. Had Louis already mentioned he needed help? He needed to go out tonight and find someone to fuck. He was sexually frustrated. He was sure this had to be the whole issue. Someone cleared their throat, but Louis focused on one of Harry's curls, the one right next to his ear. He decided to call it "Mr. Flawless." Yeah, he gave the lock a name. Got a problem? Every part of Harry's flawless body should be-

"Um...Louis...we...uh..." Lee stuttered and Louis snapped out of thoughts. He turned red when he realized he had been day dreaming. Harry chuckled, throwing him a look. What the fuck? "Well then, hug Mr. Styles and Harry...uh...Mr. Styles, can you like bury your face in Louis' neck?" His face. In Louis neck? Louis was about to die.

"Call me Harry. It's easier for today," Harry announced, and Louis' jaw almost hit the floor. Did he just really offer to be on first name terms? Well, that was new. Louis liked him even more now. He needed to fucking chill and stop his freaking heart from racing just from imagining Harry's face in the crook of his damn neck. He was sensitive there, okay? That was the whole issue! Him being sensitive, not Harry!

Lee looked shocked, but recovered quickly. "Okay, Harry it is then." Harry looked at Louis, and Louis looked right back at Harry. This was officially the moment Louis would feel Harry's breath against his neck. He'd already prepared a farewell speech for himself, because he most definitely wouldn't survive this. Harry winked at Louis (okay, well now he didn't need a farewell speech anyone, because dead people can't write and he was already dead) before he did what Lee had just asked him for. Louis vision turned blurry. His ears apparently decided to take a break, and to sum it up, Louis just entered HarryHarryHarryNothingButHarry world. He didn't notice anything anymore except for Harry. Harry's breathing ghosting over his neck, Harry probably smelling his cologne, Harry's hair tickling his chin, the vanilla scented smell of Harry's hair. HarryHarryHarry. 

It got even worse when he noticed that Harry followed some of Lee's further instructions, which he had not heard due to his momentary lapse into Harry World. Louis was glued to the spot as Harry linked arms with him, pulling back a bit and staring into his eyes. Louis wanted to vanish into thin air, his heart pounding like mad. Why the fuck did Harry have to be so freaking beautiful? And wh-

"Have you quite finished?" Nick asked, and Harry just turned his head, looking at the other men. "Yeah that's a little bit too much, maybe?" Xander agreed, and Zayn covered his face, trying to hide what Louis supposed was a smile. Jeff didn't say anything.

"Uh, yeah." Harry said quietly, looking at the other men before sitting down next to Louis again, waiting for Lee to tell them what to do. "Can we like...um...take a quick break?" He asked, and Nick scoffed.

"That's what you're always asking for, Harry. A break." Nick snarled, and Louis furrowed his brow. Who the fuck did Nick think he was to talk to Harry like that? "Can we take a quick break? I can't do this. Blah. Blah. It's getting old, Styles." Harry stayed silent. Louis pursed his lips, because even though it wasn't his place to say anything, he really wanted to defend Harry, especially since Harry wasn't doing it himself. And that was the weird thing of it all. Harry wasn't saying anything. He always had something to say, was always confident about himself. What the fuck was going on?

"A break sounds fabulous, though." Louis announced, smiling at Lee. "Is that okay with you too?" Lee nodded. Of course he did. He really liked Louis, always had. Niall stood there in the corner of the room, watching Harry with a rather angry look on his face. Fuck, what if Niall was jealous after all? Louis needed to be more subtle about his, he didn't even know if he wanted to call it crush yet, but yeah, about whatever it was. Niall crossed his arms, biting his lips and eyeing Harry more than just observantly.

XXXX

"Styles, what the fuck was that? Since when exactly is anyone in the world allowed to talk to you like Nick just did?!" Louis wanted to know the moment he joined Niall and Harry in the corner of the room. Niall's arm was wrapped around Harry's shoulders, but Louis couldn't care less right now. He was really worried and somehow even confused as to why Harry put up with Nick's shit. Louis knew Nick has always been a little bit bi-polar, which meant either a happy hippo or an rude idiot, but he's never been like that to him. It's been a while since Nick had sucked Louis off in that office, but they met from time to time and Nick seemed okay. But what he had just done to Harry had completely changed Louis' perspective on him.

"That's none of your fucking business, Tomlinson. Get the fuck away from me and leave me alone. You're annoying, seriously. Why would you even care? We're not even friends. What do you even want?" Harry snapped and Louis was caught so off-guard he didn't even know how to reply. Niall carefully patted Louis shoulder, but it didn't help at all. What the hell was that?

"Oh yeah? Well then apparently you like to be treated like shit, eh? Have fun, babe!" Louis retorted, and something in Harry's face changed. Louis couldn't make out what it was at first, but when he looked into Harry's eyes, he noticed. Harry's eyes had lost their shine, and were now dull...empty.

"We better leave now." Niall interjected, intending to guide Harry outside, but Harry didn't move one bit. He was frozen to the spot, and when Nick and Zayn turned around the corner to join the little group, Harry literally fossilized, staring at them. Nick and Zayn were holding hands and they kissed right in front of the other guys. Niall was the first one to speak up. "What the fuck? You two are a couple or what?" 

"Looks like it, Niall." Nick announced wrapping his arm around Zayn's waist. "He's flawless, isn't he, Harry?" Nick looked Harry dead ass in the eyes and Harry visibly gulped. "Aren't you perfect, love?" Zayn rolled his eyes, not commenting. "Harry there's a fuzz on your forehead. Doesn't look very pretty." Harry flinched and brushed at his face, missing the fuzz six times and looking very...what was the word for it...nervous? Scared? Embarrassed? Louis couldn't really pinpoint it, but he definitely looked uncomfortable.

"Hold on, I'll help you, Haz." Niall said, removing it carefully and glaring at Nick. Louis didn't understand what the fuck was going on, but the tension in the room was thick. Too thick for his liking, and he hated it. "Harry, you wanna go? I'm sure we can manage to finish that shooting tomorrow, can't we?"

"We totally can. There's absolutely no pressure. We can stay here longer so if you don't feel very w-" Louis agreed, worrying about Harry's strange condition. Even if Harry really tried to act as if nothing was wrong, Louis noticed that he was biting the inside of his cheek and whole body was stiff, with his fist clenched at his side. He didn't like Harry to be so tense. He seemed so off.

"Shut the fuck up, Tomlinson. Who do you even think you are, telling me what to do? You're a nobody and I'm a professional. So why would I exactly want to postpone again? Oh maybe you're searching for an excuse, cause it's actually you who don't want to keep on sh-" Harry growled angrily looking at Louis with a really dangerous expression on his face. Louis felt hurt.

"Oh wow, Mr. Styles discovered how to be a little bit angry. That's so cute. Doesn't change that you're weak. I can see it. You can't cover up that you feel bad. What is it? A tiny little head-ache? Is it your man-period again? Oh boy. By the way, now the fuzz is in your hair which already looks like there are some split ends in it. Look how healthy Zayn's hair is in comparison. Oh, oh oh. See you after the break, Styles." Nick said with a kind of devious tone before dragging Zayn along with him, and they left the three of them standing there.

"Louis?" Harry suddenly whispered, sounding very young. He tried to fix his hair but gave up before he added "Is it really okay to postpone the photo shoot?" Harry didn't even look at Louis. He bit his lip, looking at the floor with slumped shoulders. Niall looked at Louis. Louis looked at Niall. They both looked at a more then apparently just devastated Harry, and the decision was made for them.

"Of course, Harry." Louis said quietly, reaching out to touch Harry's arm, but the taller man just flinched, looking briefly up at Louis and then hurrying out of the room, Niall behind him.

Louis had seen his eyes well up with tears anyway.

XXXX

"Are you Mr. Styles?" the courier, dressed in a dark blue suit (which, okay was a little bit weird, but whatever) asked casually when Harry, whose eyes were swollen by crying too much on Niall's shoulder, had opened the door. The young man in front of him eyed him suspiciously while waiting for an answer, but Harry couldn't care less about what he looked like right now, which was probably shit run over. He felt worse than that. He had almost forgotten how it felt to be treated the way Nick had treated him, but the moment it had occurred, it had made him feel small and weak, and he hated it.

"Yeah, that's me." Harry mumbled, still confused as to why someone would send him something, considering the fact that he was at a hotel in Paris.

"Oh, well great!" the courier replied before he thrust a bouquet of sunflowers into Harry's hands. "These are for you. Card attached. Have fun." He blinked and before a very baffled Harry could even say thank you, the man had already left. Harry looked down at the flowers in his hands. He'd never seen sunflowers as gorgeous as these. The bouquet also included some blue irises, purple monte casino asters, yellow button poms, and Queen Anne's Lace, and Harry, no matter how bad he had felt moments ago, couldn't help but smile. The sunflowers' extremely large and vividly yellow blooms were literally shining into his face and he, as sappy as it might sound, felt like as if the sun was shining right into his face.

"Harry who was i-" Niall called, approaching Harry, but the moment the curly haired man turned around and Niall caught sight of the flowers, he cut himself off. "Whoa...those are quite nice, I have to say. I'm not really into flowers, but those are fucking beautiful. Are they for you?" Harry nodded, still not sure what to say. "Have you read the card already, Haz? You should!" Niall prompted, but Harry didn't speak. He was still asking himself why someone would send him flowers. He had never told anyone that he was kind of fond of flowers in general. He loved how beautiful and flawless they were, he liked their bright colors and the happiness they seemed to spread, but this...how had they known about the flowers? "Oh come on! Let's go back to the living room and then you'll read the card, Styles." Niall guided his friend back into the room and they immediately plopped down on the sofa. While Niall literally starfished on it to make himself as comfortable as possible Harry just slowly sat down, looking as graceful as always. He carefully put the flowers in a vase standing on the table (oh yes, it was one of those hotels who had set up everything just in case!) before slowly reaching for the discreet black card, reading the words printed on it.

_'A single sunbeam is enough to drive away shadows' - someone who cares x_

Harry stared at the card and Niall stared at Harry, waiting for a response. Harry took a deep breath. "I have no idea who sent it. It has to be a mistake..." Before Harry could even react, Niall literally jumped forward and tore the card from Harry's hand. He quickly opened it, scanned the text, and than giggled to himself. Harry groaned and held out his hand for the card.

"No, you dickhead. The courier said it was for you, so it is for you. Now shush! Seems like someone's got a secret admirer! I bet it's the photographer. He's totally crushing on you, I swear. And it's quite cute too! Too bad you're in a relationship with me now, Styles. This will be a frustrating thing, sexually I mean, cause there's no way I'm gonna touch any dick besides mine!"

"Oh god, stop, Niall! I already told you I panicked, okay? It was an on the spot reaction! And what the fuck? You talking about Lee? Never in a million years! Oh god, he's not even my type. Shit but what if it's him? Shit." Harry didn't want people to like him. Especially not now that Nick appeared and caused him to somehow fall back into old patterns, which he was equally pissed and scared about. "I...um...I..." Harry tried to find words to finish his sentence, but at that moment, the door to the suite opened, and moments later, Louis walked into the room. Right...shared suite. "Hi," Harry managed, trying to be nice for whatever reason. It must have been the flowers, making him be nice and shit. Stupid flowers.

"Hello, Harry. I'll just, um...leave you two alone. I only needed some different clothes. Niall, you can sleep here tonight if you want. I mean uh...I'll...you know?" Louis offered, sounding a bit off, but Niall just scrunched his nose and gave him a questioning look. "Since I now know about you two being a thing and uh...cause Harry...it looked like as if...uh...you didn't feel very well, Harry, so I thought..."

Harry weakly smiled at Louis, trying to cover up that he'd clearly been crying "Not necessary. I'm okay. Thank you though, yeah?" Louis nodded and left the living room without another word. "Ugh, I totally forgot we were sharing the suite. Niall, why did you even book this abnormally huge and luxurious suite anyway? It's ridiculous!" Niall gave him a confused look.

 "I booked shit. This shit costs a fortune, hello? The room I had booked for you was much more to your liking, I swear. I've already told you that 100 times. Anyway, is it really okay for you to stay with Louis? I'm sure we can manage something, given the situation. Maybe you and I can-"

"No, it's okay, really." Harry reassured Niall. "I know it can be a bit of a struggle, but this suite is still so... I can't even describe it, Niall. I mean, just look at it. It's gigantic and...yeah." Someone cleared their throat and we both turned around to see Louis standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Nice flowers" Louis said, walking into the room at that point and seeming like he hadn't noticed the conversation going on between them. He plopped down on the couch, looking at Harry casually. "Did the hotel bring them?" Why on earth would the hotel do this? Why did Louis always have to comment shitty things like that? Harry wanted to grab a pillow and throw it into his stupid face. While Harry himself looked awfully worn out, and felt it as well, Louis looked great and Harry hated looking so bad in front of people who weren't Niall. Niall had always been an exception. Niall had seen Harry at his worst. Niall had seen Harry with short hair, he'd seen him bruised all over, he'd seen him with a broken leg, he'd seen him with dyed hair (Harry didn't want to think about the blonde catastrophe, thank you very much) and he'd also seen him throwing up several times. There were absolutely no boundaries left between them and he was glad for it. Niall was the best. But to look like this in front of Louis...ugh.

Of course, Harry had kept some secrets but it didn't have to do with that, okay? It didn't. "Um, Liam and I wanted to go for dinner and yeah...do you two maybe want to join?" Harry didn't want to join shit. There was no way in hell he would want to spend time with Louis. He still felt so fucking bad for somewhat snapping at him earlier and, if truth be told, it confused the hell out of him cause he usually didn't give a flying fuck about people he'd been rude too. But Louis, Louis was different, and Harry wanted to get away from him. He didn't want to be different around him; he didn't want to feel weak.

"No I wanted to stay in, watch a movie and maybe get drunk." Harry announced forcefully, and even Niall furrowed his brow, cause Harry had totally not let him in on those plans. It totally didn't have to do with the fact that Harry had planned on getting wasted all by himself just so that he'd forget. He knew for a fact that Niall still had to do some work, so he didn't even bother to tell him.

"You little fucker, you didn't tell me. You know I can't stay, for fuck's sake!" Niall replied, sounding annoyed and more than obviously worried about his best friend, who was also, as of yesterday, his fake-boyfriend. "I don't like this plan at all, Haz." He didn't like the thought of Harry getting drunk by himself, and he definitely didn't appreciate Harry not telling him. Harry rolled his eyes so much it almost hurt. Niall didn't find it okay. Niall wanted to play mom. Harry changed his opinion. Niall was the worst.

"I'll stay." Louis announced, catching them both off-guard so much that their jaws dropped at the same time, gaping at Louis in disbelief. Louis shrugged. "I mean, why not?"

"You what?" Harry asked him in disbelief. Could he please not? Didn't he get the fucking hint that Harry wanted to fucking be alone? He wanted to celebrate a self-pity-party and drown himself in tears while watching a stupid romantic movie, acknowledging to himself once again that he'd never be as happy as people in those movies and he then wanted to drink until he'd fall asleep. But, of course, Louis had to ruin his plan. Why did Louis have to ruin everything? And why the fuck was Harry now thinking about Louis and his stupid perfect cheekbones? He stared at the sunflowers, trying to distract himself, but it didn't work very well.

Why did Harry compare the sunflowers to the the person sitting next to him in first place?? LouisLouisLouis. You know what, Louis Tomlinson? Fuck you and your fucking sunshine. Harry decided that he now hated sunflowers. Louis and Niall looked at him in surprise. Did he just say that out loud? Wow, just fucking great! See, that was exactly why he simply should get drunk tonight. ALONE!

Niall gave Louis a thumbs up. "I think it's a great idea, Louis. Harry won't be alone and maybe you two can like...you know, bond a bit, since you're working together and all." Niall checked the time, hectically jumped to his feet, and then stormed out of the room, screaming "Fuck, it's already so fucking late! I forgot the stupid appointment. Have fun guys!" Fun? Harry wanted to strangle Louis.

"Why do you hate sunflowers, Harold?" Louis wanted to know curiously. "I think they're pretty." Pretty? Yeah of course those stupid flowers were amazing, but the problem wasn't the freaking plants, the problem was sitting right next to Harry. Harry wanted to scream it into Louis face; that those flowers reminded him of Louis, but that didn't even make sense so he just stayed silent. "Okay um...anything special you wanted to drink? Or watch? Or eat?" Harry shook his head. "You know there's an excellent room-service..." Harry shrugged, still not knowing what he could possibly say to Louis. "I could order something if you want?" Harry shrugged again, and Louis sighed in exasperation. "I get it. It wasn't your plan to have me by your side tonight, but I didn't like the idea of you being alone either since you...sorry none of my business. I can just stay in the bedroom and you can watch the movie by yourself, if you want to be alone. Does this sound like a plan?" Harry didn't know if he should cry or laugh now. Louis didn't want him to be alone when getting drunk? Who even was he? His father? But on the other hand, it was cute and Louis cared for him, for whatever reason. Fuck, Harry felt like an asshole. He couldn't ask Louis to stay in the bedroom while he was watching a movie in here, could he? No. Oh, fuck it.

"As long as you keep your mouth shut, let me eat unhealthy shit for once, and drink as much as I want to, you can stay. I don't care, Lewis." Yes, Lewis. That was good. Didn't make him sound weak or something like that. Louis didn't like it. "Now order something before I change my mind. And by the way, Lewis, you're not the type to wear Nike. You're more like an Adidas type of guy."

"Alright, alright. I gotta call Liam first and cancel our date real quick, yeah?" Louis told Harry, but the only word Harry heard was date. Date what? Did he just ruin Louis' and Liam's date? Wait, was Louis interested in Liam? Holy fuck, what?

"You interested in Liam?" Harry asked as casually as possible, as this weird feeling inside of him confused him again. Harry wasn't jealous, but it hell lot felt like it. Harry exhaled sharply and bit his inner cheek. He was going nuts. Jealously...ridiculous.

"Yeah, totally. I'd fuck him without any second thoughts, Harry. He's hot, isn't he?" Louis replied cheekily. Harry stupidly nodded and Louis burst out laughing. "Of course not, Styles. He's my best friend and straighter than any ruler could ever be. And he's not really my type, I guess. So let me cancel real quick. Choose a movie already, and please don't make me watch rom-coms!"

Harry was totally make him watch a romantic movie, now more than ever. Hell, Harry would even watch alien movies if Louis told him he didn't like them. Just because he meant it when he had said he'd determine what'd happen tonight. It was his goddamn self-pity-party and there was no way he'd let some random feathery haired good looking man ruin it.

Harry pursed his lips, trying to look as incurious as possible."Well, what are you waiting for? Go call him, Tomlinson." Louis cleared his throat, got up and left the room to call Liam or the room- service or whatever else. Harry didn't care, and he reached for the remote, turning on the TV. He clicked through the options and then decided to randomly look what movies they offered. It didn't take him long to make his choice: A Walk To Remember.

XXXX

Harry had been waiting for Louis for at least 20 minutes now and he was getting more and more annoyed. What on earth could take so- There was a knock on the door. Harry groaned. Well great, now he had to get up for the room-service Louis had ordered. Louis! Harry didn't have to eat,okay? It was Louis who had ordered this shit and Louis should answer the fucking door but he was nowhere to be seen and Harry didn't even think about searching for him. He wanted to be alone, after all, so he wasn't questioning it. Harry ruffled his own hair, slowly stood up and went to answer the door once again. When he opened it, he recognized the face immediately. "You again?"

"Yeah, me again. Since I already know you're Mr. Styles, I gotta tell you someone sent you flowers again. That person must like you. First sunflowers and now a bouquet of the most beautiful Gardenias I've ever seen, and believe me, I see my fair share of beautiful flowers every day. Those cost a fortune...oh, and I was told they mean secret admiration? Anyway. These are for you...again. See you soon, I guess." The courier thrust them into Harry's hands again and smiled. This time, Harry could at last say thank you.

After placing the flowers in another vase, Harry found another card, which he opened already curious, cause he'd never received flowers by anyone, let alone twice in one day.

'You're like a butterfly. Pretty to see and hard to catch.' - someone who cares x

Oh god. He read it over and over again. Why did he blush? What the fuck? This was sappy as fuck and wait, what the hell did it even mean? Why did those things have to happen today? Harry wanted to feel bad today! He kind of should feel bad today! He had every right to feel bad after meeting Nick again. It was Nick who had hurt him a lot, after all. Not today, but when he and Nick....no. But instead of drowning in tears as planned, he was smiling because of flowers. Wow, that was...strange.

"Harold! Sorry it took me...flowers again?!" And there he was again. Harry had to act as if he didn't care. There was no way he'd show Louis that his mood had changed a bit. He wanted to stick to his previous statement! Harry decided to ignore Louis, even though, as Harry noticed from his quick glance in Louis' direction, he was now wearing Adidas sweatpants (that looked so good on him) and...was that his shirt?! What the heck?

"Are you wearing my shirt?!" Harry shrieked as Louis raised an eyebrow. Harry observed Louis gestures. Louis totally wore his fucking shirt and Harry never shared his clothes!

"No, it's mine. Why would I wear your shirt? I'm not that poor! I can afford shirts, Styles." Louis stated but Harry, who was still standing in the hallway, quickly approached Louis. Before Louis could even move away, Harry grabbed him by the collar to strictly eye the shirt. Louis struggled, looking half scared and half furious. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Let go of me or I'll kick you in the balls you...you fucking giraffe!"

"That's mine. You're wearing my favorite Yves Saint Laurent shirt, you little fucker!" Harry ranted because he did not allow anyone to wear his clothes, especially not Louis. It was the first really expensive thing he'd ever bought for himself and he kind of...it meant something to him, okay?

"It's not! Are you kidding me? It's mine! Always has been! It's been a present, otherwise I'd never wear it. You can even call Liam and ask him, since he bought it! Now back the fuck off or I'll slap your pretty face." Harry expected Louis to do something, but the last thing he expected was for Louis to call him pretty, and it was this, not Louis' request, that made him let go. He just couldn't see 'pretty', especially not today.

"Sorry." he mumbled, turning on his heel and leaving Louis standing there. Now he was back to his old plan, the self-pity-party. The moment Harry reached the couch he collapsed on it, pulled a blanket over himself, and started the movie. He heard Louis protesting he wanted to see the beginning of it too, but Harry couldn't care less. Why would Louis call him pretty? He wasn't pretty, not like...you know? Nick had nailed it. It was Zayn who was flawless, something he'd never be. Someone knocked on the door for the third time. Room-service. Whatever. Harry didn't pay attention to the people who served the food. He didn't care.

After about 20 minutes Louis, who surprisingly had kept quiet, poured him a glass of wine. "Let's start with wine and then get drunk as you planned. But first, can you at least eat something? It's not really good to drink on an empty stomach." Right. Louis was still there. Drinking sounded tempting. "You could try the duck. Tastes great? Maybe with some of the vegetables?" Harry nodded. He wasn't hungry at all, but Louis was right. He'd regret it if he didn't eat. And right after the first bite, Harry knew why the other man had told him the food tasted amazing. It was delicious! So amazing, in fact, that he ate more than he had planned to. In fact, they both ate a lot. Neither of them was sure if the other paid much attention to the movie, but it didn't really matter. Harry silently giggled to himself cause he'd so tell Niall about the great dinner. Niall would murder him.

"Let's do shots?" Louis suggested later, and Harry's head snapped up. "I think the wine is too good to...you know?" Harry nodded and it didn't take them look to gulp down the first drinks.

XXXX

"One more cause some people are assholes, like Nick!" Louis shouted, already very drunk. Louis couldn't even walk anymore so he mostly laid on the couch, his shoulders touching Harry's. They had ended up not watching the movie at all, starting to drink a lot right after they had finished dinner. Harry wasn't even counting his number of drinks at this point, and he was sure that Louis had stopped a long time ago.

"Yeah he is. He's actually the worst." Harry added, feeling suddenly sick to his stomach, cause he wasn't even lying. Nick had always been the worst. Nick had always been the person that made him feel small. It had been Nick who made Harry feel weak. It had been Nick who showed Harry how it felt to be treated worse than shit. It had been Nick who hurt Harry so much Niall had to take him to the hospital. It had always been Nick. Nick, Nick, Nick. Harry grimaced and closed his eyes for a short while. When he opened them again, he noticed Louis smiling at him, apparently not aware of what was going through Harry's mind. The crinkles by his eyes formed and Harry all of a sudden realized why he had to think about Louis watching the sunflowers earlier. Louis somehow make the sun rise in front of him too.

And it was Nicks fault that Harry couldn't kiss Louis right now.

 

 


	5. Protective

"Can you...um...like...hug me?" Harry asked, being totally wasted by now. He had just had another shot of some strong alcohol that he couldn't even attempt to name and he was sure he couldn't even think straight anymore. But right now, with Louis leaning against his shoulder and both of them giggling over nonsense, he couldn't care less about his whole 'no touching' rule. He even considered asking again to make sure Louis heard him. Did he even want this hug? Yeah he did, even if he had no idea where the need for it came from. It stopped a long time ago. At least, that was what he wanted himself to believe and he had always been strong, so why give in now? Would Louis even enfold him in his arms? It didn't even make sense for Harry to ask the other man since they weren't even friends, but he was drunk, for god's sake, and drunk people always told the truth, as the saying went. So yes, he wanted to hug Louis. Screw reasons and second thoughts, he wanted it, and if Louis declined, he could still blame it on the alcohol in his system, couldn't he? Definitely. "Hug me, please?" 

"Buy it today for only thir- what?!" Louis was mimicking the guy on TV but stopped abruptly at Harry's request. "What did you just say?" At that moment, Harry was sure that it had been a stupid idea. Oh my god, he wanted to vanish into thin air. Harry had been drinking too much. Shit. He rarely let that happen! Nick's fucking fault! And he still wanted to kiss Louis so bad, for heaven knows why! 

"Sorry...maybe it was stupid idea," Harry mumbled, looking down at the carpeted floor. "I just thought you'd hug me. Don't know why." Harry felt insecure...he was such an idiot. Louis gaped at Harry, not saying a word. Fuck, yes, he definitely wanted to be hugged. Touched. Louis apparently didn't know what to say and sat there for a few moments more, trying to make sure he had heard correctly, and then he said slowly, "Harry, you don't like to be touched." Wow, okay, that was even more of an rejection that he would've expected, but it least it was the truth. Harry had made it so clear he couldn't stand to be touched and Louis had, in Harry's opinion, accepted it, even if he didn't know the reasoning behind it. That was only one of the reasons why Harry started to somehow like the smaller guy. Somehow. A little bit, yeah? Maybe he didn't hate him anymore. Yeah, that sounded like good compromise. And also, Harry didn't have to tell him in the first place why he couldn't stand bodily contact, why he was afraid of it? No, god, he couldn't let Louis touch him. 

Everything he was thinking made no fucking sense, because he hated to be touched...was scared to death of it. Oh boy, he was so drunk. That had to be it. Harry looked over at Louis, who was fidgeting, biting his lip, and then he scooted a bit closer to Harry, holding his arms out with a hint of a smile on his face. Harry got the hint immediately and moved closer to Louis, snuggling into his arms. To Louis' and his own surprise, he even wrapped his arm around Louis' waist and then he just listened to Louis' heartbeat. He'd never listened to anyone's heartbeat in his life before, and he found it very calming. 

"Is that okay?" Louis whispered, not moving one bit. Harry could feel that Louis was looking down at him and strangely it was okay...he liked it... whereas he usually would have run out of the room by now. "If I'm doing anything wrong...like...I just know you don't like to be touched and that's okay, yeah? So just tell me if-" 

"It's perfect." Harry whispered, closing his eyes. He tried to focus on Louis' steady heartbeat and deep down inside of him, despite telling himself he hated Louis, he knew he had a thing for Louis. At least a little bit. And that tiny little bit scared him. He was afraid cause he didn't like feelings. He just connected them to bad things such as his family (except for his sister Gemma), people back during his school days, or Nick automatically. And that right there was the problem. You couldn't control your mind when everything you felt was automatically connected to events of the past. Harry didn't like pitying himself, he didn't, but he tried to stay realistic and the fact was that he had gone through some rough times with a lot of people, especially Nick, which had probably been by far the worst. 

"Lou I think you smell good and I th-" Harry fell asleep on Louis, not even able to finish his sentence. 

XXXX 

When Harry woke up, something was off. No, something was really, really wrong. Sudden realization hit him. He was cuddling with Louis on the couch. Proper cuddling! Louis was on his back, a smile playing around his lips, snoring lightly and literally holding Harry to his chest. Their legs were entwined and Harry's arm was wrapped around Louis' waist, his head on Louis' chest. Harry froze and his skin started to burn, his throat closing up as he started to panic. His eyes started to water, his head suddenly was spinning and his heart beating so hard that Harry was sure he was about to die, right here and right now. His whole body stiffened and when he started gasping for air, Louis woke up. 

"Harry...Harry, what the fu- What's going on?" Louis yelled, sitting up immediately and pulling Harry into a sitting position next to him. Harry couldn't talk, couldn't move, couldn't do anything, and Louis seemed scared out of his mind. He inhaled deeply, obviously trying to calm himself down, before he pulled Harry into his lap without even asking for permission, not having a single clue that Harry was having a panic attack because of physical bodily contact! Harry was sure he wouldn't survive more of it, but he couldn't fucking say anything, so he had no choice but to endure it. 

"Shh, Harry. Shh." Louis spoke in a calming voice, trying to get Harry to relax...why would he do that? "Harry, can you look at me? In my eyes? I know you can." No, he fucking couldn't! He squeezed his eyes shut, not because he wanted to, but because his freaking body told him to. "Hazza, you're having a panic attack. You'll be okay. I promise you'll be okay. Just...just try to open your eyes." Open his eyes...who the fuck did Louis think he was? Why would Harry want to look into his stupid beautiful blue eyes? Oh god, Harry couldn't breathe. It got worse and worse and he started to hyperventilate. He couldn't control it and he was scared, and all of a sudden he felt something on the top of his head...lips. Louis was kissing his hair and not pulling back. Why didn't he remove his lips?! Harry wanted to die. He couldn't deal with it. He couldn't! He needed to push Louis away, needed to get away, but his body was literally numb and he couldn't, and his eyes opened by instinct, immediately filling with tears. 

Louis then slowly removed his lips from Harry's hair, looking down at him. "There you are." He had to be kidding... "You have beautiful eyes, Harry." Did he just say Harry had beautiful eyes? What the fuck was happening? "I'll stroke your hair now, okay? Don't look away from me. I want to see your beautiful green eyes and don't cry, love. You'll be okay. It's just a panic attack. Just that, yeah? I'm here." Louis got his hand in Harry's curly brown hair and gently started to stroke his hair in a slow rhythm, not looking away for one second. "You know, some years ago, I had some panic- attacks too. Some things in my life had changed drastically and yeah, I know it feels really bad but it will be over soon. Try to exhale longer and inhale shorter. I know you can do this, love." Louis called Harry love. He had repeated himself. Harry aimlessly started into the room, not knowing how to deal with this pet name. Louis had said love and found his eyes beautiful. "Hey, don't look away. There's nothing in the room that could do your eyes justice. So please be a nice boy and let an older man admire something beautiful. How old are you even? I never asked." 

"Y-you're ridiculous." Harry choked out, but for some reason, he wanted to answer Louis' question. "21 and...and there's nothing...I mean...no." Harry didn't think he was beautiful at all. He never understood why people told him he was all the time. He simply couldn't fucking see it. Designers all over the world, photographers, and magazines always told him how blessed he was with looks like his, but in all honesty, no matter how hard Harry had tried to comprehend it, he couldn't. He simply accepted their statements and echoed them. He always claimed that he was beautiful and all but he wasn't. There even had been days where he stood naked in front of a mirror for hours, looking at himself and trying to find at least three things that he truly liked about himself, but he couldn't even find one thing. His legs were too long, his tummy a little bit to pudgy (even if everyone said he 

had nice abs), his butt to flat, his hair to curly and not soft enough, his nose was too big and his lips a little bit too plump. His eyes? He never paid attention to them. Nobody had ever commented on his eyes, not even Nick. 

"Nope, I'm not joking around, Harry. I can't say that your eyes were the first thing I noticed about you, cause it would be a lie...I noticed your amazing curls first, but when I saw your eyes I just...I mean...shit, sorry..." Louis started to stutter. "I-I didn't...uh..sorry..uh...yeah." Harry didn't even notice that Louis' rambling had already calmed him down a bit. "I just.. oh fuck it. Yes, your eyes are the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. This is probably just adding to your ego, but yeah, I think their color is just amazing. Nothing can compare to it." Why did Harry feel so weird all of a sudden? They stayed quite for a couple of minutes while Harry tried to think for a reason why Louis was saying all of this. Was is just to calm him down, or did he really...no that wasn't possible. But on the other hand, people had always told him about his great appearance. "Hey you're breathing is getting better." Louis smiled down at Harry, still stroking his hair. Harry hadn't even noticed that this was still happening. What the fuck was going on? "And you're not that pale anymore, love." There it was again. Love. Harry wanted to squeak for no real reason. Who the fuck was he? A little girl? He had to pull himself together, but as he looked up at Louis, he could only focus on his face and nothing more. 

Harry scanned his whole face, his deep blue and unfortunately concerned eyes, his trimmed eyebrows, his sharp cheekbones that could probably cut paper, his tiny button nose, and his small but perfectly formed lips. Harry took in every single hair of his stubble and the shape of his chin and jawline. He even noticed some tiny forehead wrinkles and a tiny beauty spot. Harry bit his lip and smiled, a weird feeling filling him. This was all gone in the next second, however, when he realized what was actually going on. He tore himself away from Louis and stood abruptly. 

"I feel better...wait, what are you even doing, what the fuck? Why are you touching me like that? We are...we aren't friends! You're not...not supposed to do that! I...I...I hate it! I hate you!" Harry screamed, eyes welling up with tears. Harry hated himself, but it was for the best. He had to keep his distance, for fuck's sake. He couldn't feel these things, especially not around Louis. He tore from the room, but one look back at Louis' face told him one thing...he most definitely couldn't keep his distance, no matter how hard he tried. 

XXXX 

"Niall! Niall, open the door, fuck, please!!" Harry begged desperately knocking on his best friends' door. Harry needed someone to talk to and if there was one person in the entire world that he would even consider telling about whatever he was feeling right now, it would be Niall, without question. 

"Jesus, what the fuck is this shit? It's only nine in the morning! Who's knocking on our goddamn door!?" he heard Niall yell to no one in particular before the door was yanked open and a very annoyed Niall was looking at him. Harry didn't waste time, but jumped into Niall's arms and buried his face on his best friends' chest. Harry really didn't like to be that close to anyone, especially after what had just happened, but he had known Niall for years and was comfortable enough with him to manage this. Niall staggered backwards, holding on to Harry tightly and sounding confused and worried. "Harry? What's going on? Holy shit, it's so damn early in the morning. What happened? Come inside, fuck..." Niall kicked the door shut and Harry let Niall go, hurrying further into the room. 

Niall and Liam's room was much smaller than Louis' and his suite. Actually, it was a normal sized posh hotel room, something Harry would like. It was a luxurious, sumptuously decorated room, generously proportioned but simple. Harry noticed two twin beds, a large mahagony desk, a large crystal-chandelier, a comfortable golden (oh yes, golden) armchair, a white flat-screen TV, a DVD player and a stereo player, along with Niall's PlayStation 4 hooked up to it. He couldn't go anywhere without that thing. The view was rather peaceful, and you could see the Hotel's garden 

and Marble Courtyard and the bustling Avenue George V and Avenue Pierre 1er de Serbie, but as beautiful as it was, Harry was too confused and scared to do anything. He collapsed on what he assumed was Niall's bed, considering it was strewn with clothes, and buried his face in the pillow, groaning. Niall walked in after him and sat down next to him, waiting. 

"What happened? Are you alright? Is this because you have to see Nick again? I'm really sorry about that, by the way, I didn't even think they would consider him for one of the background models...Harry?" Niall asked carefully, but Harry could do nothing other than groan into the pillow again. He knew he was acting like an idiot but he didn't know what was happening, so he started talking, not aware of the fact that Niall couldn't make out a single word due to the fact that Harry was talking into the pillow. Niall waited until Harry seemed finished, and then said sarcastically, "Yeah, Harry I could totally understand you. Would you mind turning around telling me the whole story again?" 

Harry didn't want to look at Niall. He was afraid that Niall would judge him, would call him an idiot. "Turn the fuck around!" Niall commanded, and Harry knew that voice. It was Niall's bossy and sassy voice, the one he normally used with Harry. But Harry didn't move, so Niall sighed. "Harry do I have to tickle you?" 

"Never in million years, you dickface!" Harry sat straight up in the bed, his last few words coming out as a yell. "No touchy touchy!" Harry sounded like an idiot but he decided not to give a flying fuck about it right now. He had bigger problems. Or more precisely one problem, and that problem was Louis Tomlinson. Niall rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay! It's Louis, yeah?" 

Niall just questioningly furrowed his brow, waiting for Harry to spill, so Harry decided to just get over with it. "Okay so...uh...I like Louis? Like as in like-like, but not like like-love, you understand? Wait, did that even make sense? He's an annoying piece of shit and I want to slap his pretty face every time I see it, but he's also kinda nice and that doesn't even make any sense! But to me it does and that's a problem cause I don't wanna be friends with him cause what the fuck am I even talking about? Long story short, I'm afraid, okay? I don't...he...when he touches me I freak out and I can't deal with it and Niall, I am scared shitless. I can't be friends with him! I don't want to be friends! Do something? Can't you like...do something? Niall please? And can you tell me why the fuck my brain is so weird and kind of thinks he's lovely but not like that more like...lovely. Shit I'm rambling and I...Niall, I want to go home!" 

"Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year to me. I didn't understand anything of what you just said. You might as well have said it to the pillow again. What is even going on in your head right now, Styles? Let's try this...I'll ask you questions and you answer me yes or no, so that we can actually figure this out before you go crazy on me again, yeah?" 

Harry nodded dumbly. He knew he had been talking shit, but he could't even form proper sentences, okay? He was so damn confused. He didn't want to be friends with Louis, let alone more. More? Wait, what? Oh, god, he really was going crazy. He prayed that Niall could fix this, so he bit his lip to keep his mouth shut and listened to Niall as he asked questions. "You and Louis spent the night together, right?" Did he just... what? No, no, no. That sounded so fucking wrong. 

"No. Not like...no. Just as friends, drinking and stuff." Harry said quickly, his hands twisting in his lap. Niall nodded, pursing his lips. 

"Did you get drunk?" Harry nodded again, cause fuck yes, he would have had to have been pretty drunk to even have considered to cuddle with Louis. "Did you two make out or something?" Harry threw a pillow into Niall's face, clearly telling him no with his gesture. "Okay, sorry, I forgot. He touched you, didn't he?" And fuck. Niall knew Harry so well. Or was it because Harry had already told him while he was rambling like an idiot? He had no clue. 

"Yeah, he did and...I...I...we cuddled?" Harry whispered, covering his eyes like child for god knows why. "And I had a panic-attack, Niall. A pretty bad one. One of the worst since like...you know...back then." Niall bit his lip, knowing that Harry wasn't finished. Harry took a deep breath, biting on his lower lip harder. "I don't want to be touched." 

"Did you tell him that?" Niall wanted to know, and Harry just nodded. Yes he had told Louis more than once that he hated being touched, but if he had asked for it...god, and he had been so rude to Louis right before this. He had been such an asshole while Louis had been nothing but nice to him, shit. Should Harry tell Niall about Louis holding him while he had had this panic attack or should he keep quiet? Shit, why was he even here in first place? He shouldn't annoy Niall! Harry needed to get out of this situation. He needed to tell his best friend something that would allow him to leave Niall's room again as fast as possible. The last part of the shooting would be taking place today and he needed to get ready. But that meant seeing Louis...did he want that? 

"Maybe it wasn't even that bad. Shit I think I overreacted." Harry mumbled, feeling suddenly horrible for how he had treated Louis. 

"Are you sure, Harry? You're really pale...and you know that I don't mind keeping you company if you need some time before the shooting. I mean, I'm your best friend, basically a big brother to you..." Yeah, Harry knew, but he also knew that he was being a child and should start to deal with his shit alone. He needed to distract Niall, avoid the topic. "Where's Liam, though?" That was a good thing to ask! Yes, definitely. Niall's eyes lit up. 

"He's already left an hour ago, said he had to organize some things, flights back and shit. You know, since me and Liam will be leaving tomorrow? We gotta do so much before you and Louis return. It's all about organizing some things for the runway show and talking to some other assistants...oh, just let me spare you the details." Niall said, waving his hand in the air, but Harry wasn't even listening anymore, his mind drifting to Louis once again. He just didn't understand why Louis had called him pretty. Why was he so weird again? Oh boy. He should focus on Niall. "And today you'll have to see Nick one last time. You think you can do that?" No Harry couldn't but he had to. At least Louis would be there. Wait. Didn't Harry just run away from Louis, and now he was seeking comfort from him? What was wrong with him? He needed to get his shit together again, especially if he was going to be spending time with Nick and his stupidly perfect boyfriend Zayn. 

XXXX 

"Oh look, there's our little supermodel again!" Nick called, giving Harry a wolf-whistle like the asshole he was. Harry had given himself a pep talk only ten minutes ago, telling himself he wouldn't let Nick hurt him again, and it only took the other man one fucking sentence to do exactly that. Fuck. No. He was strong. He could do this. "Come in, beautiful, come in!" 

"Hey guys." Harry mumbled before walking inside, trying to act as self-confident as possible. He wouldn't show Nick that he still had influence on him. He wouldn't. At least Jeff and Xander were already here, so he could talk to them before Louis got there. Wait, did he even want to see Louis? Harry just wanted Louis to be there, since Niall wasn't. He swallowed, put on his game face, and looked up at the other models, his words directed at Nick. "Thanks Nick, I know I'm more successful than you are. No need to remind me." Well that was good, wasn't it? Yes, until Nick looked him dead in the eye, and at that moment Harry felt so small, smaller than anyone else on the fucking planet. Harry wanted to disappear, and before he could do anything else, Zayn entered. Zayn was everything Harry wanted to be. He had narrow hips, was a rather slim guy, his hair was perfect and Harry didn't even dare to look into his flawless face again. He kept his eyes on the ground and he hated that he couldn't keep on pretending to be the asshole who didn't care about anything else other than himself. That hadn't been the real him, but it had worked and gotten him far, that was until Nick had to show up and ruin everything. Stupid Nick. Maybe Harry could sneak out and lock himself in the bathroom until Louis go there? It wouldn't be that obvious if he just... 

"Hi Harry," someone chirped from behind Harry, and it didn't even take the curly haired model a second to figure out that it was Louis. Louis' voice was unique, something Harry would recognize all the time. He had a beautiful voice, a voice of an angel. Eww, oh god, Harry needed to chill. "You okay?" Harry nodded, cause what was he supposed to say? No I'm not cause of fucking Nick? Nick who...Nick who.. shit. Someone else entered the room and Harry turned to face the door by instinct. He met some familiar eyes and his jaw almost dropped. It was the courier. This had to be a joke! He was holding a bouquet of daisies and smirked at Harry, who actually smiled in anticipation. The courier approached him, not even caring about the other people in the room and thrust the flowers into Harry's hands. 

"I'm Pierre, by the way," he said with a laugh. "Figured I'd introduce myself this time, since this seems to be a regular thing. These are for you. I don't need you to tell me who you are cause I already know. Card attached as always. Have fun. See you soon, I guess?" Oh god, why did someone send him flowers at the fucking studio? Hold on, who even knew he'd be here? Harry blushed and walked back into the corner where Louis stood. 

"These are nice." Louis commented and Harry smiled shyly, pulling the card out of the flowers. "Let me hold them while you're reading it?" Louis took the flowers carefully and Harry opened the card. 

'Don't you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine.' - someone who cares x 

"Ready for the last couple of photos? Time flew by, didn't it?" Louis said, but Harry couldn't concentrate. He needed to know who kept sending him flowers. He wanted to jump out of the window, really. It was cute and it made him feel better again! "Harry...umm...come with me?" 

"What?" Harry asked, his brow furrowing. Did Louis just ask him to come with him? Where did he want to go? What was going on? God, why couldn't Harry just finally go home again, crawl in bed, and read a good book? He needed a cup of tea, his cozy blanket, and his cat! Yes, Harry had a cat, and she was lovely. Always a comfort. 

Louis didn't even wait before he put his hand on the small of Harry's back and guided Harry outside. Harry tensed but didn't protest. At least he could avoid Nick for a bit, and if he had to choose between being touched by Louis and seeing Nick, he would definitely choose the former. 

"Where are we going?" Harry asked, but Louis didn't say, continuing to walk until he stopped in front of a door. He opened it and gestured for Harry to go inside, which he did, Louis following him. 

"I just wanted to talk to you real quick, if that's okay?" Louis said quietly and Harry nodded cause he really needed to apologize. He had been so rude. "I just wanted to...like...I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, Harry. It wasn't my intention, really. I forgot that you don't like to be touched but I did it anyway and I just...I'm sorry. I should respect what you want and don't want and I'm rambling and... you know, I'm sorry." 

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't want to be so rude, Lou. Louis, I mean. Like uh... just, I just...fuck it. Can we be friends? I don't want to keep treating you like dirt...I want to get along. I warn you, I'll be a the worst friend ever but...uh...yeah?" 

Louis looked at him for a second, and then pulled Harry into a hug, seeming to forget once again about Harry's 'no touching' thing, but Harry tried his best to hug Louis back. 

XXXX 

"Okay listen here, new friend," Louis said, winking at Harry, " If it all works out, this will be the last day of shooting for the campaign. So, if we're lucky, we'll have three days off to explore Paris a bit. I know this day will probably be hell and super exhausting but we can do this, I promise. You look a 

bit stressed, though. Just promise me...if you need a break or something just give me a signal. You know I'm quite good at convincing the team to take a break, and I know this morning was a bit...eventful, to say the least. I just want to make sure you're okay. Your health is more important than any shooting in the world or days off!" Harry looked at Louis with a weird look on his face, almost a look of surprise or complete shock, Louis couldn't tell. He was silent for a few moments, just looking at Louis with this expression. 

"O-okay." Harry stuttered eventually, and Louis decided to give him a smile, hoping it would help Harry to relax. He was so tense, Louis could see it in the way he stood. "I think...I think we can manage that. Um, there's only one thing I'd like to say? I mean...uh...like, about the touching thing? It's okay for the shooting if you touch me, yeah? I mean, we can be professional, and if I tense...it's not because of you, okay? Just a general thing. Don't think it's you. I mean...yeah. As long as it's you and not...them, it's okay. It's...yeah." 

His voice trailed off and he looked, if anything, even more tense than before. Louis really wanted to know if the no touching thing was just the type of person he was or if something had happened to him in the past to make him that way. Deep down, Louis unfortunately knew it had to be the second one and it hurt him. Now, after knowing Harry for a bit, he was sure there was much more to him than he was letting on. Louis was sure that the Harry everyone else was seeing was only a facade, something Harry had created to protect himself from something or someone, and Louis promised himself at that moment that he'd find out what bothered his new friend so much. He wanted, no he needed, to help him, because yes, Louis had started liking Harry, which was not something he had expected at all. Mister Bighead actually seemed to be not so big headed maybe. "Hey Louis?" 

Harry's voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked up into Harry's bright green eyes. "Yes Harry?" Louis answered, and Harry seemed to hesitate before opening his mouth. 

"Someone keeps sending me flowers. Don't know why I'm telling you this, but I thought...yeah, cause friends tell each other things. Someone is sending me flowers, so no, the hotel didn't deliver them. There are cards attached. They're cute but a little bit cheesy, but I...I kind of like them? Niall thinks Lee admires me...does it sound weird when I say I can't imagine that? Lee seems to be a funny guy, but that's so weird!" Harry actually giggled, his face lighting up a bit. "Look, I'm tolerant and all, but he's just so fucking colorful! Apart from his boots, I think he's too much. Fuck, those sparkly boots or even the golden ones are fucking cool. Anyway, so you know a little secret now? Although...no it's not really a secret since you stood right next to me when I got the flowers, and you even held them. Oh god, I'm rambling, sorry." Harry bit his lip in an effort to stop talking, shuffling his feet so that his toes were pointing inwards. 

"Sounds like you really like flowers, huh? The daisies you got today were beautiful, I think. Did you like them? And by the way you can ramble as much as you want. I like listening to your voice," Louis replied, and a moment later, he wanted to punch himself in the face. Why the fuck couldn't he control his words when it came to Harry? Not once in his entire life had he had problems with that. He was the master of seduction and flirting, but when it came to Harry, he acted like a fucking idiot and made a fool out of himself! Stupid curls. It had to be them, there was no other explanation. 

"I liked the sunflowers the best," Harry mumbled, much to Louis' surprise. Hadn't he specifically stated that he hated sunflowers back when he had received them in their suite? Why did he have to be so confusing?! Louis usually never had problems figuring out what people liked or what kind of person they were, but Harry? Harry was like a fucking riddle! And Louis had to acknowledge to himself more and more that it was simply interesting to be around Harry Styles, which confused the hell out of him, because people always annoyed or bored the shit out of him after about a maximum of three days. "They brightened my mood." 

"Then c'mon, sunshine. Let's go back in there, take those photos and, if you feel like it, we could watch a movie later, like really watch it this time?" Louis suggested, laughing, and Harry gave him 

a half smile, fiddling with a loose strand of hair, like he always did. Louis wanted to comb through his hair...fuck, Louis really was obsessed with Harry's curls...he should probably see a therapist about that. 

They started walking back together side by side, not saying anything. At the door, Harry stopped abruptly and Louis jolted to a halt with him. Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, which confused Louis even more, and then walked in. Louis followed him over to where the other models were waiting. 

"Wow, the whiny Mr. Not-So-Perfect is back," Nick snarled upon seeing Harry, and Louis had to bit his lip, otherwise he would've commented on what Nick had just said. Louis didn't know if it was okay for him to defend Harry, especially since they had just called a truce and all that. But seriously, who the fuck did this Grimshaw guy think he was, saying things like that to Harry? Louis would punch him in the face someday, he swore it. 

XXXX 

"Okay so now that we've been shooting for an hour straight, I think it's time to change the positions and setting a bit. Xander, Jeff? You two did a great job. Thanks for making the background a bit hotter and a bit less empty. You're free to go!" Lee said, waving goodbye to them, and Louis smiled at them. They really had done a great job. 

"Does that mean it's now only Louis and me shooting for the cover?" Harry wanted to know, and Louis smiled again at the look Lee was giving Harry. Lee really did have a thing for Harry, which Harry himself was completely oblivious to, and it was most definitely amusing. 

"No, darling! You'll be shooting with Zayn and Nick first. I want Louis to help me find the right positions for you three, okay? I think you should stand in the middle, though, most definitely." Lee announced, and Harry threw a glance at Louis, a look of absolute horror on his face. Louis had no idea what it was about, but it seemed that Harry wasn't comfortable with Louis watching him, or maybe it was because of the touching thing? Louis really wasn't sure. "Louis would you help me?" Lee asked politely, but it seemed as though Louis didn't really have much of a choice, so he nodded and approached Lee, smiling at Harry encouragingly. Harry didn't show any emotion at all, his face poker straight. 

"Why do you want Harry to stand in the middle?" Zayn asked, completely nonchalant and Lee just rolled his eyes not answering at all. Louis, however, had to bite his tongue once again. How could it not be obvious that Lee wanted Harry in the middle because he was most definitely the best looking in the room? It wasn't because of the super expensive tight fitting black Alexander McQueen suit or the brown leather boots he was wearing, though. Of course Zayn looked good and kinda flawless and Nick wasn't ugly at all, but Harry was on a whole new level of good looking, charming and...shit. Louis should focus on the shooting and on helping Lee. Louis knew they needed some photos of Harry with only the two of them, but he didn't really know what for or maybe he hadn't really listened. But who actually listened in those boring meetings? Oh, please! 

"Because he and Louis are the models Louis Vuitton wants to be in the spotlight, honey. End of story. Now Harry, would you pose between them? Zayn, turn to look at Harry and look at the camera...maybe give that lip a bit of a bite. I want you to place one hand on his shoulder, but just touch him lightly, yeah? It has to look totally innocent this time. Act as if you're admiring his beautiful face. Can you do that?" Lee instructed and Louis didn't know why, but he wanted to see the photographer's pink hair burn. What a stupid fucking idea! Louis didn't want Zayn to touch Harry, okay? Just because Harry didn't like it, of course, not for any other reason. Zayn moved closer to Harry and smiled at him. Surprisingly, Harry just nodded and went along with it. Louis couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of Harry for letting Zayn touch him. The fuck? Harry instinctively tried to fit into the pose and Zayn started to laugh. 

"You smell really good, Styles." Zayn announced, and Louis stiffened, wanting this shooting to end right now. He had not a single clue why, but Zayn was smelling Harry, and he most definitely didn't have permission to do that. Louis didn't want people to...to...objectify Harry! Yeah! Good explanation, that! 

"You better not smell him, love." Nick interjected, and Harry tensed up just at his voice. "I think he's already a bit sweaty...can't possibly smell good." Sweaty? Harry was most definitely not sweating! What the heck was Nick even on to think something like that? Louis hated him more with every second. 

"Right. Anyway. Nick, just stand next to Harry and look this way as well...just put your arms at your sides. I want you to look at Louis...it will give the illusion of looking into the distance. Harry, you need to put your arm around Nick's waist." Lee said in a commanding tone once more, and he watched as Harry's poker stiff facial expression twitched. Louis didn't say anything yet, but it was pretty clear that Nick was causing Harry a lot of discomfort for some reason. Harry hesitated for a mere second, but again did as commanded. He more then obviously bit the inside of his cheek as Lee started to take photos, telling them to naturally change positions or their facial expressions just a bit. 

After twenty minutes of shooting, they quickly changed outfits and Louis took a seat, waiting for Lee to finally let him be part of the shooting as well. When Harry returned, Louis just gaped a little bit at him...just a tiny little bit. Harry was wearing something completely different, something casual, and Louis decided that it made Harry look like a little boy. Louis liked it a lot...like, a lot. Harry was wearing a purple knit pullover and some white jeans and fuck, he looked absolutely adorable in it, like a little kitten. Fuck...Louis really should talk to his therapist as soon as possible. He'd never in his entire life found a grown man cute. Was that even possible? Harry was a freaking giraffe and his feet looked ridiculously huge, his toes pointing inwards just a little bit. There was nothing cute.... Louis re-considered the thought about nothing being cute about Harry when he suddenly noticed the headscarf in his hair. Louis was fucked. He wanted to braid Harry's hair and cuddle him in...what?! He was going insane, seriously. 

"Harry, you've got some nasty red spots all over your face. Doesn't look very pretty." Nick scoffed, and Louis was so close to opening his mouth, but he managed to keep himself under control. He wanted to kick him in the shin for making such comments. Poor Harry...he didn't deserve that. "Maybe you should ask Lou to do your make-up again, eh?" Harry looked down at the floor and just nodded, not saying a word. He looked about five years old and very small as he shuffled back to the make-up room. "Zayn, babe? You look fabulous. Absolutely flawless." Nick continued, and Zayn blushed, smiling lovingly. Louis was pretty sure that Nick had brainwashed him, cause the Zayn he knew would never accept being treated like a object. Why couldn't Liam...oh, fuck it. Louis needed to mind his own business, really. "Harry where are you? We're waiting. Hurry up." Louis honestly did not understand Nick at all. He made no freaking sense...one minute he was telling Harry to leave, and the next, ragging on him for not being there. Dickhead. Harry reappeared and his face was emotionless...Louis hated it. 

"Can we get over with this, now that we're all ready? I like the outfit,by the way, Lee." Harry announced, giving Lee a smile that seemed genuine but also sad at the same time. Harry looked really good...amazing even. Lee had chosen well. Louis winked at Harry, but Harry unfortunately didn't even notice. 

"Why would you like this, Harry? I think you've gained some weight and should I be honest? It'd look much better on someone with Zayn's body. And you still don't have any facial hair. Are you even a man? I mean, look, the thing is-" Nick said scanning Harry's body in a judgmental way. Harry's eyes filled with tears, and however hard he tried to hide it, Louis saw, and that's what made him snap. 

"You know what Nick? You can just shut the hell up. Who do you even think you are? You're not nearly as successful as Harry, and who gave you the right to judge someone else's appearance when you don't look even half as good? Oh, right, no one! This shooting is over. We won't take any more photos, at least, not with you around. I'm sure there are more than enough photos that can be used, even if we don't get pictures in these outfits. You're ruining the photos, or maybe we should just keep you in them so everyone can see how much better Harry looks compared to your fucking ugly face. You're a pathetic little joke and I have no idea what your problem is, but you've sure as hell got one! So I'll ask you once to leave this building or it's gonna get ugly. I am not even kidding, I will give you a good kick up the ass if you don't get the hell out of here. Leave Harry the fuck alone, you jealous asshole!" Louis bellowed into Nick's face, gripping him tightly by the collar to make his point. Nick just laughed. 

"Oh, Harry just can't accept the fact that he's not as pretty as you all make him out to be. Even his family hates him. I mean, that's pretty telling about how much he sucks, if you ask me." Nick added, and before he could say anything else, Louis' fist flew into his face, making a satisfying crunching sound as it connected with Nick's nose. With that, Louis grabbed Harry's arm and dragged him from the studio without a backward glance. 


	6. Feelings

"Come on, Harry! Let's get out of here. I don't want you anywhere near that prick! I can't believe he said such things. He'll regret this...karma is a fucking bitch. I was so close to just punching him in the face again and knocking him flat on his ass. What a fucking-" Louis ranted, but Harry suddenly came to an halt, turning to look Louis dead in the eye.

"Why did you defend me?" Harry asked quielty, tears still visible in the corner of his eyes. By instinct Louis gently wiped them aways with his thumb. His finger lingered on Harry's cheek for a little to long as he looked into sad green eyes, but didn't notice that he was doing it until Harry tried to back off just a little. "Why would you..why?" he asked again, his brows coming together in slight confusion.

"Because I'm someone who cares, Harry. And Nick is an asshole and someone like you doesn't deserve to be treated like that. Nobody does, but especially not you, okay? I can't believe he did that!" Louis answered, disgruntled. He was fuming with anger and was considering walking back to finish what he started. How could someone like Nick, someone who wasn't as successful or as outstandingly good looking as Harry be so violating. He literally was a nobody and he definitely didn't know what respect was. Louis wanted to set him on fire and watch him burn! How could Nick have done this to such a cute person like Harry?

It's not like anybody would deserve this, but when it came to Harry, Louis' protective side took over to the point where he would probably stab someone if they so much as glared at Harry. Louis wanted to make the taller man feel safe at all costs, even if he couldn't exactly figure out why yet. He had never felt this protective ever before, but he kind of liked it, loved it even. Sure, he had always been a protective big brother until some things had happened, but this was a whole new level of protective instinct and caring about someone. It was different, but he just knew it was right. Nobody had the right to make those mesmerizing green eyes lose their sparkle. Louis wanted to see the carefree and happy Harry he had seen several times by now. He just felt the need to make Harry happy, for fuck's sake!

"You didn't have to, Louis" Harry whispered shyly, looking at the ground and fiddling with his fingers nervously, his feet pointing insecurely inwards. Louis couldn't have that. He needed the sun to rise in front of him again, he just needed Harry to smile. He needed to come up with an idea. Fuck the job, the shooting, just fuck all of it. It was all about Harry now...Harry, who seemed to love surprises and always reacted to them like a little child and-

"I've had an idea. Let's just forget about this asshole, he's not worth our thoughts. Let's do something fun. I want to see that beautiful smile of yours again, and I'm gonna make it happen. It's not that late, and I think I have the perfect surprise for you. I will not accept a no. Let's drive to the hotel first, change into something we feel comfortable in, and then...Ah, whatever. You'll see! Just trust me, okay? I know you'll like it, Harry!" Louis announced happily and once again gently grabbed Harry's arm to drag him along. To his surprise, Harry went willingly.

XXXX

"Okay Louis, where are we going, seriously?" Harry, who was now dressed in some super tight black skinny jeans (that left literally nothing to the imagination) and a black-red floral patterned Yves Saint Laurent shirt, asked for the fifth time in a row, but Louis, who also wore black jeans in combination with an Adidas jacket, refused to give anything away. He wanted to see Harry's eyes light up and he just knew they would! They just had to. There was simply no way they couldn't, not with where Louis was taking them. Louis turned a corner and counted down from five until the sign came into view. He watched as Harry's eyes widened and got brighter as he read the sign before them, and a little smile started to form on his face.

"Oh my god, really? I've never been to Disneyland before, Louis. Oh my god, there are so many people! Oh god, what...how..." He grinned at Louis and then turned around, looking out of the car's window again. "But...fuck, we'll have to wait for hours to get inside...the lines are ridiculous." The moment Harry said that, Louis just giggled and smiled smugly as they passed by all of the cars, just driving through another separate gate. Louis bit his lip, smiling to himself and Harry gaped at him. "Louis, you can't just do that!"

"Watch me, Styles." Louis announced when the colorful barrier in front of their car just opened magically. "It's Disneyland, Harry. Time for some magic, eh? Maybe I'm a wizard!" Louis laughed and Harry's eyes widened even more, watching the huge park appear before him. Louis turned his head to glance at Harry quickly and noticed that the younger man had definitely relaxed a bit. This had definitely been one of his best ideas yet. He was a genius, okay? A genius who not only wanted to make the curly haired beauty sitting next to him happy, but impress him as well. He liked him a bit too much for his own good, he guessed. "Well then let's park the car and get going!"

It only took them five minutes to park Louis expensive black BMW, and the car had barely stopped moving before Harry almost jumped out the window in his excitement. He seemed to have forgotten completely about Nick, or had at least stopped worrying about it for now, if his smile was any indication. It hadn't been like that at all when they had returned to the hotel. Harry had locked himself in the bathroom for about fifteen minutes until Louis could somehow convince him to come out. Harry had definitely been crying, since his eyes were all puffy, but Louis didn't comment on it at all...he just waited for the tall man to get ready, letting him take his time. Louis needed to give him a little push whenever he had hesitated, but in the end, it had worked out, and here they were.

When Louis opened the car's door, he could already hear the loud, cheerful voices of people everywhere. He could hear children singing Disney songs and teens laughing happily, talking in multiple languages, and it made him happy to see Harry so excited. He also spotted some couples in the distance and he just knew this was the perfect distraction for Harry. Nobody would be left cold visiting Disneyland, okay? Nobody! Not even a sad puppy-eyed model named Harry Styles. Louis locked the car and went to stand right next to Harry. He didn't even ask for the permission to link arms with Harry, he just did it. His mission had been clear from the very beginning: He'd make this day Harry's, and Harry's only.

"I know where we'll be going first, Styles. A great afternoon at Disneyland needs to be planned! So first thing first, we need to get you the perfect outfit!" Harry looked like he wanted to protest, but he didn't even get the chance to do so because Louis continued on excitedly, talking about what they could do as he walked an astonished Harry towards the Disney Village Stores, the Disney Fashion Store to be exact. "I'm not accepting any no's, remember?" Harry gaped at Louis who just rolled his eyes. "I'm being serious. I'll buy you a Disney outfit and put you in it whether you like it or not, you giraffe. So I suggest you pick something yourself unless you want me to dress you as Donald Duck!" Harry laughed, he genuinely just burst out laughing, and Louis had to contain his huge smile as they walked into the store side by side.

Louis himself was impressed, seeing all of this trendy T-shirt prints right in front of his eyes. Funny designs and cuts and a whole host of ridiculous fashion-forward accessories were waiting there to transform everyone into a disney figure. You could buy normal shirts with Disney figures printed on them, but you could also buy full costumes like as Donald Duck or Cinderella! Louis felt the magic of Disney and to be quite honest, he also felt like a ten year old boy, but who cared! He knew he'd find a style for Harry Styles (bad pun haha), but he was surprised to find that Harry was already looking for something himself. He laughed about a blue shirt with Olaf the snowman printed on it and Louis giggled even harder when he held it in front of his body.

"I think that's about 200 sizes to small for me, Louis! What am I going to do now, eh? I can just dress my thumb with it, if you want, but I'm afraid this won't fit me." Harry said, and Louis could see a bit of the shine coming back to his eyes already. "Maybe I should look for something else." Louis nodded and then spotted a pink shirt with Minnie Mouse printed on it. Louis didn't know if heshould...but it would look so cute on Harry. Suddenly, Harry stopped walking and sighed and Louis turned, confused. "Louis, I think it's bad idea dressing up." Louis must have misheard him, really. "I will look like an idiot wearing this. I can't dress up like Goofey or something like that. It'd be fun, but I just...I don't think..."

"I'm sorry, I must not have heard you...and I think you must suffer from Alzheimer's, young Harold. I already told you that I won't accept any no's today, love." Louis replied turning his whole body towards Harry, watching as Harry's eyes gazed at the floor once more. The older man took a step forward and put his finger underneath Harry's chin, lifting it up so he could look into Harry's eyes. "Don't look at the floor, love. Someone like you should only walk around with your chin up and your head held high, got me? And I want to look into your eyes cause I might have a thing for them. Don't you dare comment on it!" Louis added as an afterthought, almost blushing. Harry gave him a weak half smile. "Yeah, about that smile. We'll be working on that!" Harry's smile grew a bit bigger. "See, it's already working. Told you...I'm a powerful wizard!" There suddenly was this weird moment between them, with Louis' finger still under Harry's chin and their eyes were still locked onto each other's, and for a moment, time stopped. That is, until someone behind them cleared their throat and they both snapped out of it, looking around.

"I don't want to interrupt you two lovebirds, but do you need any help?" a blonde young woman, dressed up as Rapunzel, asked them, grinning widely. She scanned Harry's body and Louis wrapped his arm around Harry's waist almost protectively. He just wanted to...oh fuck, the touching thing. He removed his arm as quickly as he had placed it there. Lovebirds? Ridiculous.

"I don't think so. I've been here so many times, I know where to find everything" Louis told her and she nodded. That was a lie since he had only ever been here twice (today excluded), but he didn't like her. Harry looked confused, but Louis didn't care cause he needed to get rid of people who were staring at Harry. No people were allowed to be around this boy besides him today. Nobody! The woman smiled at them and left them be. "I have an idea." Louis said, turning his attention to the pink Minnie Mouse shirt again. He just knew Harry would love it, and it most definitely wasn't because he thought Harry would look good in pink. Definitely not.

"An idea?" Harry asked, now more confused than ever. "Will you force me to dress up as Prince Charming?" Louis almost considered changing his mind, because hell, Harry was basically the model for Prince Charming, the face, the curls, the dimples, and definitely the bright eyes...Fuck, Louis needed to stop almost drooling over him. Minnie Mouse shirt, right. That was it. Louis bit his lip and reached for the pink shirt. Harry gaped at him and shook his head quickly. "No way!"

"Oh definitely. You'll look fabulous in this, Minnie!" Louis said, grinning from ear to ear as he held it up in front of Harry's chest, seeing how it might look on him. "Put it on. You can't say no either way!" Harry grumbled, took the shirt and pulled it over his head. His emerald green eyes widened and so did Louis'. He had to make a conscious effort not to let his mouth drop open. Harry in this shirt would be his new religion, okay? He'd worship this for the rest of his life, fucking hell. The pink color was the perfect contrast to his pale skin and he didn't even start with what the color did to Harry's lips. Oh, god. They now looked even pinker and shit, Louis was starting at Harry's plump perfectly formed lips for far to long, but how was he supposed to not? Adonis himself was standing right in front of him wearing a fucking Disney shirt.

"Okay. I look like a-" Harry started to interject but Louis reached for a stuffed Donald Duck and threw it right into his face.

"You look really good, love. I like it. It's cute and so are you." Louis said, not even realizing what he had just confessed. Yeah...fuck it, he really thought Harry was as cute as a button. "Really good. Can I buy it for you?" Harry gaped at him but held up a finger, his lips curving up in a smirk.

"Only if I can choose a shirt for you too! No's aren't allowed. Too bad. My turn!" Harry said, reaching for a smaller dark blue Mickey Mouse shirt, apparently not thinking about the fact that he had just suggested that they wear couple-shirts. Harry bit his lip, grinning.

"Sneaky. I like that." Louis confessed, laughing. "Fine we'll buy both of them!" Harry clapped his hands like a child and Louis glanced at him fondly. How was it even possible for someone to be so adorable? "But we definitely aren't done shopping!"

XXXX

"No way in hell. I won't eat that!" Harry complained, crossing his arms like a pouty child, but Louis didn't care at all. He'd make Harry at least try all of his favorite things to eat at Disneyland.

"You will be eating a hell of a lot today, whether you like it or not. And what have you eaten today anyway? I didn't see you grab any breakfast..." Louis asked Harry, pursing his lips and waiting for an answer. Harry looked at the The Lucky Nugget Saloon sign and scrunched up his nose. "Tell me?"

"Um I've had...fine. Nothing yet. I only had some bulletproof coffee this morning. I didn't get hungry, though." Harry announced and Louis' jaw dropped. Harry had to be kidding. Bulletproof coffee? Really? Of course he didn't get hungry, that's why you drink that disgusting shit. Louis knew that all of those size zero models drank this crap to stay skinny, but who on earth would have thought Harry drank coffee with butter and coconut oil in it? Disgusting, really. Time to change that, holy shit. Just this moment Louis' stomach growled and he had to roll his eyes, even if he was still sorely shocked.

"Well, Curly, that's just too bad, cause you're here with me and you're following my rules today. Fish&Chips it is! It's delicious, okay? Just trust me!" Louis answered, but Harry couldn't stand still anymore, shifting from one foot to another as he watched the food in Louis hands narrowly. Something was wrong, but Louis just couldn't imagine what he had done wrong. He had only bought some Fish&Chips for him and Harry. Maybe Harry didn't like fish? Shit, he should've asked. What an idiot he was. "Damn. I didn't ask you if you even like fish. I'm sorry! I'm such a dork! Do you want something else? I can go get something else if you-"

"No, it's not... I love fish..." Harry mumbled quietly, eyeing the food curiously. "I don't...I just don't usually eat such things?" What was he talking about? Such things? How can you not like deep- fried potatoes and fish? That's life! Deep-fried shit for president, really! Louis would petition for everything to be deep fried, really. He had even had deep fried chocolate once...that had been a disaster, but that was beside the point.

"Then dig in, Curly!" Louis said, laughing as took a piece of fish and threw it into his own mouth. He waited for Harry to do the same, except he didn't. Louis swallowed and Harry was just staring at the food, not moving. Louis was confused. "Harry what's wrong? Why don't you just eat it if you like fish? I swear, it tastes amazing!" Harry nodded, trying to offer a smile, but he looked sad again. He wordlessly turned around and sat down on the wall behind them. Louis furrowed his brow but did the same, looking at the other man curiously. What had happened? Had he said something wrong? Oh my god, why did he always have to mess up?

"I don't wanna get fat," Harry whispered, and Louis' head snapped up so fast he almost broke his neck. "I never eat such things. Like...ever." He never ate such things. What?

"What do you mean? Didn't you tell me last night that you wanted to eat unhealthy shit? I don't understand? And what the hell, Curly? You don't have to watch your figure. You have a great body, fucking perfect, for god's sake. I'd murder for a body like yours!"

 "No I don't. It's...no. And I don't know. Unhealthy shit? Maybe I would've eaten a bit of wheat bread?" Harry mumbled just as quietly as before, and Louis had to shake his head. Wheat bread...Unhealthy. What the fuck?

"Wheat bread. Harry that's...I know a lot of people, especially in our branch, who eat wholemeal bread, but once in a while everyone eats unhealthy stuff. I mean what is life if you can't enjoy good food? How does one live without chocolate, nuggets, burgers or some simple things such as hot chocolate? Or marshmallows, god, I love marshmallows!"

"I stopped eating all of that stuff a long time ago. Haven't had candy in years..." Harry told Louis, to which the smaller man just stared at him, dumbfounded. "I...I don't know if I should do this, Louis. I feel so stupid talking about it, but as a model, I just...you know?"

"Yeah...can we stop with this bullshit now? It's your day and if you want to eat all of this shit today, you're perfectly entitled to it. You can be a little bit stupid for one day, can't you? And I really really suggest that you taste this. You'll miss out on it, Harry. Open your mouth, come on!" Louis replied grinning at an insecure Harry. He grabbed a piece of fish and before Harry knew what was going on or before he even got the chance to think about it twice, Louis literally shoved it into his mouth. Harry's whole facial expression changed the moment he started to chew, and by the look on his face, all ideas about being 100% healthy had just gone straight out the window. Louis knew that he'd totally ruin Harry's healthy way of living from now on (on purpose). They were friends now and he definitely would be the worst influence ever. Harry suddenly moaned and Louis jumped, not expecting it at all. He looked over at Harry just to be sure that he hadn't been hearing things, but at that moment, Harry did it again. He fucking moaned, his eyes closed, savoring the fish. Louis watched Harry chewing the piece of fish with a growing smile playing around his lips.

"Oh my fucking god." Harry said moaning once again opening his eyes slowly. Louis did totally not think about Harry moaning during other things. He did not! They were friends and friends did not imagine those kind of things. "Shit, you were right. This is so good. Holy...I don't even know what to say!" Harry looked like a child, smiling stupidly, and he continued eating until the last piece was finally gone. Louis was so busy watching Harry happily eating and enjoying something as simple as this take-away, that he totally forgot to eat himself. He took in every single cute noise Harry made, took in ever single joyful facial expression, and he just couldn't stop admiring how pretty Harry was. Louis didn't really know why he wanted to touch his nose or why he wanted to push that loose stand of curly hair behind Harry's sweet little ear, but he just did, yeah? He just couldn't find a single thing about Harry that he didn't like. Harry was just imperfectly perfect from head to toe. "- you finished?"

"What?" Louis asked, snapping out of deep thoughts. He stared at Harry, who was lightheartedly sitting there waiting for a response. Too bad Louis hadn't listened at all, being too focused on the lovely creature next to him. Louis looked down, trying to figure out what Harry might have been saying, and he caught sight of their feet. While Harry's black boots touched the ground fully, Louis' feet barely reached it. Why exactly was he so fond of Harry's very uncoordinated feet again?

"I asked you if you have finished?" Harry repeated himself and Louis definitely hadn't, but he wasn't hungry anymore at all, so he nodded. Harry winked and Louis heart started to pound so hard he thought he'd pass out. He had no clue what happened to him, but Harry did something to his body that he had never experienced before. He even flinched when Harry took the still half filled blue box out of his hands to throw it away and their fingers brushed together. What was happening? Why did he feel so...so...fuck, he couldn't describe the warm feeling inside him at all! "What next, Lou?" Lou. Yeah, Louis would definitely pass out soon...but he would have to wait. He had a Harry to make happy.

"Let's buy some candy, shall we?" Louis suggested, cause he usually always had some sort of dessert after he ate, and he needed Harry to try everything, because it was all so amazing and delicious. He already had the perfect place to go to! He'd take Harry to Cookie Kitchen first andthen buy him all of the goodies he could get at Boardwalk Candy Palace! He really wanted to spoil the shit out of Harry today, and the longer he thought about it, the more he realized he'd not only want this for today. In fact, he had already started to spoil Harry a bit earlier, but that was only for Louis himself to know. "Follow me!" Harry cracked a smile and after a short walk they reached said Cookie Kitchen. Louis bought Harry a pink Minnie Mouse cupcake (oh yes, Minnie Mouse again) with a glittery white topping, three macaroons (pink, brown and green), and two cake-pops (Donald Duck and a flower-shaped one). Harry just gaped at the older man when he came out of the shop, putting all of those things down on the table where Harry had been waiting for him.

"That's way too much, Louis! Nobody can eat all of this! Besides, it's way too pretty to eat!" Harry complained (in a not so serious way), especially pointing at the flower-shaped cake-pops. "Look, it's such a beautiful flower. How is someone even supposed to eat that masterpiece? I bet it took them hours to make it." Louis rolled his eyes affectionately, literally shoving the cake-pop into Harry's face.

"Eat," he commanded and Harry's eyes lit up. He was such a child at heart. Louis knew there had to be more to Harry and he had been right! "No counting of calories or anything like that for today. If you want, we can eat all of your healthy stuff tomorrow, but today you'll eat whatever you want to and enjoy life, okay? And I can see that you, in fact, want to taste this on your tongue." Harry stuck out his tongue before he bit into the cake pop, grinning like an idiot, and Louis was helplessly attracted to the curly haired man and totally endeared by this gesture. Who on earth would stick out their tongue beforehand? How cute was that? "You like it?"

"Tastes amazing. I mean, cake is just... I've always loved cake, until I'd stopped eating it, but yeah. It's delicious, Lou! I...umm...Thank you for all of this, really." Harry sighed. "I never thought this day would turn out to-"

"You do realize we haven't done anything apart from eating, right? There are roller coasters and Arcades a lot of other things to explore! So don't thank me yet, okay? Just have some fun," Louis said, leaning his head forward to bite into the cake pop that Harry was holding out for him.

XXXX

After having plucked up the courage to explore the mysterious land of Adventure Isle and walking through Alice's Curious Labyrinth (even if it originally was meant for the little ones), they had went to Art Of Disney Animation. Harry had been excited to see how Disney movies were being made, whereas Louis was excited to simply watch Harry being all carefree.

Louis liked Autopia where you could drive around in a colorful scenery, but since Harry wanted to drive, it only took Louis about five minutes to get distracted observing Harry driving a yellow old- timer. Harry got happier and happier the more they did. He was especially excited when they went to Buzz Lightyear Blast next, maneuvering space cruisers through shadowy Gamma Quadrants to fire lasers to help Buzz defeat his enemies. It was so much fun that they had to take a break afterwards so that they could stop laughing. They then had decided it was about time to try out Crush' Coaster, Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Peril and Lès Mysteres du Nautilus.

Both of them wanted to do so much more, but it had gotten late and rather dark by the time they had left Mad Hatter's Teacups, so that they only had time for one more thing before Disneyland would close its doors for the day. They had gotten so much closer over the day that Harry had even let Louis touch his shoulders or arms from time to time. He at least hadn't complained once and Louis, most of the time, hadn't even noticed that he touched his friend, to be quite honest. He simply put his arm around Harry's shoulders by instinct or gently pushed him forwards when Harry had hesitated trying out some things. It had been simple, really, but there was one thing left Louis wanted to do; The Ferris Wheel.

 "Up for one last thing, Harry?" Louis asked Harry, his arm wrapped around Harry's waist. How it had gotten there? No clue. Harry didn't seem bothered, at least, he didn't move away from Louis. Louis was sure it was a nice and handy little progress for their friendship. Harry nodded and, as always, Louis guided him towards the attraction. The illuminated Ferris Wheel made Harry look even more beautiful, since the colors reflected in his eyes. The green eyed man looked up at the huge wheel in front of him and shook his head slowly, but Louis didn't let him protest.

He pushed Harry a bit and as always just went right through, not even paying attention to the queue. He really had wondered all day why Harry had never asked how it was possible for them to just go through and not wait like all of the other people, but he also had been glad the question never came up. Answering it would probably have caused some new problems or confusion. Maybe Harry had been so excited he hadn't even noticed properly, the cutie he was.

The cars only seated two people and Louis was glad about it. He definitely stuck with his resolution not to share Harry with anyone else today. Hold on...he didn't mean it like that...He meant it not like... fuck. If he was being completely honest, he had been a selfish prick too, not wanting to share this lovely ball of sunshine. He had never thought his plan of making Harry happy would work out as well as it did, but it had, and what better way to end the day than showing Harry a beautiful view? Of course, Louis also thought it'd be a great opportunity to talk, just the two of them, kind of isolated. It sounded great to Louis to be completely alone with Harry for about twenty minutes.

They sat down next to each other and an employee closed the car's door. Harry kept quiet until the Ferris Wheel started to move, then looked down, enjoying the great view. "Wow, Louis look!" he suddenly said, pointing at the Disney Castle. "It's so beautiful! I wish we could've gone there too! Maybe next time?"

Next time? Louis was definitely up for a next time. He'd go anywhere with Harry, really, just so he could see Harry bite his lip and smile like the fucking sun. Harry was next to him, squeaking every time he caught sight of a place they had gone today, and Louis was hopelessly endeared. Harry turned back to look at Louis, his eyes shining, and Louis, by instinct, tucked a stray piece of hair behind his ear. Louis often found himself wanting to do this, but he only acted on it once before, and now this.

Harry shifted a bit closer, their knees touching, and Louis' breath caught in his chest. Harry, completely unexpectedly, leaned his head against Louis' right shoulder, sighing happily. The curly haired boy looked up at Louis, giving him a sparkly eyed smile and at that moment, Louis figured out why he had been feeling warm and fuzzy today.

For the first time in his life, Louis was falling in love with someone.

XXXX

After tossing and turning in bed for hours, Louis gave up on sleep around 4 AM. He should have been sleeping soundly, considering he was sharing a bed with a very innocent looking Harry, but that was part of the reason that he wasn't sleeping at all.

He had just had figured out that he was slowly falling for the other man and it scared him, okay? He'd never felt like that around anyone else in his entire life and he simply didn't know how to deal with those kind of feelings. He felt like an idiot being all nervous, giddy, and fidgety around Harry, but he couldn't help it. It was just there. Basically, he had no fucking clue what to do with himself.

So, as a result of that, he had been laying in bed for hours, creepily observing Harry. He'd been thinking about his first impression of Harry, about his first random thought of pulling those wonderful curls before he even knew who they belonged to, about Harry's endless long legs, about his perfectly toned chest, about his eyes. Louis hadn't been lying at all when he'd admitted that he had a thing for Harry's eyes. He just couldn't deny it! His captivating dark green eyes literallyoverwhelmed Louis and he felt like a fucking sap for thinking that he wanted to look into Harry's breathtaking eyes for the rest of his life, but it was the truth. He was already so far gone for the boy that he had genuinely asked himself why he had ever thought about punching Harry in the face. He would've been lying if he'd said he didn't hate him in the beginning, but he really didn't know better. Harry had been a right pain in the ass, but now? He'd probably lick his shoes if Harry treated him like that again. He found it hot when Harry acted a bit big-headed around him. Louis needed help, and fast.

He had been thinking about Harry for far too long, but in all of that thinking, he tried to figure out what to do, and the only thing he came up with was to talk to Liam. Liam would understand, or at least be able to help him understand what the hell was going on in his mind. So he had carefully gotten up, making sure not to wake up the angel laying next to him, and left the bedroom, in the middle of the fucking night. Louis knew that Liam and Niall were still at the hotel, but he had nevertheless completely forgotten about the fact that the two assistants were supposed to leave early in the morning already. They had work to do before Louis and Harry would return home, but that completely slipped Louis' mind.

So when Louis had knocked on their door and nobody opened, he pulled out his phone and called Liam, who answered the door minutes later looking extremely grumpy. Louis had understood Liam would probably want to kill him, but Liam, as his best friend, had always said that he'd be there for Louis when he'd need to talk, no matter when. And this time it was an emergency, cause Louis just stood there in the doorway on the verge of panic. Liam was awake in seconds and he took Louis out on the balcony (it was freezing cold, ugh), talking to him until he calmed down, and assuring him that it was totally normal to act like an idiot around someone you fancied.

It had taken Liam another hour to encourage Louis to just keep on going and see if anything came of it. Neither of them had thought about Niall being Harry's boyfriend while they had been talking, and Louis didn't even think about it when he said goodbye to them both when he left (Niall had been dead to the world until right before Louis had walked out the door). He walked back to the room and hopped in the shower, deciding that he would order room service for him and Harry as soon as he was done. He wanted to wake up Harry with a wonderful breakfast already waiting for him. In Louis' opinion, sleep was overrated anyway.

"Thank you again for yesterday, Louis," Harry mumbled before lifting up his cup of tea to take a sip. Green tea a bit of lemon but no sugar. Of course no sugar. Louis had convinced Harry that it'd be important to have breakfast and he was fucking proud of it. That Harry even agreed on eating some bread made Louis even happier. It should've been something natural, really, but since Harry had told him yesterday he actually never ate things like that, not to mention in the morning, it was quite a feat that Louis had convinced him of something like this. Harry swallowed his tea and looked up through his lashes at Louis. "It was the best day, really. I wish we could do something like that again."

Again? Did Harry just say he'd do something like that with Louis again? Louis inner alarm went off. Louis needed to come up with a plan ASAP. He wanted his boy happy. This boy. Not his. This. Definitely this. Harry. Harry Styles. He wanted to make Harry Styles happy.

"You free today? Ah, of course you are. No responsibilities. No work. No photoshoots. And we still have two or three days off. I've got plans for us, Harold." Louis announced, despite the fact that he didn't have a single plan in mind whatsoever. He just had issues connecting his brain to his mouth whenever Harry was around. And of course, Harry just happened to be wearing a sheer black Gucci shirt and tight pants, possibly tighter than yesterday's, and his hair was still damp from the shower, making his wet curls frame his face in the most amazing way. In easier terms, Louis got distracted easily.

Not only had it been torture to not being allowed to snuggle up against him while lying in bed, but it had even gotten worse when Harry had decided to take a quick shower after waking up, which was nearly torture for Louis. Absolutely the worst! The fucker hadn't even thought about putting clothes on, coming out of the bathroom with a tiny pink (oh yes, fucking pink) towel wrapped around his hips. Louis had a feeling that if he ever saw that again, he might actually pass out, and it was a miracle that he hadn't this time.

At that moment, he had unfortunately (and completely randomly) remembered that Harry was in fact taken, which made it even worse for Louis, since his revelation of liking Harry too much for his own good. That's why he had decided to remind himself every freaking minute from now on that Harry was Niall's, and Niall's only. He fucking hated Niall. Louis really couldn't understand why Niall hadn't even tried to spend yesterday with Harry. He hadn't even called after their (absolutely shitty) shooting. He hadn't even texted Harry goodnight! How did Louis know these things? Well, he'd been with Harry all day, and Harry hadn't even checked his phone once. Harry deserved so much better, really. Louis wanted to punch Niall in the face. Fucking Niall.

"We're going to the Zoo!" Louis said happily, smiling at Harry fondly as he came up with an idea on the spot. His voice sounded soft and he cursed himself inwardly. He was being too obvious...he needed to rid himself of these feelings as soon as humanly possible, if that was even possible. He needed to distance himself a bit from Harry, really. But what he had just suggested felt like as if he had just asked Harry out again. Louis had feelings for Harry that shouldn't be there, since the curly haired model was taken. Wait shit...hold the fuck on. Yesterday hadn't been a date. Not at all. No dates. No, no, no. Nope. There was no date, there was no 'again', no. Not at all.

XXXX

"I can't believe we're really going to the Zoo! I haven't been to a Zoo since... actually, I've never been to a Zoo before..." Harry says, his voice trailing off, and Louis jaw drops. Never? That couldn't be possible. Louis must have been stuck in some kind of parallel universe thinking too much about Harry again. "I've always wanted to go, though. I mean my sister Gemma and I...I mean...Oh my god, Louis are there going to be penguins?" He had seemed to be pretty down at the thought of his sister, but the moment he thought about penguins, his eyes were wide and sparkling and he looked like a little kid again.

"Never? Like never ever?" Louis asked, furrowing his brow in disbelief. "How comes you've never been to a Zoo, Harold? You're shitting me, aren't you? You're a Zoo-virgin, baby!" Did he just say baby? Fucking hell, he had it bad for him. If Harry really hadn't been to a Zoo before, Louis needed to make it special. He wanted to show him all of the animals and make him a happy little bean again! Louis quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket, sending a quick text. Having done that, he smiled to himself. He'd totally make it an eventful and memorable day! Go big or go home!

"No, I'm being honest, Lou. So are there penguins? You wanna know a secret? Of course you want to, shit. I love penguins, Lou! I've never seen a real penguin, but they are so fucking adorable, oh god." Harry rambled, and Louis watched his lips while he was talking. Harry had the most beautiful pink lips. Louis was absolutely amazed. How could someone be so mesmerized and entertained by such little things? Wow.

"Wanna see the penguins first then, Harry?" Louis suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. Harry looked on the verge of jumping up and down for joy, and nodded excitedly. Louis chuckled at his excitement, and looked over at Harry, just drinking in the sight of him. Harry stopped, biting his lip in thought, and then without a word, slid his hand into Louis'. The smaller man's heart started to pound furiously, and he was afraid that Harry would hear it. He felt hot all over and butterflies were erupting in his stomach. For a second, he even thought he must be hearing angels sing or shit like that, cause he was totally overwhelmed. Their fingers had somehow become entwined by instinct, Harry's hand in the front while Louis was holding Harry's big paws from behind. At that moment, Louis just looked down at their hands, finally starting to process that this was not a dream and that it was actually happening. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and his brain apparently decided that it was totally time for a beaming smile. He was grinning like an idiot, and decided heshould probably start walking before Harry realized that he was having a minor heart attack or changed his mind about holding Louis' hand. Maybe the pearl of beauty next to him hadn't even noticed what he had done until now. Oh god, did Louis just describe him as a pearl of beauty? He was so fucked.

Louis just started to walk, guiding Harry towards where he thought the penguins would be. He had never been to this freaking Zoo either, but he needed to do something or otherwise he'd pass out right on the spot. Harry, who more than obviously had a problem with letting people touch him, had just taken Louis hand voluntarily and he was not letting go! Fucking hell, Louis needed to get his shit together. Penguins. Penguins. Sign. Left side. Penguins. Turn left. Penguins. For fuck's sake. Penguins. Oh god, he didn't find them.

"Lou, why are you breathing so weirdly? Are you alright? Stop walking, please, are you okay?" Harry said, coming to an halt and turning slowly so that he was facing Louis. He was too close. Way too close. There was simply no way Louis would survive this! He was too fucking close. Louis couldn't breathe. Pun of the year? Harry was breathtaking in the literal sense of word. "Louis, you're scaring me." He scared him? What? No, no, no! Earth to Louis! Mayday! Mayday! Emergency. All Louis could think of was their hands, so he did the only thing that still seemed to work. He lightly squeezed Harry's hand. Harry, on the other hand didn't get the hint, literally staring through Louis as though he wasn't even there. What the fuck was he looking at? "Oh my god." Louis snapped out of his thoughts, looking at him questioningly while still trying to calm his nerves. He wanted to hold Harry's soft hands for the rest of his life.

Fuck, how could they be so sof- and suddenly Harry's hand was gone as Harry ran away from him, leaving a dumbfounded Louis standing in the middle of the path that was leading from one compound to another. What the fuck? "Louis. look at the penguins! Oh my god, come over here! Hurry up, they are so adorable!" This was supposed to be a joke, wasn't it? Was this even real life? Had Harry just found them? Now?! Louis was about to die and Harry was more interested in watching penguins? Okay, where the fuck was the hidden camera? Louis wanted to fight. "Louis!" That was his name. Yes. Louis exhaled and walked over to Harry. Would Harry take his hand again? Would Louis survive this? Who even was he kidding. He was already almost dead, and if Harry so much as touched him again, he may explode. "Lou! Lou! They're so chubby and they're waddling around and I want to tell them how cute they are. Oh god, I want a penguin. The left one! I bet it's a girl. Can I give her a name? Can I call it Diana?" Diana? What a stupid fucking annoying name!

"Yes you can, babe." Louis said, cause he was a fool for Harry. He cleared his throat, trying to make himself sound normal, as his voice had gone all soft again as he spoke to Harry. "Excuse me for a minute, Styles?" Harry just nodded, clearly not paying any attention to anything but the penguins. Louis shook his head with a laugh, forgetting all of the panic of moments before. Louis just walked around the corner, looking for a person that was supposed to be there. He didn't find anyone, so he knocked the door of the small cabin right next to the Penguin's compound.

"Oui! Un moment s'il vouz plaît!" a deep voice shouted, sounding flustered. Louis waited, realizing that his limited knowledge of the French language would be a problem, but he didn't have much of a choice. He had completely forgotten that they were still in France. The door flew open at that moment and a man stood before him. "Me voici!" Well, right. Okay he got the message. Something like "Please wait" and now "Here I am." Louis couldn't speak French for shit, so he decided English would have to do.

"Um hello! My assistant must have called you a couple of minutes ago? Tomlinson? Louis Tomlinson?" The man nodded happily, giving him a thumbs up. So this was settled. Good. Time to surprise his sunshine! The grey haired man, who had to be around 50 years old, Louis guessed, guided him back to where Harry was still watching the penguins, all caught up in their every move. Such a child. The man seemed to be waiting for Louis to speak up or something, so Louis carefully tapped Harry's shoulder. Harry didn't even flinch, turning around instantly and beaming at Louis,who couldn't stop his heart from jumping out of control again. Could Harry stop being so fucking perfect? God! "Do you like the penguins, Harry?"

"Of course, Louis. They're even better than in movies. One of them even dove under a minute ago. It was hilarious to watch! You should've seen it! I called her Dory!" Louis fondly rolled his eyes.

"Would you like to touch a penguin?" Louis asked, already knowing the answer to his question. Of course Harry would want to! He'd go bananas. The man standing behind Louis just waited for them with a weird smile playing around his lips. Louis couldn't care less at the moment, and he watched as Harry's face morphed into a mixture of confusion and pure excitement.

"Touch what? What do you mean?" Harry asked, quickly adding "Are you for real now? Like touching-touch? How? What? LOUIS!" Louis giggled gesturing kindly at the man behind him. Harry gaped at the both of them, his cheeks coloring for seemingly no reason. If Louis had thought Harry couldn't get any sweeter, he had been dead wrong. Did Harry taste like sugar? What a fucking weird thought. Penguins. Yes.

"C'mon. I have a surprise for you then, I suppose." Louis announced as the man fiddled around with some keys he had been holding. "Come with me. Let's go meet some penguins." Harry wasn't able to answer. He looked at Louis, trying to form words, but he simply wasn't capable, so Louis just gave him a little push to get him to start walking. Harry smiled down at the floor and the usual loose stand of curly hair fell into his face. Louis mentally slapped his hand that was already reaching out, ready to push it behind Harry's small, perfectly shaped ear. Ears. Yeah, right. Louis once again realized he was being a fucking sap for this boy and he bit the inside of his cheek to bring himself back to reality. They wordlessly stepped inside of the compound, and Louis looked at the old man, who simply nodded. The grey haired men slowly approached some of the penguins, Harry and Louis in tow.

"You need to be careful. They are very cheeky!" The man answered with a funny accent. "Let them get used to you. They need to approach you. Usually they're not very shy. You can carefully try to touch them, but stop if they don't like it, okay?" Harry nodded enthusiastically. He knelt down next to the employee, beaming at the penguins and making a small squeaking noise when two of them waddled towards him.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. This is really happening." Harry mumbled to himself, completely lost in his own little bubble. Louis had to press his lips together very hard to keep from smiling, but he couldn't help his laughter when one of them bumped into Harry's thigh. "Oh my god, is he hurt? She? He? I don't know! Oh my god, is the little baby okay?!" Harry was looking around in panic, but the man just laughed, telling him everything was alright.

"There's no way you could ever hurt them Harry. You're too gentle for that." Louis said, looking down at Harry, who now for the first time in his life touched a penguin's head. To all of their surprise, he seemed to be naturally good with the animals, since the penguin more than obviously decided that he really liked being touched, and promptly moved closer to Harry, pressing himself against Harry's leg. Fuck...was it bad that Louis wanted to be the penguin? The man next to Louis giggled quietly, and Harry was so engrossed by the creature, so Louis turned to the while Harry was talking to the penguin.

"L'amour, eh?" he whispered, and Louis' eyes widened. Fuck, was he that obvious? But he wasn't even in love with Harry! He just had a crush on him, okay? A huge fucking crush, but a crush all the same! That was different. Shit, he really needed to work on not being so obvious that complete strangers could tell how he felt.

"Lou, do you wanna stroke the penguin's head too? It feels so strange, but in a good way. Please?" Harry said, looking up, his green eyes searching for Louis blue ones. Could Louis ever say no tohim? Never. He quickly had a filthy little thought about the sight in front of him but immediately tried to shake it off as he crouched down next to Harry. "Careful, okay? Don't hurt Theo."

"Theo? Really?" Louis asked, laughing. "Did you give all of them names already? How do you even distinguish between them?! They all look the same!" Harry gasped in fake horror, his mouth hanging open. He could not believe Louis had just said that. Shit, Louis really shouldn't have said this. What a sensitive person Harry was. Damn.

"You did not just say that! How very dare you, Lewis! They can hear you! Oh, god. How would you feel if someone said you look like everyone else? Take it back! Poor Theo, he heard you!" Harry replied, nudging Louis playfully even if he was being serious. "Louis!"

"I'm sorry, Mister Penguin. I take it back." Louis said, trying to sound as serious as possible. Did he just say sorry to a penguin? He was so fucking gone...Liam would never find out about this, never. "Harry would you like to...um...I know you like the penguins, but would you like to see other animals too?" Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes.

"Please!" Harry cheered and quickly said goodbye to the penguins before he got up and took Louis' hand again. The employee looked at Louis, wiggling his eyebrows. Thank you very much, it wasn't like Louis' was dying all over again anyway. He absolutely needed this...NOT "What next, Lou?" Lou, right. Harry had called Louis Lou so much today he should've gotten used to it already, but every time Harry did it, Louis still felt like a rocket taking off!

"Lions, maybe?" Louis suggested and only about ten minutes later they were heading for it.

XXXX

"For me? Please? Louis, you'd look so cute. Please! Please!" Harry had begged for almost twenty minutes and Louis had wanted to vanish into thin air the moment the woman had been done with it, but of course, he'd do anything for Harry.

There was no way he could walk around like this, hello? Harry had fucking convinced him to get his face painted as a freaking majestic Lion, which was supposed to look fierce, but Louis thought he looked like a kitten. That was so embarrassing, really, but since Harry didn't have the courage to walk around with a butterfly make up all by himself, (which he really had wanted), Louis had agreed. He wanted to be supportive! Stupid, stupid, stupid. He still didn't know how Harry had even find out about the make-up offer for children! For god's sake, why did Louis feel so damn attracted to this dork?

"You look cute." Harry said, smiling at Louis broadly. "Thank you." Harry was standing next to Louis leaning against the small bridge's railing. "You're the bestest."

"Harold, that word doesn't even exist!" Louis interjected and Harry playfully shoved him. "It most definitely does," Harry protested, sticking out his tongue.

"No it doesn't..." Louis said with a laugh. "I want ice cream, Styles. And before you protest, I'm buying you some as well. So...I think you look like the vanilla kinda guy...Say yes! I know I'm right, Hazza!"

"Hazza?" Harry asked shyly. Huh? What was he talking...oh...oh shit, Louis just called him Hazza...what the fuck was wrong with him?

"That s-slipped, sorry." Louis stuttered, feeling his cheeks heat up, and Harry just nodded. Shit. Did he just mess it up? Louis started panicking inwardly. He didn't want to mess up, he wanted to makeHarry happy! His stupid fucking mouth! No, his damn brain. Both! Oh god, he wanted to slap his own face!

"I like it. And um, yeah, probably vanilla? And you? What do you like? Which flavor? Chocolate, maybe? I can imagine you liking chocolate." Harry mumbled, looking straight into Louis' eyes. So Louis hadn't ruined it? He was all good? Hell, yes.

"You do? Well, you better, cause I won't take it back, and I'm already planning on a lot of cute pet names that fit you." Louis announced, trying to cover up his temporary insecurity. "Mint chocolate chip. I like mint chocolate chip." Harry gave him a half smile. Too sexy. Louis wanted to run away.

In a comfortable silence (if that was even a thing), they walked over to the little ice cream stand. Louis had been surprised that Harry hadn't even tried to debate about not being hungry or anything, but he found himself being happy about it. He handed Harry his cone, the two of them wending their way towards the reptile and amphibian house.

Inside, Louis noticed that Harry was very tense, but he didn't even have to ask what was bothering him, because he already knew. Spiders. Snakes. Alligator. Frogs. Not his cup of tea. Harry came closer and closer, so close he was nearly pressed against Louis, and the selfish prick Louis was, he enjoyed it. He really, really wanted Harry to grab his hand again. Selfish, really. Louis couldn't help it, okay? He was helplessly gone for Harry being cute.

"Louis I don't like them..." Harry admitted after a while, so Louis simply wrapped his arm around Harry's waist. "Lou please? Can we leave this creepy place? I don't want them to bite, sting or even eat me. Oh my god. Could they kill me?!" Louis giggled, rolling his eyes. "That's not funny you jerk!" It was funny to Louis...and cute too.

"No, they can't. Let's go outside, love. C'mon!" Louis replied, looking at Harry. "I'll protect you! I'm your personal superhero now! Wizard yesterday, superhero today. I'm so cool, aren't I? Don't you dare deny it or I'll cry. I swear!" Harry burst out laughing, the sound echoing around the building, and they made their way outside, Louis' arm still around Harry's waist.

They then just went for a walk, watching several animals like monkeys, elephants, horses, zebras and flamingos just doing their thing. They were talking about how weird giraffes looked, discussing why Harry thought kangaroos were the weirdest animals to ever exist, and why they both found birds kind of annoying, no matter how beautiful they looked.

All of a sudden a cat crossed their path, obviously complaining about the visitor's lack of attention, and of course, Harry was the first person to crouch down next to the black and white colored cat to pet it. Louis sat down on the bench across from them, watching Harry excitedly play with a stray cat. He didn't even think about it twice or give a fuck about the possibility that the cat could be sick or something like that. Altogether, Harry just wanted to give that cute animal as much attention as the Zoo's animals got. Harry was too good to be true. Harry's hand went absentmindedly through his hair before he started to play with the cat again, giggling happily and looking over at Louis from time to time. He even winked at Louis once.

"You know what Louis? I miss my cat! I've got a cat waiting for me at home. She's so cute and I miss sitting on the couch, wrapped in a cozy blanket with Olivia starfishing all over me." Harry told Louis, and Louis just continued to smile while staying mute, just listening to Harry talk. "She's only two years old, but I think she's a lazy piece of..uh...she's quite lazy you know? She sleeps all day and only ever gets up when she's hungry. Oh boy, she's probably the most unusual cat ever. She doesn't even play with her toys! She can't bite or scratch properly, and she forgets what she was about to do all the time. She's so stupid, yet so adorable. I love her."

"I can imagine. Cats are special. You can't own them, they own you! You're literally their servant, even if you get a lot of love back." Louis answered, laughing, and Harry left the cat behind andwent over to Louis, sitting down next to him. "I adopted a penguin, well I guess that you did, more like..." Louis hadn't known when to mention it, so he just went with his gut. Maybe it was too much, but he didn't care.

"What? I don't understand?" Harry said slowly, looking at Louis with a confused look on his face. "What do you mean, you or I adopted an animal? Who did you...did I...did we...adopt? I'm so confused."

"It's more like being a godfather? Like you pay money for an animal of your choice to make sure they will get treated perfectly fine and all that. You literally spoil them, yeah? And I thought that since you liked the penguins so much you'd like to be a godfather for Theo the penguin? So I-"

Louis couldn't finish his sentence, because Harry slowly leaned in.


	7. Explosion

All of a sudden it felt like the Earth stood still for a moment. Louis had only about a second to figure out what the hell was happening. They had just been sitting on an old wooden bench next to each other, a little bit beside all of the happy people, knees touching when Harry had slowly leaned in. Louis had stopped breathing the moment Harry came closer.

It was Harry! Harry, who had been a right pain in the ass when they had first met. Harry, who talked so slow with that way too deep voice. Harry, whose mesmerizing dark green eyes sparkled so beautifully. Harry, whose giggles and laugh sounded so angelic. Harry, who acted like a happy toddler the moment he got surprised. Harry,who was so polite yet so determined. Harry, who Louis enjoyed to spend every single minute with. Harry, whose every move turned Louis into a nervous wreck. Harry, Harry, Harry. 

Louis couldn't explain how he felt about Harry. He couldn't find the right words to describe this man, this boy. He couldn't and didn't want to try to explain what it felt like for him to be around Harry, because no words could do him justice in any way. 

And suddenly this indescribable person had been in his space, leaning in in slow motion. Harry hadn't touched him yet. He stopped right in front of Louis' face and their eyes locked. Louis felt like he could easily look right into Harry's soul, and that made him feel extremely vulnerable. He stopped breathing. Louis knew it was happening but just as their lips almost met, everything changed as if it was a really bad dream. The amazing imagination, the anticipation of a potential first kiss, shattered into a million pieces when both Harry and Louis pulled back at the same time, completely taken aback. Louis had realized at that moment (fucking horrible timing), that Harry had a boyfriend called Niall, and Harry himself seemed to be shocked at his own daring. Harry scooted over quickly, creating some space between them and for a couple minutes, neither of them moved or spoke up. They just sat there in silence, trying to process what had just happened. Louis felt sick to his stomach and he was actually having to hold back tears. He felt rejected, unloved, and like a complete idiot for slowly (or maybe too quickly) falling in love with a boy whom he could never have. He wanted to run away from Harry, wanted to hide somewhere and turn back time to when he had hated that stupid curly haired idiot. He chanced a glance at Harry and watched as he twisted his hands nervously in his lap, fiddling with his long fingers. He looked so sad, and that just made Louis want to cry more. He couldn't have Harry being sad! It wasn't allowed! Harry was supposed to be happy and smiling and showing off his dimples!

"C'mon, Curly, let's go." Louis said, trying to end the tense moment between them. It was hard, fucking hard, for him to do that, since he himself was on the verge of tears, but he had to. He slowly stood up and reached for Harry's hand by instinct, but Harry didn't take it, opting to stand up by himself. Louis tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest.

"Actually, I gotta call Niall first, if that's okay with you?" Harry mumbled, and without even waiting for an answer, he pulled out his phone and walked away. Niall. Right. The boyfriend.

Louis wanted to die.

XXXX

"Niall. Niall where are you? Are you at the hotel? Where are you? We need to meet! I gotta talk to you. I'm freaking out. I can't breathe. Niall where the heck are you?" Harry literally screamed into his phone, not even giving Niall a chance to say hello.

"Harry, calm down. Take a deep breath for me, okay?" Niall answered calmly, and Harry did as he was asked, trying to relax. "I'm in London,of course. Liam and I left this morning...but you knew we were leaving, didn't you?" Niall left in the morning? What? No, No, No! Harry needed to talk to Niall in private, like, now! London? He was still in fucking Paris, fucking hell. Harry was going to pass out, he knew it. He couldn't do this. "Harry, are you alright? Harry, answer me!"

"Yeah, fuck. No. I mean no, I'm not! I am not okay..." Harry answered, and he was on the verge of full out panic. He had almost kissed Louis. He wanted to kiss Louis. His body wanted to. Fuck. Shit. "I wanted to kiss Louis." 

"You what?!" Niall shrieked in response, Harry's ear ringing with the volume of his voice. "Oh my god, I knew it! The way you looked at him and all. Tell me everything, you little fucker."

"Are being serious right now, Horan? I'm having a heart attack cause I wanted to kiss Louis. Kiss as in press our lips together. Kiss as in I might like him or something like that. Sure, he's hot as fuck and funny and cute and shit, but I can't like him, Niall. I simply can't like him. I don't want to like him. Niall, you have to help me! I need to do something to get rid of this. I don't know what's going on with me, for fuck's sake!" Harry said in a rush, and he was pretty sure Niall was rolling his eyes at him. 

"Harry, you're such a-" Niall started to reply, but Harry cut him off, continuing to panic.

"Niall, I don't want to like anyone ever again, and you know why! The last time I liked some, or let's say, I _thought_ I did it...it...I can't let that happen ever again. I am fucking scared, Niall. But Louis is so cute and he tries so hard to make me happy by doing the most ridiculous things, spending way too much money on me, everything! I don't even know how he has so much fucking money but I don't even care! Niall, what if...I don't want it to happen again. I couldn't go through this again. I don't want to...I still feel it. My stomach hurts so fucking bad right now I want to scream, my ribs...my head...everything. I don't want to like Louis!" Harry whimpered, biting down on his lip so hard that he tasted blood.

"Can you sit down?" Niall asked Harry quietly. "Sit down. Harry. I want you to sit down and tell me everything about Louis, okay? Everything that has happened so far. Don't leave out the details and be honest with me. I'll listen to you no matter how long it takes. We'll find a solution for your problem, yeah? Everything will be alright. You'll be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you. I won't. Not ever again."

So Harry sat down on another bench nearby and told Niall everything about Louis. He told him about his first impressions of the other man, about their shootings, about what had happened at the last day of the photo shoot, about Disneyland, and about the Zoo. He told him how he had taken Louis' hand to see if he actually could handle human contact, and he told him how Louis touched him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Harry also told Niall how hard it had been not to push Louis away the first time, but that it had gotten easier the moment he had tried to relax and just let it happen. He also told him about his fears and shed some tears, having to remember what had happened the last time he had liked someone. Niall listened the whole time, not interrupting Harry once. When Harry had finally finished and was wiping his eyes, trying not to be noticed by anyone, Niall spoke up. 

"Harry, maybe you should simply go out, clubbing or someth-" Niall suggested, and Harry nodded, not caring that Niall couldn't see him. The idea of getting drunk and of dancing seemed like a great distraction to Harry. He didn't even let Niall finish his sentence, but hung up and pocketed his phone. Clubbing it was. Getting drunk. Forgetting about everything. Harry didn't have to see Louis again after Paris, anyway. Okay, maybe once or twice at meetings but then, he'd simply avoid him for the rest of his life. He could do that.

Harry got up, wiped away the last visible tears on his cheeks and approached Louis. The older man was still sitting on the bench, waiting patiently. Louis smiled at Harry and maybe, just maybe, the situation wasn't as bad as Harry had originally thought. Maybe Louis hadn't misread the situation. Maybe he still wanted to be friends with Harry. Maybe he didn't really want to be...fuck, he needed to stop thinking about it. 

"I feel like dancing. Maybe we should drive back to the hotel, get ready and go clubbing later? What do you think?" Harry suggested, trying to fake a smile when he plopped down next to Louis. "And Niall said he booked me a flight back home for tomorrow? He wanted to know if Liam should book one for you too?" 

"Yeah, sounds like a great idea." Louis mumbled, grinning at Harry, but something was wrong and Harry felt it. It didn't matter what Louis' mouth was showing right now, because the smile didn't reach his eyes. His eyes were dull, and the crinkles that Harry had become so accustomed to seeing by his eyes were gone. Harry had ruined everything, even if it could've been the start of a wonderful new friendship. He was such a fuck up. 

XXXX

"I have to say...you look absolutely amazing, Harry. Nobody else could wear this, really. I'd look ridiculous in this!" Louis praised, scanning Harry's body. He was not checking him out, really. He was just enjoying the fact that Harry was literally the only man who was apparently capable of choosing the perfect outfit all by himself. It was rather simple, but nevertheless effective. A pair of black ripped skinny jeans, and a white see through shirt by _Marc Jacobs_ and black boots by _Yves Saint Laurent_ made the complete outfit _._ Louis also noticed two rings on Harry's fingers and a subtle black watch on his wrist. He looked so good that Louis was pretty close to drooling like a fucking dog. 

"Thank you, Louis. You don't look bad yourself." Harry replied, and he seemed about to add something else when someone knocked at the door. "I'll go get it. Don't look at me like that. I'm fully dressed, and you can't even decide what pants to wear. I'll be right back." With that, Harry left Louis standing there in front of the closet, smirking to himself. He thought about wearing a simple black shirt, but then decided to pick a white _Yves Saint Laurent_ one that Liam had bought him just recently. Louis wasn't too happy with Liam, since he could have gotten ten of that shirt from a different company for the same price as this one, but whatever. He was about to go clubbing with Harry, so he needed to look somewhat acceptable next to him, and since Harry was into brands,  Louis thought it'd be the perfect choice. After the almost kiss incident,  he thought he'd never get over it until Harry came up with the idea of going clubbing, and since Louis needed distraction anyway, he had agreed readily. He could get drunk and maybe fuck a guy in the bathroom or something. He never had problems picking up a guy.  Wiggling his big butt had always been the easiest way to get into the pants of guys. Louis wasn't exactly keen on just another one-night stand (he'd had so many in his 25 years), but he was sure he just needed to blow some dick to get over Harry. Who needed feelings anyway when you could have sex? Louis was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't even notice Harry return, but suddenly there he was, standing next to him with another bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"Oh, flowers again, eh?" Louis asked, grinning at a blushing Harry, who just nodded. One dozen blood red tulips and one dozen purple iris, fresh from the fields, were held in his hands. "And let me guess. Someone added a card again? Damn, someone has it bad for you, Styles. Want me to put them in water while you're reading it?"

"Um...yeah?" Harry mumbled, pulling the card out of the beautiful, nice smelling bouquet of flowers. He slowly opened it, eyes scanning the text. Then he giggled, putting a hand over his mouth and turning red. Louis wasn't able to move. He just stood there, watching Harry as he read it again, smiling like a dork. "Lou, you wanna know what it says?" Louis nodded and Harry bit his lip, grinning broadly in excitement before he started to read it out loud. "It says _'I like you a lottle. It's like a little, except a lot_ '."

"That's cute. Someone really seems to like you." Louis answered, swallowing thickly before placing the flowers in a blue glass vase. The flowers looked really good, but they were nothing in comparison to Harry, who was beaming with joy at the moment. Louis wanted to kiss Harry so bad, but he couldn't. "You ready? Let's get going then. It's 11:00 pm already, Styles!"

Louis would've never thought Harry would want to go to _'Les Hommes',_ considering the fact that it was an exclusive gay club. Since Harry was still closeted, it had taken Louis completely by surprise when Harry himself had suggested that they go there. Louis had never been there, only heard of it, but he hadn't asked, figuring it might have been the wrong time to do so. Maybe Harry had already been there and he felt safe there. He wasn't about to complain, though. A gay club meant he could dance freely, do whatever the fuck he wanted to, and definitely suck some dick tonight. What a perfect opportunity, really. 

Upstairs, the rather small club offered some tables and comfortable white couches to occupy those who were only looking for a chat or to share a cigarette in the glassed-in smoking room, whereas downstairs, an intimate cellar welcomed those looking to hit the dance floor with like-minded gentlemen. Sweaty bodies were pressed against each other, men grinding their asses against other men's crotches. All in all, Louis was sure it'd get hot in there real fast.

Two bars served rather pricey colorful drinks with funny names such as "Midnight Memories", "No Control", and "Never Enough", while a blonde, rather good-looking DJ spun a fun mix of pop tracks and house music. Louis was sure he'd even take requests if men asked politely. The clientele, as per usual, was pretty much mixed, but notably young and apparently very friendly. Those looking to get up close and personal with some hot dudes apparently didn't have to do much, which was a plus for Louis today.

"Wanna drink something?" Harry asked, nudging Louis' upper arm and smiling like an idiot. "I'd say you would definitely like their drink "Fireproof". It's so you, believe me! It's super sweet, but with a little bit of a bitter and determined aftertaste? Oh and the decoration is so funny. Like fruits, marshmallows, and gummy bears on a stick! You should definitely taste it, Louis." Harry looked at Louis, impatiently waiting for an answer. He was literally pressed against him, considering the club was full of people, which meant there was barely space but Louis didn't want a goddamn 'Fireproof' for shit. He wanted Harry. Fuck, he fucking wanted Harry, and being pressed up against him was not helping his cause.

"No, not really, Harry. I want to dance, to be honest." Louis announced, wiggling his eyebrows and spinning around once to make his intentions clear. "I'll pay for drinks later." Louis bit his lip, probably a bit too sexily for anyone's liking, and headed out to the dance floor to join the other men. For a quick moment, Louis thought it was a bad idea to go dancing and try to grind against some guy without being at least a bit tipsy, but before he knew he was already standing in the middle of the dance floor, moving his hips in time to the music. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and inhaled deeply, smelling the sweat and smoke in the room. He would dance like his life depended on it and forget about having stupid feelings for Harry. He was gonna do what he always did...shake his ass, eye the other guys around him, and then do whatever would be necessary to twist the chosen stranger around his little finger. Louis knew he was hot and he knew he could have whatever he wanted. He'd find someone to fuck tonight. Screw you, Harry! 

It didn't take him more than five minutes of scanning the room before he noticed a rather tall, black haired, and quite acceptable looking guy dancing suggestively nearby. Louis confidently pursed his lips and went over to him, stopping right in front of the other man's face. If his hair had been long enough, it would've probably been the perfect moment to flip it. He quickly scanned the man's body from head to toe, noticing great abs underneath the sheer gray shirt, which was a bit suggestive, but Louis wanted suggestive. It seemed that the guy had enough down there to please Louis, so he just went for it, like he always did.

He looked into the guy's eyes, not even asking about his name (cause nobody gives a fuck, seriously), and then leaned in closer, whispering, or rather shouting over the music, into his ear. "I think you'd look hot all sprawled out underneath me. Or, if you prefer your dick in my mouth, I can do that too. Interested?" Louis didn't fucking care about manners or anything like that today. He wasn't interested in conversations, wasn't up for beating around the bush.If that fellow didn't want him, he'd simply search for another one. Louis decided that he wasn't even picky today. He wanted to suck some dick. He wanted to give, not receive, and everyone would be damn stupid to say no to his skills, cause if there was anything in the world Louis was sure about, it was that he gave a fucking good blow job. He'd had a lot of hard-ons in his mouth and he was well aware of the fact that he knew perfectly well how to make a someone come hard, how to make someone scream or beg. Louis knew he could suck. End of story. 

The already sweaty stranger nodded, biting his lip in anticipation, and he took a step forward, starting to grind against Louis' smaller body. Louis turned around quickly so he could grind his ass down on the man's crotch.  If he had this blessing of an ass, he was gonna fucking use it for his own advantage, okay? He'd be stupid if he didn't. He moved his body as suggestively as possible, rubbing his ass against the man's crotch, and the man suddenly leaned down, quickly licking over Louis' neck. Louis moaned, not because he felt like it, but because he could. The club was packed with full, sweaty, hot, barely dressed bodies pressed against each other, young attractive men dancing as if there was no tomorrow, couples making out right on the huge dance floor, and Louis felt like as if he had just entered a different world. Colorful lasers, some old school disco balls hanging down from the ceiling, and videos of dancing male strippers on the screens in the back changed the mood of the club. The DJ was an exception, too. He was really talented, choosing the perfect music to add up to an already existing outstanding sexual tension on the dance floor.

All of a sudden Louis felt brave, braver than ever before. He took in the loud music, the sweaty, rather good smelling body he was grinding against, and let it all sink in. To make matters better, he noticed another guy who was wearing a thin blue shirt and white jeans, staring at them with an half open mouth. He wanted to exaggerate just to prove, mostly to himself, that there were indeed still men out there who wanted him, so he did the rather unthinkable. He focused on that other guy dancing across from him. Louis outstretched his right arm slowly, not leaving Mr. Blue-Shirt's eyes once, and beckoned said second stranger to come closer. Mr. Black-Hair didn't seem to mind when the second guy approached them. Louis smugly and shamelessly checked both of them out, giving them a seductive look. He could dance in between two guys. Why the fuck not?! He cheekily moved in between of them, dancing like a fucking twink just because he could! He moved his hips, grinding against the black haired guy while the other one leaned in. Fuck it, Louis thought, and nibbled on Mr. Blue-Shirt's ear. He wasn't going to let anyone fuck him but, they didn't know that and he just needed something to massage his own fucked up ego. He didn't want to acknowledge it to himself, but he wasn't taking it well that he couldn't have what he actually wanted. The three men danced and it sure has hell must have looked like some kind of porn, but Louis honestly didn't give a flying fuck. At least, not until, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a tall, curly haired guy approaching them with a rather unfamiliar facial expression that looked almost dark compared to his usual, cupcake-like face.

Harry pushed past random staring men with an uninterested look on his face, not even glancing at Louis. Louis' eyes went wide as Harry grabbed the hem of his own shirt and tugged it over his head, tossing it to the floor. His tattoos were completely on display along with his abs. Still not looking at Louis, Harry started to dance with his back to the three men, putting all of his effort into moving his body way too suggestively, looking like a fucking stripper. Men were literally drooling over him, but he didn't seem to care, moving and singing along only glancing over his shoulder from time to time. Louis gaped at him for a brief moment before he tried to remind himself what he was on about, so he planned on continuing to grind against the man behind him. Except he wasn't there anymore but was instead making his way over to none other than Harry himself, followed by the other dude that had just danced with Louis. The model couldn't believe what was happening right in front of his eyes. Harry had managed to tempt both of them to come over. He had turned the tables in seconds, and was now dancing in between those strangers, seemingly not giving a fuck about them wanting to grind against him. What the fuck had just happened, and who the fuck was this boy looking so goddamn self confident and sexy? Louis smirked, continuing to dance all by himself. He didn't know what Harry's intention was, yet but he couldn't stop observing what was going on. His eyes met Harry's twice, but Harry just smirked smugly, raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips. He had literally stolen Louis' men and fucked up his chances of sex at the same time. Fucker. 

Suddenly, one of the guys started to crowd Harry and ducked down his head slightly, trying to bite down Harry's neck. That was it. Louis'd had enough. He went over there, reached out his arm and pushed the intrusive stranger away from the curly haired topless men. "Thank you for hitting on my man. I know he's hot, but you can fuck off. Both of you!" Louis placed his hands on Harry's hips from behind and started to dance. Harry was shamelessly pressing his ass against Louis' hardening crotch, grinding against the smaller man. Louis then suddenly decided to spin Harry around, his heart racing when he could feel his hot, good smelling breath against his face, their noses almost touching. The sexual tension between them was almost unbearable and Louis, on a sudden impulse, wrapped his arms around Harry's neck, getting lost in dark green eyes. 

Harry leaned in once again and then his plump pink lips touched Louis'.  Both of them froze for a second, only staring at each other's eyes, captured in their own little bubble , which completely blinded out what was going on around them. Then Harry's lips started to move tentatively, capturing Louis' in between them. It was just a brush, really, but all of a sudden Louis felt like as if he was exploding as Harry's tongue licked over Louis' bottom lip. His lashes fluttered and his heart sped up before he closed his eyes, opening his mouth enough to suck Harry's bottom lip into his mouth. Harry tilted his head for a better angle and then opened his mouth slightly so that Louis tongue could slip inside of his mouth smoothly. The moment their tongues touched, Louis allowed himself to shut out everything else and just sink into this kiss. Harry took over control and Louis returned only as much as Harry seemed to want. Louis nipped on the taller man's bottom lip and then captured it carefully in between his teeth. Harry's hand grabbed Louis bum and he squeezed his ass generously. Louis sighed into their kiss but it was just enough to drive Harry further. They moved against each other, not even stopping as they licked into each others' mouths.

It was better than he had imagined their first kiss to be, even if it was not at all what he had imagined it like, but he was so fucking hard inside of his pants because of a very possessive Harry that he didn't care all that much. Harry kissed like he talked, slow, thoughtfully, and with determination and purpose. He tasted like strawberries and mint, but Louis didn't question it, because it was so fucking hot. Louis moved his hands into Harry's curls and kissed him hard before he pulled back, needing to breathe. Their eyes locked and that was the moment that it hit Louis like a train...Harry had kissed him. Harry was taken. Harry was in a relationship with Niall. Fucking hell, what had he just done?

"Harry, fuck, you are in a-" Louis started to shout, but Harry cut him with a hard kiss, pulling off after a second or two with a sigh and a smile.

"Niall isn't my boyfriend. He never was and never will be. I lied." Harry said, and Louis' jaw dropped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

They had taken an old rusty black cab back to the _Four Seasons_ Hotel after Harry had confessed that he was indeed single. Louis didn't know yet why Harry had lied about Niall being his other half, but if he was being completely honest, he couldn't care less. The drive back with Harry had been so overwhelmingly cute that Louis considered jumping out of the car several times, not sure how to deal with his exploding heart when Harry had naturally leaned his head on his shoulder, pecked his lips once gently, or entwined their fingers. It had been so easy, so natural, and in that moment, Louis realized that they simply fit. Louis couldn't believe the feelings were mutual. No fucking boyfriend! No Niall! Bye Niall! Ha! 

Louis couldn't believe how happy he felt when he and Harry stumbled into their shared suite, constantly kissing and touching each other.  Louis felt like he was floating. Harry had almost tripped over his own feet just walking through the door, and Louis had placed his hands on his waist to steady him, Harry giggling like a child.

"My superhero..." He had muttered, leaning down to peck Louis' lips again.

It had taken them far too long to finally arrive at the large sofa, where they had then sunk down onto it slowly, acting like two lovestruck fools. Harry had immediately snuggled up against Louis, cuddling him like a koala with his arms wrapped around Louis waist, and they had just stayed there for about ten minutes, just enjoying being in each other's presence. Louis wasn't sure if he wanted to die or scream or melt, all of them seemed like good choices. He never wanted to stop kissing Harry, never wanted to stop holding him in his arms. He felt so so lucky and he promised himself to thank every little twist of fate the following morning, and maybe even God! Who was he kidding? He'd even say thank you to Niall for not being Harry's freaking boyfriend. God, he was so far gone for Harry it wasn't even funny anymore! 

"Harry?" Louis asked quietly, smiling like an idiot and cupping Harry's face before he carefully pecked the curly haired man's lips. "You look beautiful. So so beautiful." Harry's cheeks turned red but he didn't answer. He simply stared into Louis deep blue eyes, glancing at his lips from time which Louis eventually took as invitation to kiss him again. They kissed lazily a couple of times before Louis noticed that Harry's breathing had changed. Louis smiled to himself, slowly pulling the cozy white blanket over him and Harry and kissed his hair a few times, marveling over the curls that he had become so fond of, and finally dozed off to the sound of Harry's light snores.

XXXX

The first thing Louis wanted to do was kill someone when his alarm went off and he had to switch on the lamp. The second thing Louis noticed was a rather heavy weight on top of him. A what? What?! Louis quickly opened his eyes ready to defend himself if necessary, but as soon as he looked down, he shoved down the thought of jumping up and fleeing.  It was Harry. Lovely Harry with tousled hair and slightly swollen pink lips was lying almost completely on top of him, a tiny little smile playing around his lips. He was so handsome Louis couldn't believe he was even real, damn. His breathing was even and Louis needed a moment to remember what had happened yesterday. He'd never been so glad in his entire life not to have gotten drunk at a club. Thank fuck! He didn't imagine it. He wasn't hung over and fuck, he had really kissed Harry! He had felt those soft lips, had tasted Harry, he, Louis William Tomlinson, had kissed Harry fucking Styles! Fuck, they had kissed each other! Butterflies erupted in Louis stomach and he had to bite his lip to keep from smiling too hard, suddenly feeling unbelievably happy. Harry liked him too. Louis wanted Harry so badly it couldn't be healthy anymore, and Harry liked him back. Harry batted his eyelashes slowly and that's when Louis finally came back to his senses, realizing that his alarm hadn't gone off for fun. Shit, they needed to catch that plane back home very soon. 

"Harry?" Louis whispered, stroking Harry's hair gently, pushing a loose strand of hair out of his remarkable face. "Baby, you have to wake up." Fuck, had he just called Harry baby? He prayed Harry hadn't heard. God, he needed to chill, seriously. "Sweetheart? The alarm went off. You need to get ready, love." Yep, he had officially lost his mind. Baby, sweetheart and love? He needed to talk to his best friend ASAP, and make Liam slap some sense into him again. Louis felt like an idiot being all awkward and totally obvious. When the fuck did it even get this bad? Liam would totally laugh at him for being like this. His best friend had always told Louis that one day he'd be so whipped he'd be the most disgustingly cute sap to ever walk the planet, and Louis had always denied or joked about Liam telling shit but fuck, he was there right now. Already! And Louis and Harry weren't even dating yet! Maybe that would mean Louis would be even worse than Liam had predicted, fuck. Maybe Louis should reconsider telling Liam for the sake of his own dignity. He would not embarrass himself in front of fucking Liam! He would not...but he totally would.

Harry slowly opened his glassy green eyes, squinting because of the light. He yawned like a kitten (Louis totally didn't think kitten was the perfect  pet name for such a sweet person as Harry, thank you very much) and pressed his face into Louis chest, mumbling incoherent things. Louis didn't know what was worse, Harry pressing himself tighter against him or Harry being such a cupcake in the morning when he wasn't even properly awake yet. Louis didn't even try to contain his smile and his hand went straight in Harry's hair to play with it. Louis would develop a fucking hair kink because of those goddamn smooth chocolate brown curls. He had always had a thing for hair, curly hair especially, but Harry's hair was something else. It was soft and shiny and just...fuck, he shouldn't fucking think those things about freaking hair. 

"Haz, you know I'd love to stay here with you cuddling all day, but the taxi will be here very soon. C'mon get up, yeah? I'm sure you can sleep on the plane, hm?" All of a sudden Harry's head snapped up and before Louis could even understand what was going on, Harry had already jumped to his feet, taking several steps away from the couch and staring down at Louis with wide and uncertain eyes.

"What the fuck? What? Why...what...what the fuck...how? What's happening? Louis, what the hell? When did I fall asleep on the couch? Why was I lying on top of you? What the...why did you touch me? What the actual fuck is going on? I...I need to use the bathroom, shit." Harry rambled, literally blurting those words out before he ran towards the bathroom. Louis heard the door click shut and only then did he sit up, totally befuddled. He knew that Harry'd had problems with getting touched but he hadn't expected him to freak out right after waking up, and even less now that they'd kissed and cuddled. They had fallen asleep on the couch together with smiles on their faces after sharing kisses and touches, and Louis had secretly hoped he could somewhat lift that curse at least when it came to him. Okay, maybe curse was the wrong word for it, but he couldn't think of a better comparison at the moment, considering the fact that he simply couldn't place what was going on! Louis then did the one thing that made a bit of sense for him and slowly stood up, walking towards the bathroom to check on Harry.

"Harry, are you alright?" Louis asked after he had knocked on the door. He was waiting for Harry to speak up, but no answer came. "Harry do you want to talk or something?" Nothing. Louis didn't know what to do, so he simply tried to open the door without even thinking about it twice. When he noticed Harry hadn't locked it he pushed it open slowly, peeking inside just to see Harry fully clothed sitting on the toilet, face buried in his hands. "Hey...what's wrong?" Louis approached him and immediately knelt down in front of him to be on the same eye level. "Harry, you okay?" Harry shook his head. "Okay, okay. You can tell me, yeah?" Louis touched Harry's knee carefully to make him feel safe or something. Maybe it was just by instinct, but this little gesture caused Harry to flinch and then snap.

"Don't fucking touch me, Louis. I don't know why you think you can touch me, but I didn't allow you to and I've told you a thousand times that I can't stand it, for god's sake. Keep your fucking distance!" Harry yelled, sounding ice cold  as he stared straight into Louis eyes, and Louis gaped at him. Harry got up wordlessly and left him there sitting on the floor. Louis couldn't process it. Why would Harry attack him like that when it had been he who had initiated that first kiss yesterday? Shit, had Louis gone too far? Had he done something wrong? Had he already messed it up before it had even really begun? Was there even something to begin? Louis got up and stumbled out of the bathroom, following Harry into the living room and catching sight of him carelessly throwing some things into a black leather _Louis Vuitton_ bag he had received as a present. Harry glanced at Louis, pursing his lips. He looked so angry and Louis felt so small...He wanted to vanish into thin air, feeling guilty for something he couldn't even put a label on. What had he done?

"Do you regret it?" he mumbled, scarcely audible. "Do you?" Louis didn't want Harry to say yes. Fuck, he had no idea how he'd deal with that, honestly. He had developed rather strong feelings for Harry that he couldn't deny anymore, and he didn't want them to change. He liked feeling like that for the first time in his life. He loved feeling like that when it came to Harry! He had found it strange at first, but by now he liked not knowing how he'd react to Harry being Harry. He regarded it as a challenge, an adventure, something he couldn't control, and for once he was all for that. The tingling sensation in his stomach, the edgy feeling in his chest, the racing heart, the heat spreading all over his body when Harry touched him, his jittery limbs, all of it. He didn't want it to change. Harry couldn't regret it. Please no. Why did this have to happen to Louis?

Harry swallowed, pressed his lips together, and then countered "Regret what? I have no idea what you're talking about! You're confusing me." No idea, what? Confusing? What? What the fuck? Harry had to be fucking with him.

"Oh god, you got me there, Styles. Fuck, for a moment I thought you were being serious. You're such an idiot." Louis replied, giggling. He approached Harry to enfold him in his arms to laugh about it, but Harry pushed Louis away taking a step backwards and looking at Louis in...it almost looked like disgust. "Harry, that's enough, okay? I got it. You wanted to shit me and I believed you. You won!" Harry scrunched his nose and tapped his forehead at Louis, followed by shaking his head.

"You can't be all there. What the fuck?" Harry answered with a harsh tone. "Now hurry up and stop being so ridiculous. As far as I know we have to be at the airport in, like, an hour. What are you even waiting for?" Harry rolled his eyes and Louis face palmed. Okay, two could play this dumb game. Sometimes Louis really didn't get Harry's kind of humor, but if Harry was going to be that way, he would take up this dumb challenge. What a huge but unfortunately adorable child Harry was, really. 

An hour later, Louis didn't find that game funny anymore at all. In fact, he was sick and tired of it already. "I hate planes. I just hate them. Ugly ass shit," Louis grumbled silently, mostly to himself as he nervously playing with his fingers. "Why can't you just fucking drive to all places? Stupid fucking planes." 

Harry didn't even react. Fucking great. What a dumb game. Louis had hoped Harry would at least stop playing clueless when they got on the plane. Louis knew that Harry was well aware of the fact that Louis couldn't stand flying. Asshole. "I need a drink."

"No you don't. Will make it worse." Harry mumbled, giving Louis a withering glance. "You behave like a baby, Lewis." Oh, now they were being back to Lewis and Harold? Fucking great game. Louis wanted to slap Harry's face. Dickhead. "You've gotta fly back at some point if you don't want to stay in Paris for the rest of your life. I know flying isn't your thing, but it doesn't help matters if you're being a whiny baby because of it. How about you shut up and distract yourself instea?. It's not even a long flight and some people need to get some beauty sleep, here." He couldn't be serious. "You know, maybe you should sleep too. The circles underneath your eyes don't look very pretty." Louis didn't even know how to respond, cause he sure as hell must be dreaming right now. Why was Harry being so mean? Harry leaned back, closing his eyes and ignoring Louis shocked facial expression. 

"You little..." Louis mumbled angrily, and at that moment, he spontaneously decided to annoy the shit out of Harry as a payback. He would totally win this ugly game and then kiss the shit out of Harry the moment they landed at Heathrow Airport. "Harry? Harry? Harry? Harold? Harry? Hi! Hey?" Louis poked his side every time he mentioned his name. "Hey Harry?" Louis smirked as Harry opened his eyes again, glaring at Louis. "I have a question! Can I ask you a question?"

"No." Harry said, furrowing his brow and already looking annoyed. Louis pulled on the expensive _Lanvin_ shirt Harry was wearing. "Stop this right now, Lewis or I'll flip out. I hate when you do touch expensive clothes like they are worth nothing. Stop!" Louis now opened a button of Harry's heavily patterned shirt, dirtily smirking to himself. "Louis, I swear to god if you don't stop this right now, I'll slap you. Why are you so fucking annoying and also, why the fuck are you touching me again?! Sometimes I think you must be blind, deaf and dumb because you don't seem to remember anything that I tell you!" Louis moved his hand away and clenched his fist. He didn't need to hear Harry talk to him this way.

"You know what, Harry? Fuck off. Thank you for being a right jackass." Louis whispered, looking out of the window. He didn't know why, but all of a sudden he felt really hurt and hated it. Instead of this fight or play-fight or whatever the hell you could call this, he should be holding Harry's hand, kissing him gently from time to time, or fonding at him while he's paying attention to a flight attendant or something dumb like that, but no, Harry apparently had different plans. Fucker. Louis' eyes welled up with tears and he turned completely towards the window, not planning to speak to Harry until they landed.

XXXX

Liam wanted to choke his best friend Louis, then drown him, hang him, and throw him out the window...or just stab him. That would be easier. Then he could burn him and flush his remains down the toilet. How could someone be that stubborn and whiny, seriously? It had been two weeks since Louis had basically moved in with Liam, and Liam wanted to vanish into thin air cause he just couldn't take it anymore! Harry this, Harry that,  Blah, blah, fucking blah!

Right now, Louis was lying on the sofa wrapped in a dark brown fake fur blanket that he had deadass asked Liam (as his assistant) to bring over from his own house. Louis had been such a pain in the ass the past couple days that Liam had even considered sleeping in the fucking garden, okay? In the first three days, where he had been at his wits end trying to talk to the wall named Louis, he had called Niall to rant and rave and let off steam. But then Niall suddenly didn't have the time anymore, or he simply was sick and tired of Liam yelling into the phone about how fucking annoying Louis was. So for about five days he hadn't called anymore to leave Niall alone. Right now he didn't care, though, cause he needed to talk to someone or else he'd definitely instantly kill Louis without even regretting it once. He had already left the living room, dialing in Niall's number and when his Irish friend picked up the first thing he did was exhale for the first time in what had felt like ages, feeling extremely relieved.

"Niall, thank god you picked up!" Liam said, sighing. "You got a minute to talk? I know you don't want to hear about Louis anymore, but I'm about to either kill him or myself and I'm being 100% serious this time."

"Uh, hi Liam. Well let me guess...he's still crying like a baby, feels sorry for himself, and only eats shit like nuggets all day?" Niall answered, laughing into the phone, and Liam was about to respond when he heard a rather familiar voice in the background. It couldn't be who he thought it was, though, so he ignored it.

"Yeah, the shithead lives on my couch, empties the fridge, and orders junk food every day and all day, Niall. He's been drinking so much alcohol these last few days I'm not even sure how he's still alive! Did you fucking know that you can drink shots out of marshmallows? Those goddamn-" he stopped speaking abruptly, hearing that voice again, giggling in the background. "Is that Zayn?!"

"What?"Niall shrieked, and then tried to cover up his all too obvious reaction, and then he completely ignored Liam's question. "How does that work? I want to try marshmallow-shots as well. I'll come over tomorrow and get wasted with Louis, fuck yes." Liam raised an eyebrow. The real question here was why he didn't  just confirm it was Zayn?  "Well, or I'll come over later and we can go clubbing and leave Louis alone so that he can drown in self-pity?"

"Niall, don't avoid the question. That is definitely Zayn, I'd know his voice anywhere." Liam announced smugly, hearing a sharp intake of breath and then Zayn's laughter in the background.  "Tell him I said hello!" Liam smiled as he said this. "The offer still holds if you want. Bring Zayn with you? We could go out just like old times?"

"Seriously?" Niall replied, but suddenly there was a thump and a bunch of strange noises, among which Liam could hear Zayn laughing and Niall arguing. They were seriously having an argument because Zayn wanted to talk to him. Finally there was a grumble from Niall and Zayn's voice was in Liam's ear. "Hey Liam! You good? When do you want to meet up?"

"Hey Z! Um, I don't know. When are you free?" Liam wanted to know, immediately regretting how he had worded that...Zayn was probably losing his shit right now because he...no. No he couldn't think like that anymore. For a moment, Liam had totally forgotten about Zayn being in a relationship with Nick, and then he smiled. So no harm done. Good! "We could meet up at 9:15? You heard about that new club just around the corner of Louis'? It's said it's a cool place, good food and drinks?"

"Yeah, sure. We don't have any plans anyway, we just wanted to hang out at Niall's and play some FIFA or something. Don't know, actually. So yeah. I'm looking forward to it. Feels like the old days all over again." Zayn quietly laughed to himself, apparently thinking for a moment. "Bring Louis. I just got an idea. I know you don't want to see his annoying face right now cause he's being a right brat, but just trust me?"

"No way in fucking hell. I need some time off, otherwise I'll commit. I'm not joking, babe. You have no clue how he's behaving. It's worse than back then! Ten times worse, actually. Oh god do you even remember Aiden? You remember when Louis thought, and I repeat myself, he just _thought_ he liked Aiden a bit. Fuck, and Aiden didn't like him for shit since he's straight as a ruler! Louis acted like his life was over, and he's not believe in love ever since, at least not for him. And it was just like what, a week of them hanging out? Can you fucking imagine how bad it is with him and Harry? And he truly does have feelings for Curly! Like real feelings. He's proper gone for him! Wait, do you even know about him and Harry? Probably not. How would you? Damn, sorry I'm rambling, but I can't do this anymore. I want to strangle him right now!" Liam said, groaning when he heard Louis calling his name from the other room "Did you hear that? He's calling me again! I swear if he's asking me for a favor again, or worse reminding me I'm his assistant besides being his best friend just to get what he wants, I'll jump out the window.!"

"Liam, how about you just breathe in?" Zayn said quietly. "Take a deep breath and listen, okay? No, I don't know about him and Harry at least not very much, since Niall isn't really the type to spill secrets and stuff, but I'm sure you're right, okay? How about you relax now, ignore how annoying our sassmaster is, give him want he wants one last time, and then later drag him out of your house. I'll find a solution to help him get his shit together again, but you really need to relax or it'll be you who goes nuts, and I'd really prefer you'd rather not. Hey, it's been ages since we last hung out, hasn't it?"

"Okay." Liam simply said, nodding even if Zayn couldn't see. "Okay." He had already said that. God, he was such a fool. "I mean, yeah, it's been a while. Hey, you can bring Nick if you want..."

"Nope. It's about the four of us tonight! And uh...we can talk about Nick later, maybe?" the dark haired man told Liam, who immediately noticed something different about Zayn's tone. He made a mental note to ask him about it later. "So see you later, Liam?"

"Can't wait. Dress nicely!" Liam teased, knowing that Zayn was never dressed to anything less than perfection. Sometimes Liam couldn't quite believe that Zayn, who had went to college with him and Niall, became famous without even trying. It had never been his plan to model, yet he became successful without even batting an eye. Zayn had always wanted to be behind the scenes just like Niall and Liam, but somehow it had just happened.

 

A few hours later, Liam was waiting in front of the new club they had been talking about on the phone, a grumpy and extremely cheap Louis in tow. Liam had spontaneously decided to annoy the shit out of Louis in return for recently making his life a living hell, and he did that by wearing as many brands as possible, just because he knew Louis would probably hate him for dressing like a, to quote Louis, _cliché rich asshole who only buys the most expensive things just because they are expensive._ So basically, Liam had chosen ripped denim blue _Yves Saint Laurent_   jeans, a plain white _Philipp Plein_ shirt, a _DSQUARED2_ biker jacket, and black _Giuseppe Zanotti Design_ combat boots. 

Judging by Louis' glares, he knew the plan of making Louis boil inside was working just fine. Actually, he had already tried to make Louis explode and yell at him at home when talking about how amazing all of these brands were. In contrary to Louis, Liam preferred to dress in rather expensive brands. It wasn't like he thought he'd be better than other people by wearing _Gucci_   instead of _Review_ or something like that, he just liked the thought of being able to afford all of it with his own well earned money. Most of the time, Louis' influence had made him combine sporty brands such as _Puma_ or _Adidas_ to his _Dolce &Gabbana_ jeans without even thinking about it. He just went with it, but only in his free time. While working, Liam had the absolute priority to look appropriate wearing blazers when meeting important business partners, other models or asisstants. Hell, Liam knew he was the worst control freak ever, but he couldn't help it! He'd always been like that and the only exception had always been Louis ever since they'd met. Liam loved Louis as his best friend, brother even, but he'd lie to himself, claiming Louis was an easy person. Sometimes he wanted to simply kill him! Louis could be so annoying, holy shit. Once, Liam had even considered choking him while he was sleeping because he had come home to his kitchen in ruins, Louis claiming that he had gotten hungry and had tried to cook himself food. There had been tomato sauce all over the place and it had taken Liam nearly two hours to clean up, and the entire time, Louis, the little shit, watched him and commented on everything, just being a general smartass.

So while Liam dressed up like said cliché rich asshole, Louis hadn't even tried to look good tonight and that was the point where Liam realized that he and the other two had a lot of work to do if they wanted to get Louis back to normal.  Even if Louis claimed he hated brands, he had always cared about his looks. Look, Liam loved Louis to bits, but the little shit was vain as fuck, always caring about his looks, hair especially. In fact, Louis was so obsessed with fashion that he refused to combine _Adidas_ to _Nike_ or shit like that, claiming that it just wouldn't do. Louis would never admit it to strangers, but he'd been into fashion ever since he could think! And today, Louis had just put on a no name black skinny jeans (Liam called them leggings cause really they didn't even look like jeans...no jeans were that tight, fuck) and a random green hoodie from Liam, not even looking into the mirror before he left, but stomping outside after Liam, grumbling about everyone and his dog. Liam needed Zayn's brilliant emergency plans right now, because he was at his wit's end! They'd always pulled their butts out of the fire when the going got tough and today was one of those S.O.S. days! Louis needed to be Louis again, not this whiny little baby! 

"Hey Li!" Zayn shouted, approaching them quickly and immediately wrapping his arms tightly around Liam's strong neck. Liam couldn't help but quickly scan Zayn's gorgeous outfit. The heavily tattooed man had decided to keep it simple. Simple but fucking effective, in Liam's opinion. A gray pair of _Alexander McQueen_ jeans (used look) and a sheer black shirt by _Gucci_  slimmed his lean body. Black biker boots, from  _Alexander McQueen_ 's new collection, rounded off his outfit. But what hit him the hardest was the fact that Zayn had dyed his hair a gray-ish blonde color, and he'd never done this before. Liam couldn't help but think _hothothot,_ which he didn't like, considering the fact that Zayn was a dude and Liam didn't like guys, so it wasn't exactly what he probably should think.  Liam wanted to say something along the lines of _You look hot, babe,_ he just kept his lips pressed together, smiling. 

Zayn turned to Louis eyeing him with a suspicious look on his face before he clicked his tongue in a deprecating way. "What exactly is this, Tommo? You look like a hobo. There's no way they'll let you in. And fuck, what if people see us and take photos? You little fuck, you know the two of us are not exactly unknown? Just because you got that weird kind of restraining order when it comes to paps doesn't mean you won't be in a picture of me, and there's no way I'm hanging out with you looking like-" he scanned his body "Like that." Louis rolled his eyes and Zayn playfully punched his shoulder. "You know that I know you, and it's your lucky day since I brought you an appropriate outfit. So strip and put it on. What the fuck is this ugly ass hoodie even? 2001 is over. That's out! You can't even wear it at home. That's not your style anyway, holy shit. You look horrible. Take this off! I don't even care that we're standing in the middle of the street, ew!" Louis gave him the finger, wordlessly grabbed the bag in Zayn's hand and pulled out the shirt Zayn brought. It surprised Liam, cause how would Zayn even have known Louis would be dressed like that, since he had never done it before. Liam decided to just not think about it, choosing to admire caring Z was instead. Louis pulled the hoodie over his head and within seconds he was wearing a low cut dark red _TOPMAN_ shirt that was showing off his collarbones and a bit of his tattoo. 

"Thanks." Louis mumbled and Zayn exhaled, rolling his eyes at him.

"You're welcome. Now let's work on your hair. Looks like a bird's nest! Don't you wash it or what? Louis, what the fuck is this?" Zayn tousled his hair, pulled out a can of hairspray, and fixed what he could fix. Louis hair was indeed a mess, but Zayn's magical hand managed to make it look good, hot even. Liam didn't know how that was even possible. "Oh and Liam, I know it was your hoodie, by the way. Throw that thing away already. It's always been hideous, even back in college, for fuck's sake. I'll buy you a new one but I can't see this thing anymore. Didn't think I'd ever say this, but you look like shit in it, while the rest of the time you look good. And that holds to both of you. I never want to see this ugly ass piece of clothing ever again. It gives me nausea!"

Louis suddenly burst out laughing. "Well he's right, you know? It is the most hideous piece of clothing in your closet, Liam." Zayn high fived Louis, and Liam smiled a bit. Maybe Zayn could actually help Louis, and Liam could actually not want to kill himself every other minute. Liam would kiss the ground Zayn walked on if he did that.

"Nialler!" Liam cheered as Niall came rushing over to them, panting like a madmen. "What happed to you? Forgot to do our workout, did we? Decided to do it right before going clubbing? You're ridiculous and you're sweaty. You won't exactly pull a chick like that." 

Niall started laughing, saying hello quickly and trying to recover his breath, and then he announced that he didn't even want to leave with a girl today since he was properly committed to someone already. Well that was news to Liam, but Zayn only giggled, so Liam decided to bring it up again later. "Let's go get wasted. Louis, I'll make you so drunk you won't even remember your name, not to mention a certain person." Louis groaned, but Liam knew he just wanted to cry again. 

About three beers, a blue cocktail, and several colorful shots later, they all were not only tipsy but properly drunk. The only one who seemed to still act like a normal human was Niall. Stupid Irish idiot...

"Well Zayn, how's Nick doin' eh?" Liam who was sitting next to a, by now rather giggly Louis, asked Zayn, whose arm was wrapped around Niall's shoulders casually. "How long have ya been together even?" Louis started to make a gagging noise, suddenly turning red with anger, but nobody knew why. Liam knew that Louis and Nick had never been the best of friends, but since they worked together, they tried to make it work somehow. 

"We're not datin' anymore, Li-Li. He's an asshole. That's what he is." Zayn said, nuzzling his nose in Niall's neck, which caused Liam to furrow his brow and Louis to gape at them. "Nick's rather rude, ya know? Noticed when he treated, sorry Louis for mentioning the name, but deal with it, Harry like shit. Made me rethink my choices. He wasn't even a good fuck. Selfish prick, that one." Niall's hand went to pat Zayn's knee in comfort, but while Liam expected Niall to remove his hand, he did not, instead leaving it there comfortably. "Didn't matter though."

"I'd say sorry, but you don't exactly seem to be sad about it, so screw Nick." Liam said, and Louis nodded furiously, still not being very talkative. "Let's toast Nick! To just another asshole! Cheers!" They all lifted a shot glass and drank it. 

"Anyone wanna dance? I wanna dance. I'm going to dance. See ya, you filthy animals!" drunk Louis all of a sudden announced, and before the other men could even say something, he had already fucked off, shaking his ass a little bit too suggestively on the dance floor. Liam had followed him with his eyes, making sure he wasn't stumbling too bad, but when he turned back around again, he was met by a weird sight in front of him. Niall whispering into Zayn's ear, giggling suspiciously, his hand tousling Zayn's hair. Niall's hand in Zayn's hair?!  What kind of parallel universe was this? Nobody was allowed to touch his fucking hair, _ever_. Like what the fuck? Zayn basically was in love with his perfect hair and he protected it like it was his treasure! Zayn grinned at Liam and winked cheekily, and when Niall then pecked Zayn's cheek, Liam almost fell off his chair. He dragged two more shots towards himself, assuming he was not drunk enough, but four shots later, Zayn was in Niall's lap, giggling like an idiot. 

"Okay, what exactly is going on with you two?" Liam choked out, still not quite capable of processing anything that was happening before him. As far as Liam knew, Niall was straight (and it sure as hell didn't look like a bromance-y thing between him and Zayn right now), and always had been, but truth to be told he had never asked about it either, simply because Niall had never publicly dated a guy or anything like that. Hell, Liam hadn't even seen Niall checking guys out or kissing them. Shit! Liam quickly felt like the worst friend ever, but Niall had always seemed like the straightest guy to walk around, thank you very much. 

But Liam didn't know what confused him more right now, Niall obviously having a thing going on with Zayn, or him having a bad feeling about it for heaven knows why. "I mean, since when? I'm so confused." Nobody answered and Liam slowly but steadily got a bit angry, feeling as if he was third wheeling, which he hated the most. It wasn't even about his blonde friend and Zayn being whatever they hell they were, if it was anything at all. It was the fact that he was being completely ignored. So Liam tried it again. "Look I don't mind, but I'd like to know? I mean you can't exactly deny that you two... oh god, I am so confused."

Liam blinked rapidly, gaping at them cuddling as if they where at fucking home. His chest tightened painfully, but he was sure it was only because Zayn wasn't paying full attention to him.  It had always been Zayn and Liam, best friends for life, and therefore, Zayn's first priority had always been Liam and Liam only. They'd first met on the first day of college when both of them accidentally got lost on campus. They'd bumped into each other, had fallen down in the grass and, for some stupid reason, started laughing. From that day on they had literally been inseparable. It had even went so far that Liam and Zayn had kicked Niall out to share a dorm room. Niall, most of the time, had therefore called them an annoying old married couple, ignoring the fact that they never dated each other. Liam had even had a girlfriend back then, Sophia, while Zayn had constantly been single.

Shortly after their graduation from college and shortly before Liam had met Louis for the first time, Zayn, who had just signed a model contract, had sat down with Liam and confessed that he had been in love with him for two years and he just couldn't lie to him anymore. It had hit Liam like a train and he felt horrible when he had to turn Zayn down, because he just didn't date men. Zayn had seemed to accept his statement for a rather short while, and then he had started to pine over Liam so much he had decided to maybe prove Liam wrong, fight for him and make him realize he could feel the same. He didn't succeed, though, and when it got too much for Zayn, he'd quit his well payed and beloved job at _Louis Vuitton_. Liam knew it had been hard for Zayn to leave, especially since Zayn had also made great friends like Louis there, but he had tried to tell himself it was for the better. Zayn eventually broke off contact with Liam. They'd only ever seen each other at photo shoots from time to time. Liam had missed Zayn badly, but tried to get over it for Zayn's sake. Everything had changed, though, when they had met up at Harry and Louis' shoot. From that moment, everything had gone south for Liam. He didn't admit it, wouldn't have even if Louis had asked him, but he was literally aching for contact with Zayn, especially when he found out that Zayn was in a relationship. That meant that they could go back to being best friends without anything getting in the way. For reasons unknown to him, however, he had found himself glaring at Nick without realizing.

But now seeing Zayn, his Zayn, with that stupid too good looking dyed hair, right in front of him with Niall, made him furious, and he just had to know what was going on so he just blurted it out before he could think about it twice. "Are you two dating now? Is that why you broke up with Nick, Zayn?" Niall suddenly smirked to himself and Liam got so angry he wanted to punch him. How very dare he look so smug. The anger only got worse when Niall deadass grabbed Zayn's chin, quickly turned his head and then pecked his lips. Liam was about explode and he couldn't fucking hold it back anymore. "Oi, you Irish fucker! I love you but keep your fucking disgusting leprechaun hands off my man! Back off or I'll pu-" Liam interrupted himself, his eyes widen open. His jaw dropped...had he just said what he thought he said?

He felt very sick as the realization of what he had said hit him. Niall rolled his eyes, got up, and winked at Zayn. "Took you fucking long enough. I swear, I couldn't handle you two pining over each other anymore. I swear, if I ever have to peck some dude's lips ever again, I'll barf. Now go talk, kiss or finally fuck before I lose my mind.I have to go find the other miserable piece of shit who is probably crying over Harry. You four can't do shit alone. I always have to do the work, damn it! Why do I love you three so much, you immature fucks? Time to tell my soon to be new fourth best friend Louis to get his shit together as well, go find his balls, and talk to Harry." With that, Niall turned on his heels and walked away, looking around for Louis.

Liam was glued to the spot, staring after Niall, and he didn't move until someone sank into the love seat next to him. Liam was so fucking drunk by now, but he honestly thanked the alcohol for the sudden bravery rushing through his body. Before he could change his mind, he turned to Zayn and did what he should've done weeks, month, even years, earlier. It wasn't romantic or anything like that considering the fact that they still were in a fucking club with music blasting in their ears, but when he leaned forward, looking into Zayn's beautiful shining hazel eyes, he didn't hesitate to press his own lips against his friend's. Zayn closed his eyes, sighing happily into the rather sloppy kiss, and Liam tried his best not to panic when feeling the scruff of Zayn's beard instead of the usual soft women's lips. Liam was scared shitless and it was the first time ever that he realized why he had pushed his feelings for Zayn away. And fuck this shit, he knew he wasn't gay, but he decided to face the truth. Maybe he was bi. He'd always kind of been into Zayn. Who wasn't at least a little bit gay for this loyal, nice and mysteriously seeming creature with that perfect hair and flawless face?

XXXX

Louis was circling his hips, ass pressing against a dark haired tall guy's crotch, humming to the music and pretending it was Harry, when he suddenly felt someone grab his arm and roughly pull him away. Louis wanted to yell at that asshole, but the alcohol had made him a bit careless tonight. Even if his heart was still aching so much, even if his whole body still felt like as if it was constantly on fire, he hadn't thought about Harry as much as at home. Fucking Harry. 

God, Louis wanted to see his indescribable green sparkling big eyes again, wanted to smell the vanilla scent of his beautiful chocolate brown curls, and absolutely _needed_ to kiss those lips, but instead he hadn't seen Harry since the day they had landed at Heathrow Airport. Harry had ignored him, had rushed out of the building like a maniac, leaving a heartbroken Louis behind. He had not once tried to reach out to him since that day. He had in fact made it pretty clear that he did not reciprocate Louis' feelings, that he didn't want him in his life, and that he apparently hated him. The more days that passed, the more Louis wanted to jump off a bridge. So when one day Liam had come over and had found him in his miserable state, he had invited him over to sleep at his place to get better. Neither of them had actually planned on what had happened instead. Louis had literally moved in and made a mess out of Liam's house, which he hated himself for. But since he had been in that total careless mood he had kind of shut off everything. He felt egoistic and sorry for Liam, but he couldn't help it. Deep down he knew that Liam had been right all along, telling him he should eventually start to eat healthier again, stop drinking so much alcohol, and finally call Harry to ask what the fuck his problem was, but he couldn't. So right now, not thinking about Styles that much for once and getting interrupted made him furious, and for the first time in over two weeks his mind became clear, and all he wanted to do was yell his head off at whomever had ahold of him. The stranger then surprisingly turned out to be Niall, which baffled Louis so much that his jaw just dropped and he started to laugh without any real reason.

"Tomlinson! I've had enough. Come the fuck with me. You need fresh air!" Niall shouted in his face and Louis jumped a bit. "Look, I can't watch this anymore. I know we're not friends or anything like that, but trust me if I tell you we'll be best friends, the bestest, and that's not even a word, so I'm not shitting you. As you might have figured out by now, Harry and I are definitely not fucking, in a relationship, or anything else apart from being best friends, so there's no need to hate me." Louis grumbled and Niall rolled his eyes. "I'll repeat his name over and over again you know? Liam has told me everything and I'm not blind, deaf, or dumb. You're head over heels for him, Louis, and let me tell you one thing, Harry is at least as annoying as you are at the moment. He might not act like you and all, but I want to slap his face on a daily basis as well for being a dumbass."

"Don't talk about him like that. He's an angel." Louis instinctively defended Harry, and yes, Louis really thought Harry was an innocent beautiful angel that needed a lot of love and protection. But what Louis didn't get was Niall telling him all of this stuff. He was drunk for fuck's sake and his brain clearly couldn't work with all of that information. What did Niall mean Harry was annoying? His Harry could never be annoying. Louis quickly considered shoving Niall or kicking his shin, but he probably was to drunk to even take aim. God, he was so drunk and so far gone for Harry. He wanted Harry. "I want Harry."

"No shit, Sherlock. Can't believe that. So what the hell are you exactly waiting for? He won't fall into your lap or appear out of nowhere, you know. Look, you should really talk to him. I don't know what happened between you since Harry isn't talking at all, but I'm sick and tired of getting angry phone calls from Liam on the one side and getting ignored 24/7 on the other side. Now get your shit together, you grown-ass man, and talk to him." Niall ranted, his arms flying around in exasperation. Louis wanted to protest, but he knew Louis was right about everything...hold on...not Louis, Niall. His own name was Louis. Shit, he probably shouldn't have had those last two shots. Fuck, he probably should have called _La Fleur_. Fuck, he probably shouldn't have danced with those dudes. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Okay. Got it." Louis said, patting Niall's shoulder. "Thanks, mate. You know, we should probably go out for dinner. Not as a date. God no. I don't want to fuck you. No date, Niall! No romance-y shit, okay? Like you know? Just as friends. Like you and I and burgers or something like that. What about Nandos? Nandos as friends! No fucking!" 

"Louis, I know you only want Styles, so shut it. But dinner sounds good. You pay. And be warned, I'll order everything. Well, fuck everything, all this arguing and shit has made me hungry, thanks you fucker. I'm going back inside now. You take a deep breath and when you're ready come back inside, we'll pick up the other two idiots and leave this hellhole." Niall announced, and in his drunken state, it took Louis way too long to find the right words to answer, so Niall just left him standing there. And that's when Louis got a glorious idea. The best, actually. He pulled out his phone and dialed in a number. He'd call Harry right now! 

"Hello, is this Harry?" Louis slurred into the phone when someone picked up. What a stupid question, actually, but he was drunk so he didn't give a fuck.

"No this is Spongebob Squarepants and you're currently speaking to a sponge living in a pineapple under the sea. What the fuck, Louis, it's 3:30 AM. Why are you calling me at this time of night?" Harry answered, sounding sleepy and rather annoyed. Well, for Louis, it sounded like Harry. And everything about Harry was great, the greatest, so he decided he should keep on talking.

"Ya know, I miss you." Louis mumbled into the phone, and he heard Harry gasp for air, trying to interrupt him, but Louis just kept on rambling. "You know, I thought you're were a right pain in the ass. Ha ha pain in the ass. What a pun. You know, cause we're like into men and...oh, whatever.  Anyway, I fucking wanted to slap your face every day, Harold. I hated your too big ego and that great jawline and that stupid penis shaped nose of yours and all of you, at least until you being the asshole that you are, had to show your real face, being all kitten-like and nice and cute and innocent. And then I started to send you flowers cause you looked sad and someone needed to cheer you up, care about you, and damn you smiled like the freaking sun and fuck. And that asshole, Nick, I want to still murder him. He's not allowed to talk to my beautiful sunflower like that. You know, you remind me of a beautiful delicate flower, Harry. Like...you're just perfect, flawless, the best thing ever and I fucking hate that I can't hate you anymore. I love how you giggle when you get excited, how you nervously push that loose strand of hair out of your face all the time, the way you critically eye your clothes and always want to look perfect, even if you actually don't have to try cause everything about you from head to toe is amazing just the way it is. You're amazing just the way you are! And I like everything about you and I want to buy you thousands of penguins and your own Disneyland and a freaking Ferris Wheel just to watch your eyes sparkle again. Like, I just want to turn back time and stay there with you forever. It was so great and I miss you and fuck it, since I'm already talking, I gotta confess straight away. I have feelings for you and I want you. Like to be mine. I like you. I wa-"

Harry simply hung up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Life

Harry was full on panicking, his breaths coming in short, choppy gasps. Tears streaming down his face, he sank down onto the floor in the middle of his living room, not having the strength to stand anymore. His black and white cat, which was called Olivia, crawled into his lap and started purring away, apparently sensing that something was wrong, but even the calming feeling of his cat purring wasn't enough right now. Why did Louis have to be such a good person? Why did he have to say all of those things to him, and why the hell was Harry such a fuck up? Harry didn't deserve him. He hadn't fucking want to hang up but he just couldn't listen to Louis saying such things to him, about him, on the phone. It scared him shitless and that alone, all of the words that had come out of Louis' mouth in that raspy voice he liked so much, was probably the reason why he was shaking so bad and why he was on the verge of a full panic attack.  He couldn't even get his hands to stop shaking enough to call Niall, and he really fucking needed Niall right now.  Harry tried to take a deep breath to calm himself but the sobs just ripped out of his chest, one after the other. Harry moved his shaking hand to Olivia, petting her and trying to calm down, but even the increased sound of her purring and her nudging of his hand couldn't do anything for him...he needed someone with him...he needed a friend. 

An hour later, during which Harry had managed to text Niall in a panic, Niall was sitting on the floor next to him, not sure what to do other than wait for the mess of a curly haired boy to speak up. Harry had stopped crying but as soon as Niall had walked through the door, he couldn't contain it anymore and had burst into tears, reigniting the strangest type of pain in his chest. 

"Harry you know you need to talk, right? But right now you aren't saying anything and I can't help you and it makes me feel like the worst friend ever. What happened? Can I do anything for you? Please, just give me a tiny hint so that I can at least guess what's wrong." Niall begged, looking like a beat up puppy. "You know we'll find a solution for everyting, don't you? Do I have to punch someone in the face? Do you need a vacation? Do you want to-"

"I want Louis," Harry whispered, his voice very timid as he sniffed. "Louis."

"But you're scared, aren't you? I know...I just know. You're scared because you have feelings for him. You're scared because you fear that Louis could just be like your ex-boyfriend was, right? Harry, that won't happen. Nobody will be as bad as Nick was, and I'm sure Louis is a good guy, even if I don't know him very well yet. He's definitely better than Nick, if I have any say in the matter, and for you to feel this way about him shows me that he must be a fucking miracle. I've just been clubbing with him Liam and Zayn! I left cause you texted me, but honestly, Louis is a mess too. He misses you and he wants you as much as you want him, but he doesn't know what's going on, Harry. The poor boy has no idea what's happening. He thinks you hate him, or even worse, and he doesn't know how to cope with that!" Niall answered, and Harry stiffened upon hearing Nick's name, but then melted when hearing Louis'. Niall wanted to comfort him, but he obviously didn't know what could help. Harry didn't like to be touched, so he just sat there, fiddling with his fingers and waiting for Harry to answer, if he even would. 

"We kissed, Niall. We...we kissed a lot...and...and fell asleep on the couch. I just...he didn't...like...I am such an asshole. I'm the worst. I just...I'm sure I hurt him so much, but I couldn't stop myself. I didn't...I can't have those feelings for someone! Louis is so wonderful, and he doesn't deserve such a mess like me. He's so wonderful, Niall. He's so cute and nice and...fuck, I miss him so much." Harry rambled, his voice laced with sadness, and Niall flinched at how much pain he heard in Harry's voice. He just wanted to hug his best friend and hold him, but Harry was making it very clear that he didn't want to be touched in any way, not even by Niall. "He...he made me feel so happy. Made me genuinely laugh and he...he made me feel worthy, like I meant something more than just a fuck or a tool to use for pleasure. That's never happened before, like, ever. I don't know what... how does he do it? It scares me so much, fuck. Niall, I like him. I really like him, but I don't know what to do! How am I supposed to...I can't, I really can't..."

**XXXX**

Louis had left the club the moment Harry had hung up. He hadn't felt the need to tell Niall and Zayn or even Liam what had just happened. There was no point. All he wanted was to leave that damn place and run. Run away from everyone and everything. Run away from his own thoughts and, most especially, run away from his stupid feelings for Harry. So he did exactly that. He'd been running away with a feeling inside of him that he'd never experienced before. It had felt like as if someone was stabbing him in the chest over and over again and it didn't stop. It just got worse. He had felt rejected in a way he'd never been rejected before and the fact that he had already been drunk should've made it better, but it felt ten times worse. He stopped at a park, plopping down on a bench as it started to rain. He felt like he was in a movie, and he hated it. It was only then that he realized that he was crying, and realizing that made him cry harder, even let out a scream of pain and heartbreak. Such a cliché! He had then somehow ended at a rather dirty and not so appealing bar at the end of the road, just wanting the feeling to go away. So he drank shot after shot until his vision was fuzzy.

It wasn't exactly a surprise that when Louis woke up the next morning, he had no inkling of what had happened after that or how he had gotten home. Home as in his house, as in his fucking huge mansion, which seemed so cold and empty. All Louis wanted to do at this point was jump off his balcony or drown himself in the pool. He didn't even think about eating something for breakfast, or was it lunch time already? He had no idea. He didn't give a fuck. He was fucking heartbroken and he couldn't deal with it. He just wanted to stop thinking, but his brain was all a muddle of Harry this, Harry that, Harry everything.  What was he doing right now? Was he thinking about Louis? Was he out there having fun and laughing while Louis was in this much pain? Was he busy? Was he asleep? Was he maybe hanging out with Niall? He couldn't stop even he wanted to! Fucking Harry. 

And to be honest, the fear of the pain he was experiencing right now had always been the reason for him to avoid love at all costs even if it, and he could only acknowledge it to himself now, was the one thing he had ever wished for in life. Love. True love. He was such a fucking idiot, and he should've known that in the event that he did fall for someone, it would not end up like his grandparent's relationship, nor like any of the characters in Disney movies, who always _always_ got the one.

Louis sat down on his huge black sofa, pulled a cozy white cashmere blanket towards him, wrapped it around his little body, and started to stare out of the window, thinking about life. He knew he was being an idiot and a baby, pitying himself, but he couldn't help it and there wasn't anything else he could really do at this point. He had the right to suffer, especially when he felt so alone. Especially when someone had just caused him to feel dead on the inside, completely shattered, even. He couldn't put it into words; all he knew was that it hurt like hell.

Louis was pretty sure that people didn't expect him to be such a fuck up. They expected him to be a happy person, since he was smiling all the time, a person who never had problems, someone who felt lucky all the time, considering the fact that he never had to worry about anything like money, someone who could have whatever they wanted, someone who was content, someone who had hobbies or someone who'd easily come back to his senses after rejections. But he was not. He was a fucking nobody with a name and a reputation. He was someone without a family, since they lived so far away and since he barely had contact with them. He was someone who didn't have a lot of friends, only one proper friend, to be exact. Maybe two if he counted Zayn in. Louis was someone who didn't know what exactly to do with his life, since it had always been predetermined in some way. He was someone who fucked way too many random dudes just to rebel a bit to feel alive, while secretly looking for someone who loved him, even if that was something he'd never admit to anyone. He was someone who ate too much or too little all the time. He was someone who got drunk way too often and someone who questioned life every day. He was that poor little soul who just longed for a person who'd love him unconditionally, which was surreal and dumb, but not something he could control. So yes, he was definitely the fuck up that no one would accept.

So what? What if, for a short matter of time, Louis had thought Harry could be the one for him? What if he had allowed himself to dream for once? He wanted to turn back time right now so badly, fuck. Time. Fucking time was good fucking keyword when it came to Harry. 

Louis had always been able to buy whatever he wanted. But when it came to time, he had to realize very early in his life that time was free, but also priceless. Louis couldn't own it, but he could use it. He couldn't keep it, but he could spend it. Once he had lost it, he could never get it back. Time was special and he knew that the greatest gift he could therefore give someone was his time, because when he gave his time, he was indirectly giving a portion of his life that he would never get back, right? Time was the only thing that had nothing to do with his goddamn money, and that made it something really valuable. That's why he always tried to give as much time as possible to the people that mattered to him. 

And he and Harry had given each other time, hadn't they? So Louis should probably be grateful that he'd gotten the chance to spend some of his time with someone as wonderful as Harry. But right now he was really struggling with the fact that that time was all he would ever get. He wouldn't spend any more time with the only person he had ever had developed true feelings for. The one he could've fallen in love with, the one he maybe even had fallen for a bit too much already. 

See, time was what everyone wanted most, but apparently used the worst, and in that moment, Louis realized he could've spend his time with Harry better even if their time had been amazing. Time had a wonderful and horrible way of showing Louis what really mattered, but apparently only ever when it was already too late.

He had first noticed this when his childhood best friend Stan had just left him. He had noticed when his dad had passed away. He had noticed when his mom had moved away, when he had stopped talking to Lottie for heaven knows why, and when he had stopped writing Fizzy funny e-mails with stupid emojis in them. When he hadn't send Phoebe and Daisy little presents anymore or when he had stopped grinning like an idiot whenever he had seen babies around Ernest and Doris' age. And he had experienced it yesterday, once again, when Harry had simply and carelessly hung up. Time was an asshole and Louis obviously was to dumb to tap into the full potential of time.

So obviously, there came a point in life for everyone where they would start thinking about time. Most of the people would start thinking about their time when they were old, when their life, supposedly, would be ending soon. When they would've experienced a lot. When they would be or would've been married, when they would have children, when they would look back at their life. But Louis was doing it right now and he hadn't really achieved anything yet, had he?  It had just always fallen into his lap. He had never had to do much for anything. So why was he thinking about time in general right now? Only because of Harry?

When Louis would ask children about time, they wouldn't know much about it? They wouldn't understand. They only live their life, not thinking about things as complicated as time. Why would they? Childhood was easy. Childhood was beautiful. Childhood was precious. Children live for the moment and it honestly was the one thing people should do for the rest of their lives, really. 

But almost nobody did. 

And Louis was just like every child. He had gotten older and had reached a point where he had wanted to grow up so bad that he would've done everything for it, just for the simple reason that he had thought it'd be cool and easy to be an adult. He had tried to look older and act mature. He could remember it so well at this very moment. He had grown up so fast, and had collected his first great experiences and had experienced his first deep hits in life, but he had still wanted to keep going, cause he had nearly achieved his goal of becoming an adult. And then, all of a sudden, he was all grown up and had realized that adulthood wasn't want he had imagined it to be. From that point on, staying young had been what he wanted most. Sometimes, he wanted to be Peter Pan.

But Louis couldn't stop time, and now was one of those times where he was truly realizing that.

Louis wished he was a child again, but he fucking wasn't . He wished he was one, though, drooling. He wished he was two, babbling nonsense. He wished he was three, giggling because of everything. He wished he was four again, always having endless energy. He wished he was five, annoying his family with stupid questions. He wished he was six again, stumbling over a football his dad had just gotten him. He wished he was seven, watching his favorite series on TV. He wished he was eight, dreaming about being a professional footballer. He wished he was nine, exhausting his mom. He wished he was 10, still knowing his former best friend Stan and not worrying about him leaving in the future. He wished he was eleven again , exploring new things. He wished he was 12, 13, 14, 15...

But he wasn't, and never would be again.

Right at that moment, he just wished he could change things. He wished he could meet people all over again and change everything he had messed up. He wished he was close with his family again. He wished he could treat people better than how he had done. He wished he could find a way to keep them near him, especially the ones that he had driven to leaving him. He wished he could meet people again that had passed, especially his dad and the ones that he didn't have enough time with, such as Stan and now Harry. He wished he could tell the people he loved how much he actually loved them, such as his siblings and his mom even, even if they probably wouldn't believe him. Maybe even Harry. He wished he could've shown them more of what they meant to him. He wished he could find a way to avoid the bad things he had had to go through. 

But he couldn't.

But at this exact moment, he especially wished that he could only turn back time when it came to Harry. If he only could then he could meet the curly haired man for the first time all over again. If he could turn back time, he could blush around Harry all over again, even if he had never blushed around anyone before. If he could turn back time, he could admire what he Harry looked like all over again. He could slowly starting to fall in love with him all over again. He could kiss him for the first time all over again. He could then appreciate the little things about him all over again such as his untamable loose strand of curly hair. He could desperately try to stop his heart from racing when being close to him. He could make him giggle like a child all over again, could hear the cute little sounds he made again. He could hold his hand again or could tell him how much he loved how Harry scrunched up his nose sometimes when he was truly happy. He could look into his sparkling emerald eyes again. He would maybe be able to kiss his cute love handles in the future, just to tell him how much he loved them, just to make him know that he would never have to lose weight or change anything, because he was perfect. He could smell his vanilla scent, the scent he wanted to smell for the rest of his life. He could sass the shit out of him again or roll his eyes at his childish behavior. He could laugh about his absolutely weird thoughts again. He could send him flowers again. He could tell him that he didn't have to worry about Nick ever again cause he would kick his fucking ass if he ever came close again. He could tell him not do be insecure, cause he was just perfect. He could try his best to cook for him even if he couldn't cook for shit. He could be a fucking sap in the future, thinking about their wedding or even about having children. He could do so many things all over again or try to change things, all while being stronger with Harry by his side. 

But he couldn't turn back time.

In fact, he couldn't change anything, even if changes were scary anyway. But there was one thing that was scarier. Regret. And he didn't regret a thing. Louis simply didn't want to regret anything. The only thing he regretted were the chances he didn't take. His mom had once said to not ever regret, but to look forward instead and hope.

But what even was hope for Louis when there was nothing to look forward to? The little voice inside of him that whispered _maybe_? Believing that things would change? The feeling that what was wanted could be had? Was hope a form of trust? Why was hope such a big word when nobody could explain to Louis what hope actually was? What would he even have to hope for? 

To forget what or who had hurt him? To forget his past and start all over again? To forget what he wanted and remember what Liam had told him last week that he thought Louis deserved? But it was hard and impossible to forget someone who had given him so much to remember in such a short period of time. He didn't want to forget Harry. He couldn't forget. He wouldn't forget. 

But he was sure that wasn't even the main point. Changes were bad. Regrets were worse. Forgetting was the worst. But even if he couldn't form the comparative of the worst, he knew that there indeed was one thing that overcame it all. The feeling of being unwanted, the feeling of not being needed, the feeling of being alone. The worst feeling was feeling unwanted by the person you wanted the most. And that, for Louis, was Harry. And apparently, Louis wanted what he could never have. He wished Harry would want him the way Louis wanted him. He wished he would want Louis in _any_ way, but Harry didn't, which he had made very clear recently. And the fact that he didn't want him at all made the memories he had even worse, cause he knew he would never have what he now knew he needed the most: Harry. 

Memories. What were those,  anyway? Memories were a way of holding onto things you loved, things you were, or things you didn't want to lose. They lasted forever and Louis didn't want a forever in his fucked up life anymore, not without someone to share his forever with.

Life. Life was so damn weird. Life was birth. Life was death. And life was the something in between birth and death. Louis only had to figure out what it was, though. So apparently, life was a matter of choices. Everyone did have choices, of course. But it was not that simple. Most of the people forgot that sometimes in life, other people influence your choices and therefore change everything.

Louis' family had always made choices for him, so that was why he actually had never achieved anything by himself. Funny, how he never seemed to care because he knew they loved him and he trusted them with everything he had. He hated parts of their choices, of course he did. He had acted like a rebel and like an asshole too back then, but these days he should be happy, shouldn't he? Not everyone was that lucky to live a life of ease, somehow. If only Harry knew who he _actually_ was. But he'd probably never know. And fuck, if his family hadn't make choices for him, maybe he would've never met Harry, would've never gotten the chance to spend time with him. So Louis was grateful. Somehow.

But what mattered for Louis just now was that he had to face the truth. It was about damn time. Louis had to realize what was going on, he needed to tell himself that every new beginning came from another beginning's end. One door closed another opened. The real question, however, was if Louis wanted that. If he wanted new beginnings in his personal and professional life. If he was brave enough to open these new doors. He didn't. He wasn't.  Not while being alone.

He had been thinking about those random things for at least two hours, but he had only come up with one solution, one solid thing that was stuck in his mind: He wanted Harry, he needed Harry. And he was utterly and completely fucked, cause he wasn't wanted.

Liam had told him to stay strong, no matter what. He had been told to keep smiling, but what Liam didn't understand was that Louis had already lost. He had nothing but money and a well known name and somehow, losing Harry had made him realize this once more in the most painful way. 

At Liam's he had laid in the dark for hours every day for the past few weeks, thinking about every possible thing he had messed up in his life, while others had been sleeping peacefully without a care in the world. He had been thinking about every possible explanation for why he was unwanted. In fact, he had been thinking about everything he had done that could have caused Harry to not want him at all. He had found a millions of reasons by now.

If people could see the way Louis saw himself, they'd understand why he hated being him so much. Yes, he had fucking everything. He had so much money he could literally throw it out of the window, he got the job he wanted effortlessly, he could travel to every place he would want to see, he could this and that and he knew he looked rather good. But what he hated about himself was what he wasn't.

And that was a person who was loved. He didn't know what he had done, but he felt unloved by everyone. His mom had left, moving to another country with all of his siblings. His dad had never seemed to care about him before he had died other than in a professional way. His siblings had always come first, cause Louis was the oldest. And his former best friend Stan had left him behind too. 

He'd been searching for reasons for years for what could possibly be wrong with him, why nobody really loved him. And it had gotten better, really. He had gotten used to being alone in that respect since he had met Liam and he at least had seemed to love him, even if it was in a best friend type of way, but Harry...he had felt something, something that was more than the bond of friendship that he and Liam had, and it had been ripped away from him. The realization was coming back to him once again. He'd never been good enough for anyone, so how the fuck would he have expected to be good enough for someone like Harry Styles? He was always way too clingy, simply because he was so afraid to lose the people he cared about the most. Liam, and even Zayn, on occasion, had told him many times that he was fucking annoying as hell with the clingy thing, and he always apologized way too much for it, but all he wanted was to be sure that his loved ones felt loved, like he had never felt. He didn't want anyone to feel the way he did, cause honest, it sucked ass. 

He could have listed reasons for people's obvious hatred towards him, but he only came back to one thing, the one thing he didn't want to admit to himself, but he knew he must. He hated himself for not being able to hate Harry (anymore), for having feelings for him. And it felt like dying on the inside, because he knew it's was useless to like, or maybe even love, Harry Styles. 

He'd never thought he'd really consider this, being one of those people, but maybe it was better to cross the line sometimes rather than just stare at his absolutely meaningless future.

Maybe he should _end_ all of this mess called his life because-

He never got the chance to think about it any further, though, cause someone knocked on the door, and the idiot that Louis was, he went to open it by instinct. Who could it be anyway? The stupid maid? The mail man? Louis rolled his eyes, trotting towards the door to slowly pull it open. 

It was Zayn.

The moment Louis had casually opened the door, Zayn literally threw himself into his arms, grinning like a cheshire cat. Zayn being there, on his fucking doorstep, in his fucking arms right now, took Louis completely by surprise, considering the fact that they'd admittedly been friends but they hadn't hung out in ages, actually, ever since Zayn had left _Louis Vuitton_. Sure, they had talked on the phone or texted, but their friendship had come a bit to an end, or something similar. Louis had missed Zayn, but he had also accepted his friend's decision, knowing that Zayn had needed distance from Liam. And from him. They'd had sex once, after all. 

"Louis! Louis! Lewis! Can I come in? Do you have time for me? Please tell me you do! We gotta chat!" Zayn asked, bouncing up and down, acting jittery. Louis beckoned for him to enter, swallowing hard. He wasn't in the mood for happy people at the moment, but how would Zayn know? It wasn't his fault that Louis was such a mess right now. He could think about certain things later, after Zayn left. Yeah, that sounded like a good plan. For one last time, he could give his time to someone he really liked. He could give a part of his life, couldn't he? Time was...he should stop and listen to Zayn.

They sat down on the couch, Zayn making himself comfortable while Louis pulled his bent legs to his chest to have something to hold on. He felt like a fucking freak, really. Something to hold on? How old was he? Five? He could just buy himself a stupid teddy bear. Would be just as embarrassing. He tried to focus on his friend now, though, because now was not the time to be thinking like that. 

Zayn looked ridiculously happy, and for a minute or so, it made Louis feel a bit better himself, knowing that his friend seemed to enjoy life for whatever reason. Good. He deserved it. Zayn had always been a wonderful person and a loyal friend. Louis liked Zayn and he had missed him, for sure.

"I gotta tell you something, Louis! And you probably won't believe me, but I swear I'm not shitting you!" Zayn blurted out hiding his face behind his hands like a giggly teenager. He was so fucking joyful, Louis almost felt envious, and he hated envy. Louis needed to start talking, otherwise Zayn would notice something was off, fuck. He needed to say something real quick.

"Okay, who did you have sex with?" Louis asked, faking a smug smirk. This would do. It was so him. A casual cheeky comment here, a sarcastic remark there. 

"Not yet! God, is sex the only thing you can think about, Tommo?" Zayn asked, rolling his eyes and grinning like an even bigger idiot now. By now, Louis was sure he wanted to jump out of his fucking window. He knew this fucking facial expression. This shit was about love and crap like that. Did he look as ridiculous as Zayn when he had been around Harry, admiring what his was like? Did his eyes sparkle like Zayn's when he had looked at Harry in anticipation of a kiss? "Earth to Louis? Louis?"

"Sorry, thought about the last good fuck I've had. I think I'm sexually frustrated." Louis stated, wanting to throw up at his own words. He hated being like that. Why the fuck had sex and stuff on that subject always been his default? Why had he never noticed that this wasn't it? Oh yeah. There had never been a Harry before. "Anyway. What's up, Z? You look like one of those lovestruck Disney characters. You back together with the prick Nick? Oh god, it even rhymes!" Louis had to grin.

"No I'd never. Prick Nick? Seriously, Louis? How old are you? Ten? But yeah that's true. He's an asshole but it's obviously not about him. Hell no. You can't imagine what Nick's like in a relationship! If what we had is even worth calling it that." Zayn rolled his eyes dramatically which made Louis become genuinely curious, so he raised an eyebrow and Zayn seemed to get it straight away, betraying secrets. "You know we only _dated_ for what? 12 weeks or so? I can't even tell you, cause I don't care. I basically needed a bit of distraction once again, having seen photos of Liam and all that, so I just thought why not? He was a bit of an asshole and the exact opposite of Liam so, you know...You know me. I'm a bit dumb when it comes to the whole topic. However, we didn't even go on proper dates or anything like that. Nick didn't seem to put effort in the idea of dating me at all. He wasn't the PDA type of guy, or the most caring one. The whole thing was more like a fucked up friends with benefits kinda thing. Does that make sense, considering the fact that Nick is a selfish asshole who only cares about getting off himself? Wow, I don't know if you want to know the details but he doesn't give a flying fuck about his partner. He's rather rough too? I don't know. I needed that for a while, but when he acted an asshole back then at the shooting in front of Harry, I decided that I'd had enough. I ended things real quick after that, to be honest."

Louis cringed. Harry. Yeah, he remembered how bad Nick had been, and it made him clench his fists instantly. Such an unbelievable obnoxious ugly person. He should've punched his fucking face at least twice. Nobody was allowed to treat his angel...Harry...yeah...Harry like that. Louis gulped down the tears, looking at the floor and acting as if he was just being annoyed by the story Zayn had just told him.

"I can imagine. Nick's always been something else. I never really liked him, but I accepted his ass for professional reasons, you know? I'm glad you got rid of him. You mentioned it yesterday but I was a bit drunk, actually. So that's the reason you're extraordinarily lucky? Mate, your smile is disgusting, really. Just get on with it." Louis said, playfully nudging Zayn's upper arm.

"No! Oh my god, Louis don't you know me at all? Hello?" Zayn wanted to know, but Louis only furrowed his brow, having no clue what the heavily tattooed guy implied. "It's Liam, Louis. Liam!"

"Oh god, not this again." Louis groaned. There was no way in hell he'd listen to Zayn pining all over Liam again. There was no fucking way he could bear that right now, not with the way he was missing Harry like crazy, being in the same situation as Zayn had been all these years. He'd always listen to Zayn, but he couldn't do this, not right now. He would start crying right on the spot and he'd just managed to stop his tears, for fuck's sake. He didn't need any more.

"Liam gave it a try, Louis. He fucking finally gave me a chance! He even asked me out on a date yesterday, Louis. He kissed me. _Liam fucking Payne kissed me_. I'm so fucking gone for him, I could scream it to the world...I'm in love with Liam James Payne, the greatest guy to walk around. We've been talking about it and we-" Zayn explained excitedly, but Louis couldn't pull himself together anymore. He sighed and before he could even realize what was happening or try to put a stop to it, he was sobbing into his hands, and without thinking about how Zayn must be seeing this, he wrapped his arms around Zayn's waist, needing someone to hold on to. His tears streamed down his cheeks as he buried his head in Zayn's shoulder. Zayn took a deep breath, apparently not expecting this at all, but Louis couldn't stop, even if Zayn had just expressed to him the most wonderful thing he could have ever heard, that his friend's dream had finally come true.  Zayn had found the one. Liam had found the one. And him? What about him? He had no one. Harry hated him. Zayn now had Liam. Niall was more than likely on Harry's side, and now he'd have to listen to both Liam and Zayn talk about how happy they were. That was too much. Louis felt the panic attack coming over him, and in seconds, he was hyperventilating.  He couldn't do this anymore. He didn't want to do this anymore! He couldn't lose Liam. No! No. No...no... "Fuck, Louis. Louis, look at me! Louis, breathe. What the hell is going on? Babe, what the hell?" Zayn squeezed Louis tightly, stroking his hair and attempting to calm him down. "Everything's alright, Louis. What's happening? You'll be alright. Hey...hey, Louis. Please breathe for me. I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't notice. I'm so fucking dumb. I should've noticed you weren't okay. Please, take a fucking breath. Do you need a bag...like...what can I do?" Louis shook his head, just wanting to let it all out. He was so done with everything right now. He should be happy for Zayn and for Liam. He'd always hoped they'd date one day, cause Louis had loved the idea of them being together, but now? Not now. No. 

"S-sorry." Louis mumbled looking down at the floor and hugging a pillow after they had finally managed to calm Louis down together. A bit of cuddling and some steaming hot tea had always helped. "F-fuck." 

"No need to apologize. I can wait, okay? It's no big deal, right? But you need someone to talk to. Urgently, Louis. And I'm here willing to listen to every single word now. I'll just stay if you want me to, hm? Come here." Zayn whispered, pulling Louis closer. Louis snuggled up against his friend, thinking about the option of talking to Zayn about Harry. Should he really do this? "What happened to you?"

"Nothing, Zayn. It's just stupid. I mean...no. Fuck, does it sound bad if I told you you'd probably even be the best one to talk to since you know what it feels like? Shit, I'm making no sense, fuck." Louis stuttered. "Will you really listen to me, even if it's ridiculous? Fuck, I don't...will you? Please?" Zayn nodded. "It's just...I'm so happy that you and Liam finally got your shit together, you know? It's about damn time. I've always knew it would happen some day. I'd hoped for it to happen. You two are cute, really. I hope it all works out perfectly fine and I'll probably annoy the shit out of you, asking you how Liam takes sucking dick and all that, but...but it's just...I don't know if you...you don't know. How the fuck am I supposed to tell you?"

"Please don't tell me you fell in love with Liam while I was gone," Zayn said out of the blue and Louis jaw dropped in complete shock.

"Are you fucking insane? No, of course not. He's all yours, Z." Louis retorted, smacking his own forehead.

"Oh shit, I forgot, shit. I should've known considering the fact...this is about Harry. This is about Harry fucking Styles, isn't it?" Zayn eventually murmurs, and Louis only nods, biting his lip.

"I think I...I think I love him, Zayn. I never...you know me! I don't do love, but with him it's different. I just...he doesn't want me back and it hurts so much and I can't take it. How did you do this? How? I can't even breathe. I can't fucking eat, I can't sleep, I can't drink. I just miss him so much which...Fuck," Louis explained, feeling the pain rising in his chest. "But it's not only that, Zayn. I have nothing. I...absolutely nothing, and I don't want to...I can't... I want to give up."

"You're talking shit, Louis. Stop it, seriously, you're scaring the shit out of me. What do you mean, you've got nothing? Are you stupid? Even if you think everything you have is nothing at the moment, you still have Liam and me, you idiot. And you won't get rid of us. Neither of us is Stan! You've told us about him in the past a lot. We're not him. We won't just fuck off. Okay, I know I've been a shit friend recently but... I'm sorry. You know why I was like that. But sometimes you're such a fucking dick, seriously. You should just call your mom. Liam's told you so many times, but you're so goddamn stubborn and your pride...God. We'll figure something out okay? But there's no damn giving up because of this! Do you hear me? Maybe you need changes, but there's always something worth living for. What would you want Liam to tell your siblings? Would you want him to casually tell Lottie that her brother didn't care anymore and just decided to throw away his life? Stop it. Harry is a whole different thing, but we gotta talk about this first. No giving up, alright? Never! Life is beautiful and you only live once. You don't receive the gift of life to just throw it away. God, you're something else! Did you tell Liam that, and did he smack you? Because if not, I'm gonna do it, and even if he did, I still might. Let me repeat myself: You have no reason to give up on life. Not for a job, not for family, and not for a boy! Never, Louis! Do you understand me?"

"Yeah." Louis whispered, feeling guilty and so bad he wanted to just disappear. "Yes."

"Good. Now what is this whole Harry thing about? You tell me everything from the beginning to what the fuck is going on right now. I want all the details, okay? You can be as dramatic and as sappy as you want. You've been there for me when I had my break downs because of Liam, and now it's my turn. I know how you feel like better than anyone else. I know that you feel like dying but you won't die. I promise, Louis. Just tell me, alright?" 

Louis wiped away his tears, nodding, and then he started to talk. He started to tell him about Harry's green eyes and how he couldn't forget them. He said that they were as green as a tropical forest or even greener. The kind of green that pushed its way through the piles of gritty snow to remind you that spring was coming or like a glimmering color of emerald, sparkling in the light of the morning sun like a fresh sheen of morning dew. He found so many ways of describing Harry's eyes, the color of deep forest pools, the color of springtime ferns, the color of freshly cut grass, the color of pond scum, the color of autumn carrot tops, the green of the first spring leaves on a plum tree, sea green, mossy green flecked with the color of pecan shell, as green as summertime water trough, and Zayn eventually groaned, telling him to continue on with the story. He then told him everything about Harry's looks, everything about the lovely slow way he talked and about their dates that weren't even dates. The more he explained, the harder it got for him to keep on breathing properly. Louis cried so hard that he even had to go outside to get some air, and Zayn didn't leave his side the entire time.

About an hour later, Louis was done telling Zayn everything. Louis was weeping bitterly, his heart was racing, his chest tightening so much he could barely breathe anymore, and his head was spinning. He could think about nothing but Harry at this point. He wanted to see him so bad, wanted to smell his scent, wanted to hear him talk, wanted to touch him, wanted to hug him and wanted to kiss him. So when he absentmindedly pressed his lips against Zayn's, he didn't really mean it being all caught up in his thoughts about Harry. What he didn't perceive immediately, though, was the shattering sound against the floor of something, or the way to familiar voice that, however calmly, angrily and painfully spoke up.

"This isn't happening, is it?" Liam almost screamed, and Louis fell off the sofa, looking at Zayn's wide eyed stare as he gazed at Liam.

 

 

 

 


	10. Save My Heart

"Liam! It's not how it looks like I swear!" Zayn positively shouted, his face paling rapidly as he looked pleadingly at Liam, who was just standing there in front of Louis and Zayn, mouth agape. "I was just talking to Louis because he was so-"

"Just keep your mouth shut, Zayn. I don't want to hear a word. Louis, what the fuck? You're my _best friend_! I trusted you!" Liam said, his voice calm but ice cold as he stared Louis down, his eyes narrowing.

"Oh, for fuck's sake Liam. Are you stupid or something? Firstly, how the fuck would I even know that you two are dating? You haven't even told me yet, you genius. So, strictly speaking, I could fucking kiss Zayn as much as I want to, because for all I know, we're both single, right? Secondly, you're an idiot. Zayn told me everything about you two. Congratulations, you finally got your shit together, and it is about damn time. Zayn's been talking my ear off for an eternity, pining over you while you, being the stubborn little shit that you are, never wanted to acknowledge to yourself that you might not be completely straight, and I'm fairly sure you've had a wet dream or two about Zayn, and I would know since I sleep next to you quite often enough. So thank goodness that you're finally together. And about that kiss, I mean, come on! Haven't you been listening to me the last weeks at all? Newsflash: I have feelings for Harry Styles, a beautiful person who doesn't want me back, so excuse me if I was crying my eyes out on Zayn's shoulder because he was here for me, and who, coincidentally, knows exactly how it feels like to be unwanted. Thank you very much. Yes, Zayn is hot, and yes I love him as a good friend, but he's not Harry. Not at all. So what if I was stuck in my own little world and completely forgot that it was Zayn that was comforting me, not Curly? I kissed him, which did not only take loverboy by surprise, but also me. Zayn, mate, you have nice lips but I never want to kiss you ever again, unless you magically transform into a certain green eyed perfection of a human being! Oh and Liam? You're an asshole. You're my best friend and I'd never do this to you, ever. Now sit the fuck down and chill cause I already feel like shit and I'd prefer if you didn't make it any worse. Thanks!" Louis ranted, arms crossed and fuming with anger. Liam gaped at Louis for a few moments before coming carefully into the room a bit more, still keeping one eye on Louis in case he jumped up and started attacking him or something. 

"O-Okay. Sorry, Louis." Liam mumbled as he sat down heavily in the armchair, looking at the floor and nibbling on his lip. "Yeah well...um...we're together, me and Zayn..." Louis grunted and then, to Liam's surprise, burst out laughing. Liam put his head in his hands, groaning. "Oh. Yeah. You know. Ugh, sorry I hate when you're like this. You literally scare me with that kind of attitude. And you're not only my best friend but also my boss and....fuck."

"You're such a fool sometimes! You always say you want to keep business and private life separate, so why exactly would you think I was talking to you as your boss? You make no sense, Jesus. Everything's alright. I'm sorry for kissing your man. I promise you it meant nothing and it was my fault, alright?" Louis answered, huffing but attempting to give Liam a small smile.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm sorry. Anyway, can we quickly get over with business before we talk as friends? I have to tell you something. That's actually why I'm here, I just didn't expect you to be...yeah, I just figured you'd be here since you disappeared yesterday, and I thought you might have found someone to...okay, never mind. Business, sorry. I got a call and I've got good news, actually. Your photoshoot was a full success, Louis! They decided to not only put the photos in one magazine but in three, which is fantastic! You and... him are also on two covers now. So you got an in invitation to a runway show which you have to attend, so don't give me that look. Zayn, you too, since you were part of the shooting. I'm so proud of you, babe. You looked hot in...uh...fuck. Business, yes. You both have to make an appearance tonight. Front row, by the way. I got the e-mail last-minute, sorry! So we have to find you two outfits, like, right now, if we want to make it on time." Liam explained in a rather unprofessional way, which was completely new to Louis. Liam was such a professional all the time when it came to work, but this sounded just like a ramble of conversation.

"Fantastic.  Can't wait," Louis answered sarcastically. "You know, I could easily drop out...I've never canceled anything, maybe I should use that to my advantage.  Maybe I should, for once, just say no, because I can. I think I'll do that." Liam furrowed his brow, gaping at Louis in disbelief, but he didn't say anything, knowing that Louis wasn't done. "I'm really not in the mood for fashion in general, let alone going to a show and having to be all businesslike and professional and...nah." Zayn pursed his lips, looking like he wanted to interrupt, but he knew better, especially when Louis was acting this way. "Also, Curly will be there, won't he? Yeah, I'm definitely staying here. Have fun, though."

"Yeah...now that you had your five minutes in spotlight, you dramatic diva, can we go and find the both of you outfits? Zayn, your assistant called in sick so I took over. Hope that's okay. Get your asses up, put on coats, cause it's fucking freezing out, and follow me." Liam answered nonchalantly, taking a 180 degree turn back to his professional manner, the one that Louis was used to. "It's your job, no matter how bad you feel, and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you won't pull your _I'm special_ card tonight." Louis couldn't believe what he was hearing right now. He opened his mouth to protest but Liam cut him off before he could even get started. "Get up. Get up! What are you waiting for? Louis, you can't seriously want to show Harry that you're a weak baby by avoiding him? That's so not you. Where's my stubborn best friend? Stop hiding and show him what he's missing instead, right? Your whiny phase is over now, because I say so. And you need distraction, too! You can pretend to not like fashion, but we both know you. Fashion sometimes gives you orgasms, so if not for me and not for yourself, then do it for the clothes! Get up!"

"Alright, alright. I fucking hate you, though, I hope you know that." Louis whispered, and Zayn giggled.  "You two. You're the worst!" Liam just grinned at him and gave Zayn a high five, at which Louis groaned. "See that's what I mean! The absolute worst. But I guess that maybe I should make it look like, to him at least, that I don't care.  Maybe you're right. It's just hard, okay? I don't know how I'll react seeing him again, Li." Louis huffed, but he and Zayn stood up, heading towards the hallway to grab their coats almost immediately.

"Well then there's an expert by your side, Louis. I'm the best at this, believe me. Liam let me down so many times, I-" Zayn started to explain, but at that exact moment, Liam grabbed Zayn, spun him around to face him, and barely let Zayn get oriented before he was kissing him hard on the mouth. 

"Oh god, stop that. I get it, you're an item now and disgustingly cute in your honeymoon phase, but as your friend, Liam, I'm gonna be honest...that's so gross. Oh, and Liam, your lines are blurring more and more. Didn't you want to keep business and private life separately? Since when do we tell the boss to stop whining and since when do we kiss the client?" Louis cackled. "Oh man, I can't believe I'm actually laughing right now. An hour ago, I thought about ending all of this mess that I call a life-"

"What? You were thinking about what?!" Liam shrieked, letting go of his boyfriend (had they put a label on it already? Louis couldn't remember), and turned to face his friend. "You're kidding, aren't you? Louis why would you...Oh my god I'm sorry, I'm so inconsiderate. I didn't...I thought...I've been so rude. Of course you can stay here, but I thought... shit. Please tell me you didn't seriously consider....Louis!" Liam pulled Louis into his arms and Louis, not having much of a choice in the matter, went with it. "Sorry...fuck, I'm so sorry..."

"It's alright. Zayn already gave me a lecture, and he predicted that you'd punch me, but I'm glad that didn't come to pass. Anyway...I'm alright, I guess. Maybe I should really try to...do something? Distraction and all that? I can't be like this forever, can I? Let's get going. So please can we like...avoid this topic, since it was a stupid idea, and just go buy nice outfits for tonight? Please?" Louis mumbled into Liam's neck, who was squeezing him like mad. Louis considered that maybe he had been acting a bit out of line, but who could blame him for being a little lovesick?

XXXX

"Liam, I changed my mind. I can't do this. I seriously can't...please, just let me go home, please..." Louis begged, nervously scratching his head. "Just the image of Harry sitting in there, quite possibly right next to me, is causing me extreme emotional pain...my fucking chest hurts okay, I really can't do this...please just take me home..." Louis' breathing picked up speed, his heart beating like mad. "You know this isn't me. I'm a tough guy, I swear, but Harry does things to me that I can't even put into words! Zayn, please say something. You two can't seriously make me go in there and watch this show with him when I'm barely making it through the door...I'm begging you..." Louis wanted to just run away. He was so close to hyperventilating at the mere thought of just seeing Harry, not even wanting to think about having to talk to him. There was no way he'd make it out alive! He wasn't exaggerating; He couldn't do it!

"Louis, calm down, alright? We've been arguing about this all afternoon. You look stunning, and you promised me you'd at least try to go inside! What's the worst thing that could happen, hm? Nothing, Louis! And if something would surprisingly go awry, Zayn and I will be by your side!" Liam answered, patting Louis' shoulder and trying to comfort him. Louis was restless, shifting from foot to foot and fiddling with his fingers. "Listen...you look like a right _Daddy_ in this dark blue sparkly Yves Saint Laurent suit, and your hair looks ace. Even Zayn would admit it, and you know how he is about hair. You look right intimidating in the nicest way possible. Nobody will talk to you if you don't like it. Besides you have a name that ev-" 

"Don't put that label on me! You know I hate it. Wow, I cannot...My name is Tomlinson. End of story" Louis interrupted, and Liam cringed visibly, nearly forgetting that little pet peeve of Louis'. 

"Sorry, Louis. I just wanted to say that you don't have to fear people that you think will annoy you. And with that, you'll be able to focus on Harry, and focus on trying to make everything normal. You know, since...I mean..." Liam rambled, looking at his boyfriend for help, to which Zayn obliged, clapping Louis on the shoulder. "Since you feel the way you feel, knowing that it's unfortunately not reciprocated." Right. He wasn't wanted. Harry was in there and Louis had to at least...fuck.

"Okay, listen...you'll never hear this ever again, but I'm afraid, okay? I actually feel sick. I hate this situation so much. I don't know what to do and I've always known what to do my entire life!" Louis nearly shouted, his eyes wide open. "I don't think I can d-"

"Hello, Louis dear! Long time, no see. How are you doing? I saw your photo yesterday. You did a brilliant job, love. I'd love to chat for a bit later, if you don't mind," a small woman with a pageboy bob haircut and dark sunglasses said, touching his upper arm gently. "See you at the after show party, yes?" Before Louis could answer, she'd already disappeared again, making her way to the door and eyeing some models on her way there, looking them up and down disapprovingly.

Zayn gaped at Louis, and eventually spoke up, grinning like an idiot "Louis, you never fucking told me you know Anna Wintour in person. What the fuck? Did I really just witness that? Fuck, the devil really wears Prada! Have you seen her shoes? Oh my god, she completely ignored us as if we weren't even there. Wow, this woman is just like I've imagined her to be! Wow..." 

Of course he knew her. What a dumb question. Louis decided to just roll his eyes at Zayn for fangirling over her. Such a fashion victim, seriously. Zayn turned to him again, looking at him with somewhat of a triumphant smile. "Now you have to go inside, Louis. You know that, right? You simpy don't mess with her. Like, ever."

"Yes, you smartass, I know that. Thank you so much. Now I feel so much better going inside, knowing that not only Harry will be there, but her too! I don't know what I want to do first, set myself on fire or hang myself. Probably both." Louis replied in a snarky tone, heading towards the entrance. It was now or never. Now that he had to go inside, he could just get over with it, right? He'd be able to face him.

He made it inside, but once they were seated, he realized that he most definitely couldn't do this, and it hit him like a goddamn truck when he found out that he was sitting next to Zayn only (the assistants weren't allowed to sit in the front row) and directly across from Harry, the runway in between being the only thing that was separating them. To cap it all, none other than Anna Wintour was sitting next to Harry, casually chatting with him as if they'd been friends for years. Louis was glued to the spot, not able to look away. He was literally staring like a creep, knowing that sooner or later, Harry would have to look up, and then he'd be in trouble, but he couldn't stop.  Harry looked so good that Louis wanted to jump to his feet and just flee, not being able to process that he indeed was seeing Harry right there, in reachable distance yet so far away.

Harry was wearing the most ridiculous suit Louis had ever seen and yet he managed to look like God himself in it. Who on earth could wear a white suit with a gray floral pattern? Like really? It was definitely a _Gucci_ suit, Louis knew that, but it looked like an IKEA sofa, and Louis despised IKEA. He only knew what stuff in IKEA looked like because IKEA was the funniest place to go to to play hide an seek. He was a child at heart, okay? He was allowed to be childish from time to time. However, Harry had decided on a black shirt too and had skipped a traditional tie in favor of a black floral bolo tie that matched the flower pattern on his suit. And seriously, Louis just wanted to die, cause Harry looked so fucking good, and his hair was laying in soft, loose curls on his shoulders, looking shiny and beautiful. Louis hadn't even seen his face, not to mention his dimpled smile properly today and-

At this moment, Harry turned his head and his eyes met Louis'. Louis was frozen to the spot, not able to tear his eyes away from Harry's gaze. Zayn wasn't exactly a help, as he was too busy chatting happily with Kate Moss who was sitting on his other side. Great. Louis tried so hard to look away, but he couldn't. There was no way in hell he could move a single limb, and he would have sworn that Harry's eyes had gotten greener, but it wasn't like he could even tell that his eyes had color from this distance. And that was it. The moment he'd faced Harry again for the first time in weeks. No big explosion, no fainting, not even talking, just nothing. Just him sitting there glued to the spot like the heaviest stone in the world, looking at Harry's mesmerizing flawless face. Neither of them looked away and Louis could make out Harry clenching his jaw, while he himself clenched his fist, trying to soothe himself, to calm down, to relax. But when Harry nervously started to play with the infamous loose strand of hair, still not looking away, Louis felt like he had been struck by lightning. The unbelievable throbbing pain overwhelmed him within seconds and before he could think any further, he tasted blood. What was happening? He felt so numb and he really had no clue what was going on around him at this point. He just saw HarryHarryHarry not turning his gaze away.

"Louis? Louis? Bro? Lewis!" Zayn said, nudging his upper arm. "Louis, look at me. What have you done? Why's your lip bleeding like that?!" Zayn fumbled in his pocket, searching for a tissue, but Louis just shrugged it off, not even paying attention to his friend. Harry was sitting there across from him and Louis couldn't... he just...he wanted to... he needed to..."Louis what's going on?" Louis could care less about Zayn right now. He had thought it couldn't get any worse than seeing Harry in person, but it had taken at least five minutes for him to notice what was happening right in front of his eyes. To notice this! He couldn't believe his eyes and nothing made sense anymore but fuck, he was hurting so badly just from seeing him that he didn't even care about any connections or sense anymore. Harry was not only sitting there looking like everything Louis had ever wished for, not only being the kindest and cutest person to walk around, but he was holding hands with a model who was sat next to him. And she was beautiful, much more so than Louis himself.  "Louis, don't do that. Don't look at him. Don't do this to yourself." So Zayn had noticed to. Great. Fantastic. Why didn't Louis just fucking go with his idea of just ending his miserable life and why- She smiled and then gently cupped Harry's face, turning it towards her. Before Louis could process all of it, she slowly pressed her lips against Harry's. Some cameras flashed. Zayn grabbed Louis' arm, but Louis didn't move at all. He just gaped at them, desperately wishing he was just dreaming, but he knew for a fact that he wasn't. 

Suddenly the lights went off and quiet music started to play. The show started. Models gracefully walked down the runway, showing off clothes from several famous designers, but Louis didn't even pay attention to any of it. Model after model posed and when the first male models entered, Louis would've usually paid attention like nobody else, eyeing their nice asses or well-toned bodies, but he couldn't. Not even when the cover of him and Harry appeared on several huge screens all over the hall and the audience surprisingly erupted in applause did he move or even blink. He was frozen, numb, mute... everything at the same time while not being able to look anywhere else but towards Harry, even if he could barely make out his face since it was all dark apart from the screens or some colorful effective lights here and there.

"And we hope you'll all join us at our exclusive after show party, which's starting in 15 minutes!" someone with a rather annoying high pitched voice announced, but Louis dismissed the details completely, only gathering himself when the lights came back on. The show was over. Louis hadn't caught any of it. Wow. He was free to go home now. He had made it. He had seen Harry. He had been stabbed right in the heart once again. It was hurting even worse and Harry didn't seem to give a flying fuck about him. Louis just wanted to leave. He wanted to...no, needed to, disappear. Forever. He automatically got up, automatically made his legs move towards the exit, automatically looked for Zayn, automatically this and that until someone touched his shoulder to stop him from moving. 

"Louis." the deep voice said, and another one interrupted quickly, telling Louis they'd wait somewhere for him. Huh? Louis body only worked because of a weird automatism he couldn't control, while his actual self had somehow managed to hide deep inside. Did that even make sense? Louis didn't know. Didn't care. He made an attempt to continue walking, but the person didn't let go of him. Alright. Small talk. Smiles. Something like that. Louis would manage that. "Louis? Are you okay? Louis?" He knew this name. It was his name. He said yes and forced out a smile. "Are you alright?" He nodded. "Louis? It's me..." Uh huh, okay. A random person. Louis nodded again. "It's me...Harry? Louis, can you even hear me?"

Harry. It was Harry. Louis came back to his senses within seconds, turning to him so quickly that he almost fell over. It was Harry...shit. 

"Can we...like, talk?" Harry asked quietly, looking at Louis with a hopeful expression on his face. "In private, I mean?" Harry wanted to talk to Louis in private. He wanted to talk to him as if nothing had happened...like Louis hadn't just seen what he had seen...What the hell?

"No! You know what, go fuck off. You have no idea how much I h-" No, he didn't hate him. "How much I don't care that you want to talk. Fuck you, Harry! I'm going to get drunk now and I suggest you don't cross my path or I promise you, you'll regret it in every way possible. Get out of my way, Styles!" Louis countered angrily, blood rushing through his head, with the coldest voice he'd ever heard himself speak in. He didn't even raise his voice. He all of a sudden was so done with feeling bad because of someone who didn't seem to care one bit about him. So done! Wow. Screw you, Harry Styles! He pushed past the speechless taller man, heading straight for the bar. 

XXXX

Louis had finally managed, after what had felt like hours, to get rid of Anna Wintour. Usually, he respected her for obvious reasons and he tried to keep in contact with her because of several useful connections to "The Vogue", but they'd been discussing the no no's of next seasons collections and running certain ridiculous people down, which he didn't really have any interest in at all. Yes that was pretty uncommon for him, cause he loved fashion, but whatever. None of those big headed fashion idiots he was acquainted with knew about his actual fashion preferences anyway. They'd even e-mailed him when he'd first modeled for Adidas or Vans, asking what devil had possessed him to do so, or what they'd paid. It had been completely ridiculous cause, Louis remembered, but he had never felt more alive.

Unfortunately, before he had gotten the chance to get a drink, some stupid, yet well-known models such as Gigi Hadid, Jon Kortajarena and Naomi Campbell had crossed paths with him and started to talk his ear off about his fabulous photo shoot and about Harry and Zayn as well. They not only kept him off his actual plan to just get drunk, but they had also simply annoyed the shit out of him. The worst one had been Kendall Jenner though, who'd naturally thrown her arms around him, talking about _Louis Vuitton_ non stop and how she adored the idea of Louis and Harry's shooting because of LGBTQ+ reasons and blah blah blah. Louis had instantly added her to his 'List of Annoying Assholes' which already contained people like the singer Taylor Swift and the newspaper called The Mirror.  

When he finally had made his way over to the bar, he almost changed his mind. He had been thinking for ages that he needed to stop drinking to forget his problems or to make the pain go away, but Harry had just pushed him to that breaking point and he didn't know what else to do. Before he had been able to reconsider his decision completely, he had simply ordered some glasses of expensive Whisky, followed by random shots, and gulped them down. He'd been tipsy for about half an hour when he had finally spotted Harry in the corner of the room, standing in front of a nicely decorated illuminated bar table and surrounded by hot guys, some designers, and that girl he'd seen kissing Harry. It was at that moment that he decided to get smashed. Liam and Zayn had joined him for maybe half an hour but when they'd started to make out, Louis had told them to get a room, assuring them that he was doing alright. Naturally, they'd fucked off which, okay, Louis had told them to. His own fault, really. 

"One mooore funny pink cocktail pretty pleeeease!" Louis slurred, ordering another strong pink cocktail with a cherry in it. Or was it an olive? Hell, Louis had no idea, but it was a funny drink and maybe he should order another one just to have it? Right? Right! "Ah nooooo make it two COCK-tails. Why is it even called cock-tail ? Reminds me of dick!" Louis laughed his ass off for no reason, almost tripping over his own feet. "Oopsie. I should sit down, eh? On the baaaar? My ass is glorious. It deserves to sit on top of this shiny black surface, riiiight? Oh, yeaaah it does!" The bartender rolled his eyes, handing over the cocktail, which Louis drank down in one go. 

"Mate, I think you've had enough." the blonde guy said, but Louis just shrugged it off, making grabby hands for another cocktail. "I'm being serious. No more drinks for you, mate!"

"You're such a spoilsport. Just wanna forget 'arry and his stupid beautiful face and his eyes and his legs and his perfect everything!" Louis screamed way too loud, randomly grabbing a half empty glass of something which belonged to the girl standing right next to him. "Thanks love! Probably tastes like shit, but will dooo. Will do!" The girl scrunched her nose and rushed away. "Ya know, pal, it's all 'arry's fault, really. His cupcake face and his curly hair which I wanna strangle myself with...all his fault!" Louis had to sit down, his head suddenly spinning like mad. "He's everything I've eeeeever wished fooor but here comes the plot twist. Harry Styles... ha funny that his name is Styles as in style and boooy this man got style you know? Lost my train of thouuughts. 'Arry's my boy but at the saaame time he's not. So traaagic. Can I have another drink? Doesn't matter what. Something strong, yeah friend? Ooooh I feel a bit dizzy, but I'll just blame it on 'arry and his dimples. Can I live in his dimples? I wanna live in there. I love-"

"Lou, you've had enough. Come on. Link arms with me, yeah? I've got you." a deep calming voice said in his ear. Louis hiccuped and just leaned back against the strangers body. He smelled so good...like vanilla and peaches. Louis wanted to inhale his scent even more. "Let's get you home, Lou."  Louis turned around, his vision blurry from the alcohol, scanning the person's familiar face, but he was just so drunk his mind didn't quite get it. An arm wrapped around his waist and he just sank into the person's embrace, letting them guide him outside.

XXXX

Louis didn't have the worst headache, in history but he totally did. Louis didn't feel like throwing up any second, but he totally did. Louis didn't want to open his eyes, but he totally did. Louis didn't have a cat, but he totally...what the fuck...he didn't have a cat at all. He blinked several times, trying to make the illusion of a cat with beautiful green eyes that was curled up on his chest go away, but it wouldn't. There indeed was an innocent fluffy ball of black and white fur on top of him, and Louis didn't dare move. He definitely didn't have a freaking cat, so whose pet was it? Louis let his eyes slowly scan his surroundings and no, he didn't own such a small but nevertheless beautifully decorated bedroom either. And small was the understatement of the century, given the fact that Louis' walk in closet was bigger than this tiny space.

Louis was currently starfished in a white cozy king sized bed, wrapped in a brownish grey satin duvet pulled up to his chin with white shimmering sheets and loads of creamy colored pillows. On the left and right side of the bed he could see two artful looking nightstands made of stainless steel with a single drawer each to match the bed's simple headboard. On the one on his side there stood a pinkish and white bouquet of roses, lilies, carnations, spray carnations, chrysanthemums, eucalyptus and foliage, which smelled sweet and instantly made Louis feel a bit better. Next to it there were a tiny white designer lamp and two leather covered brown books. He also noticed a glass of water but decided to inspect the rest of the room first, which turned out to be looking only because of the cat that Louis really didn't want to bother. Why? He had no idea, but disturbing the creature was not something he wanted to do. The left side of the room consisted of four large paneled windows, which were currently hidden behind silky white curtains that looked so soft, Louis wanted to touch them. He could make out outlines of an apparently great view behind it and guessed there was also a balcony. The wall across from him was painted in the same brownish grey color as the duvet, which, okay. The person definitely had a taste in interior design. Some little details here and there such as a dark brown carpet in contrast to the white bamboo floor rounded out the whole style. The room felt very warm and homey, which Louis had to admit he wasn't used to. He liked his house a lot, but something was missing. Anyway. Next to the door across from the bed he could make out some old looking  framed photos. He moved a bit forward to try and recognize faces, but all of a sudden the cat jumped onto the floor, making some displeased sounds. Louis giggled and yawned, reaching for the glass of water when he noticed some Advil and a note next to it. He took the Advil without thinking about it twice, since his head was killing him. Thank God for the considerate person who knew how bad a hangover felt.  The real question, however, was where the heck he was. Did he pull a guy yesterday? Fuck, did he have sex? Louis quickly lifted the duvet, but when he noticed he wasn't naked but still had his boxers on, he exhaled, feeling relieved beyond measure. God, how he hated the awkward morning after. Not today, though. The note wasn't very helpful either. _Should help. xx_ it said. 

"Will see. Let's hope so, though," Louis mumbled to himself, deciding to get up. He stretched himself, took a deep breath, and then opened the door. Louis stepped outside and was met by a rather narrow hallway with a small subtle patterned rug in the middle of it, making it look modern and stylish in combination with the half high beige painted walls. He could also see a small decorative sideboard on the left side with yet another bouquet of flowers on top of it and some other small decorative objects. A matching white mirror hanging on the wall over it made Louis question himself about which freaking interior designer lived in this house. He felt at home almost immediately and still had no clue where he even was. That was a bit creepy to be quite honest, alright? But on the other hand, he'd so come back if it turned out he liked the person who lived here, just because of...never mind.

There was a door on the left side with a white vintage door plate saying "Salle de bain" on it (Louis knew this had to be the bathroom then) and another one across from him. White wooden,  half creamy carpeted stairs lead down to the main level on his right side. Before he could walk towards the stairs though, the cat scared the living hell out of him by suddenly running out of the bedroom like a headless chicken.

"Holy fuck! Are you crazy?" Louis shrieked, eyes wide open.

Okay. Okay, he needed to find out where the hell he was. "Hello? Anyone home?" No answer. "I'm awake and I have no clue where I am. Hello?" Louis walked downstairs and gasped. The living room was just as beautiful as the rest of the house.  It wasn't big, but very light-flooded, given a lot of large windows with the same curtains as in the bedroom that were before him. But the first thing Louis really noticed, yet again, besides the perfect matching colors and the nice furniture, were all kinds of flowers in every corner of the room. Sunflowers next to the sofa and white roses on the dark wooden dining table that separated the open kitchen area from the living room. Some simple potted plants here and there. He was stunned, but nevertheless confused at the same time, cause nobody seemed to be at home, which was just strange. Maybe he should call Liam to pick him up. Louis wanted to pull his phone out of....right, he was only wearing boxer shorts. 

"Oh, for fucks sake." Louis plopped down on the sofa, reached out for a fluffy blanket and pulled it over himself. He felt a bit weird, being half naked in a strange person's house, but when Mister Cat (or was it Misses Cat?) joined him yet again, jumping onto the couch and curling up hi his lap, it made the situation a bit less tense. "What now, my dear friend? I can't just go outside like this? Do you know where my phone is? Or my clothes, to start with?" The cat stayed mute. Of course. "Why can't you speak, buddy? It'd be so much easier. Who lives here with you, hm? Can you-" 

Louis was interrupted as the front door opened without any warning, and a tall guy wearing a Nike hoodie pulled low over his face and some grey sweatpants, headphones in and a shopping bag in his hand, entered the room, happily whistling. He didn't seem to have noticed Louis sitting there yet, cause he just walked over to the kitchen area, placing the stuff he'd just bought on the counter. He unwrapped some croissants and buns and put them in a small basket, turned on the coffee machine, put some new flowers in a vase, and then suddenly pulled the hoodie off of his head, and brown curls cascaded over his shoulders...no no no...

"Harry?!" Louis choked, gasping for air, and the other man quickly turned around in shock. His eyes widened but within seconds a small smile appeared, playing on his lips.

"Good morning, Lou. Sleep well? How's the headache doing? Did the Advil help?" Harry asked, walking over to Louis and sitting down next to him. "Tea or coffee?"

"Wh-what? What?!" Louis stuttered, looking, no staring, at Harry. "Is this your house?" Of course this was Harry's house. What a dumb question. "Wait, no. Why am I here? What am I doing here?  Wait, that's your cat? Wait, why am I nearly naked? Wait, you're wearing sweatpants? What the fuck? Am I still asleep? Why am I talking to you? What the fucking fuck? Wha-"  
  


"Calm down, Lou, and take a breath. I'll explain everything, okay? You got super drunk yesterday and let's just say you were a bit out of control, and since nobody was around or seemed to care, I decided to drive you home. You couldn't tell me your address though, so yeah, I didn't know where to take you and asked you if you wanted to sleep at mine instead? You nodded, so I figured... Anyway you were more dead then alive so I just carried you upstairs and um...I...you know... Iundressedyoucauseitdidnotseem-" Harry rambled quickly, his face flushing red as he spoke. "tobethatcomfortabletosleepinthoseclothes...and...and then tucked you in? And I woke up very early so I just wanted to buy some breakfast and I thought-"

"Hold on!" Louis interrupts, shaking his head. "I'm not asleep? I'm actually at your place?" Harry nodded and Louis mouth fell open. "But this is a tiny house, Harry! I thought you'd live in huge mansion and...and...what the fuck? I'm at your place?! No wait! I'm fucking mad at you! Why am I even listening? Where are my clothes? And my phone! I wanna leave. You asshole, you fucking broke my heart and you're well aware of it. How very dare you bring me here, I just h-"

Harry put his hand on Louis mouth, looking him deep in the eyes. "Louis, I'm sorry." Louis shook his head in protest, but Harry didn't even think about letting him go when he tried to get up. He grabbed Louis' hand and pulled him back down. "Please. Can we please talk?" Harry removed his hand carefully so Louis could answer.

"Are you crazy? No! Are you fucking stupid? Why would I ever talk to you again? Give me one good reason why I should do that after you've literally killed me. Harry, you have no idea how much I've been suf-" Louis ranted looking at Harry and feeling so fucking angry but having the pain weighing his chest down at the same time.

"I have feelings for you too." Harry whispered, his eyes glued to the floor, and Louis' jaw dropped. 

 


	11. It's You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge Trigger Warning here!!!
> 
> Don't read if any kind of abuse in any way triggers you.

Louis gaped at Harry. He literally just sat there, dumbfounded, trying to process what Harry had just said. For a moment he thought he must've misheard, but seeing how Harry was nervously biting his lip was enough of an indication that it had been real. Harry had just casually said he had feelings for Louis, and Louis didn't know how to react. What exactly was Harry expecting him to say to that? Fuck, he should be over the moon about this, but instead Louis was angry...very angry. How dare he just come out and say that just to get Louis to talk to him. What kind of mess... what the fuck?! Louis hadn't suffered like crazy for Harry to just come up with the feelings being mutual! He had cried himself to sleep day by day, hadn't properly eaten, had realized how much he really hated parts of his life, had annoyed the shit out of Liam until he had been sure his best friend would break contact permanently, and to cap it all, he'd even thought about his life not being worth living. Harry could fuck off! Besides, hadn't he just kissed that stupid model? How could he explain this shit? Harry could not just palm it off with claiming he had feelings too! Louis wanted to fucking slap his face, but he could never hurt this angel of a boy. Louis felt like screaming out of anger. Right when he had thought he could learn how to deal with not having this kitten-like man to himself, the fucker tells him that? No! Not with Louis. Just no! This was about his pride now and he did not just...fucking no.

"You should have thought about that before, you know?" Louis announced, trying to sound as pissed as possible. For what Harry had done to him, he deserved this. Fuck him.

"Louis. I was confused and scared and terrified, okay? I'm sorry, but I mean it, I really do!" Harry tried to explain himself, but Louis was not having it and that one sentence sent him over the edge and he exploded, not even bothering to let Harry go on.

"I'm sorry," Louis mimiced in a high pitched voice. "I was confused. Blah blah. What's the next putoff?" Louis glared at the curly haired man sitting next to him, who at the moment looked extremely insecure. Why did that idiot have to look so fucking small and vulnerable while actually being a huge ass broad-shouldered giraffe, for fuck's sake. Most of Louis was screaming for him to cuddle Harry and wipe the look of insecurity and sadness off his face, but he couldn't. Louis needed to get his protective instinct under control, especially since he was mad right now. There was no way he could try to make Harry feel more self confident right now, cause he definitely wasn't done yelling. Jesus, why did Harry have to be that cute?! This shit should be illegal. But no, he was not about to give in now. He was annoyed! 

"Look, what do you expect me to do, jump around? Pull you into my arms and cuddle you like crazy? Squeak happily? Do you have the slightest idea what you've caused? Do you know what I've been through since Paris? You treated me like fucking shit and, being the idiot that I clearly am, I still told you about how I felt for you! Like...fuck you Harry. I was and still am hurting more than you can even imagine. You can't just throw this statement in my face as if it was nothing!" 

Harry nodded, looking at the floor.

"I wasn't able to stay at my own house by myself. I spent my time at Liam's, terrified of being alone. I felt rejected like never before, and it got so bad that I thought even Liam didn't want me as his friend anymore." Louis continued staring at Harry, who was fiddling with his fingers, not looking Louis in the eyes. Louis wanted to stop ranting for the sake of the man (or should he say boy?) he liked so much, but he had to get it off his chest to make it clear how pissed off and hurt he was.

"I ate all of Liam's shit, if I even ate, which wasn't the case most of the time. I'm the worst eater on the planet when I feel bad anyway and I have no idea why I'm telling you this right now, but I am. I'm too stupid to properly eat then and you made it ten times worse, Harry. I lost weight because I refused to eat for days and gained it other days when I couldn't _stop_ eating. Half the time that I did manage to eat, I would throw it back up because I felt like such a piece of shit. I sat on the bathroom floor, hating every part of my body and convincing myself that I was just not what you were looking for in a man." Louis had tears in his eyes, but he tried to keep his gaze on Harry nevertheless. He should see it if he decided to look up into Louis face. He should!

"I didn't sleep at all, or I slept the whole day not wanting to wake up!" Louis mumbled wrapping himself into the blanket tighter. "I felt like a zombie, but I couldn't control any of it..." Harry bit his lip, exhaling slowly and seeming almost scared. Louis felt a twinge in his heart at the sight and wanted nothing more than to just caress his cheek and tell him everything was alright, but he couldn't, because everything was not alright at all. 

"Harry, I just didn't understand what had happened. One day you were being your happy cupcake self, smiling like the sun, talking to me as if we'd been best friends since forever, making eyes at me, and we even fucking kissed. And then the next day came and you just pushed me away and out of nowhere and decided to break contact completely without even giving me an explanation. You didn't give me anything and I still don't know what I did wrong! I never wanted to put you under pressure or do something that you wouldn't want me to do or anything like that. I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable. That's the last thing I want for you!" Louis continued, almost shouting at this point. Harry kept quiet, but his hands reached for a pillow and he cuddled it to his chest like a teddy bear. At this sight, Louis almost lost it. He liked this guy so much it was scary. He wanted to just...no, he had to stay strong. He needed to get all of this out...Harry needed to know. 

"I felt so rejected, Harry. I've never felt like that ever before. I've never...never had feelings like that for anybody else. I never thought about...like...fuck it. I never once considered maybe being in love with someone ever before, at least not until you came into my life. I've never had a proper relationship! I've fucked around, yes. Jesus, I've had countless one night-stands. I've let guys suck me off in the bathrooms, I've sucked them off in offices, fucked some against walls or in their beds, all of it, just hoping that one day I'd feel some sort of connection. I don't want to lie, really. I've been a jerk to people and I know this shit probably doesn't even make sense to you, but to me it did. I'm scared of feelings and I always have been and then there was that moment when that changed, that moment when I realized that I definitely didn't hate you...in fact, I loved you. And I realized that a life without love wasn't what I wanted. I wanted you. You only! But then...then you ripped my heart out, Harry. You could've stabbed me and it would've been less painful." Louis lifted his hand and wiped away the tears that had leaked onto his cheeks. "But you know what's worse?"

"No" Harry whispered, pulling the pillow even closer to him and still not looking at Louis.

"When I thought it couldn't get any worse, I saw you kissing a model right in front of my eyes. So how do you explain that? How? Cause if that hadn't happened, I'd probably have given you the chance to talk. But you did it and that was the last straw. Yes, Harry, yes. Yes, fuck, I still feel it. Fuck, everything I told you about is still there. The attraction, the feelings...everything. But I can't and I don't want it like that. I wanted...I just...when I want someone, I want everything of them, but mainly only them. And I expect that to be mutual, you know? If you'd really have feelings for me, you'd never be able to do something like that. I'd never been able to kiss someone else cause I feel so much for you. But you kissed said model, so don't you dare telling me you have feelings for me. You don't. And I'll get up now, walk through this door and then out of your life, okay? Cause that's better for me, and probably for both of us." Louis finished his speech and exhaled, feeling a bit relieved, but before he could even get up, Harry started to laugh, and the noise was in such contrast to what he had expected that he froze on the spot, his eyes drawn right back to Harry. 

Harry looked up and for the first time since the beginning of the conversation, green eyes met blue. But Harry was still laughing and Louis wanted to shove him off the sofa. Why was he laughing? It wasn't funny! Was Harry mocking him now? Was it really so funny that Louis had feelings for him? Did Louis really just embarrass himself like that?

"You're so dramatic, Lou!" Harry finally managed, giggling, and Louis' jaw dropped in complete confusion. "You know I'm gay, don't you? I'm so fucking gay I literally puke rainbows! But you seem to have forgotten a tiny little detail...I'm still in the closet! Of course my PR-team tries to make me look straight. They made me kiss Cara! I didn't know they'd make me do it at an event with you sitting right there, but the fact of the matter is that I'm gay. I don't like women! Kissing them feels like kissing my sister!" Louis' eyes widened, and he blushed, realizing that he had indeed forgotten about Harry still being closeted. He'd been back to thinking about him being the womanizer the media made him out to be. Shit. "Louis, I...I only want to kiss you."

"Then do it." Louis commanded, looking straight into Harry's emerald green eyes. "Kiss me." Harry slowly scooched over, touching Louis arm and shyly looking down at Louis' lips, but Louis couldn't have that, so he decided to just gently put his fingers under Harry's chin to pull his face closer and finally reunite their lips. He closed his eyes and felt warmth spreading through his entire body. He could feel the butterflies erupt in his stomach all over again, despite thinking they'd all died while being apart from Harry. Harry's lips were so soft, and he knew that they were both smiling lightly into it. Louis knew that this kiss was like a promise. A promise for much more to come.

XXXX

"Lou? I think we should talk..." Harry said, scarcely audible, shifting his body closer to Louis. "You were talking about me not having given you an explanation...maybe I should...no, I definitely should." 

"You don't have to, Haz. I mean it'd be nice to know why you broke contact, but if you don't feel comfortable telling me, it's okay. I know you'll tell me one day, won't you?" Louis answered before drinking the rest of the tea and putting the mug down on the coffee table. Harry had insisted on both of them eating after they had kissed for a bit. Louis knew that Harry had problems with eating since Paris, so he had been a bit surprised when Harry had rather casually eaten some bread with him. But it had also made him happy and he decided in that small moment that he would show Harry that it was okay to eat certain things...he would help him.

"No, it's not just about that. I mean...I've never really spoken about it, but I think Niall's right. I should tell you, cause I...I really want..." Harry interrupted himself, biting down on his lip and looking a little scared.

"What do you want, baby?" Louis asked, the pet name slipping out. "And you can tell me everything or nothing, that is all up to you. If you don't have anything planned, then we have plenty of time. I won't leave till you want me to leave, yeah?"

"I want you...I just...I want to be with you..." Harry whispered, "And that's why I should tell you." Louis nodded, even though he was still a bit confused. "Can I...like-" Louis just pulled Harry closer, knowing Harry wasn't good at asking for bodily contact. Harry immediately snuggled up against him, wrapping an arm around Louis' middle. "Thank you."

"You can always touch me, cuddle with me or kiss me, Haz. You don't ever have to ask, alright? Just do it. It'll be fine." Louis assured, giving Harry a small but sincere smile. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Nick." Harry simply said, making Louis immediately cringe. Fucking Nick and his fucking behavior when it came to Harry.  And what Zayn had told him about him hadn't make him like his ass more. The contrary was the case. He couldn't stand his guts. Why Harry wanted to talk about him right now didn't make sense to Louis, though but if Harry wanted to tell him about Nick, he'd listen, so Louis nodded implying for Harry to continue. "He was my boyfriend."

Louis suddenly felt like as if hell broke loose. 

His what?

"What the fuck...what? That asshole is your ex? What the hell? He treats you like shit and I still want to punch his ugly fucking face. He deserves it!" Louis ranted immediately, but when Harry didn't continue, he looked down at him and gave him a small squeeze, trying to comfort him. "I'm sorry...keep going, Haz. We can talk about this as much as you need to."

"He wasn't really nice to me, I guess." Harry whispered. "He did some things to me which influenced my...weird behaviors nowadays." Louis pulled Harry closer to him,trying to soothe him, but Harry immediately flinched, which had Louis suddenly have a vague premonition that Nick had done much worse than just yelling at Harry for no goddamn reason.  

"Haz what...what did he do to you? What happened?" Louis asked, feeling panic and anger rising. What had Nick done to his boy? How could someone hurt such a precious person? Harry, who was like a delicate flower, a super cute and innocent kitten? Who'd want to harm someone like him? 

And then it came back to Louis like war flashbacks, what Zayn had told him about Nick.

_He was a bit of an asshole...didn't even go on proper dates or anything like that...didn't seem to put effort in the idea of dating at all...wasn't the PDA type of guy, or the most caring one...more like a fucked up friends with benefits kinda thing...a selfish asshole who only cares about getting off himself...doesn't give a flying fuck about his partner...rather rough too._

Louis was swallowing his tears before Harry had even started, but he didn't want Harry to think anything was wrong, so he just held it in, rubbing over Harry's arm gently and slowly. He kissed Harry's hair and just waited for him to be ready to talk about whatever the fuck Nick had done to him. Louis wasn't sure what to think, but he he sure as hell would kill Nick.

"I don't know where to start?" Harry whispered, more than visibly tensed. "I don't even know what to tell you? If it's that bad. If it's worth telling. If it's-"

"Harry I'd listen to you, even if you told me about your fear of pillows that makes you unable to...to...visit a furniture shop or something! You can tell me anything and I promise you I won't let it go any further. I'll keep my mouth shut. And if you only want to tell me the tiniest little thing without any details today, then go for it. I'll take anything but also everything. I don't know what happened between you two, but you can trust me, okay? I don't know Nick that well, but I know that I'm not like him at all. Not one bit. And I know it's hard to trust someone you don't really know just yet, but it's just -" Louis rambled, but Harry interrupted him with a short and gentle brush of their lips. Needless to say, it was enough to shut Louis up immediately as his insides heated up and felt ready to explode. Shit, he was so far gone for Harry.

"I should start with how we met, I guess. Well  some people would call me one of those lucky guys that gets discovered in the streets. I remember that day so well. It was actually quite funny, to be honest. My friend Johnny and I were bored so we decided to go shopping, since I needed a new pair of jeans anyway. So we were basically walking along Oxford Street trying to find some skinny jeans for me. I had just started wearing them and I guess my motto back then was 'the tighter the better'. It still is but, it's much easier to find the right pair of jeans now that I know where to get them and now that I don't really have to worry about how much money I'm spending." Harry said, smiling a little to himself.

"However, I had finally found some and when we left the shop, I kind of stumbled over my own feet and basically attacked a poor woman who had been walking by. Clumsy me literally fell into her arms and believe, me she was yelling things at me that I don't even want to repeat. But then she looked up at me and, I swear it was like I was in a movie...she started looking me up and down, like she was judging me. I felt so bad! I apologized at least ten times, but then she just gave me an intimidating look that told me to shut up, which I did without protest. Johnny had been laughing his ass off, but when she wordlessly handed me a card, telling me who she was, his jaw literally dropped and so did mine. I mean, what normal person on Earth crosses her path, not to mention literally falls into the arms of the English editor-in-chief of American Vogue!" Harry continued giggling to himself and Louis just gaped.

"Anna Wintour discovered you? You're shitting me!" Louis replied, mouth agape.

"Yeah! Long story short, I still have no idea what she had seen in me, but it only took about eight weeks until I was modeling for _Yves Saint Laurent_ , _Gucci_ and some other brands, and all because she had called some people and suggested that they let me do shoots for them. And within a few more months, everyone knew me. It all happened so fast...it was overwhelming, to be quite honest. The thing is that no matter how exciting it was, I felt totally lost! I had met several people, sure, but I really needed someone to rely on. Me and my personal assistant, Niall, got along really well, but in the beginning, we weren't as good of friends as we are now. I really liked him and all that, but I just wanted a friend, or another friend, I should say, and when I met Nick at a show, I thought hey, why not make friends with him? We had some things in common and back then I thought he was really funny with all of his mocking and stupid jokes. He also charmed the shit out of me, telling me that I looked great and such things, which was not something I was used to hearing, especially from attractive guys. We went to the hairdresser together, we bought similar outfits, we did everything. We really had fun, I don't want to lie. We hung out nearly every day, making fun of some people and having a laugh, and he even introduced me to some people who later on helped me a lot. I mean, he was an experienced model, whereas I was a newbie, so he literally managed to twist me around his little finger within weeks...I didn't know any better." Harry took a deep breath.

"You know, it's fascinating for a boy who never really acknowledged to himself that he indeed was gay, to meet a proud and openly gay man. I hadn't told Nick anything, but I guess he had just figured out, probably within the first week or so. So I found myself developing feelings for him. I'm still not sure if I really was in love with him, but back then he was the only gay guy I had contact with and who I knew, so it stood to reason. Anyway, when I told Niall that I was gay and apparently into Nick, he had accepted it blindly and that's when we started to become best friends. It was also Niall who encouraged me to tell Nick about my feelings, which I eventually did." Louis played with a loose strand of Harry's hair, trying to keep himself calm. He felt uncomfortable imagining Harry being into Nick, not to mention them being together. He just couldn't see how Nick had been nice to Harry at all.

"And it just kind of happened...we got together a bit after that." Harry added quietly, pursing his lips, and Louis cringed. He wished Harry could have avoided that, that maybe he, Louis, could've met Harry earlier. Judging the look on Harry's face right now, Louis already knew that what Harry was about to tell him would be bad. "Louis, I'm not sure if I should keep going. I don't want to bore you or something."

"You never do, Haz, but if you want to stop you can." Louis took a deep breath, steadying himself and keeping his voice as even as he could. "I kind of assume he's done bad things, to be honest. The way he treated you at the shooting says enough. And just so that you know, I hate him already." Harry sat up, looking straight into Louis' angry, now rather dark, eyes.

"So do I," Harry agreed. "Is it okay if we just sit next to each other for a while? I...I don't think I can deal with being touched while telling you this. It's not you, I promise. You're actually the first person since Nick that I've ever wanted to be physically touched by. You're...different, and I like you, you know? But for now...is it okay?" Louis nodded at Harry with a concerned look on his face. He didn't like where this was going, and Harry hadn't even talked about his and Nick's relationship yet. Fucking Nick. "I've never told anyone any of this before. This is so strange and difficult..." Harry looked down at his hands. "He, umm...he emotionally abused me. I know now that that is the right term for it. I did some research. Must sound stupid, but I wanted to put a label on it to better deal with it by myself. It was easier for me to read about it on the internet, read about the fact that something like that also happened to other people, rather than deal with the fact that it had happened to me personally." Louis already wanted to flip shit. He clenched his jaw, keeping his thoughts to himself. "I don't know if I'm able to explain it without making it sound chaotic, but I'll try. I want you to know so that you can maybe understand why I sometimes react how I react."

"Okay." Louis whispered, looking at the other man. He just wanted to hug Harry, never let him go ever again, and make the memories go away without even knowing about them yet.

"He used to humiliate me in different ways all the time, or put me down. Nick made fun of me in front of other people, his friends, our friends. He even shared personal information with them, secrets I'd told him in confidence and such. He accused and blamed me for things that I knew I hadn't done. He always pointed out my flaws, shortcomings, and mistakes. He still does, in the event that our paths cross. I mean, you've obviously noticed that yourself, haven't you? What he said to me at the shooting was rather harmless, though, even if it still gets to me, which I hate. Nick called me names, gave me unpleasant labels, and sometimes made cutting remarks under his breath, all of which made me feel like crap, like an insecure little boy." Harry said, trying to keep his voice steady and calm, but the way his body stiffened showed Louis how hard it was to talk about that. Not only five minutes into the conversation, Louis wanted to jump to his feet, drive over at Nick's (cause yes he knew where the fucker lived) and punch him in the face. Louis couldn't understand why Nick had done that to Harry. Why would you do such things to such an amazing person? Louis had to pull himself together. He gulped down his arising anger. For Harry. Harry, who, right now, took a deep, steadying breath to keep going.

"He literally made me feel bad about myself. He regularly demeaned and disregarded my opinion, ideas and suggestions, and always corrected and chastised my behavior, no matter what. He just belittled and trivialized me, my accomplishments, or my hopes and dreams. He managed to make me feel like he was right all the time, whereas everything I said or did was wrong all day, every day.  His unhappiness, problems, or life difficulties were my fault, no matter if it made sense or not. He just played the victim and tried to deflect blame on me rather than taking personal responsibility! When he had failed to get a model job, for example, it was my fault because, according to him, I hadn't let him sleep." Harry mumbled, biting his lip. "I sometimes think he didn't see me as an individual at all, but more as an extension of himself, if that makes any sense. Just someone there to reassure him in the fact that he was perfect and flawless."

"I hate him. You're literally the most wonderful person to walk around. He had no fucking right to do that. I want to.... fuck, sorry. Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt. Sorry please...please continue." Louis cut Harry off, but regretted it within seconds. Harry gave him a weak smile and Louis wanted to cry. How dare Nick made his boy feel so small. How dared this asshole do any of that to his sweet Harry.

"It's hard to explain what exactly he did, but he became someone who was sarcastic all the time or more like teasing, if that makes sense? He laughed about himself, but didn't allow me or others to laugh at him. He was intolerant of any seeming lack of respect, even if I wasn't disrespectful at all. I remember his disapproving or contemptuous looks, his judging, distant and hateful body language...all of it."

Louis was about to explode. Not laugh about him? Louis would laugh in his ugly face til eternity and make his life a living hell! 

Harry wiped away a single tear that had manged to escape, swallowing and trying to be strong. "But whenever I even so much as hinted that I didn't like that kind of behavior, he shut me down at once. He really didn't care about my feelings...or maybe he just didn't see them, I don't even know. There was no such thing as empathy or compassion in our relationship. He never really apologized, but when he did, his idea of an apology was just to made dumb excuses for his behavior, you know?" Tears were streaming down Harry's cheeks as he finished that sentence

"Do you want to take a break from talking, love?" Louis wanted to know, using a quiet and empathetic voice but Harry just shook his head quickly, furiously wiping away the tears. "Haz it's no shame to cry. It's okay. Don't hide your tears..."

"I don't want you to think I'm ugly. I'm so ugly when I'm crying." Harry mumbled, hiding his face in his hands.

"No, Harry. You could never be ugly. You're gorgeous inside and out, and a few tears will never be able to change that." Louis objected. "Am I allowed to...?" Louis gently touched Harry's wrist, silently asking for permission to remove his hand to look into his face. Harry didn't say anything in protest, so Louis waited. He didn't want to do anything Harry wouldn't want, and only when Harry whispered a yes did Louis reach up and take Harry's hands away from his face. He took Harry's hands in his and lightly squeezed them in a reassuring way. "You are beautiful, love. To me you're perfect, okay?" Harry didn't comment, instead deciding to continue talking, apparently wanting to get it over with.

"But mostly he blamed whatever it was about on me as always, and after a while I started to believe in everything he said. Everything. He simply repeatedly crossed my boundaries and ignored my requests, Lou. Sometimes it even became scary when he decided to somehow neglect, abandon or...or even punish me for stupid things." Harry swallowed thickly. "And during all of this, he was being emotionally distant and rather unavailable at the same time. He resorted to pouting or withdrawing to get my attention or get what he wanted, which mostly confused the hell out of me, but worked at the same time. And...and he was a bit too in control as well, I guess. I constantly felt like I needed his permission to make decisions or go out somewhere. He indirectly even controlled what or how I spent my money and-" Harry cut himself off, looking directly into Louis' eyes.

"I'm listening, Haz." Louis reassured Harry, cause he has just had the feeling that Harry had interrupted himself for a reason.

"I don't want to be touched because of...I haven't mentioned everything yet but I'm not sure if it would be too much for you. I care about you, Louis. I can't and I don't want to make it too much and I'm...I know it could be too much if I continue now." Harry stuttered, making Louis scared shitless immediately. What else could've happened between them? Wasn't it already bad? No, the fucking worst? He didn't want to imagine how Harry had felt during that time, but seeing Harry like this seeming so fucking small and insecure just sitting there like picture of misery...Louis wanted to help Harry so bad but he didn't know how to. 

"Don't you worry your pretty little head. This is about you, baby. About you only. And as I've said before, I'll take anything and everything. You don't have to tell me more, but if you want, if you trust me enough and think you need to do it, then do it." Louis said, leaning over and kissing Harry's forehead, not even thinking about it twice. It just came natural and Harry not flinching made him feel kind of happy. He knew that he'd do anything for Harry. He'd try anything to make him feel worthy, self-confident and beautiful, cause that's what he was, really. Louis had never met a person like Harry ever before, and he'd make Harry see himself just as Louis did. He would. "Haz? You know what? I'm so proud of you right now. It might sound weird or not make sense to you, but I am. Look what you've just told me about. You said you never told anyone, yet you gathered the strength to do it now. Thank you for trusting me, thank you. I promise you I'll never treat you like that. I can't understand what possessed him to do so, can't process how cruel it was cause I'm actually still shocked, but know that no matter what this between us turns out to be, I'll never be like Nick. Never. I promise." Louis looked into Harry's sad grass green eyes and gave him a weak smile. "Cause you can trust me too."

"He...Nick... he also abused me in other ways." Harry whispered, closing his eyes, and Louis stiffened, desperately hoping Harry wouldn't say what he was expecting now. Some of Zayn's words rushed through his head again. 

_"More like a fucked up friends with benefits kinda thing...a selfish asshole who only cares about getting off himself...doesn't give a flying fuck about his partner...rather rough too."_

Louis sat up straight, feeling sick to his stomach with images rushing through his head that he didn't want to be there, and this was before Harry even began to talk. He scooted closer and very carefully grabbed his devastated-looking boy by his waist and pulled him into his lap. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cheek, closing his eyes and trying to shut off the world, only focusing on Harry before he'd speak it out loud. Harry buried his face in the crook of Louis neck, wrapped his arms around Louis, and sobbed into his shoulder. They wordlessly sat there like that for a while. Louis tried to soothe Harry by only being there, even if he knew it probably wouldn't help much. Louis didn't want this to be real, but before he could think about it any further, the words were already out.

"He...he s-sexually abused me..." Harry whispered into his ear with the weakest voice Louis had ever heard someone use, and with those words, he pressed himself closer to Louis, molding to him. Louis was full on crying now as he kissed Harry's hair over and over again, trying to make him feel better in any way, but he knew that Harry was far from being okay. 

Nick had raped him.

 


	12. Kid Gloves

 

"Come on, love. Let's go for a walk. How does that sound?" Louis suggested, still holding Harry in his arms. "Let's go outside and take a breather." Harry shifted in his arms and nodded rather hesitantly. "You don't have to talk, love. It's okay if you want to stay silent. I don't want you to feel the need to continue or anything." Louis stroked Harry's hair. "Look at me?" Harry immediately looked up at Louis, his eyes puffy from crying. "You don't have to hide your face, love. Look at me. I think I look like shit. Red nose, shadows under my eyes, fucked up hair, still half naked and only wrapped up in a blanket. So what? We're at your home and nobody can see us, right? We can make it a right hobo-day, baby. Who cares, hm?" Harry gave him a weak smile. "But would you mind if I just put on some clothes? I mean, if you want I go outside in boxers, no problem, but you might get cold...it's bloody freezing out there!" Harry giggled and Louis heart sped up. "So, clothes?" Harry nodded in the direction of the hallway and Louis immediately asked himself how he could've been so blind when walking downstairs earlier. Harry had put his clothes neatly folded on a chair. "You did not wash them, did you?" Harry blushed. "Who even are you? When did you get up, babe? You didn't have to do that for me!" Harry rolled his eyes, still not speaking. "Okay, so you close your eyes now and I'll put on my clothes. No, wait! You've already seen me half naked! Whoa!" Louis tried to brighten the mood a bit even if, given the current situation, it seemed impossible. "Harold, I have to get up to dress myself." Harry hid his eyes behind his hands and scooted over to give Louis the opportunity to stand up, which he did immediately. He walked over to his clothes but just when he was about to put them on he stopped, furrowing his brow. Stupid fancy clothes from the previous evening. Nah! "Hey Haz? Do you by any chance fancy the idea of us in sweatpants? Like, for the rest of the day?" Louis bit his lip in anticipation. 

"Sounds good, but you're so tiny you'll probably have to roll them up!" Harry said, quietly smiling to himself. He got up, approaching Louis. "They're upstairs." 

"Hey! First of all I'm not that small and second, are you really gonna make me go upstairs? Jesus, I'm a lazy piece of shit and those are stairs, Harry. Actual stairs! Loads of them!" Louis took Harry's hand and Harry pursed his lips. "Well, what are you waiting for? Sweatpants-party, duh!" Harry giggled and it was a genuine little sound, which made Louis feel proud. 

They went upstairs and put on some sweatpants and shirts that were big on Harry, which made them huge on Louis. Harry plopped down on his bed, hiding his face behind his hands once again. Louis silently sat down next to him, well aware of the fact that Harry was back to crying but trying to act like he was fine. "Hey, love? Hey. I'm here. You're not alone, okay? We don't have to go outside. Let's stay here, hm?" Harry didn't react, didn't move, didn't do anything. "You want to get something else off your chest, Hazza?" Harry shook his head quickly. "It was just too much, wasn't it?" He nodded. "Do you want to maybe just sleep or watch a movie or something? I told you we can do anything, and that includes doing nothing." Louis whispered, stroking Harry's upper arm carefully. "Do you...do you want to be alone and-"

"No. Please don't go. I just...please don't." Harry immediately cut Louis off. "I'm a mess, I know. I'm sorry, but please don't go..." Harry sounded so broken, and Louis wanted nothing more than to fucking rip Nick's head off his body. 

"No need to apologize for anything. You haven't done anything wrong. What's going through your mind right now, hm? You're thinking so hard, baby..." Louis asked carefully. 

"I just don't want you to like...treat me differently now. I know shit happened but I'd feel even worse if you decided to handle me with, like, kid gloves? I don't know if that makes much sense, but to me it does. I'm scared you'll just...I don't know...Nick's done bad things, but I told you I want to finally start being normal. And you're being super cute and supportive right now and I'm actually only thinking about kissing the shit out of you to distract myself, rather than a movie or anything like that, Lou. I know that Nick's influenced my life in the worst way, but you kind of made me want to get over that. I just wish something like karma existed or...or something. And I'm also sorry for your friend Zayn, Lou. I'm a bit scared that Nick is treating him like he did me. Look, I don't really like Zayn, if I'm being honest. He's way too perfect for his own good. You and him had something which made me jealous beyond anything, and um...Nick compared me to him which is totally-" Harry explained, not looking at Louis. The shorter man thought for a second, but decided to let his instincts take over as he just pulled Harry closer and pressed their lips together. He caressed his cheek with his thumb while gently kissing Harry. Louis licked over his bottom lip, not believing that Harry actually thought like that. He cared about Zayn while all of this had happened to him. Harry was such a great person and Louis never wanted to let go ever again. When they separated Louis pecked Harry's lips once again before speaking up.

"Everything you want to do, we'll do, okay? If you want us to ignore all of this for now, we will. But before that, I gotta tell you something. You don't have to worry about Zayn. He's been into Liam for ages and he actually just used Nick as distraction. He's also dumped him already, considering the fact that he noticed that Nick was being a right jerk. He even mentioned that he hated how Nick treated you at the shooting, Harry. You don't have to like Z, but he's actually quite nice and good friend of mine. He's finally dating Liam, so you don't need to worry about me liking him either. I won't lie. He's good looking and yes we had something going on back then, but he's absolutely nothing in comparison to you. And Liam would also kill me if I wanted to make a move, anyway. So please don't think about that. And if you want, I'll properly introduce you to him or we could all just hang out some day, if you want. Just know that you don't have to worry about his well-being or anything like that. Funny that I also think you'd get along pretty well, but that's another story." Louis took a deep breath, looking right at Harry, whose face was inches from his, their foreheads leaning together gently and Harry's big green eyes fixed on Louis.  "So, Styles, since you want to be normal and all that, would you go on an official date with me? And just so you know, the only answer to that is yes," Louis rambled and Harry looked taken aback and very fond as he just watched Louis' mouth move as he rambled.

"Of course, Lou. Let's talk about Zayn and the others some other time though. Okay? Just want to lay here with you." Harry said softly, and Louis smiled, his eyes slipping closed as Harry pressed his lips to Louis' once more.

XXXX

"Louis what the fuck? Have you heard about the news?" Zayn asked Louis, sitting in Liam's lap while the three of them were hanging out at Louis' house. "He's totally fucked. I can't believe. Is it bad that I'm laughing? How can you be that dumb?" Liam rolled his eyes and went back to admiring Zayn.

"Liam you're disgusting, making heart eyes at Zayn like that. I'll never get used to it. Did you do the do already? I swear, I need to know who tops! Like, I do have an idea bu-"

"Shut up, Tommo. I swear to god I'll never tell you shit about our sex life ever!" Liam interrupted and Zayn burst out laughing before he stabbed his boyfriend's back. Yes they'd finally put a label on their relationship and Louis had drunk a toast to them just because! Fucking finally. 

"Of course it's me, what a dumb question, Lewis." Zayn announced and Liam blushed crimson, playfully punching Zayn's upper arm. "What? You're a control freak and giving up control isn't that bad once in a while, Li. Besides, I'm sure Louis assumed that anyway. We have good sex, so nothing to be ashamed of! I could tell Lou-"

"What the fucking fuck...No details, please! And no? I thought you'd be the one to take it up the ass, Jesus Christ. I didn't...okay I don't want...no. Ugh." Louis stuttered, looking anywhere but at them. "At least you two finally fuck. I've gotta ask, Liam, how's sex with a man in comparison to girls? Nice shit, right?"

"I won't comment on it. I refuse," Liam mumbled and all three of them burst out laughing. It's been ages since they've gotten along like that, hanging out without any tension between Zayn and Liam. Well there was tension, but the sexual kind, and not the one where Louis wanted to run away cause he feared Zayn would burst out crying, not being able to touch Liam and stuff. Louis was so glad it turned out to be like it was.

"You're boring, Payno." Louis mocked him, laughing. "Such a boring little-"

"Says the one not telling us a single detail about Harry Styles. The only boring person in this room is you. You didn't even tell us how your date went! You haven't told us if you're together now, haven't introduce us again properly, nothing!" Liam countered, and Zayn nodded, high-fiving Liam and lacing their fingers together. Idiots. 

It'd been a week since Louis and Harry had their first official date. Louis had decided to not make big deal out of it since he'd noticed that Harry especially approved of the little things in life. They'd hung out all week (even if they could only meet up for an hour some days due to their jobs) mostly talking about all kind of things. They'd gotten closer as friends, but they'd both decided to take everything else slow. For now. So while their original plan had been to go to a fancy restaurant and do it all proper nice and shit, they had ended up cooking together at Harry's place. They'd enjoyed chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in parma ham with a side of some home made mash, which turned out amazing. The same couldn't be said for the dessert. It had been fun to mess up the whole kitchen though. The cleaning afterwards? Not very much. The evening had ended with them cuddling on Harry's couch watching a rom-com, talking about Harry's dreams and plans for the future. Louis had always made sure to let Harry talk, to let Harry decide, and to let Harry make the first move, no matter what. He had wanted to make Harry feel more comfortable and when Harry had thanked him for it, Louis had kissed him. They'd innocently kissed for at least one hour straight, eventually falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms. It was a nice date. Nothing big, but really really nice. And Louis was so far gone for Harry he already wanted to tell everyone, but figured it was best to wait until they were officially dating before spilling any of their special moments to anyone. Louis wanted to ask Harry to be his boyfriend very soon. Like, as in today. Getting up the nerve, however, was another matter entirely.

"Yes, that's correct, and it won't change. I keep him to myself till...uh...I...umm, wait a minute, I don't need to explain myself to you idiots!" Louis exclaimed, smiling broadly. "Okay, let's say I really really like him and I think he really really likes me too, but we want to take it slow and yeah. I don't want to overwhelm him since he's rather sensitive? I know he can act like a proper jerk, but that's only to protect himself and I'm sure you'll love him as much as I do the moment we meet up!"

"Love him as much as you do? Geez! Louis, you're head over heels in love with Harry! Have you told him yet?" Zayn grins smugly.

"Yes I am. Now shut up!" Louis admitted and Zayn looked at Liam. "And no I haven't told him! What the heck, I haven't even asked him to be my boyfriend yet, which I wanted to do today!" Liam exhaled, grabbed his wallet and handed Zayn money. "Did you two..? You did not bet on me! I can't believe! You are the absolute worst friends to walk around! I hate that I love you!" Zayn laughed. Liam poked his tongue out. "The worst!" Louis threw a pillow at them. "Look at you! You're almost making out on my couch! Disgusting!"

"You're just jealous cause you want to make out on your couch with Harry but you're to timid to make a move!" Zayn snipped at his friend. "Why don't you just invite him over, huh? Has he ever been to your place? I bet his place is fancy and he just rolls his eyes at your tiny little mansion. It's not like at least eight people could live here or anything!"

"Zayn, keep your mouth shut. You know nothing about him. Actually, his house is rather small and lovely. His interior design makes me want to sell my house and move in with him straight away, alright? He's not big-headed and all. It's just a fucking facade because of fucking Nick. He's wonderful and likes the little things in life. He appreciates a single flower more than a bouquet, prefers ordinary ice cream dates over fancy restaurants, and the moment he spots animals, he's 12 years old again and talks to them. He's not like you think he is. He's not. So no, I don't want to invite him over yet. What if he thinks I'm actually the big headed idiot? I'm not, obviously, and you know why, but... but he could  end up thinking that and I don't want that!" Louis panics. He hasn't thought about it and he doesn't want to. There's no way he could tell Harry. No.

"Alright calm down, Boo. You're so protective, holy shit. And you have to tell him eventually where all of your money comes from, whether you like it or not. If he's like you say he is, he won't mind, I'm sure. I mean it's not like you chose it to be like that, right? Just tell him soon. Lying isn't cool. I actually wonder why he never asked. Didn't you said you used all of your stupid _"Here's my name. I can do whatever I want-advantages"_ back in Paris? Bet you even do it now. You're such a showoff if you want to impress someone. He must be pretty oblivious to some things or pretty much in love with you. No, both!" his friend said and Liam nodded in agreement before he took a sharp breath in.

"Hold on! Hoooold on! Nick? What do you mean because of Nick? Wait, wait, wait. Louis you did not!" Liam all of a sudden shouted. "Louis, what the fuck did you do?"

"What are you on about? He deserved it, that prick." Louis simply announced, and Liam's jaw drops.

"His career is over, Louis. He'll never be able to work in the fashion business ever again. It's a right scandal! Yes, he's obviously an asshole. I mean, Zayn has told me things and I've met him a couple of times, but that? Louis, what's gotten into you?" Liam asked in shock.

"Oh nothing, it's more like Nick's gotten into someone against their will. He deserves worse, that asshole." Louis states angrily while tearing up, and the moment he realizes what he'd just said his jaw drops and his eyes widen. "Fuck!"

Liam clenched his fists while Zayn was glued to his spot. "Louis what did he... Lou, what did he do to you? I'm gonna kill him! Fuck. Zayn, what did he do to you? What the fuck. Nick's a dead man!"

"Louis, did you just say he...he...I know he's a dickhead but he's never...not against my will and...oh my... what? Lou!" Zayn mumbled, staring at Louis and looking scared shitless. Louis was fucked. He was utterly and completely fucked. He had promised Harry that he wouldn't tell anyone, yet he'd just casually spilled the tea. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut for once? What now? Say it happened to him? Tell his friends and make them keep it a secret? Shit. "Louis, why didn't you tell the police? You need to tell them. He can't just walk around like...and...you know." Zayn got up, sitting down next to Louis and pulling him into his arms.

"Stop that. He didn't lay his fingers on me. It was Harry, okay? And now I'll never be Haz' boyfriend cause I already fucked up by telling you. I am the worst person to walk around!" Louis exclaimed, hitting his own forehead. "Nick's the worst person to exist on this planet. You've no idea what he's done to Harry in the past. I won't tell you but, you've already assumed the right things, okay? He deserves to burn in hell and worse. I'd prefer killing him, if I'm being honest."

"Fuck." Liam whispered while his boyfriend kept quiet. "Fuck that's...that's...I don't have words for it. I'm so sorry for him. Oh my god. Louis, don't worry. We know nothing. I promise you, we won't talk about it, hint at it, or anything. I'd never do that to you. And you're my, no, _our_ best friend. I mean maybe you needed to tell someone. You can't deal with it on your own. It's okay. We won't let it go any further. Listen, I understand it now. Nick really doesn't deserve better. He better not make a fuss about anything or approach any of us."

"He's ruined, Liam. He shouldn't have recorded himself with that dude. Too bad it's all over the internet. Also, every single person who has a say in our business got an anonymous e-mail. Oops? And he should maybe have paid his taxes, too. Not to mention that touching someone against their will isn't okay. It casually got mentioned too. Nobody needs to know that it was about Harry. Nobody will find out. Haz is safe with me. Nobody will ever hurt him again as long as I'm around." Louis announced quietly. "Nick Grimshaw is ruined for good."

XXXX

Louis was standing on the porch of Harry's house. He'd been trying to relax and calm himself down but he was so fucking nervous, he couldn't even bring himself to knock on the damn door. He was going to ask Harry to be his boyfriend and he'd never done something like that before. What if he messed up? What if Harry said no? Fuck, what if- 

The door opened. 

"Lou, how long did you want to stay there? Cause I've been watching you for at least ten minutes now, talking to yourself. You know I can see you through the window, right? Is everything okay? You can come in, you know?" Harry said with a giggle, and Louis wanted to vanish into thin air. He'd already embarrassed himself. He'd totally mess up! Harry beckoned him to follow him inside, but somehow, Louis couldn't move. Fantastic! "Lou, come on? What's gotten into you? You're an idiot!" Harry laughed, dragging Louis inside. Louis felt like said idiot but managed to get rid of his coat and shoes before he followed Harry into the living room. 

"I am fucking nervous..." Louis mumbled, blushing as he sat down on the couch next to the person he was head over heels in love with. He took Harry's hand. "Okay, I just uh...wanted to ask you something and I don't know how, so I'm probably gonna make a fool out of myself, but Harry...uh..." Louis continued to stumble over his words. God, this was so awkward. 

"Yes, I'd love to be your boyfriend. You're so cute when you get all flustered around me. Of course I want to be, Lou!" Harry announced, and Louis' jaw dropped. He'd just...had he just...what the fuck?

"Heeey now you made it easy for me. How's that fair? I deserve to suffer a bit!" Louis complained, laughing. "But...really?" Harry rolled his eyes and made grabby hands. "You want me to kiss you? Let me think about that real quick." They both laughed before Louis pecked Harry's lips fondly. "You know I actually wanted to take you out on another date. I might have made reservations?"

"But I can't. You know...because of the closet? I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you tonight, I guess. And paps are all over me since our shooting. I literally got papped while grocery shopping. Like who am I? I just don't get why?" Harry said and Louis bit his lip. Because Harry was amazing? Because he was handsome as hell? Because they rocked the shooting? Because Harry was one of the most famous models in the world now? Why? God, he loved him, he was so fucking humble! 

"Do you want to go, though?" Louis wanted to know. He fiddled with his fingers.

"Of course I'd love to, Lou! But it's not that easy. I can't." Harry replied, looking sad all of a sudden. Louis bit his lip.

"If you want to you can. If you want to go out with me, just do it. What's the worst thing that could happen? They could take photos of us. They could spread rumors. Harry, do you want to go?" Louis asked carefully, hoping the answer would be yes.

"Yeah. Sure. But I don't know what's...I want to come out, actually. Like...because of you? I'd like to hold your hand in the streets and not care about rumors and all that. It'll take time though, won't it?" Harry explained and Louis did not blush. He didn't. Fuck, he so did. He wanted it too. Wanted everything with Harry. He'd even thought about Harry being his future husband, okay?!

"Well then let's go. You just forgot about everything tonight. So will you accidentally go on a date with me and accidentally hold my hand? And maybe I can accidentally kiss you?" Louis suggested, wiggling his eyebrows, and Harry laughed happily.

"Am I accidentally your boyfriend too?" Harry replied cheekily, and Louis just rolled his eyes. "Well, then let's go, boyfriend!" Louis was about to die. He had a boyfriend now. Harry was is boyfriend. Harry fucking soon to be Tomlinson. Shit, Louis going crazy with happiness. He hadn't even said it to him yet, but he was in love with him. Like...you know? Just the words _I'm in love with you_ or like _I love you_. But he was. He was in love with Harry Styles.

XXXX

"I can't believe we actually get to eat _Mousse au Chocolat_ this time. Last time we ended up using salt instead of sugar, Louis. I swear I'll never forget that. It was the funniest first date-fail ever!" Harry exclaimed, licking his lips. "It tastes amazing. The whole dinner's amazing...you're amazing, Louis." 

"Nothing in comparison to you, so shush. I'm glad you like it." Louis put his hand on top of Harry's, looking him deep in the eyes "Have I told you that you look absolutely stunning tonight, Haz?" Harry ignored him. "Hey don't you dare ignoring me. I've only said it like ten times!  You can't just leave me for some dessert!"

"You're an idiot, Louis. But what an idea! Maybe I should ask the dessert out on a date! Or alternatively we could pay, leave and maybe make out a bit in the car." Who was Louis to deny that?  

"I already paid, babe. So we actually can just get up, hurry outside, and do whatever you want," the shorter man announced, grinning smugly. Of course he'd already paid. He wanted to spoil Harry as much as possible.

"You're unbelievable, but thank you. You didn't have to. Let's go." Harry winked, yes he actually winked, at Louis. Louis got up quickly, walked around the table and before Harry could protest he took his hand to guide them out. "You've been planning on that, have you? You only want me for my hand. Shame on you!" 

"Yeah, your hand's what drives me crazy. You got me there. Too bad!" Louis laughed to himself silently, making his way with Harry towards the exit. The waiter, Oli, who Louis had known for a while now, smiled at them before waving a goodbye to them. Harry and Louis hurried outside, but before Louis knew what was happening, lights flashed at them and paparazzi asked Harry all kind of questions. Where the fuck did they even come from?!

"Harry, are you and Louis on a date?" one of them screamed way to loud. "Harry, are you gay?" another black haired guy wanted to know. Louis was about to flip shit. "Harry, what do you have to say about Nick Grimshaw?" Louis froze at that one...fuck. 

"I don't know if I remember correctly, gentlemen, but as far as I'm aware, you're not allowed to pap me unless I say so. I paid for it, so I'd get out of here if you know what's good for you. Doesn't matter if you want to get Harry, as long as he's near me, you can't take any pictures. Would you mind leaving? Thanks." Louis stated with an ice cold business voice. Harry grabbed Louis arm by instinct, hiding behind him and Louis protectively squeezed his hand tighter. Did they have to mention Nick?! Poor Harry...Louis needed to get him out of there.

"Oh, fuck this shit." Louis heard Harry say, and suddenly, Harry all of a sudden grabbed Louis by the collar and smashed their lips together, catching Louis off-guard. When they separated, Harry gave the paps the finger. "Too bad you couldn't take a photo, eh? Who'll believe you guys now? Tragic that you're not allowed to take photos of Louis. Would you excuse us now? We were just about to leave and make out in the car. Oh damn, you can't take photos of us in there too. What a shame. Bye!" Louis jaw dropped. This had not only been super cheeky but hot as fuck and Louis needed to get his hands on Harry now. He needed to. _Needed._

They couldn't make out in the car cause paps had decided to nevertheless literally mob them, so they had decided to drive to Harry's instead. When they'd arrived, they'd rushed inside while kissing heatedly like never before. Surprisingly, Harry's hands were all over Louis, even on his butt once. In the heat of the moment, Louis completely forgot about what Harry'd been through and his hands slowly slid under Harry's shirt. It made the curly haired boy flinch immediately and he took a step back.

"I'm sorry. I just...sorry..." Louis mumbled against Harry's lips. Fortunately, Harry  just smiled down at Louis, kissing his cheek before they walked hand in hand upstairs to the bedroom. "We won't do anything you don't want to. No pressure. Not anything. We can just go to sleep or cuddle. I can also leave. Whatever you want, okay? You're the only one here who has the say. You say what you want, what you don't want, and when you want something to happen. I'm content with just being around you, you know? I don't need anything else than just... seeing you happy, babe." Louis reassured Harry, sitting down on the bed. "Damn, I hate socks."

"Take them off then?" Harry suggested, apparently not knowing how else to respond. He gave Louis the biggest smile though, and that was enough for the shorter man. He saw Harry's eyes sparkling and when he took his hand to pull Harry into his lap, Harry squeaked. 

"Was that okay? You tell me when you don't like something like that, yeah?" Harry nodded and decided to straddle Louis lap instead pushing him back onto the mattress. "Haz what are you-" Harry leaned over him, hesitantly pressing his lips onto Louis before he licked over his lower lip. Louis kissed him back without even having to think about it twice. Harry started to giggle uncontrollably and collapsed on top of Louis. "Oompf. Already tired? I was promised a make-out session!"

"I...shit...fuck sorry? Of course." Harry stuttered, sounding super guilty all of a sudden. He automatically moved to kiss Louis again, but Louis turned is face away quickly. Harry was shocked.

"Harry stop, stop, stop. I was kidding. Oh my god, I'm sorry. I was just kidding. No making out if you don't feel comfortable with it. Shit, sorry. Please don't...look at me!" Louis panicked. Had he just put Harry under pressure or asked him to do something he didn't want to do? Shit, he didn't want to be like Nick. He needed to back off Harry. He needed to put distance between them. 

"Louis, calm down. Lou! Everything's fine! I'm okay!" Harry tried to calm Louis down. "Lou? Remember what I told you? No kid gloves, yeah? I promise I'll tell you if something makes me feel bad or something like that, yeah? I promise. It was just an automatism. I'm sure it'll take quite some time to get rid of them. I hate it, but... but will you help me? Look, I really want you to touch me. I mean, I've even suggested it, right? It was my idea. You're really sweet and you do pay attention a lot. I notice it, really. I've haven't felt pressured so far, not one bit. You worry way too much. A normal life, remember? You're my boyfriend. I'm your boyfriend. Boyfriends kiss. Boyfriends touch and do other stuff." Harry laid his head on Louis' chest, listening to his heart beat slowing down a bit. "Want to know something funny?" Louis nodded for Harry go to on. "Remember when you walked in on me back in France? I swear, I wanted to die. I felt so embarrassed but...but even back then, I was already thinking about you while... you know? I don't know if you believe me, but I'm telling the truth. I never want to...you know, do this kind of things...but I'm only human and I get horny." Harry and Louis both cackled. "I was watching porn, and god, porn is so over the top, I don't even get the point of it most of the time, but my mind always drifted back to you. So what I'm trying to say is that yes, I'd love to....do things with you. I'll need some time for this and that, but I really do want that. If you do too, of course. I just have to, like, tell you something else first?" Louis cringed in fear. He closed his eyes waiting for the next bad information. "Lou don't be afraid! I've told you the main things already, haven't I? I think what I'm telling you know is a bit more personal...like on an awkward level?"

"You don't have to be embarrassed talking about such things with me ever, Haz," Louis suddenly spoke up. "I won't judge you, laugh at you, or anything like that. You can openly speak about sex and such things? I mean...I hope you know how I mean it." 

"Yeah, I do." Harry took a deep breath. "It's really awkward, damn." Harry buried his face in Louis chest and mumbled some incoherent sentences. Louis cleared his throat to make Harry notice he hadn't understood a word. "I know have to repeat myself, but I don't want you to laugh!" Louis poked Harry's side, rolling his eyes. 

"Spit it out already. Listen, when I was 20 I came in my pants just because of a YouTube video of David Beckham. I was watching it while Liam was in the same room. What can be more embarrassing then that?" Harry burst out laughing. 

"No, you didn't! Oh my god!" Harry cracked up before he looked at Louis. "Thank you, you know. For making it easier. You always know what to say or how to react. Thank you."

"No need to thank me. Like, ever. You know I'm...I...like you a lot and I just want you to be happy all the time." Louis announced, looking at Harry, who nodded when Louis silently asked for permission to kiss him again. Their lips met and Louis felt like as if he was the luckiest person on the whole planet. Harry was just everything Louis apparently has ever wanted. 

"I don't know how to enjoy it" Harry quickly mumbled. "I don't know how to enjoy myself. I never do. Never have. That's so fucking awkward. I feel like I'm too...dumb for everything that has to do with sex. I only wank because...because I have to? I mean at some points, it feels okay, but...you know what I mean? And I feel like an idiot for saying this."

"What you're telling me is that you were told you're only there for pleasing someone else, but not feeling good yourself." Louis said determinedly, and then in a quieter voice, "Did he tell you you didn't deserve it?" Harry blushed, hid his face, and slowly nodded, and Louis had to clench his teeth to keep from seething. "I'd love to punch his ugly mug all over again." Harry exhaled and seemed about to speak up, but decided against it. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Harry replied, quick like a shot and Louis literally gaped at him cause...wow. 

"You'll tell me when it gets to be too much right? You'll always do that no matter what, okay? Even if I touch your elbow and you somehow don't like it, Haz." Louis whispers, fonding at Harry "It doesn't matter what we do, I just want you to have the say in everything because, contrary to what that asshole wanted you to believe, you _do_ deserve it. And we can discover it together. What you like, I mean. If you want that. But we-"

Harry finished Louis' sentence. "We don't have to do anything if I don't want that or if I'm not ready for it. I understand and I thank you for it. Will you touch me now? Because, contrary to _your_ beliefs, I'd like to know what it's like getting touched by you and it wouldn't be bad to see where the boundaries are. No kid gloves, love. Please. I trust you. Really."  

 

 


	13. Intimate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! It took me ages to finish this chapter cause I wanted it to be perfect! I really hope you guys like it! xx

"Touch you now? Like right now?" Louis asked, a bit dumbfounded, and his cheeks burned. Why on earth was he blushing now? Minutes ago, he had wanted nothing more than to get his hands on Harry with absolutely no hesitation, but now that Harry had blatantly asked Louis to touch him, he felt hot all over. Jesus, the things this boy did to him!

"I mean, only if you want to. I figured...I mean, if you want that too? Like...Yeah? Now? I mean, we can stop as you said but...I'd...do you want to? Touch me, I mean..." Harry stuttered, turning tomato red. He seemed to be so nervous, yet so confident and curious, and Louis wanted to just kiss the living shit out of him. Harry was perfect to him. Everything about Harry was just right, and at that moment, Louis knew what he had to tell Harry. It was the absolute perfect moment. He thought he'd tell him on a cheesy date, watching the sunset with Harry leaning against his shoulder or something like that, but...

"Harry? Look at me?" Louis said quietly and Harry, still lying on top of him, his head on Louis' chest, looked up at him without hesitation. Their eyes met immediately and Louis saw it; he saw everything that he had openly and even secretly wished for in his entire life. He saw what he'd seen as a child when watching his grandparents around each other. He saw his lovely dork of a boyfriend, his future fiancé and husband, his children's Dadda, but most importantly he saw his home. His grandparents had always had a saying: Home is where the heart is. And after all this time, he finally understood what it meant. "Harry, I've never said this to anyone ever before. I never thought I'd ever say this actually, but...but I've always wanted to." Louis took a deep breath. "Harry? I love you. I'm in love with you."

Harry's jaw dropped, and his eyes widened as they filled with tears. He climbed on top of Louis, straddling his lap, and before Louis could even move or do anything at all, he felt Harry's lips on his own. He felt Harry's hands cupping his cheeks, and tears ran down his own cheeks as he kissed his boy, putting every possible tiny emotion, every bit of love and passion, into it. When Harry pulled back, Louis wanted to speak up, but Harry was quicker.

"I love you, too. Louis, I'm so fucking in love with you, I can't even put it into words. I've never...I love you." Harry answered and the butterflies in Louis stomach literally exploded in a frenzy of nervous and happy fluttering. Louis was completely overwhelmed. He wanted to scream it to the world that he loved Harry and Harry loved him back. Damn, he felt like the luckiest guy on the planet, and even though it had only been a rather short time of them knowing each other, he already knew that this was it. Louis just knew. Harry was the person he'd grow old with. 

XXXX

"I just want you to be comfortable, Harry. You big oaf, it's just a shower!" Louis protested laughing as he shoved Harry into the bathroom. "Showers are relaxing, and I don't want you to be worrying about anything. And I want you to be comfortable with me seeing you, so undressing in front of me is probably the best way to go about that. I mean, I've already kind of seen you, but that doesn't count. It's so much different this way...especially if you're going to be doing things of any kind with me...so a shower it is." Harry gaped at him and Louis pulled a face to make him laugh.

"On one condition!" Harry countered with a laugh before eyeing him suspiciously. Was he trying to act dominant and cocky? Louis found it almost cute. Almost. "You undress me and we take a shower together."

Louis bit his lip, grinning. Of course he'd planned for them to take the shower together, and hell, who was he to decline the offer to undress Harry Styles? He'd wanted to get Harry naked from the very beginning, really. Like... fuck Greek gods, this was Harry Styles! 

"Cheeky." Louis grinned, gently pushing Harry further inside of the room and closing the door behind them. Louis scanned Harry's body slowly. "Babe, you're so sexy and you don't even realize." Harry shook his head taking one step closer so that their noses were almost touching. "Yeah you are, Haz. Your thick and curly hair is soft and healthy and absolutely beautiful, your eyes are so green like the color of springtime ferns or freshly cut grass. They're stunning." Louis slowly pecked Harry's lips before he continued. "Your mouth. So plump and pink and sinful, yet so innocent." Louis licked over his lips. "Your jawline, so sharp and manly." Harry blushed a bit and bit is lip shyly. "Your body is so...perfect." Louis fumbled around the hem of Harry's white shirt, slowly testing the waters by trying to slide his hand under it. "Am I allowed to?" The green eyed man nodded, pressing his lips against Louis' to kiss him, rather filthily this time. A moment later, Louis could feel Harry's large hands on his ass, and his first thought was that Harry had absolutely no shame. Louis'd had a thing for Harry's big, yet delicate hands from the very beginning, but nobody needed to know that. It wasn't just the size...Harry's cross tattoo and his rings that fit perfectly onto his long fingers would be the death of him, he knew it. He wanted to suck on Harry's fingers, Jesus Christ. His hands were so damn hot. 

"Why did you stop?" Harry wanted to know, his voice hesitant. "Did I do something wrong or...am I...should I not have touched you?" Louis shook his head, smiling at his boyfriend as he slid a careful hand under his shirt. Louis carefully stroked Harry's tummy with his thumbs. Harry squirmed slightly, unable to hide the hint of a smile that was playing around his lips. Louis loved when Harry smirked like that. When he let his hands wander higher, he felt Harry's abs. Harry made a cute little noise but tried to swallow it.

"Don't." Louis whispered, shoving Harry's expensive Yves Saint Laurent shirt up, slowing down just enough to pull it carefully over his boy's head. "You're so beautiful, baby. So so beautiful. Look at you." Harry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and for a second, Louis thought that he shouldn't have done that, but then Harry grabbed Louis waist with both hands and whispered into his ear to keep going. Louis kissed Harry's temple over and over again. "I love you" This apparently worked miracles, loosening Harry up, because all of a sudden, something changed. Harry opened his eyes and leaned in for a yet another kiss, but this time long and very passionate, and unbuttoned Louis black dress shirt. He carefully but determinedly got Louis shirtless and pressed his own chest flush against Louis'. Louis hand glided over Harry's back and they both shuddered. Louis pressed his face in the crook of Harry's neck and teasingly but still very very gently licked over it, Harry's entire body shivering at the touch of Louis' tongue. They took some steps towards the shower, their lips still connected, but when Harry's back hit the glass shower door, Louis couldn't help but smile into their kiss. This was actually happening, and he was so in love, he could barely think straight right now. They separated for a moment and Louis looked Harry straight in the eye. He figured it was best to tell Harry what he was going to do, so that Harry could say no if he didn't want it. "I'm opening your jeans now. That okay? You can say no at any time, yeah?"

"I mean...yes. No. I mean yes, go for it?" Harry stuttered, licking over his lips insecurely. "I'm nervous." Louis' chest tightened with mixed feelings. On one hand, he totally understood Harry and didn't want to pressure him into anything or do something wrong, but on the other hand he was just so gone for his boyfriend that he felt the warmth radiating inside of him. It was the feeling of loving someone. He just loved Harry so much that he found Harry's nerves almost endearing. 

"You don't have to be." Louis announced, using the softest voice as he quickly reached his hand down and unzipped Harry's jeans. "Look. Already open." He grinned cheekily and Harry started to giggle. 

"You're an idiot, but I...you make this easy for me to, you know, adjust and...just...thank you." Louis kissed the corner of Harry's mouth and tentatively pushed Harry's pants down, trying to keep the bodily contact to a minimum while doing it. He didn't want to do too much all at the same time, but damn, Louis wanted to touch Harry's bum so bad. He was desperate for this cute little ass. Louis was the worst, but he couldn't help it. How would you feel if you had to see such a perfectly shaped bum wiggling in front of your eyes all day but not being able to touch it (yet). Louis wanted to...but it would have to wait till later. "Open mine?" Harry hesitated before he mimicked Louis' previous action and within minutes they faced each other, wearing nothing other than their boxers.

"Lou?" Harry whispered, his hands on Louis chest. "Can I...first?" Louis understood immediately and nodded. "I was just never allowed to undress someone before I was naked." Harry added quickly in explanation, and Louis clenched his jaw. Fucking Nick. He was getting angry just thinking about his fucking persona. Damn him. Louis was determined to make all the bad memories go away, or he'd at least replace all of them with good ones. He'd make Harry the happiest, he'd make him feel good, he'd kiss him breathless, he'd make him come once, twice, or even five times in a row, he'd bring him breakfast to bed, kiss him good night, propose to him in the sappiest and most disgusting way possible, he'd marry him, he'd spoil the shit out of his baby, he'd adopt babies with him, he'd grow old with him, he'd nurse him when..."You're big." What? Louis snapped out of his thoughts. Wow, he hadn't even realized that his other half had already pushed down his boxers. Oops! "And thick...uh...sorry for staring?" Louis burst out laughing. "Hey! It's not funny! I've literally never seen... I've only seen one other... fuck, I'm making a fool out of myself, aren't I?"

"You're the absolute sweetest person to walk around, princess," Louis said. "And you can stare at my dick as long as you want to." Harry hid his blushing face in the crook of Louis' neck. "You can also touch me and do whatever you want with it! If that's not a good offer, I don't know what is." They both laughed but Harry tensed up when Louis gradually let his hand slide inside of Harry's boxers. "You alright?" Harry took a deep breath, motioning Louis to continue, so he did. Louis moved his hand in further and carefully touched Harry. He felt the smooth skin of Harry's penis against his fingers, but decided not to go any further. "I'm gonna push them down now and I'm gonna look. Cause if your cock's nearly as nice as the rest of you, I won't be able to stop myself from staring. It'll be like a magnet. And I'll probably be drooling like a dog seeing his favorite food. Just a warning." Harry tried to fake being shocked, but failed miserably and he couldn't help but laugh. It was the weirdest laugh Louis had ever heard, but he loved it. The smaller man pushed down Harry's boxers in one go, not hesitating at all. Short and sweet. Simple but effective. They slid down to his ankles and Harry kicked them away just as Louis had done earlier. "We're naked. And fucking hell, Styles. What's that? An anaconda? You're huge!" Louis couldn't have possibly seen a dick before. Really. What he'd seen before must have been something else for sure, cause he'd never seen a cock like Harry's. You can't exactly describe a penis with words like beautiful, but fuck it. Harry's was beautiful and had the smoothest skin and Louis was going crazy just looking at it. It was a fucking dick. A perfect one! Ha! And it was all his now. Fuck. He'd get to touch it and feel it in his mouth and maybe even elsewhere. He almost felt light headed looking at it. It was just a dick, a fucking cock, but Jesus Christ. Well, Harry's balls were nice too. And the... Shit.

"You done? You could take a photo. Lasts longer." Harry interrupted Louis' thoughts. His head snapped up as fast as humanly possible. "Wow, there you are." It was Louis turn to turn red as a beet now. He'd just shamelessly stared at Harry's penis. He'd been joking before, but yes, he was close to drooling all over Harry, okay? It wasn't usual to have this perfection of a man all to himself. Shower. They wanted to take a shower. Together. Naked. Who on earth had this stupid idea, for god's sake! Louis felt like as if he'd never had sex before, which was ridiculous, but his stomach was fluttering with nervous excitement. "Earth to Louis. Did my dick switch of your brain and body functions?"

"Yes, Styles. Yes it did, okay? Now get that cute little ass of yours inside the shower or I'll carry you in myself." Louis commanded and Harry cackled once again, stepping inside the shower and wiggling his hips demonstratively on purpose. Louis wanted to die. "Your ass wants me dead." Harry guffawed but turned around at the same time to take Louis' hand and pull the blue eyed man inside, flush against his chest. Their dicks rubbed against each other and it was all Louis could do to keep from passing out or collapsing against Harry's chest with how good it felt. "Why do I love you again?" Louis pecked Harry's lips. "Ah I remember. I do becau-"

"You're an idiot. But I think you're my idiot." Harry cut him off and Louis turned on the water. They both shrieked when the water came running down their bodies. The cold water. Fucking cold water. "Oh my god! Louis! Do something or I'm gonna freeze my ass of before I even get to do anything with you. Fuck! Fuck, turn on the warm water." Louis yelled, but there was definitely some laughter mixed in with the yelling. Harry took a step towards Louis and pressed him against the wall, trying to avoid the cold death called water. He pressed himself against Louis and only then realized how close they really were. "Hi"

"Hey." Louis whispered. "Do I know you?" Harry rolled his eyes. They just kept staring at each other for several minutes until Louis cleared his throat awkwardly. "Water's warm, I guess." Louis nudged Harry under the running water. "My angel's getting wet and turning into a little baby Tarzan. I can't believe. Who are you? Are you real?" Harry snickered. "Kiss me."

"Why don't you kiss me? You're like miles away. It's at least two steps! Come closer." Harry commanded, sounding happy. "And by the way. My name's George of the Jungle, not Tarzan!" Louis scrunched his nose and furrowed his brow in confusion. Harry gaped at him.

"Who the fuck is George of the Jungle?" Louis asked laughing. Harry was something else. His weird jokes, puns and trains of thought nobody would ever truly understand made him even more lovable, but George of the Jungle?

"You can't possibly not know this movie! Louis, I'm shocked! We need to watch it together. Like, hello? You're missing out on something really stupid and really funny!" Harry countered, and even though Louis didn't believe him, he nodded anyway. He'd do anything for Harry, even if it meant sitting through a stupid movie he'd never heard of just to listen to Harry's giggles. He decided to grab the bottle of vanilla scented shampoo and pour some of it into his hand.

"Can I wash your hair, baby?" Louis asked, looking at Harry fondly. "Want to you to relax, want to massage your scalp and make you feel good." Harry cracked a smile, bowing his head down, and Louis raised himself on his tiptoes, slowly massaging the good smelling shampoo into Harry's long and curly hair. "Love your hair so much. So soft and curly." Louis kneaded Harry's head, making him moan quietly. "Feel good?"

"Mhm." Harry responded and Louis kissed his temple. "Can I?"

"Can you what, love?" Louis wanted to know, even if he was well aware that Harry was probably asking for permission to touch Louis. Louis wanted to tell Harry that he could do whatever he wanted to, but he knew the curly haired man would probably keep asking for a while.

"Touch you?" Harry mumbled, and Louis just kissed him, giving him a silent permission. He kept rubbing in the shampoo for a while and Harry suddenly but very hesitantly let his hands glide over Louis' belly. "You're sure I can?"

"Yes, Haz. You can touch whatever you want to touch. I'm 100% okay with it and I won't change my mind, I promise." Louis answered. "Want me to get the shampoo out of your hair again too? I'd love to but only if you do too." Harry nodded and closed his eyes, his hand lingering on Louis tummy. Louis quickly but with skilled and gentle motions, removed the shampoo. Harry looked at Louis with puppy eyes and Louis wanted to melt. His boy was everything, so he simply decided to tell him. Why not? Harry needed to know and hear such things more often. "You're everything, Harry. Everything to me."

"I love you." the taller man mumbled. "Can we...I don't want to...in the shower. Please?"

Louis grinned. "I didn't plan on it, love. Just wanted you to loosen up a bit. A warm shower and massaging your hair. And it's only natural to shower naked, so it actually was a genius idea...unless...Fuck, was it a bad idea?"

"No. No, I feel good and relaxed. I just don't like to...I don't know. Can we go back to the bedroom, maybe?" Harry suggested, and Louis immediately opened the shower door to grab the towels. He handed Harry the pastel pink one (oh yes, Harry was a true princess!) and took the white one for himself. They stepped out of the shower and dried off, Harry's hand slipping into Louis' as he kissed Louis' forehead. "Thank you."

Back in the bedroom, neither of them hesitated. They walked backwards, kissing heatedly, until the back of Harry's knees collided with the frame of the bed and he fell backwards. He started to giggle and looked up at Louis with big eyes, and the smaller man immediately They were making out like nothing else mattered when suddenly Louis felt something hard pressing against his thigh. He stopped, having completely forgotten that they were naked. Well, fuck.

"Sorry. I just...fuck. Sorry." Harry stuttered, and Louis raised an eyebrow. Why on earth would Harry apologize for getting hard? They were making out, about to have sex or at least some sort of sexual something. It was only natural.

"Sorry to ask. It might sound stupid, but why would you apologize for that?! It shows me I turn you on, and holy hell it's hot knowing you're hard against my thigh, Jesus. You never have to apologize to me for something like that." Louis stated and Harry pulled Louis' face down to kiss him hard. That was answer enough for Louis. Fucking Nick and his fucked up whatever. "What do you want to do, baby?" Harry shrugged, biting his lip. "You know I won't give you instructions or anything like that today, right? You have the say, remember? So if you want me to touch you or if you want to touch me, just say so or simply do it, love."

"I'm not sure. I don't know what to do or what I want," Harry mumbled trying to hide his face in shame, but Louis grabbed his wrist, stopping Harry before he even got the chance to.

"Don't hide. It's okay. What are you thinking about, hm? Want my hands on you or do you want to explore my body, baby? Whatever you want. We can also stop and only cuddle. Really, it's your choice. Whatever you're comfortable with." Louis laid down on Harry, kissing his neck over and over again. "It only matters to me that you feel good and safe. You make me the happiest person just by existing. Doing something or not doesn't matter as long as I'm with you, because I love you." Louis stroked Harry's upper arm. "I really love you."

"I love you too and I trust you. Do you trust me too?" Harry asked shyly, and Louis didn't even have to think about it twice before he nodded. "So will you believe me when I say I'll tell you to stop when it feels wrong or gets too much?" Louis repeated his previous action. "Then touch me. I know you'll be doing the right things." Louis nibbled on Harry's ear and made his boy shiver. He'd make all of this about Harry and for Harry. He wanted to make him feel good, wanted him to experience what it can feel like, wanted him to know how it should be, needed him to explore his own sexual desires and basically everything he didn't get to know because of Nick's selfishness. Louis would make Harry come so hard he'd cry out in pleasure. He knew what to do. He wanted Harry to enjoy himself and not to feel pressured into making Louis come.

Louis started to slowly suck at Harry's neck. He nibbled on his skin, occasionally using the tip of his tongue to lick alongside his throat slowly. He wanted to make the younger man squirm and shiver underneath him. He planned on turning Harry on with the smallest things, not to overwhelm him by going too fast. Louis was alternating between gently letting his tongue glide over Harry's exposed neck and leaving hickeys behind. He wanted, no he needed, to mark him up. He had to show everyone that this boy was in fact taken. By him. Harry was his only. Harry's skin smelled like vanilla and heaven, and it tasted a bit salty but sweet at the same time. Louis licked over his boyfriend's Adam's apple, making him produce some noises of pleasure he'd never heard from his boy before. Harry gasped for air when Louis decided to go down further, licking over his collarbones before reaching his nipples and attaching himself to the left one. He gave all four of them (yes Harry had four nipples and fuck it, Louis was so lucky, being the nipple obsessed man he was) attention, carefully letting his tongue twirl around them or gingerly squeezing them with his thumb and and forefinger. "You alright, love?" Harry let out a raspy noise that suspiciously sounded like a yes so Louis knew he could keep going. He let his finger trail over Harry's defined abs, causing Harry's muscles to flinch. "You're working out a lot. Your muscles are sexy. Turning me on so much." Harry bit down his lower lip, trying to contain a whimper, but when Louis flipped him over so that he was on his stomach, his cock pressed against the sheets, the whimper was ripped from his mouth. "I won't neglect your pretty dick, baby. Just want you to loosen up even more, want you to feel so good. Gonna make you moan out loud. Don't hold back."

"What are you doing?" Harry wanted to know, cheek pressed against his pillow. He was shaking and Louis wasn't sure if he was nervous, afraid, or excited. Maybe all three, but he needed reassurance, otherwise there was no way he could continue.

"Gonna give that glorious ass of yours what it deserves. You tell me to stop any time, okay? I promise it'll feel amazing, but if you don't like it just tell me, okay? You like what you like. Only you. Your body, your feelings, your decisions. It's all about you today, Darling." Harry took a deep breath and Louis kissed his shoulder blade, placing his hand on Harry's left ass cheek just to let him get used to the feeling of Louis touching him there. "This okay?"

"Yeah." Harry simply responded, his words coming out in a gasp of what seemed like pleasure. Louis took it as a hint to proceed, and was about to place his hand on Harry's other cheek when a spontaneous and definitely genius idea hit him. He stroked Harry's dark brown hair once and twice before beginning to whisper sweet nothings into his ear. Louis didn't know how to describe what he himself felt at this moment, but he knew he was completely overwhelmed with joy and love. He felt hot all over and butterflies in his stomach were going crazy. Louis' heart was beating so fast, but his body was calm. He had every intention to only make Harry enjoy himself, but he knew he'd benefit from all of this too. Harry just attracted him like a magnet. He couldn't resist even if he wanted to. Louis loved everything about Harry. It was magical to Louis. He'd never felt something like that before and the best thing was that all of it felt so new yet so committed already, and that made Louis' heart warmed up even more, if that was possible. Louis licked over his own upper lip before stuck out his tongue, letting it skim down along Harry's spine so slow he was going insane himself. "Oh my god," Harry moaned quietly, gasping for air when Louis' tongue swept over the lowest point of his back, the crack of his butt. Louis grinned to himself as he spread Harry's cheeks with his (a tiny little bit sweaty) palms. "Fuck, what are you doing?" Louis didn't answer. It could sound scary. He didn't knew if Harry had been eaten out in his life already. Thinking about Harry's question though made him go with his gut feeling immediately. Just do it. He let his filthy tongue slide over Harry's pink and soft hole. Harry's back arched and he let out an embarrassing but hot noise. Louis pulled back.

"Does that feel okay?" he asked with a soft voice. "If you want me to keep going we need to place a pillow below your hips. It's more comfy, baby." Harry just nodded eagerly and Louis had to giggle. "Told you it felt good."

With the pillow safely placed underneath Harry, Louis spread his boy open again. Licking only three fat stripes over Harry's hole made him tremble, rambling Louis' name. He couldn't hold still, so Louis pressed him down which, surprisingly, made Harry moan louder. Fucking hell, that went straight down to Louis' dick and made him fully hard in the few seconds he took to make sure Harry was staying still. The smaller man started to let his tongue circle Harry's hole teasingly slow, stopping only seconds afterwards.

"Shit. That feels so good. Why did you stop? Fuck." Harry mumbled, sounding aroused. Louis laughed and Harry pouted. "Can I...can you do that again? Please?" Louis swallowed thickly. Harry asking him like that was such a turn on. Nobody needed to know that he had a thing for begging, especially Harry. Not yet, at least. "Please, Louis. Do that again! Please, please, please." Louis didn't even bother answering, but instead sank his teeth into one of Harry's cheeks before burying his face between them. He was eager to make Harry groan, scream even. With tiny kitten-like licks, he eventually managed to make Harry moan out his name. With going further, letting his tongue push only the tiniest bit past the tight ring of muscles, he made Harry scream out his name for the first time ever. Louis was about to come from just that, but he refused to. He couldn't yet, so he began to fuck Harry with his tongue, pushing in more and more. Harry turned into a squirmy moaning mess and Louis wanted to die when his boy started to breathe heavily. "Lou! Oh my god. Fuck, fuck. You make me...oh my.... so fucking good." Yeah, so fucking good. Harry nailed it. Louis loved eating him out already. It was definitely something he wouldn't mind doing for the rest of his life. He became a little bit more courageous when Harry started to babble absolute nonsense as Louis continued to rim him. "Lou it's... too much. Fuck, fuck....so hot but....ngh...stop..." Louis felt like as if someone had just slapped his face. Had he fucked up. He pulled back as quick as humanly possible and flipped Harry over, pulling the baffled man into his arms.

"Fuck. Are you okay?" Louis wanted to know, and his dumb brain apparently commanded his eyes to well up with tears. "Please tell me you're good. I didn't want to...oh my..." Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, kissing his face all over. "I love you. I'm sorry!"

"Louis, what the fuck? I'm good! In fact, I feel fucking amazing. Everything's alright. Calm down, please. I was about to come from only that, okay? I'm been so close I...I've never...not like that. Shit. You're tongue, god." Louis gaped at his boyfriend. Had he just managed to make Harry stop because he didn't want to come yet? Holy fuck.

"You fucking scared me, you asshole. I thought I'd hurt you or did something you didn't enjoy!" Louis complained, letting his hand play with Harry's damp curls. "I could make you come like that if you want?" Harry shook his head immediately. "What do you want, baby? You gotta tell me."

"Can't. Don't know how to ask." Harry whispered, turning bright red. Then let out a breath before he blurted it out. "Can I touch you?" Louis pursed his lips.

"Do you want to do that or do you feel like you have to? Cause I want you to feel comfortable with what you're doing. It's not about me." Louis countered, and Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh, you want to try it?" Harry nodded. "Yeah you can do whatever you want. Feel free to explore my body, but don't mind me when I sound like a fucking animal moaning out your name. It'll happen, for sure." They both laughed and all of a sudden the tables turned when Harry pushed Louis back into the mattress, leaning over him and getting a hand on Louis' cock. "Holy fuck, now that's not what I expected, shit." Harry wiggled his eyebrows seductively. The little shit. Harry licked over the sensitive tip of Louis' cock and swallowed him down. Louis' hips uncontrollably bucked up and he let out a guttural moan. Harry took it without even gagging and went down further. Was he fucking deepthroating Louis without having any issues? No wait. Was he doing that just casually? "Who are you?" Harry started to move his head up an down in skillful movements and Louis' brain went fuzzy. "Oh my god, you're like fucking porn star...fuck....ahh...Where's my shy....FUCK...baby?" Harry pulled back and acted as if nothing had just happened.

"Have no idea what you're talking about," he said cheekily and winked. "Just because I had some bad experiences and someone didn't make me feel good about what I was doing doesn't mean I don't know how to do it. And just to make it clear, before you start to overthink or panic, I like this. I love you. Love making you lose it, Lou." Louis felt like passing out. All right. There was another side to Styles as well. Great. Fantastic. How on earth was he supposed to deal with this kind of Harry? He'd suspected Harry would be all shy, insecure, and reserved, but that only seemed to be the case when he was getting touched. Interesting. Louis didn't want to use this knowledge to his advantage, given Harry's past, but he'd totally do that if Harry would surprisingly be into...He was an asshole. What was he even doing? He wanted to make Harry come for god's sake, he didn't want to be receiving attention. He wasn't Nick.

"Yeah...kinda figured that out...You're a filthy little shit, but as I've said before I want you to experience what it's like, not me. So if you're still up for it I'd..." Louis wanted to reply but Harry cut him off and caught him completely off-guard with his statement.

"I want you to make love to me. Want to feel you but I'm afraid to be quite honest. So I just...I don't even...I have no...I...sorry." Harry stuttered and Louis jaw dropped, his eyes wide open. Harry would surprise him for the rest of his life. That, Louis was sure about. Jesus Christ.

"Did Nick open you up beforehand? Like properly?" Louis felt disgusting just mentioning his name when he was being intimate with Harry, but he needed to know. Louis furrowed his brow, watching Harry's reaction. "Hold on. Do you even want to bottom? Did you ever top? Do you even know what you prefer?" Harry looked down at the floor, by now sitting next to Louis on the bed. "Wow, he hasn't and you haven't. I'm not even surprised you're a bit scared. Got lube, sweetheart?" Harry leaned over, opened his bedside table and handed Louis a pink bottle of lube. Of course it had to be pink. "You're such a princess, Haz. You're my princess."

"What are you...what now?" Harry asked curiously eyeing his boyfriend nervously.

"Well you're gonna open me up, if you want to," Louis casually announced, being glad he was versatile even if he preferred to top most of the time. He simply liked giving, but he wanted Harry to know what he liked, not what Louis did. "Just to see what it's like, how it works and get a feeling for it? If you want that. I can open you up as well. Your decision as always, my love." The green eyed man's eyes widened and he seemed to be thinking hard.

"Okay." he said scarcely audible. "But I've never done that. He didn't like to bottom and I wasn't allowed to do that. Ever. Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you..."

Louis gave him a smile "Positive, baby. Do you want to see me or do you want me to lay down on my tummy?" Harry shrugged. "Well it's easier if I was on my t-"

Harry interrupted with a rather self conscious voice"Can I see you? I'd like to see you."

"Sure." Louis reassured him. "But I want you to kiss me first." They giggled as Harry pushed Louis back, leaning over him to kiss him, putting all the passion and love into it he could find. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met, babe. Inside out. And now you better push those long fingers inside of me. You have no idea how much I'm obsessed with your hands. I might sound creepy but I've had wet dreams because of them, okay? You'll do great, I just know it. You know what to do?"

"Umm, sure." Harry answered, pursing his lips and reaching for the lube. He opened it without hesitation and sat down in between Louis' now bent legs. "Your ass. Do you have a license for that? I'm sure it's illegal to walk around with a hot ass like that." Louis rolled his eyes fondly. "Don't say it. I know you know it's a hot booty." Harry lubed up his forefinger. "You sure about this?"

"Yes, Styles. Now gimme those long ass fingers. My glorious butt is clenching in anticipation. Push'em in!" Louis commanded, laughing, and when he felt the tip of Harry's forefinger circling around his rim pushing in super slowly, he couldn't help but curse. "Fucking shit, that's it..." Harry smirked smugly and pushed in till the first knuckle. Louis gasped, not having felt this in a long time. "Listen, you're a natural. Now my ass wants that all the time. This might be a problem." Harry pushed in further till his finger was buried inside of the blue-eyed man.

"Shut up, would you? I'm trying to concentrate!" Harry urged, sounding more like a kitten than a dangerous lion, which was what Louis supposed he was trying to go for. "I...I don't know about this. I feels so weird opening you up like this. I don't think this is right. I mean, let me add another one to be sure, also only if you want, but I'm almost sure this isn't it. Your ass is probably everything I've ever wished for, just like the rest of you, but I think I'll only ever get over my....I don't know what to call it. Let's say trauma, I guess. I don't think I'll be able to move on unless you do it. I mean, I want you to top. Please?" It took Harry forever to get to the point, but Louis understood and let him finish.

"You're something else, love. You surprise and confuse me at the same time. We can do whatever you want." Louis said, trying to remain calm, but his stomach was buzzing with nerves. Why was he even nervous in the first place? He and Harry were in love and on top of that, he knew he'd do it right. He could do it. He'd do it for Harry (and for him, but no need to mention that). "Well then same question, I guess. Want to lay down on your stomach or do you want to see me doing it?"

"See you. No question." Harry blurt out. "Do I sound to eager? Or like...you know?"

Louis caressed his cheek. "No, everything's fine." They switched positions rather quickly and within minutes Louis had his fingers lubed up. He kissed Harry's inner thigh when his fingertip teased Harry's tight hole. "I'm gonna push in slowly and carefully. Don't be scared. Just relax, yeah? The more you're able to let go, the easier and more pleasant it'll be." Harry had his eyes closed, trying to calm his breathing. "Now?" Harry nodded wordlessly and Louis pushed in till his first knuckle, testing the waters, watching out for Harry's reaction. Harry exhaled, seeming relieved.

"It's okay." he said, sounding a bit like he was trying to convince himself as well as Louis. Louis didn't want Harry to change his mind, so he let his finger glide in just a tad more. "Definitely okay." A smile started to play around Louis lips when he courageously pushed in completely. "I love you."

Louis' heart started to beat so fast whenever he heard Harry say that. He wanted to listen to Harry say it forever. "I love you too. Tell me when you're ready for another one, princess." 

"Already am, Lou. You're kinda obsessed with the princess thing, aren't you? Just because I like pink. I can't believe you." Louis added his middle finger and it disappeared into Harry only seconds later, making Harry moan. "How do you do that?"

"Do what, Angel?" Louis said, grinning cheekily pressing against Harry's prostate again, which he had found almost on accident. "That?" Harry made a pleasured noise and nodded as always when he didn't know what to say. He was precious, that's what he was. "Well, too bad Grimshaw didn't get to see this. Your body jerking up when-" Louis started to massage the prostate dead on "this happens". Harry was leaking so much precome by now that Louis knew he'd come soon if he continued doing this. Not to mention that Louis had to hold back his orgasm at least twice by now, only from doing things to Harry and watching him react?

Harry had taken three fingers and Louis had opened a condom, putting it on skillfully with one hand. He'd used more lube and was just about to go all out when he stopped again, reminding himself that Harry was scared, even if he didn't show much, that Nick had abused him and that he had to be careful. He'd replace the bad memories. This was his chance. He only had this one. The first impression was important. Gentle and with love. He placed himself against Harry's entrance and before he even realized, the tip of his hard, aching cock had disappeared in Harry. Louis hadn't realized that he'd closed his eyes, but when he opened them, he gazed at his boy who was...crying.

"Baby, do you want to stop? Love, talk to me. Are you okay?" Louis panicked. He didn't want to make Harry cry, for god's sake. Had he just ruined it? Why did he have to be such an asshole? Maybe he should've waited. "Did I hurt you? Does it hurt? Angel, talk to me. Please say something!"

"Louis, can you just push in and kiss me? It's okay. Just want to feel you inside of me and I need your lips on mine. I'm okay. Your prep was ace, I promise. Don't feel bad. You're doing great. You're not Nick. I know and you should realize that I want this. I really do." Louis stared at his boy. Harry seemed so sure, and Louis trusted him. Okay, Louis needed to focus. He didn't know what to say back anyway. Push in. Dick inside of Harry. 

He went slow, pushing further in. Halfway inside, their eyes met and when Harry gave him a happy (still teared up) smile, Louis pushed the rest of the way in and bottomed out. Done. "Now kiss me, you fool!" Louis did as commanded. He leaned over Harry, buried inside of him, and their lips met. A tingling sensation in his tummy made him stop thinking, and he let his body take over. He slowly started to pull out and push back in very slowly, never letting their lips part for a moment. Harry's hands scratched down Louis back in a hot mixture of pain and pleasure. They didn't talk. Didn't need to, cause Louis knew Harry was okay. He felt it, so he began to push in harder. Harry's mouth fell open and he couldn't suppress his moans. They ripped out of his throat loudly and unrestricted. Louis loved it, could listen to Harry making these sounds for the rest of his life. He felt his muscles clench and unclench, his orgasm building up in his lower stomach. It made him fuck Harry properly, even if they decided to call it making love today. It was the right term. "I love it, Lou. Fuck I'm so close."

"You enjoying yourself?" Louis pecked the green eyed man's lips. "You know what it's like now?" Louis nibbled on Harry's ear, and Harry nodded. Louis pushed in as deep as he could go, pressing right up against Harry's prostate, and whispered, "Come for me." And Harry did. He shot white streaks of come between them, making his own tummy and abs all messy, but he didn't seem to care. He was moaning so loud, screaming Louis' name, and hearing his name on Harry's lips, Louis followed only seconds afterward, filling up the first condom they'd ever used to have sex. Louis collapsed onto Harry's chest, both of them exhausted from the emotional tension and the sex. His hands found their way to Harry's hair, stroking through it as he came down from his high. He pulled out and got rid of the condom quickly, keeping his eyes on Harry as he climbed back into the bed. The younger boy began nuzzling at his neck with delicate kisses, snuggling up against him as close as possible. Louis' head was angled slightly to the side as Harry's lips came closer and closer to his. Their lips collided, their breaths mingled, and Louis' heart started to flutter. He was addicted to kissing Harry, having sex with Harry, just being with him and being surrounded by HarryHarryHarry.

"Thank you, Louis. I loved every single second of it." Harry whispered and Louis knew. He knew that they'd managed to start replacing bad memories with great new ones. This was only the beginning, but together they'd manage to fix everything Nick had broken.

"And I love you, my princess." Louis whispered back using the softest voice he'd ever used. "You're my beautiful princess."

"What is it with the princess thingy?" Harry wanted to know, trying not to fall asleep.

Louis was just about to answer when he noticed that his love had already fallen asleep, head against his chest with a smile playing around his lips.

Louis wanted this forever.


	14. Chapter 14

This fic will not be continued. I'm sorry. I'll use parts for a new fic or I'll change things so that I'll be in the mood to finish it. I love you guys x


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